Sex column
on UNCC
campus causes
dissension among
Charlotteans
—Page 3A
The Gharlotte Blues
UNCC
Edition
Vol. 10-No. 26
Charlotte, North Carolina, Tuesday, April 1, 1975
12 pages-Free
"It's a wonder I'm still
alive," said Jack Hoff this past
Sunday afternoon as word of
the Red Neck Mafia killings
spread across campus. "I didn't
even know such a thing existed
till Saturday night when they
caught us but, that's what they
must have been because they
were wearing brown shirts,
trooper's boots and swastikas
when the hit took place," he
Red Neck Mafia Terrorizes Campus
added.
Hoff further pointed out
that the killers had cut his hair
into a "butch" and combed it
with Mazola oil while also
painting white socks onto his
feet which may have had some
sort of symbolic meaning to this
group.
This now famous Saturday
night disturbance took the lives
of several UNCC students who
Call Pest
THE CONFESSION LINE
Call Pest serves the community In such a way
that the community has no desire to survive any
longer. If you have a pressing problem, call the
confession line at 375-0086 when you get the urqe
to rap, man.
Today's
Prayer
ON THE INSIDE
Hail Mary, full of grace, the
Lord is with thee. Blessed art
Thou amongst women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of
God, pray for us sinners, now,
end at the hour of our death.
.Amen.
Culture
Dear Gabby
Departments
Editorials
Micro Page
3B
2B
2A
3A
5-8X
Personal Crap 1B
Society 2B
according to Hoff, were
peacefully making "Remember
George McGovern" posters. The
survivor intimated that he was
left for dead and had spent
much time searching for a
security officer till he realized it
was Sunday afternoon. "I knew
I would find him in the
University Center television
lounge," said Hoff who reported
that at least six students, nearly
half the UNCC weekend
population, had been killed.
"We tried to fend them off
with anything available to
throw," said Hoff when pressed
for further comment, "but their
"Wallace for President"- buttons
protected them too well." He
continued, "it was horrible what
they did to us after tying our
hands and taping our mouths
with "Spiro in '76" bumper
stickers. Worse than that, they
forced us to say things like
"Nixon's the One" and "Jesse
Helms is our Hero," but it was
the Lester Maddox ax handle
beatings that finished the others
off."
Hoff agreed that the Red
Neck Mafia may never be
stopped on campus. "A parking
ticket just won't scare them
away," he said.
Q. My 28 year old son just loves Bobo the clown. He rushes home
everyday from the bank where he works to watch him. I was
wondering if there was any way for him to meet Bobo since he is too
old to go on his show?—B.N.
A. We called the television station and found out that Bobo's real name
is Al Farnsenberner. We called Farnsenberner at his home and found
that he only does the Bobo show as a hobby. His actual occupation is
as President of the Bank where your son works. We explained what we
wanted and his reply was, "Tell the little bastard he is fired. "
Q. I live in a house with a small yard. I want to plant marijuana, poppy
and some other things. Can you tell me if these plants can be grown so
close together?
A. You can grow any variety of plant you want as closely as you want.
Occassionally crossing will take place that would result in hybrid seed,
if that happens, our expert tells us to plant the seed and see what
happens. You may have a fortune in your hands.
Q. My son attends a local junior high school. Its been more than four
months since school started and he still has had no sex education book.
Her grades and ignorance are beginning to show the lack of the books.
What in hell can i do?-A.S.
A. We called the school and were told to contact the County
Educational Center. We called the Educational Center who, after
referring us to four different people, referred us to the teacher. The
teacher told us to talk to—well the list is too long to reprint here. We
finally gave up and suggest to you to relieve your daughter of her
ignorance by teaching her yourself.
Q. I am writing on behalf of the OBICWLTC (Old Biddies in Charlotte
who like to complain). There is a shopping center in the South section
of Charlotte that is just plagued by HIPPIES! Is there something that
we can do as a group to get rid of these insolent people?—M.T.F.
A. The only thing you can do is picket and then someone would
probably write about a bunch of old ladles who have taken over a local
shopping center singlehandedly with their girdles streaming across the
parking lot.
Q. Our church would like to have a love-in and we want to know what
the legalities of such an activity are?—B.G.
A. Love-ins are perfectly legal. We here at the Blues would be
interested in joining you. We haven't been praying enough as it is
lately, either.
Hoff simulates position of Red Neck Mafia victims. Note the white
sock fetish of the killers when ritualisticaliy preparing their victims.
Who Writes the Headlines
I bet each of you has been
wondering how the headlines
get on the paper. Why do they
always seem to fit? Whyare
they always so good? Well, I will
attempt to answer these
questions in this week's column.
The other night I received a
phone call from an irate reader.
I asked the caller to hold on
while I got a pad andpencil (I
did not really need a pad and
pencil, this simply allowed her
to calm down). As I returned,
she said me her problem.
"The headline you usedon
the article concerning Richard
Nixon's resignation speech read
NIXON BOWS OUT
GRACEFULLY. You know d-n
well that THANK GOD
NIXON'S FINALLY GONE
would have been a much better
headline for the article and
would have filled the space
more efficiently."
With that, she hung up the
phone. Standing in my barren
kitchen (all we newspaper
reporters are poor) I thought
about just who did write the
headlines. Then it hit me. I
would tell the readers of my
column, "Looking at Crust,'
who writes the headlines, since
every reader wants to know.
Three days passed before I
could find time to work on the
article. I was busy teaching my
classes at UNCC and Queen's
College, where one person asked
me again who wrote the
headlines.
Back in the office theday
before the story on the
headlines was due, I decided to
sit down and write the article.
Finally, I decided to find out
who wrote the headlines. No
one wanted to claim them.
I guesswe are all pretty modest
people here at the Blues.
Well, since no one else
would take the credit, I decided
to. Its really not difficult to
make the headlines, only its
tediousgettlng the things to stay
on the layout sheets (Stay with
the Blues. In a later column, I
will explain the process of
layout.). I do them, so I guess, I
must except the praise.
As for the headline
concerning Richard Nixon, 1*
thought it was perfect. We in
Charlotte do not care how the
man left, only that he will
someday be a great institution
Looking
at Crust
by Rob Barcart
in American history.
Any experienced journalist
(I have 17 years experience,
eleven with the Oklahoma City
Times and six with the
Charlotte Blues) could tel! you
that this amateur's headline just
would not cut it here in the
profession.
We are always in a hurry
when writing the headlines,thus
many of them may appear to be
bad, but actually much time and
thought has been put into each
of them. The average reader just
does not understand what goes
on behind the scenes at a
newspaper-what makes it tick.
That is why I write this column
every week. Now you can amaze
your friends by telling them
who writes the headlines.