THE CHARLOTTE MESSENG
VOL, 111. NO. 3
THE
Charlotte Messenger
IS PUBLISHED
Every Saturday,
AT
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
In the Interests of the Colored People
of the Country.
Able and well-known writers will contrib
ute to its columns from different parts of the
country, will contain the latest Gen
eral News Tor the day.
The Messenger is a first-class newspaper
and will not allow personal abuse in its col
umn s It is not sectarian or partisan, but
independent—dealing fairly by all. It re
serves the righ tto criticise the shortcomings
of all public officials—commending the
worthy, «pid recommending for election such
men as in its opinion are best suited to serve
the interests of the people.
It is intended to supply the long felt need
of a newspaper to advocate the rights and
defend the inter, sts of the Negro-American,
especially in the Piedmont section of the
Carolines.
SUBSCRIPTIONS:
(Always in Advance.)
1 year - - - fl .VI
8 months - - - 100
6 months' - 75
4 months 50
3 months - - - 40
Address,
W C. SMITH. Charlotte, W. C ,
Edward Everett Hale’s new magazine,
I/tnd A Hand, prints an article on the
domestic fly, in which it is estimated that
a healthy fly in five weeks bears a pro
geny of 800. Using these figures as a
guide the Boston Transcript, presumably
for the benefit of its bald-headed readers,
argues that before the fall sets in 8,100,-
000,000 flies will begin their careers of
activity in this country. Human exist
ence is inclusive of a number of solemnly
interesting sets of statistics. Any gen
tleman who feels inclined to dispute tho
correctness of the Transcript's statement
of course is at liberty to make his own
count.
Woman is rapidly winning her way it
the English civil service. Acording tc
the Lond in Times the extension of the
field of women’s work in twenty-fiv;
years is remarkable. The census returns
show that while in 1861 there were only
1,031 women employed in the civil ser
vice, there were in 1881 no fewer than
7,370, and the numbers, owing to the
growth of the postoflicc system, are now
much higher. The women clerks and
accountants had in the same period risen
from 404 to 6,414. It is a curious fact
that of all the pursuits the employment
society recognizes as suited to their cli
ents, hair-dressing is the only one which
the census returns show to be pass.ng
out of women’s hands.
“Hippophagy is nowseldom heard of,”
says the London St. James's Gazette. “A
few years sgo it was strongly advocated
in many quarters; but the British public,
although ready to swallow almost any
thing in the way of food put before it,
never took kindly to horse-flesh, and
turned a deaf ear to the persuasions of
those who recommended the adoption of
this kind of diet. It is probable, how
ever that horse-flesh is often eaten un
awares, and that its consumption is far
more common than is generally imagined.
Butchers whose consciences are not ten
der occasionally, it is to be feared, sell
horse-flesh as ordinary meat to unsus
pecting customers. An attempt is about
to be made to put matters in this respect
on a more satisfactory footing. At a
meeting held recently for the purpose
of e iciting an expression of opinion
from the butchers of Manchester and Sal
ford with regard to the sale of horse
flesh as human food, it was decided to
appoint a committee for the purpose of
getting an act of Parliament passed to
compel butchers who Bell horse-flesh to
label it as such."
A very simple and valuable code of ice
signals has been published by Mr. F.
Wyneken, of New York, which, the
Herald, says, commends itself to officers
of transatlantic steamers. Mr. Wyneken
divides the North Atlantic ice regions
into squares of one degree of latitude and
longitude, and the most dangerous part
of this region into smaller areas, inserting
in each area on the chart two letters.
By the use of the International Code of
Signals any vessel which has sighted ice
can warn other vessels she may happen to
pass by a single display of the new “ice
flag” in combination with the flagsof tho
International Code corresponding to these
letters. By the adoption of this code a
steamer approaching tho ice region can
quickly ascertain from any vessel which
has crossed the Newfoundland Banks
just where ice was seen, and what kind
of ice (whether heavy pack, icebergs or
light field ice). Such a code, the Herald
thinks, ought to be introduced at once
into all steamers sailing between Europe
and America, as it would undoubtedly
contribute very materially both to the
celerity and safety of their navigation.
THE NOBILITY OFNATUFUJ.
True worth lain being, no* seeming;
In doing each day til" goes by
Some little good thing—not in dreamll J
Os great things odo by and by;
For whatever men say in their blindnesi
And spito of the fancies of youth,
There's nothing so kindly as kindness,
And nothing so royal as truth.
We get back our mete as we measure;
\7e cannot do wrong and feel right,
Nor can we give pain and feel pleasure,
For Justice avenges each slight;
The air for the wing of a sparrow,
The bush for the robin or wren, ‘
But always tho path that is narrow
And straight for the children of men.
Tis not in the 11* ges of story
The heart of its ills to beguile,
Though he who makes courtship to glory
Gives all that he hath for a smile;
For when from her heights he has won ha j
Alas! it is only -5 prove
There’s nothing so loyal as honor,
And notaing so royal as love!
We cannot make bargains for blisses,
Nor catch them like fishes in nets;
And some times the thing our lite missel
Helps more than the thing which it ge'Jv
For good lieth u jt in pursuing
Ncr gaining of great or of small, —
But just in the doing, and doing
As wo would be done by. is all.
THE TRAMPS FLOY/ER
i
BY THE REV. E. A. RAND.
“Booh! booh! And what you got
there? Can’t you give ine a flower?”
Lumpie—that was tho way her father
called the chubby little girl—looked up
out of the dark shadow of the vines,
where her face resembled a white star.
She wondered who it was that leaned
over the fence and spoke to her.
“It is a big moon-face,” she said to
herself, “a lot of hair ’bout it. And, dear
me, I wouldn't vare such an orful old
hat. And iiis cose don’t look very fesh
and nice, one bit.”
Whil- Lumpie was painting the
stranger’s portrait, lie was looking up at
the sky, and holding out his hand to the
wind to find out the drift of the latter,
and make a weather-guess. Ho now
turned and asked again:
“Say, Sis, won’t you give me a posy?”
Lumpie picked a bright nasturtium
and gave it to him.
“That’s a good one, and I’d rather
have it than a lump of gold, Sis.”
“My papa don’t call me Sis,”
“Don't lie? Well, what does he say?”
“Lumpie.”
“Lumpie! He beats all at namin’
folks; don't he?”
“You got a papa?”
“Not that I know of. Why, Lumpie,
if he were livin’, he’d be as old as that
tree back of you, and that would fetch
the tree up to seventy years, sure.”
“You got a mamma?” continued
Lumpie, as if taking the census.
“No; the old woman, she’s gone”—
“Old ooraan?” • ■
‘ ‘My—my—mother.”
“She gone?”
“Yes.”
“Gone vare?”
“Wbsre heaven is. Don’t you know?”
“I ’spect it's up, up ’bove dat apooce
tree, somevare.”
“That 8 where she is, a-singin’ cherub
there, these twenty years.”
“Vare’s your home?”
“Home?”
The tones were sad, pitifully sad.
“Where’s your home?”
“Here, vare papa and mamma are.”
“Where mother is, that’s my home. I
wish it was. Wei, Sis—Lumpie, your
flower may help me get there ”
“Move on I” suddenly called out a
gruff voice. “Don’t block the sidewalk 1
Move on!”
In an instant, tho moon face, the big
lot of hair, the old hat and seedy coat
which Lumpie had been looking at—all
vanished, and then appeared a man wear
ini a blue coat and a silver badge, who
strutted along and rapped on tho fence
with his billy in an important way.
Lumpie now ran into the house and was
met by Aunt Salome, who was keeping
house for her brother since the beginning
of his wife’s sickness.
“Lumpie, whom were you talkin'-
with?”
“I duimo. He didn’t have very nice
cose, and haven’t a home.”
“A tramp! Horrors!”
“Tnrop? ’
‘ ‘Yes. Sakes alike 1”
“I give him a sower.”
“What kind? Not one of those beau
tiful dahlias?”
“A nasturtium, all yaller. Only ho
said ’twas gold.”
“I warrant; for that’s what he is
after.”
“He’s a good man, ’cause he said sus
kin about his old mumma’s home in
Heaven.”
“Good? I don’t want any of his good
ness C e-phut!"
Aunt Salome had now rushed to a back
kitchen window, from which she could
look out upon the garden where toiled
Lumpie’s father, Cephas Bixby. His
face no more resembled his sister's thin,
wiry, nervous visage than a shingle.
1 ‘Ce plus! CV-phus! Why don’t you
hear me?”
“I hear you. What is it?”
“Who do you suppose is round?”
“Folks say I am,” and here Ccphus
mischievously contemplated his plump,
round body.
“Now, don’t plague me. Who do you
•’pose has been on the garden fence?”
“A fly, I guess.”
Cephrs here referred to Aunt Salome’s
great summer horror.
| “Salome, there has been one special
fly that I know for two days has been
witching your screens and trying to get
1 in. Get ini If lam ever hungry, may
CHARLOTTE, N. C. SATURDAY, JULY 24, 1886.
l not be a fly trying to get by your
screens.”
“You are too bad, Cephas. It was a
tramp; and I’m goin’ to complain of him
at the police-station.”
‘ ‘Oh 1 let him go. I dare say the police
have seen him; and in fact one went by
here only five minutes ago.”
“Well, I’m goin’ to make sure and
enter the complaint. I know he’s spotted
the house, and to-night he’ll break in
here. There’s no tellin’ what he may do
to you. Sakes! He may murder you.”
Cephas directed a funny look at the
toes of his boots, and resumed his work.
“Where are you going when you finish
here?”
“Well, I shan’t go off to be a tramp
while you are here. You may be sure of
that. Bless me! You would have me
in the station house before night.”
“Now, Cephas, tell me where you are
goin’ when you get through here.”
“I s’posa I must go down to Emer
son’s block and inspect it. I did not
build it, though that is my business;
but Emerson hns been suspicious of the
man’s thoroughness who did put it up,
and he wants me to step in and look
’round.”
“Don't venture where it is dangerous,
will you, Cephus? Get that tramp and
let him go in."
“Not 1.1 won’t ask a man to go when
I won’t risk myself.”
Aunt Salome muttered somethin!
about risking “a tramp’s useless life,
and then went into the house to put 01
her ample sun-bonnet. She told Bob,
the colored servant boy, to put “Jim"
into the coupe and drive her dowi
street.
“I would like to get some dcscriptioi
of the tramp,” Aunt Salome reasoned to
herself, “and I’ve a great mind to let
Bob call him out of that saloon ahead.
Os course he’s in there. That’s where such
people go. Then I can describe him to
the police.
Bob alighted, and went toward the
saloon door.
“ Well, Bob,” said Jerry Collins, thi
saloon-keeper, meeting him on the
door-step, “I see you have got Aunt Sa
lome here Will she take a nip?”
The saloon keeper raised his voice in
this closing clause, and roguishly winked
at several thirsty customeis. Aunt Sa
lome heard it, and in disgust kept her
head out of sight.
“Oh! she wants to know if a tramp
has been here.”
“No. I saw, though, a trampish
looking sort of a fellow opposite here,
and I thought ho was going to make a
call ; b 11 c swung a yellow flower in his
hand, ’ooked at that, and then moved
off.”
Was Lumpic’s flower guiding the home
less one homeward?
“I won’t give it up. He ought to bo
here,” said Aunt Salome, as they neared
a gambling saloon, knowing very well he
ought not to be there.
“Tramp been here?” replied the pro
prietor to the inquiring Bob. “Well,
no; yes. A big, rough heathen came to
my door, twirling a yellow flower; but
he turned away and I lost sight of him.”
Was the flower still guiding?
“What shall I do?” exclaimed Aunt
Salome. “I can’t report his looks as I
would like to the police, and yet I must
have them jest watch our house. Land!
What is that noise? Bob, what is it?”
“Awful, marm, wasn’t it? Hcbbcn
ind arth gib way den? Fearful noise!
See dose folks runnin’ 1”
“What can it be?” screamed Aunt Sa
lome. “Do you know, mister?”
The man she was l.ailing stopped in
the midst of a vigorous run, and bawled
out:
“They say it’s Emerson’s block that
has tumbled.”
The man had no second edition of
news to give her,but rushed on headlong.
“OCe-phus, you there ?” shrieked Aunt
Salome. “Drive on, Bob!”
And Bob drove till they came to the
ruins, one mass of fallen chimney, walls,
floors, roofs. There was a dense black
crowd around the spot. Several of the
people, seeing Aunt Salome, rushed to
the carriage.
“He is safe, marm. He’s all right.”
“Cc-pbus is?”
“Yes; we have him iu the ’pothecary
store; but he had a narrow escape,” said
a man. “I saw the whole of it. You
see this building was not put up right,
and everybody thought it crazy, and
Emerson wanted your brother to examine
the thing. People thought they saw the
end wall bulgin' out and advised him not
tx go; but down into the cellar he went.
While he was there the end tumbled aud
then we heard a big cry for help from
the cellar. You see it was Cephas caught
under atimber. But you must not wonder
if no man dared go down there; for
people were callin’ out: ‘Totlier end
is bulgin’ out 1’ At last there came along
a big, strong moose-sort of a feller, a
rough-lookin' customer that nobody
knew, and be jest whisked down that
cellar quickly; and in about as short a
time as I am telling this story, he git to
your brother and then passed him out to
us through a c.ellar window. By the time
we’d crossed the street with Cephas ”
“Then Ce-phus is hurt?” interposed
Aunt Salome.
“No, he was kinder scratched, but
really he won’t need even a plaster."
“And that man?”
“Well, as I was sayin’, we had crossed
the street with Ccphus and all there was
left of the building tumbled 1 ’Twas
awful!”
“And buried that man underneath?”
‘ ‘That's where he is, I’m sorry to say;
under that pile the people arc tryin’ to
turn over; for they think they can fetch
him out pretty quick, guessin’ about
where he is."
The next moment Aunt Salmomc was
out of the carriage. In spite of a lot of
nerves, she had a lot of sense and heart
in her old, thin body, and she went off
at once to get things that she knew
would be helpful to tho poor fellow, if
taken from the ruins alive. Soon there
was a shout.
“They’ve got him!” bawled a spec
tator.
“Take him to tho ’pothocary’s 1” called
out Aunt Salome.
There they took him, and he was laid
beside Cephas. The latter war sore and
weak, but Aunt Salome’s informant was
right in saying he would not need even a
plaster. His lifeless rescuer, though,
was so bruised and battered, so mutilated
and so covered with blood and dust, that
he was not recognized. When his faca
had been washed by Aunt Salome, then,
even, no one knew him.
“Who can it be?” inquired the by
> tenders.
“I know,” said Aunt Salome. She
bad pulled out of the dead man’s pocket
a crushed little yellow flower.
Aunt Salome was not given to dreams.
“Weak, vain, superstitious!” she called
them. However, that night, after ques
tioning Lumpie about the flower, and
learning much that the tramp hid said,
u dream came to her. She seemed to see
a valley shrouded in darkness, but be
yond it glowed the walls of a Golden
City. And treading the darkened way,
she saw the tramp bearing the yellow
flower in his hand. The flower shone
with the brilliancy of the city beyond;
and it was toward that city his face was
turned.— lndependent.
%
London Bridge.
The first London bridge is said to have
been in existence since the tenth century.
A bridge was built of wood over the
Thames in 1014, which partly burned in
1136. Old London bridge, which exist
ed until the beginning of the present cen
tury, was built of stone. It was com
menced in 1176 by Peter of Colechureh,
who belonged to a religious and labor
fraternity called “Brethren of the
Bridge.” Peter died before the comple
tion of his work, and was buried in the
crypt of the chapel erected on the centre
pier, in accordance with the custom of
his society, which always provided that
any member who died when superintend
ing an important work should be en
tombed within the structure. The
bridge was completed during the reign
of King John, in the year 1209. It was
chiefly remarkable for its massiveness
and the great amount of material used in
its construction. It had twenty arches i n
a span of 940 feet, with piers varying in
solidity from twenty-five to forty l'eet, so
that two-thirds of the stream was occu
pied by piers, and in low water even a
greater proportion, leaving less than one
fourth of the whole span for waterway.
Houses were built on each side of the
bridge, connected by large arches of
timber that crossed the street. In July,
1212, a fire in the city at one end of the
bridge brought great crowds of people
upon the bridge; the building at the
other end then caught fire and cut off all
way of escape, s > that over 3,000 persons
were killed, being trampled on, burned
or drowned. In 1800 the bridge was
again restored, but was thnee subse
quently burned and rebuilt, in 1471, in
1032 and in 1725. In 1756 all the
houses upon the bridge were pulled
down. In 1822 the corporation adver
tised for designs for a new bridge, that
made by John Kcnnie was approved, and
the work was executed by his sons, John
and George. The first pile was driven
200 feet to the west of the old bridge
March 15, 1824; the first stone was laid
June 15, 1825, and the bridge was opened
by King William IV., August 1, 1831.
This bridge is quite an imposing struc
ture of granite, it has a total length of
928 feet, with five elliptical arches, the
span of the centre arch being 152 feet.
The cost of the bridge was £506,000. —
Inter- Ocean.
A . leet of Ocean Steamers. _
'he wonderful increase since the war
of th„ mcrcuutile marine sailing from this
port would appear surprising were it not
tor the fact that it is going on dally be
fore our eyes. Sailing day is no longer
confined to the last of tbe week,as it was
prior to the civil war. Neither is the
expected arrival of a steamship from
Europe watched with so much interest.
Every day witnesses the departure and
arrival of tome one or more large ocean
steam vessels, carrying almost a village
of passengers each. During 1885 the
Brai d of Inspectors of Foreign Vessels
granted 148 certificate for ocean pas-en
ger steamships with foreign bottoms to
sail from this port. This did not include
any of the coa-tingstcamcrs.or American
vessels engaged iu trade with the West
Indies, Central or South America. Sev
eral new vessels have been added to the
foreign ocean list this year, so that the
number now exceeds 150. These are con
stantly coming to and going from this
port At this season of the year every
nvaible ve-tel of Ihis character is called
into use, and berths are engaged rar
ahead in order to secure comfort and
convenience. And yet there is not one
steamship between here and England or
the Cont.nent sailing under the htar and
| Stripes. — Seu> York Hail and Express.
The Diet Too Thin.
Some eight years ago a community was
| started at North Anaheim, the leading
| tenets of which were to hold all property
in common and to confine their diet to
| fruit, vegetables and grain in their raw
I state. The experiment has been con
ducted with the utmost zeal and good
faith, but whatever may be the finnnc.al
result, concerning which we have no
data, it has proved a gastronomic d raster.
The Los Angeles Herald says that “one
after another has left tin society by
resignation or starvation until only at-w
are left hanging ou the verge of life.”
The end of the experiment is now rot far
off. The spiritual adviser of the society,
Walter Lockwood Thayer, is stated to be
so nearly starved to death that be is too
weak to leave his bed, and Mrs. Hinde,
the wife of tho founder of the commu
nity, is in the last stages of inanition for
want of nourishment. —San Francisco
Call.
Terms. $1.50 per Aim Single Copy 5 cents.
Iron’s Possible Blval.
We have no authentic history of the
gradual introduction of iron into the
uses of civilized man; but given the
rough brown or gray stone that we have
in our ores, it is evident that the whole
was not transformed in an hour or a day
into the exquisite temper of the Damas
cus blade. It is also probable that while
it was still a rare and expensive metal,
available only to those who were high in
wealth and rank, that the possibilities of
its varied structure were well known, j
But to bring all of these varied u-es to
which it has attained within the g asp
of the ordinary man has taken untold
centuries of pains and labor, and discov
ery upon discovery has been required to
develop it.
Now a new metal is coming upon the
field, which some claim will soon be all
its own, and iron, the metal heretofore
without a peer, and the greatest factor
of human prograss, must step down and
out. Aluminum, they say, can be
hardened till the diamond is i:s only
rival; it can be diawn into a wire so fine
or hammered into sheets so thin that
the gold-beater aloue can do the work;
the tensile strength of the wire rises to
100,000 pounds to the square inch of
section; water and atmosphere cannot
corrode it; it will burnish like polished
silver, blows cannot crystallize it. and
its conductivity of heat surpasses that of
copper. Then its alloys make an i nti
friction metal that goes beyond the
power of brass or babbitt to produ c.
Sixty years ago a drop of aluminum
was produced in a German laboratory
after a research of fifty years with the best
appliances of the time, and twenty years
more were necessary to produce a larger
bead. Then in ten years more the metal
was on the market at $32 per pound.
Since then chemistry has been strug
gling with the task and by its constant
efforts the price has dropped to sls a
pound, and now a new discoverer tells
that it can be put on the market at $4 to
the pounds. We know the metal well,
and the chemist has tried it in his labora
tory; he has hammered and drawn, and
melted and hardened, until every quality
is known, but still the price must make it
rare. It costs one-eighth the price of
thirty years ago, and still it is 400 times
the cost of iron. So it matters little that
it stands third in quantity of all the sub
stances of which the earth is formed,that
it lies about us in every bed of clay, or
shale, and that nearly every rock is but
an ore bed with wondrous possibilities;
so long as nature holds the secret key by
which it can be unlocked and freed from
the combinations in which we find it, it
cannot take the place of iron. That this
may come in time is not beyond the
range of what can be regarded as a possi
bility, but it must come by slow and la
bored steps; meanwhile our iron will
hold its own and be used as heretofore,
while aluminum must be a laboratory
metal for a while,and get occassional ap
plication in the more expensive imple
meats of science.— Power.
Fallacies in Regard to Diet.
That there is any nutriment in beef tea
made from extracts. There is none
whatover.
That gelatine is nutritious. It will
not keep a cat alive. Beef tea and gela
tine, however, possess a certain repara
tive power, we know not what.
That an egg is equal to a pound of
me :t, and that every sick person can eat
them. Many,especially those of nervous
or bilious temperament,cannot eat them,
and to such eggs are injurious.
That because milk is an important ar
ticle of so d it must be forced upon a pa
tient. Food that a person cannot endure
will not cure.
That arrowroot is nutritious. It is sim
ply sturcli and water, useful as a restora
tive, quickly prepared.
That cheese is injurious in all cases.
It is, as a rule, contra-indicatcd, being
usually indigestible; but it is concen
trated nutriment and a waste-repairer,
and often craved.
That the cravings of a patient are
j whims and should be denied. The stom
ach often needs, craves for and digests
articles not laid down in any dietary.
Such are, for example, fruit, pickles,
jams, cake, ham or bacon, with fat,
cheese, butter and milk.
That an inflexible diet may be marked
out which shall apply to every case.
Choice of a given list of articles allow
able in a given case must be decided by
the opinion of the stomach. The stomach
is right, and theory wrong, and the judg
ment admits no appeal. A diet wrhich
would keep a healthy man healthy might
kill a sick man, and a diet sufficient to
sustain a sick man would not keep a well
man alive. Increased quantity of food,
J especially of liquids, does not mean in
-1 creased nutriment; rather decrea-e, since
! the digestion is r. vertaxedand weakened,
j Strive to give the food in ns concentrated
| a form as possible. Consult the patient’s
i stomach in preference to his cravings,
and if the stomach rejects a certain arti
cle do not force it. —New York Mail and
Express.
A Witty Reply
President .'an Burcn’s son, 'amili&rlj
known ar Prince John, was a man of
great natural ability, a good lawyer, and
a ready wit. On one occasion ho had
taken some technical legal advantage by
which his opponent's client in an action
was non-suited. The man was furious,
and declared his purpose to give John
a piece of his mind when he sav' him;
he would wither him. Happening *o
see John one day'.t Downing's, standing
at the bar, tc boldly confronted t..e
Prince, and, being a small mar., looked
up at him Jercely and burr out: “Mr.
I Van Buren, is there any cient ro low
and mean, or a., case so nasty, that you
won't undertak to defend him in i?’
i “I don’t know,” said John, shopping to
put away another oyster; then bending
down and confidentially drawing out his
reply in the little man's ear: “What
you been doing?”— Bess; Parley Poore.
ER.
ROS SOLI&
Paracelsus says that the herb called Ros
Solis is at noon, and under a burning sun,
filled with dew, while the other herbs around
t are dry.— Bacon
rhou lowly herb!
The lesson thou canst teach, my heart would
learn!
For the road is hot,
The centre of my being a dry spot
I hurry and I burn,
Till by the way-side here I thee discern,
} Where thou dost hold and gather to thy
breast
One cold sweet drop,
While I am so opprest.
Low upon ray knees I pause
To watch thee nourishing the dew that fell
[n one still hour when heaven blest earth
With her cool kis&
In that hour of blto.
Behold a sacred birth!
What voice could tell,
As whispers this cool drop,
rhe body's mystery,
The spirit’s prop?
Ye who have gladness known, was it a toy
Broken with years and cast away?
Or does it live, a coolness in the beat f
A resting-place for other weary feet?
Is it a song for those who cannot sing,
Turning as this flower has done,
Even in the burning sun,
The sadness of remembered joy
Into a grace no living joy can bring?
—Annie Fields , in Harper's
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A rural guide says: “Cuttings root
easily now.” So do pigs.— Tid-Bitn.
“That won’t go down with me” said
the skeptical man he looked at a pill.
Carl Pretzel.
Dr. Mary Walker is a living illustra
tion of the well-known fact that clothes
do not make the man.— Puck.
“The circus is one of the oldest diver
sions known to man,” says an exchange.
So is a circus joke.— Burlington Free
Press.
A cheese factory is to be started at
Caraccas, South America. Tuc natives
will then live, no doubt, on Caraccas and
cheese. —Pi teburg Chronicles
For luck he carries off the palm,
Than Lucifer he's prouder.
Who gets the solitary clam
That’s served up iu the chowder.
—Boston Courier.
Sam Jones, in speaking of converting
hard-hearted newspaper men, says hu
couldn’t touch a Chicago reporter with a
ten-foot pole. lie ought to have tried a
10-cent cigar.— Washington Critic.
Many a homely girl w ho doesn’t believe
at all that osculation will cure freckles ia
ready to try the experiment, nevertheless,
just to convince a superstitious young
man that there is nothing iu it.— tioir t
ville Journal.
The poet who asked, “Oh where can
rest be found?” had never visited the
store of a merchant who never advertises.
If he could once see one of this mer
chant’s clerks he would not ask such a
child-like question —Lynn Union.
A young man in Gainesville, Fla., sent
j seventy-five cents to a fellow in New
i York York who advertised “How ta
make money fast.” He received from
the New Yorker the valuable informa
tion; “Take a paper bill and make it
fast to something with paste.”
“What is that Bicycle Man doing,
father. Seel he has Jumped Forward
from his Wheel and is putting his Face
jto the Earth. Is he Kissing it?” “No.
: my son; the Man has his Ear to the
Earth. He is Listening. He thought
he heard .Someting Drop.”— Burlington
Free Press.
It is singular how one can be decob ed
' in things. A scientist has discovered that
a flash of lightning is not instantaneous,
but has a duration of “from 1-1000 ts
1-10000 of a second.” This is a differ
cnce, of course, but it is hardly enough
to give a man time to dodge the flash.—
Norristotcn Herald.
Old Chappie—“Ah, here comes De
Peters, and weally, Chawles, you trust
excuse me, yer know. He’s a nice fellow,
arid all that, but he wears such a beastly
old-fashioued collar, and always carries
1 nis gloves with the ringers in /rout
j instead of behind, that wealljy ye.
know, I am ashamed to walk witfc him.
-Life.
Queen ' hristina, in a few shbrt years,
may be teen at the chamber window,
with only one sleeve of her dress on, ges
ticulating violently at a boy in the back
yard and shouting: “Here, you bad
boy, Alphonzo Etonze Amadeo Montpen*
eier Maximilian Carlos Phillippo Alberta
Miguel Padrillo Mcmanez Santillos Quin*
!aua Zorillla! coine right in out of that
wet grass or I’ll give you such a lesson
is you won’t forget in one while!”—
j Washington Post.
Dr. Holmes says that on “horseback
t man's system be.omes claritied, be
cause his liver goes up and down like
the handle of a churn.” I)r. Holmes it
half right—just about half right. If ht
should ever get on a native Dakota pony
that had inherited a bad disposition he
would be surprised to find himscll
climbing up toward the blue vault ol
heaven making frantic efforts to clutch
his liver, which would be goiug on
ahead of him like the handle of a churn
that had tried to agitate a couple of gal
lons of nitro glycerine.— Fstelline Bdl.
An elaborate table, just compiled for
Lloyd's HcgUUr , shows that last year
thero were built in the nations of the
world 092 vessels of over 100 tons each,
and 382 of these ships were built in tho
United Kingdom and sixty-eight in tho
colonics.
The flats in Paris at present unoceu
j pied would accommodate 200,000 people.