THE CHARLOTTE MESSENGER
VOL. 111. NO. 26
THE
Charlotte Messenger
IS PUBLISHED
Kver.v Saturday,
AT
CHARLOTTE, N. C.
In the Interests of the Colored People
of the Country.
Able and well-known writers will contrib
«t«‘ to its columns from different parts of the
country, and it will contain the latest Gen
eral News of the day.
Tin: M nssENGER is a first-class newspaper
n»id will not allow personal abuse in its eol
oius It is not sectarian or partisan, but
in lcj ondont—dealing fairly by all. It re
. orves the righ tto criticise the shortcomings
et all public officials—commending the
worthy, and recommending for election such
moil i» its opinion arc best suited to servo
the interest* of the people.
It is intended to supply the long felt need
• i a nowsjwiper to advocate the rights and
• I*deiid th*‘ interest* of the Negro-American,
•• in the Piedmont section of the
( sj olinas.
SUBSCRIPTIONS:
(Always in Advance.)
1 year - - - $1 SO
' months - - - 100
0 mouths - 75
! months - - 50
3 months - - *lO
Address,
W. C. SMITH, Charlotte, N C*
The farmer’s hired man who has been
£' iting out of bed every morning at four
o’< lock to feed the stock will be mad all
over when informed that actual experi
ments prove that a horse can live eleven
days and a cow nine without food. As a
hog can live for twenty-nine days there
no use in feeding him but once in two
weeks, according to the lightning calcu
lator of the Detroit Free Press.
Os Oscar Wilde it is related that at
the christening of his infant son, he was
■ ailed on to furnish the b.by's name,hut
fir some reason or other he felt such a
responsibility to be greater than he
chose to a same, and declined respond
ing to the parson's appeal. The latter,
in no wise disconcerted, promptly took
the matter in his own hands, and de
clared ‘ John” to he the boy’s name.
Roused from his indifference by his off
spring's deadly peril, Mr. Wilde lound
strength to rush forward and murmur
softly: “Cyril,” mud then fall back ex
hausted from the intensity of his emo
tions. The baby is saved, however, and
John is not his name.
The Fry-Go ds Chronicle reports that
a noble minded merchant of world-wide
a ua ntancc, long ye rs of experience,
and vast wealth honorably accumulated,
v.a® asked how many dishonest men in
mercantile life ho had met with during
his long an ! varied career. Bsidhe: “I
have traded with most all the civilized
races of the earth, and in all iny long and
varied commercial experience, in which
more often than otherwi e the honor of
the man was my only protection, I found
but two or three men whom I considered
innately dishonest. These men would
have remained the same in principle had
they been engaged in any other vocation
of life.”
A remarkable discovery has been
made in Springfield, 111., by Dr. G. N.
Keldcr, a local physician and surgeon
The case in question is called actinomy
cosis hominis, or lump jaw, in the human
being. The disease infects cattle and
other animals, and was first discovered
in a human being in Berlin in 1839, and
in the present case is thought to be the
first in this country. The Medical He -
ard of May reported, a case in Montreal
of a young lady who. it was thought had
died of phthisis, a form of consumption.
In speaking of the case the Medical J'ec
o d said it was a rare and interesting
one, there being few, if any, authentic
rated ca-cs reported in this country.
The subject of the present case is a
young lady employed in a Springfield
manufacturing establishment, who,
about a year ago, was operated upon for
tumor of the left jaw, waicli was extir
pated. It gri w again, and she went to
Jacksonville to consult a physician. By
ncr id* nt the phyuenn was absent, and
thp case cuinc under the notice of I)r.
Keldcr, of r pringficld. lie secured some
of the fungus, »nd when placed undci
the microscope it developed the disease
with which tin; doctor is familiar, hav
ing seen it in the old country a year ago
while pursuing a series of studies of
medical science. It is u'fungoid growth,
and one of the proofs of the germ
theory. The fungus is a mass of yel
lowish pus containing small plaques re
scmbling teed, mingled with long fila
ments. The disease invades the lungs
intestines and general sy-tem, and, i
not interrupted in its course, invariably
results in death, but if taken in its pri
mary stage, as in the present case, it can
bo cured. Dr. Rausch, of the Illinois
Btatc Hoard of Health,examined |he fun
gus, and confirms the diagnosis made by
Dr. Keldcr.
IN EXILR.
I see a fireside far away;
Ic'unt each dear, accustomed chair,
The gentle glance, the faces gay—
I see it all, and would be there.
The children climb their father’s knees;
The mother strokes her baby’s hair;
In happly groups of twos and throes
They laugh and chat—would I were there I
The lamp its mellow radiance sheds;
The firelight flickers softly wliero
Two little brown aud golden heads
Are lowly- bent at evening prayer.
SVhat of the lonely leagues between?
I see it plain—l see it fair!
I see, who am myself unseen—
For oh! my homesick heart is there?
—Anna F. Burnham, in Good Hous’kcep
inq.
A CALICO FROCK.
BY GEORGE MARTIAL.
It wasn't a hot day, nor a cold day,
nor a damp day, but it was an atrocious
day, a clammy day, an unbearable day,
a day that made your clothes stick to
you like poor relations, that brought out
cold sweats on pitchers and goblets, that
made your back a race-course for con
temptible little chills and the rest of
your body a target for a thousands in
visible pins and needles, that made the
grasshopper a burden and the dusty, bc
grimed city a pandemonium, that made
{Solomon Griggs, bachelor, of the firm of
Griggs, Makem Ac Co., the great clothing
merchants, shut up his ledger with a
bang and start for the country by the
next train, remarking to old Grimesby,
the head clerk, “that the city was
stilling.” To which that worthy replied:
“So it is, but how about the feller that
can’t get out of it and must stay to be
choked?”—a problem which I suspect
our friend of the firm of Griggs, Makem
A Co. troubled his head very little about,
being just then busy in looking into the
dusty recesses of that picture gallery
which memory f trnishes and arranges
for us all, as a single landscape hanging
there. A low house with mossy, over
hanging eaves, standing on the slope of
a green hill, shaded by branching elms,
with level fields stretching off in the
foreground toward the sparkling water
on one side and dusky woods on the
other, and there, dusty, sweating and
tired, Solomon found himself just about
sunset. Out came a ruddy-cheeked,
smiling old lady in a cap and apron, that
had attained a state of snowy perfection
unknown to city laundresses.
“Why. bless me if it isn’t little Soil
Why, wno’d a thought of seeing you?”
and she folded the stalwart bearded
man in as warm au embrace as though
he were in reality still the little Sol of
former days.
“And how do you do, Sol ? Come in,
come in ; don’t stand out there, You
know the little path and the way to the
pantry yet. I dare say. t ome in; you
ncedn t start back—its only 1 achel.’
“Hut 1 didn't know you h id any young
ladies with yap. Aunt Hester.”
“It’s only Rachel, I tell you—Rachel
Hart, the Are there no
women in your city, that you arc afraid
to face a little country girl;”
“Little indeed,” thought Solomon, as
he acknowledged his aunt’s somewhat
peculiar introduction—and not pretty,
either—with large eyes es that uncertain
gray that sometimes beams darkly blue
and then deepens into brown: with a
smooth, low forehead and light brown
hair drawn tightly across each car, just
revealing its crimson tips; a face irregu
larly featured, and rendered still more
striking by the singular contrast be
tween its extreme pallor and the intense
ly scarlet lips—the personification of
nentnjss. the embodiment of reserve.
“An odd little person,” thought Solo
mon, “but its none of my business!”
mid dismissing her from his mind, h"
proceeded to the much more important
business of making himself perceptible
at Aunt Hester’s Ratable.
Solomon did amp e justice to the
snowy bread, golden butter and luscious
strawberries and later, as that worthy
was indulging in a stroll across the
fields, he lifted up his eyes, and beheld
the little seamstress, whose existence he
hadqui'c forgotten, under a venerable
cherry tree, maki g desperate efforts to
seize a tempting branch on its lowest
boughs—looking almost pretty with her
flushed cheeks au<T sparkling eyes.
Now Sol was a gallant man—decided
ly the,prefix .chevalier of the firm of
Griggs, Makem A- ( o.; so that whenever,
as had oncecr twice happened, a pitti
coat ventured into the mouldy shades of
that establishment Sol was the man
whom destiny and the other partners se
lected to parley with the enemy.
Advancing, therefore, with a hapf.y
mi xt ure of confidence and condescension.
Sol | lucked the cherries and was about
to present them when independence in a
colic » frock stepped l a k with a c o!:
“Keep them yourself, sir; 1 don’t care
for them. ’
“I thought you wanted them!” stain
me cd Sol.
“t“o I did, because they were difficult
to obtain. Had they been on your aunt’
table, 1 would not have touched them.
It is the glow of triumph that gives a
pleasure to its zest. lat the cherries
yourself, ami good evening, sir.”
“Mop a moment!” said Sol, not a lit
tle astonished; “that is I mean -per
mit me to accompany you !”
“No, you would,expect mo to enter
tain you, and that would be too much
trouble.”
“Bat if, instead, I should entertain
you?”
“You cannot.” "
“Why?”
“You could tell me nothing new. You
ore only a crucible for converting bales
of cloth into the precious ore that all the
world goes mad after. No doubt you
arc all very well ia your way, but there
CHARLOTTE, N. C. SATURDAY, JANUARY 8, 1887.
are alchemists who could transmute our
humdrum daily life into golden verse or
heavenly thought. To such a one I
might listen; but you and I have noth
ing in common.”
“Not even our humanity?” asked Sol
omon.
The stern face of the young girl soft
ened a little, but only for a moment.
“No!” she answered, angrily, “not
even that. I, you know, am made of
the inferior clay—you of the pure porce
lain. Do you not remember how even
good, kind Aunt Hester told you there
were no young ladies with her, only the
seamstress. You arc slightly bored al
readv.and think me odd enoucrh to amuse
?rmi for a while; but if some of these gay
adies— among whom I hear you are such
a favorite—were tocoinchcre, you would
not even know me. Good evening, sir.”
“What a furious littlo radical,”
thought Sol, with an uneasy laugh, as lie
watched her retreating figure. After
all, he was not quite sure that she had
not spoken the truth.
It ti.e calico frock had been a flounced
silk, for instance, how many degrees
more deferential would have been his
manner in presenting the cherries?
Query the second:
If the calico frock had been walking
dswn Broadway about 4 o’clock in the
aiternoon, would he, Solcmon Griggs, of
Griggs, Makem & Co., as willingly escort
it as across those green fields where, if
the robins and bluebirds did make re
mark®, it was in their own language?
Sol couldn’t answer the questions sat
isfactorily, but he went to bed and
dreamed all night of the little Diogenes
in her calico frock.
That week and the next week ho
waited patiently for the first glimpse of
that remarkable garment coming around
the corner, but in vain. And when, in
such a very careless maimer that it was
quite remarkable, he wondered audibly
“where that odd little girl lived whom
lie saw on the eve of his arrival,” Aunt
Hester answered, dryly; “Away up—
thereabouts.” pointing with her hand.
She boarded, she believed, with some
quocr sort of folks there; though, for
that matter, she was queer enough her
self. And this was absolutely all she
would say on the subject.
T he next day Sol took it upon himself
to wand' rup that way, “thereabouts,”
and was rewarded with a glimpse of the
calico frock going through a broken
gate; and, following it closely, came up
with the wearer as she was about to
enter the dilapidated front do »r, at
which piece of impertinence she was so
much incensed as to turn very red, while
tears actually started to her eyes.
“What do you waul!” she asked,
sharply enough. ,
• ‘To see you!” replied Sol, who, taken
by surprise, could think of nothing but
the truth.
“Well, you have seen me now go;”
“But it’s a warm day, and lam very
tired!”
“I can’t help that. It’s not my fault
—is it;”
“You might ask me to walk in and sit
down, if you were not as hard hcaried as
a Huron!”
“This is not my house.”
“You would ijicti, if it were?”
“I don’t say that.”
“Well, then, I am thirsty—give me a
glass of water.”
“There is the well, and an iron cup
fastened to it by a chain, help your
self.
“You inhospitable littlo mi-an
thrope!—”
“But she was gone; and the next time
he inquired for her, Aunt Hester told
him, with a malicious twinkle of the eye,
that she was none to the city.
Perhaps the good soul had been
troubled with visions of a future Mrs.
Griggs, and was not altogether displeased
that an insurmountable barrier was
placed between “that odd Rachel Hart
and her nephew 8 »1. who was a good
boy, but didn’t know the ways of
women.”
Be that as it may. her joy was shortly
turned into mourning, for Solomon re
ceived dispatches requiring his immedi
ate presence in the city. At least so lie
said, for Aunt Hester was immovable in
her conviction that “that Rachel was
somehow at the i ottom of it.” She even
hinted as much to Solomon when In; bade
her good-bye; but he only laughed, and
told her to take care of herself.
After all, business could not have been
o very pressing, as he spent the greater
portion of his time wandering through
lanes and back streets, not (infrequently
dashing down alleys with the inexplica
ble exclamation of “That’s her?” from
whence he always returned very red in
the face and sheepish in expression.
Three months had passed away, when
he nearly ran against a little woman,
who looked up in his face with a sar
donic smile.
“Your eyesight is not so good in the
city, Mr. Griggs. You don't know me
here.”
“Rachel!—Miss Hart, I have been
looking for you everywhere. I—l—
where do you live?”
She hesitated a moment, then said
shortly: “Come and see.” And turning,
led the wav through narrow streets, reek
ing with tilth and teeming with a wrctch
ed population, up a flight of broken
stairs, into a dingy little room, whose
only redeeming feature was its perfect
cl< anlinc.ss.
“Will you be seated,?Mr. Griggs?” she
asked with a scornful smile. “Now that
you know my residence, I trust that I
may Imve tho pleasure of seeing you
frequently.”
“And you live in this den ” uskod
Solomon, heedlessly of her sarcasm.
“How do you support yourself?”
“By my needle.”
“And how much docs it take to keep
up this magnificent style of living?”
“By unremitting exertion I can earn
two dollars a week.”
“Great heavens! why didn't you come
to me?”
* Tor two excellent reasons: First, I
should not have known where to havo
found you; second, I should not have
come if I had.”
“Os course not. Your pride is to you
meat and drink. Btill you might havo
come. We are in want of hands.”
“I do not believe it. You wish to
cheat me into accepting alms.”
“There is our advertisement, read it
for youruelf 1” pulling a paper from his
pocket.
The sunken eyes gleamed eagerly—she
was human after all, and was even then
suffering the pangs of hunger.
“Mr. Griggs, I believe you are a good
man,” she said, bursting into tears. “I
will work for you gladly. I am starv
ing.”
And she did work, early and late, spite
of Solomon’s entreaties, refusing to ac
cept anything but her wages, declining
to receive his visits, sending back his
gifts, steadily refusing above all to be
come his wife, though sho softened won
derfully toward him.
“You are rich—l am poor'” she said,
in reply to his passionate arguments.
“You arc handsome—l am ugly; the
world would laugh and your family be
justly offended!”
“I have no family, and as for the
world, let it laugh; I dare bo happy in
spite of it.”
“I will not havo you.”
“Do you not love" me?”
“I will not have you,” and with that
answer Solomon was obliged to rest con
tented.
Time passed on—a financial crisis
came, and with hundreds of others down
went the house of Griggs, Makem & Co.
Solomon sat in his office gloomily
brooding over his ruin, gloomily think
ing of the woman whose love he had so
long and fruitlessly striven to win, dark
ly wondering if it were not better to cut
short an aimless, hopeless, blighted life.
In the little drawer on the right lay a
bracj of pistols, a present from young
Makem when he went to California.
Solomon took them out—they were load
ed—it was but to raise them so, adjust
the trigger so, and—
“ Lady wants to sec you, sir.”
“Can’t see her, sir. What can a
woman want here? Shut the door; if
any one call®, say I’m out.”
Unco more lie took up the pistol, hut
this time it dropped from his nerveless
hand, for a pair of arms were round his
neck and two clear gray eyes looked
lovingly in his, while the voice that was
sweetest to him whispered to him softly:
“When you were rich, I rejected you.
Now that you are poor I came to ask if
you will take me?”
And Solomon, like a sensible man, put
up the pistols and took the “calico
frock” instead.— New York Mercury.
Old Men in Congress.
There arc gray headed men in Con
gress and the Indianapolis dournal thus
names some of them:
There is a great deal of old materia!
yet m Congress, despite the fact that
many of the statesmunic landmarks have
been r moved during the past few years.
In the Senate Morrill, of Vermont, stands
out as the oldest man, being seventy-six
years of age, while his colleague, Ed
munds, is sixty-eight. Payne, of Ohio,
is also seventy-six years old, but falls
short of Morrill by seven months. Dawes,
of .Massachusetts, is seventy, although he
does not look sixty-five. Wude Hamp
ton, of B’outh Carolina, Evarts, of New
York, and Sawyer, of Wisconsin, ht.vo
withstood the blasts of sixty-eight win
ters aud the heat of as many summers.
Kvarts looks much the oldest of the trio.
Conger, of Michigan, is spry, but has
worn sixty-nine years. Wilson, of Mary
land, and Brown, of Georgia, are each
sixty-five, while Beck, of Kentucky, is
sixty-four. Pugh, of Alabama, is sixty
six, and Saulsbury, the bachelor from
Delaware, is sixty-nine.
There is no one in the House so old as
the two oldest Senators. Judge Kelly,
the father of the House, the venerable
Pennsylvania protectionist, leads the list.
He is seventy-two, but Eldridge, of
Michigan, it is said, is quite as old.
Plumb, of Illinois, is seventy, while the
directory records Waite, of Connecticut,
at seventy five, which must be an error.
Curtin, of Pennsylvania, is sivty-nlne,
Reagan, the Ex-Confederate Postmaster-
General and Treasurer, the pride of Texas,
is sixty-eght, as is also Singleton, of Mis
sissippi. Barbour, of Virginia, is sixty
six, ditto Lindslcy, of New York. Char
lev O’Neill, of Pennsylvania, is sixty
tivc, Wadsworth, of New York, the same,
and Gcddes, of Oh o, makc£ up a good
sixty-two. The old men in the Senate
seem to be much more aged in actions
than those in the House.
A Curiosity In Snirlriex.
Tho oppressor’s wrong, the proud
man's contumely, the insolence of office,
and tho pangs of despised love, are
among the reasons alleged by Hamlet us
ustifying a man in committing suicide,
if he lias the pluck to take his chance*
on “the other side.” The pang* of
hunger and the dread of penal servitude
are in modern times even more frequent
motive* to felo-de-se. It has been re
served for a Manchester man to invent a
new reason for self-slaughter, and to taka
strychnine because his wife had never
given him anything on his birthday!
“Had it only been a penny cigar,” he
wrote pathetically, “I won Id have prized
it.” He does not say that he would have
smoked it, and this nice selection of
terms argues a certain method in his
madness, lie will doubtless be received
with distinction in the “purgatory of
suicides” us one who has invented a
novel motive for shaking the yoke of
inauspicious stars from his world-weary
flesh. — Pall Mall Gazette.
A young lady is driving a cab in Ber
lin. She asks thrice the ordinary fire,
bemuse she sits by the side of her em
ployer while she drives him.
Their First Appearance.
Envelopes were first used in 1839.
Anesthesia was discovered in 1844.
The first ste?l pen was made in 1830.
The first air pump was made in 1654.
Th hut lucifor match was made in
798.
Mohammed was bom at Mecca about
570.
The first iron steamship was built in
1830.
The first balloon ascent was made in
1798.
Coaches were first u<-ed in England in
1569.
The first steel plate was discovered in
1820.
Tho first horse railroad was built in
1826-7.
The Franciscans arrived in England in
1224.
The first steamboat plied the Hndson
in 1807.
The entire Hebrew Bible was printed
in 1488.
Mbps were first “copper-bottomed” in
1783.
Gold was first discovered in California
in 184?.
The first telescope was used in Eng
land in 1608.
Christianity was introduced into Japan
in 1549.
The first watches were made at Nuen
burg in 1477.
The first saw-maker's anvil was
brought to America in 1819.
The first newspaper advertisement ap
peared in 1652.
The first almanac was printed by
George von Furbachin 1460.
The first use of a locomotive in this
country was in 1829.
Omnibuses were first introduced in
New York in 1830.
Kerosene was first used for lighting
purposes in 1826.
The first copper cent was coined in
New Haven in 1687.
The first glass factory was built in the
United States in 1780.
Percussion arms were used in the
United State* army in 1830.
The first printing press in the United
State* was worked in IG2O.
Glass windows were first introduced
into 1 ngland in the eighth century.
The first steam engine on this conti
nent was brought from England in 1753.
The first complete sewing machine was
patented by Elias Howe, Jr., in 1846.
The lirst Society for the Promotion of
Christian Knowledge was organized in
1698.
The first attempt to manufacture pins
in this country was made soon after the
war of 1812.
The first temperance society in this
country was organized in Saratoga Coun
ty, New York, in March, 1808.
The first coach in Scotland was brought
thither in 1651, when Queen Mary came
from France. It belonged to Alexander,
Lord Seaton.
The first daily newspaper appeared in
1702. The first newspaper printed in
the United States was publised in Bos
ton on September 25, 1790.
The manufacture of porcelain was in
troduced into the province of Ilezin,
Japan, from China in 1513, and Ilezin
ware still bears Chinese marks.
The firs, society for the exclusive pur
pose of circulating the Bib!c was organ
ixed in 1805, under the name of the
British and Foreign Bible Society.
The first telegraph instrument was
successfully operated by S. F. B. Morse,
the inventor, in 1835, though its utility
was not demonstrated to the world until
1842.
The first Union flag was unfurled or.
January 1, 1776, over the camp at Cam
bridge. It had thirteen stripes of white
and red and retained the British cross in
one corner.
His Little Girl.
As is known, the daughter of Mc-
Vicker, the elder, married Edwin
Booth, but it is not generally known
that when the r marital relati n* b came
•trained that McYieker sided with his
dangbter, and that Horace McYieker
(her brother! took up Booths cause.
This led to an cstrangem-nt between
McYicktr and his son that absolutely
separated them. Time passed on with
out the breach being heal <1 or over
tures being made. One day, long after
the first trouble. McYieker pere, journey
ing on the cars, by chance made the
acquaintance of a little girl—a mere
child—whose beauty and winning way;
fascinated him.
Just before he left the cars he asked
her her name, and she answered “Mc-
Yieker.” Scarce believing his ears, the
aid man went to the child's nurse and in
quired again ns to her name. “She is
tho child of Horaco McYieker,** was the
reply. Without a word the father wrote
•>n a raid: “Horace, come to m* at
»*n o,” signed his name to it and sent it
by the nurse to his son. The child had
roftened hi* heart and brought together
Dnce for all time the father and son.
Mexico's Silver Wealth.
Charles Lyeil, the eminent geologist,
says that the interior of Mexico is the
richest known argentiferous section in
the whole world. The fact was long ago
established that a metaliferous vein runs
without interruption through the entire
len.;th of the cordillera of Anahuac, ex
tending from the Sierra Mad re in Sono
ra, mar the northern border, to the gold
deposits of Oaxaca, in the extreme south
of Muxb o. This cxlmii'-tless vein tra
verses no l**xs than seventeen States and
since the day of its discovery its mineral
yield has been in iro than $4,0 fo,f UJ,*W 0
worth. Ar:d yet these valuable sources
of w«a ! thare estimated to be more thin
I percent, of tne undeveloped and ua
d«sco**»*%d whole. —Mexuo Tuo lie, Jt
ha.
“Arc you fond of tongue, *irl" “I
»« nlwayi food of tongue, madamc. and
I like it -atm.”* ..
Terms. $1.50 per Amu. Single Copy 5 cents.
THIS RIGHT ROAafr.
•*I have lost the road to happiness—
Doss any one know it pray?
I was dwelling there when the morn was fair
But somehow I wandered away.
*1 saw rare treasures in s:enes of pleasures,
And ran to pursue them, when lo!
I had lost the path to happiness
And I knew not whither to go.
“I have lost the way to happiness—
Oh, who will lead me back?”
Turn off from the highway of selfishness
To the right—up duty’s tra :k!
Keep straight along and you can’t gJ wrong,
For as sure a; you live, I say.
The fair, last_fields of happiness
Can only be found that way.
—Ella Wheeler Wilcox , in the X. Y. World.
HUMOR OF THE HAY.
Tneie is no disputing the fact that the
judge has his share of the trials of life.
—Merchant Traieler.
To stand well in the cye3 of the ladie3,
it is only ncces®ary to give them your
6cat in a street car.— Life.
A poem rerently printed is entitled:
“Smile Whenever You Can.” It was
not written by a Prohibitionist, we be
lieve.—Afar York Graphic.
An exchange publishes a poem on
“The Western Lyre.” It’s probably
about a man who had some mining share
to sell.— Merchant Traveler.
More pointed than polite. Wise —“Y'ou
haven't been inside a church since wo
were married—there!” Husband —“No;
a burnt child dreads the fire.” — Judge.
Tne jackass goes by precedent,
Or so his autics teach;
That is to say—bis argument
Consists ia backward reach.
—Siftings.
In the country: “And the air is heal
thy in this village?” “.Excellent, mon
sieur, excellent. One can become a cen
tenarian here in a little while.” — French
Fun.
“Miss dc Zauns is a very self-possessed
young lady, isn't she?” replied Dickson.
“Why so? ’ “Because I have asked her
to be mine three times and she said ‘no’
each time.*’— Merchant Traci hr
Wild bachelor button is a fashionable
flower for millinery purposes. We think
there is something wrong about this,
however. What makes the bichelorwild
is that lie has no button.— "lid-Bits.
A scientific writer tells how water can
be boiled in a sheet of writing paper.
We don't doubt it. We have known a
man to write a few lines on a sheet of
writing paper that kept him in hot water
for three years.— Burdette.
“8o you think Friday is an unlucky
day, do you, Edith?” “Yes, indeed, !
do, ma'am. “And why do you thihk it
is unlucky?” “Well, you see, we always
have fish ou Friday, and I just abomi
nate fish.”— Yonlere Statesman.
Barber—“ Sir, you’re getting bald rap
idly. I have a most excellent remedy.”
Old Genle nan—“Never mind. I'm just
yearning to be entirely bald.” “Eht
Why, that's a remarkai de desire. ” 4 ‘No,
it isn't. I've got a terribly wicked aon,
and I’m determined that he shan't bring
my gray hairs in sorrow to the grave-”
Philadelphia Ca l.
When “woman rules t :e roast,” good sirs
Does sh? rule it with a pen.
A pencil, chal'r or crayon, sirs;
Come, tell us, married men?
That is a mooted question, sirs,
But. mid-it the 'luarrel’s din.
Some rule with rods of iron, sirs,
Some us-e the rolling pin.
—GoodalCs Siiiw
No Great Shakes.
A Cambridge man who was traveling
in the Adiroud ?cks went canoeing with
onc'of the m st famous guides ot that
now famous region. !n the course of the
trip the iru'd*- remarked:
•‘You kn w Jim Lowell. I suppose?”
“Why, no.’ the vis.tor replied, sup
posing some local celebrity to be referred
to, “I cannot *ay that I do.”
“What, von don't k ow Jim LovclU
lie belongs down your way. He write?
b *>ks. you know. He was in England a
•pill.”
“You don’t mean James Russell Low
ell. do you f”
“Yes,” the guide assented. “That’s
the rest of his name. lie's an ignorant
russ, ain’t he?”
The Cambridge man replied that such
was not the generally received opinion,
•nd inquired upon what the dweller in tho
backwoods founded an opinion so unu
iual, this be ng lnffore the astounding
Hawthorne alleged interview gave people
rround for supposing Mr. Lowell must
have taken leave of his senses.
“Well, 1 wa“ out with him in the
canoe,” the guide explained, “and we
were going down stream with thej. urrent
and making first rote time, and he didn t
know any better than to insist that wo
should go over on the other side of tho
stream just to get in the siade of tho
bank out of the sun; and we didn't get
ahead at all Now. I < all a man that
don't know enough to take advantage of
the current in a canoe a blamed igno
ramus ”
Which illustrates the effect an action
may have when examined from a strictly
utilitarian point of view.— ProzitUn*
Journal.
A strange effee t of light transmitted
through a solution of sulphate of quinine
upon tho blossoming cf plants has been
made known bv Bachs. From a aeries
of ex|>criments he has showu that plants
germinated and grown un ier the influ
ence of such light, while thriving other
wise, develop only small, imperfect and
speedily perishable flower*, l ight trans
mitted in a similar way through pure wa
ter impaiied in no way the blossoming
powers.
I believe that wc cannot live bettor
than in seekiug to become better.