iPi
FABLES OF slang.
Th* Jiew F»bl« of the Passing Vp
of tKe Wo^erful Meat of
Vittfes.
By George Ad|.
Once upon a Time a Eug^fd Cbar-
sctei from the Middle West was in
■ New Vork City fixing up a. Deal.
Although he wore overlapping Cuffs
and a ready-made Tie, he had a Eat-
irg, so a certain Promoter with an
Office in Broad Street foand it ?.d-
visable to make a Fuss oye/ him.
The Promoter invited the prospac-
tive Matt to Luncheon and arranged
to have the same servad in a snug
Corner entirely screened by Oleaond
ers and Palms.
When the Visitor entered the far-
famed Establishment and found him
self entirely protected from tne Vuigar
Gaze he knew that at last he was in
the Headquarters for sure-enough
Food.
“What is it?” he asked, paring in
to the limpid Amber of the First
Course,
“Turtle Soup,'* replied thfi Host.
“We shoot the Blame Things just
fcr Practice, out our Way,” said the
Guest, “but if 1 went Home and told
my Wile I’d been eatin' Turtle she
wouldn’t live with me.”
So the Alsatian Nobleman huri'icd
away and substituted a Tid-Bit with
Gray-Fish as the principal Ornament
in the Ensemble.
“It’s a Craw-Dabbert” exclaimed
th«' Man from the Prairies. “I see
Ten Million of them little Cusses ev
ery Spring, but I wouldn't touch one
with a Ten Foot Pole.”
To relieve the embarrassing Situa
tion, the Host gave a Sign and the
Menials came running with the Third
Courte, a tempting array of Krog Sad
dles.
“A Frog is a Reptile,” said the Hoo-
sier, backing away from the Table.
“I’ve heard t jey were Et, but I never
believed it. I can go out any Morn
ing and gather a {.’ar-Load."’
The next Serving was Breast of
Guinea Hen with Mushrooms under
Glass on the Side.
“On my Farm I’ve got a lot of
these Things,” said the Guest, poking
at the Guinea Ken timidly with his
Fork. “We use them as Alarm Clocks
but I’d just as soon eat a Turkey Buz
zard,’'
“How about the Musnrooins?”
“Eight People in our Township
were poisoned this Summer from fool-
with that Truck. My pasture’s
speckled with ’em. but we never pick
'em. Most of them are ToidstoolE. I
triad a Real One at a K. P. Banquet.
It tasted a good deal like a Rubber lieve that if the State convict farms
Glove.” Produce a pound of rotton or
The only remaining item before De-! a bushel of peanuts or corn for mar-
Ecrt was a tempting Salad tf Water , ket the price of these product* would
' iiB affectpd ;.i cent a pound or a Ijuah-
The Guest identified it as .something j ei in consequence? Of coui se not.
that grew in the Crick Selcw the ^ Tlien the talk of coiivict labor com-
Tke Sepuhlksns’ Platform.
As Th« Statesville Landmark secs
it, the Republican State Corivent'oo
last week adopted about the most sen
sible platform, with referenes to state
affairs, the party has ever promul
gated in this State. The pronoun'’.e-
ment in favor of the constitutional
amendments, for tax reform and six
months’ schools; for state-*'ide pri
maries and clean elections, is in re
sponse to the public sentiment of the
State. “The demand for reformator-
ier for yout3iful criminals is an in
dorsement of what has bee a done in
the erection of the Jackson Training
School at Concord. The Republicsns
would extend this work, if they mean
what they say. The health plank is
also an indorsement of the present
health work of the State. Most of
the things they suggest are now be-
irig done and the extensions suggested
v.ill meet approval.”
The Republican platform has one
pecuiisr value to students of public
affairs in North Carolina--this in-
doisement of the tax amendment and
of the state-wide primary shows that
the men of the Republican party who
might be expected to know which way
the wind is blowing are satisfied that
it is blowing that way. Some of the
ablest men in both Republican and
Democratic parties have told us re
cently that there are many evidences
of something like a groundswell. We
have seen correspondence from many
parts of the state and from many
.sorts of men, which holds out a com-
fcrtable hope that the amsndments
are Koing to be ratified. Personally,
we have not until within the the past
week 01- so felt at ail sanguine. The
ignoring of the tax amendment by the
manipulators of the Democratic state
convention was intended to kill it,
and it was our judgment at the time
that it had done so. A great deal of
persistent work has been done, and
more will be done, for the amendment,
but it is all without organization. If
it has really set a groundswell in
motion, nothing can defeat it, of
course. It it well known that the
bosses and the interests, in alliance,
are working, and it is known that they
are powerful; but juot how they are
proceeding is a secret they have for
the most part kept. One thing is cer
tain: they are not relying upon the
persuasive eloquence of El L. Travis.
The Londmark thus concludes an ex
cellent analysis of the platform of the
Republicans;
The proposition to take .ha State
convicts from farm work because they
are competing with the farmers of
the State is not new and it without
n’.erit, so far as the Landmark has
been able to see. Docs anybody Ihs-
gratulsted on the fact that they were]
tn-ad enough to approve that which
they thought was right notwithstand
ing the appiobation was in some re-
sjjects an indorsement of Democratic
work.
In our opinion the Eepubiicans. if
they could have “organized” in time;
could have made considerable stir with
this platform, even in their present
factional disorder. The issue of a se
cret ballot alone would present a pow
erful appeal, just now. It appears
certain that the conscience o£ the peo
ple revolts as never before against
ejection corruption.
0: ——
Great Oaks May Grow from Little
Acorns, But if You Want Them to
Grow in your Yard You Must Plant
the Acorns in the Sight Place.
The oaks of mercantile sucftess come-
to men who plant the acorns of news
paper advertising.
The names you see in The iiispatch
week after week are a success direct
ory.
Is your name there?
We reach the people.
Telling About Goods is Not Selling
Goods, You Must tell the Rish*
People at the Right Place isnd Time.
Newspaper advertising sells good',
because it meets these requirements.
It is profitable advertising, becan«i
it eliminates waste and produces
muximum of results at a minim'.im
cost.
Can we show you how' to use this
newspaper to advantage?
O
We Make Our Best Bow.
The Greensboro News is some pa-
pe'r these days, believe us, and it is
having a bood bit of fun at the ex
pense of some of t!.e politicians of
the State, three or four “stand-pat”
newspapers, and the petition of Buck
Duke, by his next best friend, Hon.
Cam Morrison. The News says that
Duke swore allegiance to the British
flag to dodge the income tax in the
United States, and now he is begging!
the mother he deserted to take care of
him. It declares, ironically, this the
.\sk the Meese.
What's this? We hear that the Bull
Meese, otherwise “Roosevelt progres
sives,” put Editor Briton, of the
News and Observer, and the Greens-
bcrc News represntative out of the
meeting—would not allow them to re
vs! in the ecstacies of progressive
counsel? Are We to infer that Brit
ton and Hildebrand, each of them run
ning about 30 mile.s an hour and 24
hours ahead of schedule, were not
sufficiently “progressive’* to .'.tay in?”
—Charlotte News.
■ —— ■■
There may be some question as to
which is best, but it seerns to be a g
fact that the primary and tii* conven
tion do not always bring the same re
sults.—^Dnrham Herald.
0--——
If Virginia realiy desires effective
prohibition it is perhaps possible for j
her to get a much better law than
that under which we are working in
this State.—Durham Herald.
O
If there is nothing wrong i.i the
government providing means of trans-j
pcrtation for our products what is|
WTong with the government owning
a'id operating siieh raearJs.?,—Dur
ham Herald.
^ 0
Senator Root says there is nothing
to the Progressive party, except the
personality of T. R, But that has
made a lot of disturbance.—Greens
boro News.
C
“Made in Burlington"
Hico Best Patent
AH Wheat Straight
These two brands of Flour are our Leaders. They are made
from Good Wheat, with Good Machinery
by Experienced Workmen.
HKRE IS A LIST OF THE MERCHANTS WHO HANDLE OUR FLOUR
AND WHO WILL BE GLAD TO HAVE YOU TRY IT:
D. M. Moore & Son,
J. M. Tisdale,
J. A. Isley & Bro. Company.
Florence £ Walker,
L, B. McAdams & Son.
Durham Grocery Company.
M. Jenkins,
The Midway Store Company,
M. P.’ Roberson,
J. N. Cates, ,
W. H. Layton,
Payne & Brooks,
J. H. Moser,
J. C. Walton, .
W. 0. Swaim,
S.mith & Qualls,
■I. R, Whitley,
J. E. & E. P. Waddeil,
I. W. Hawkins,
•i. C. Simpson,
Cook & Andrews,
H. F. Bass Xo. 1 and No. 2.
Ca.h Store Company.
Tillman & Company,
Euriington Store Company,
tmUb & Tate.
ALL 'THE LEADING GROCERS IN ALAMANCE COLNTY HANDLE IT.
How v.'ould V')u like to be umpire
of that police lail game? Just thiiik,
who would protect you whoii the far.s
began to thirst for your blood ?—'i Ii.;
Greensboro Xuws.
0
Professional Cards
Dr. L. H. Allen
Eys Specialist
Office Over C. F. Neese’s Stor« i
most heart-rending phase of the war. j Burlington, - - N. C. '
The editorial page of the News is bril- j
liantly done, and those who would. ;
controvert its positions, usually find j. p. iipoon
they have run their heads into a steel
When Your Blooil is Right,
Yeur Wiiole System is Right.
If You Have any Blood or Skin Disease
Do Not Delay until it is too late but Order
TO-DAY!
use ««rvouaneKii norrlnsinr in the he»d. Try
Ihc yoff iie«d QnTaiae los' any pur
Ask nr 3 Aunce oriKtnat pflc^atre. The
uimaie- FK£BRI1,INE is b3owa io bottle. 25 ceut:^.
o
There urc many girls home from
coliege lounging idly in a hammock
o:i the front porch, dreaming of a
cr.!ieer, who ought to be in the kitch
en helping their mother with the
Spring and was commonly classified as jpeting with the farmers is buncom'ie. house-work.
Oeimvioiation of freight rate di.s-1 O
crimination, amounting to a charge i Satan probably had a fine excuse
that the Democrats have favored the for not learning to skate.
lailroads, is followed by a charge thst ; 0
railroads in undeveloped sections are I A very common expression is “Jones
oppressed. has got pneumonia.” A better way
The charge that bond i.ssuo.s ;jy ‘he, to say it would be, “Pneumonia has
trap. As we view it, the Greensboro
paper is doing mighty construction
work in North Carolina.—Yanceyville
Sentinel.
O
How To Qlve Quinine To ChlMren.
FRRRtt.INK U th9 tradcm&rk nemft ffWen to no
improved Quinf&e. it is a Tasteless Sftup. pleas-
ant to take anddoec not dictiirb the stomach.
Children lake it nA never know It in Quinine. OffiCC hoUFS 11o2d m TtoSnrrft
A\tA rspcciallr adapted to aduIU ^ho cannot ^ ^ WUO
^akeiordtnarvCuiaiHC. I>04‘k not nauneatc nor
:nise nervouancKii nor rinsing in the head.
Ihc next time yoi* need Qntaiae los' any t
I) V. S.
A. Jm.i . O, VcM,
Spoon & Hornaday
Veterinarians
rtBc4rnBd Uofipiffil Office Phone 3Tt
415 Me.iQ Si, PhoD» 2f*>V
C. A. Anderson M.
“Perhaps you had better order for
Yourself,” said the Host, as the lowly
Water Cress followed the others into
ike Discard.
The Guest motioned ihe Waiter to
come close and said; “1 want a nice
Oyster Stew and some Sparkling Bur
gundy.”
.MORAlv—.4 Delicacy is Something
not raised in the same county.
0^
Invteoratine to the Pale and Sickly
The 0:d Stttttdanl general streneiheninc ionic,
CKOVK'S TASTEI.SSS chin TONtC. drives out
MalflTta-*nnchestheblood,andbui!dpupt^e»ys«
tem. A true tonic. For adults aad children. StK
0
Intelligence is the mother of brev
ity.
First National Banic Building
Leave day calls at Bradleya Drut
Store.
John H, Vernon.
Attornpy aiiii Uc.unselior al !»«
Burlington, N. C.
Office room 7 and 8 Second
Soar First Nat’! Bank Buildins
jrffice ‘phone 3 3 7-J Reaident
’phone 337-L
IHE HOI srniis mv
a Complete and Positive
Remedy for
Syphilis, Eczema, Acne
Erysipelas, Malaria,
Rheumatism,
And all oilier Fonni of BSood asd Skia Diieaics.
Hot Springs Physicians pronounce this ihe Greatest Blood
and Skin Remedy ever placed on the Market,
FbH Come TreatmeBt—Three Bottlei—$12.S0 Single Bottle—
$5.00
Write us your Troubies. All Correspondence Strictly Privati.
Hot Springs Medicine Co.,
8'27 1-2 Centra* Avenue,
Hot Spr’ngSj Arkansas
Suite is a result of extravage»:cfi in ' ffot, Jone^/’
the administration of State will j 0
hold ffood. If it were char^jpd | Hefore followinjr tho: advsce of a
that the bond issues ar« the resjiilt i man who tells you how to run your
of 'the failure of the Democrats to I biJsiness it might be well to have a
look at the \va
’ I'.e is runnin'jf his own.
—0 —
0-
provide an adequate systenj of taxa- j
tion that would provide sufficient reve-!
!iue for the growing needs of the ]
State there would be some forj We have had a Tom Watson, vint-'
it. I age of 1914, Fate cannot harm
But the Repurblicans are to co*.v [riow.—Greensboro NewSn
DR J. H. BROOKS
Surgeon Dentist
F-iptpr BuiiHiht>
.N . .
One Dollar
$1.00
$1.00
Dr. Walter E. Walker
Sellars Building
I
i Phones
(Up Store)
I
SO-.!
’ SO-G
Hours
S-10 a. m.
p. m.
Will Bring
IHE ME^ra milH
To YoMr Door Twice-A»Week
Twelve Months 1 Year
THE EUROPEAN WAR
PIEDMONT mmilB G8LQ BONOS
May Shake the Financial Systems
of the World, but it cannot disturb
- THE VALUE aad SAFETY OF -
Be£ause they are secured by First Mortgage on Americaa Farms, and American farms
) must furnish food and clothing for the Waring Nations of Europe - , -
:::Thcse bonds bear 6 per cent, interest in time of War as well as in time of Peace. Handled Exclusively By The
PIEDMONT TRUST COMPANY.
BURUNGTON, NORTH CAROLINA.
i. W. MURRAY.
RINT
C. SKOVTK cox, SecAk
J. H. COOK. BmI fttaU.