rrr.LisiiKD in concord.-
foNTAlXS MORE READING
MATTER Til AX ANY OTHER
1-Al'KK IN THIS SECTION.
rC0Pl.E AXD SrBJECTS, AS SEEN
AI TALKEU ABOl'T IN OtR
EXf 1IAXGEM, GET ADDITIONAL
reeling' Himself Out f BnKr, th
Editors Make Km Commtnli
How many people attend church
merely to see ?
That Dr. Grissom was hunting for
Pr. Rogers is a mistake.
Prone bees die at the age of four
mouths. Human drones are alwa; 6
: is a trust on barbel wire,
it - notrrnw ! They'll 't.vAIe a
South Carolina grants no divorce.
When they get tired of each other
the State says " hold on."
Tanner, tanneration and tannerize
will probably find their way into the
dictionary. At any rate they are
quite significant terms.
There are over 3,000 spoken lan
goages in the world, and out of all
humanity you can't find one man
that uses a single one correctly.
The freest and cheapest thiug on
earth is advice. If humanity would
receiTe it all and act upon it what a
miserable world this would be !
When one man kills another is he
more of a murderer than when one
hundred or more men, in defiance of
law, society and church, join in and
put to death a man ?
The Americans have a sore weak,
neti of meeting trains and calling
out for some distinguished sou who
harpens to be on board all for a
speech. Sometimes it is not so.
A scientist says that in ten year3
the English sparrows will do more
damage than is done by all the rats,
cut-worms, crows, blackbirds, rab
bits, hawks, fleas, moths or floods.
Xow is this not awful !
Tossibly nothing has ever occur
red that received the benefit of so
much exaggeration as the Johnstown
flood. They have the number of
lives lost down to about 2,800.
Things don't increase every time.
A bishop up in Pittsburg advises
young ministers not to read newspa
papers. That bishop ought to be
bottled and exhibited through the
country. It help3 young preachers
to learn something about the world,
a condition that all are not guilty of.
It is said from " way back " that
it is not prudent " to eat a big sup
per." Why is it that a baby sleeps
so well after its stomach ha9 been
chocked full ? Personally we have
not observed it, bat those that have
"got there " say this is the way the
Th United States uses about
300,200,000 pounds of soap annually,
or an average of 5i pounds to each
man, woman and child. "We lead
the world. Probably Ohio and Vir
ginia will make it necessary to raise
these figures. It takes a lot of soap
to clean up the dirt and filth that
I'oraker and Mahone make.
A lady physician asserts that it is
injurious to the spines of children
to " spank " them. We know but
little about the spines of children,
bt it strikes us that that doctor
knows a mighty little about the
"usual way of whipping children."
At any rate, if the mothers of this
country would let up on this impor
tant and useful feature of household
duties for about twenty years there
would bo a big demand for hemp.
What's the matter? In Burke
county a white man, against whom
there was but little evidence, was
lynched; in Davidson county a man
fchot his mother-in-law and the offi
cers promised to protect him, but he
a? lynched; in Marion a fellow
ehoots another down in the dark in
edd blood and the jury acquits him
nd the audience, applauds ; in Ra
k'fih an ex-priest wa3 tried for his
convicted and sentenced to be
hangedthis some say is unwar
ranted by the testimony. Is it not
tln,e that these things arc receiving
toore earnest and sober thought?
j'.vneh law is wrong ! Let the man
hood of the State and the press stem
tide of this awful and dangerous
VOL. II. NO. 41.
TUE" OLD PRESSMAN.
Edward A. Oldham, In Drake's Magazine.
Yas, bos9, dey'B got de power-press, en
gine en b'iler, too,
En' in de twinkle ob yer eye, dey run9 de
De ole han'-press dey's sot eriide, dey sez
hit wor too slow,
En' now dia nigger's los' er job, en' don't
stan' any show.
Ilit kinder mecks me sorter sad" ter see
dat ole Tr.ercheen . '
Er h'isted out de way bcraze hit ain't so
new an' clean.
Dat press en' me wuz monstrous friends,
we know'd each udder well,
' En' ef hit had er tongue ter talk dar's
many er tale 'twould tell.
I ax iio nigger any odds dat eber pulled
Case I could work de f risked boss, so fas'
yer couldn't re9 !
En' as de sweat roll down mer face, I'd
open mer mouf en' sing
Dem good ole songs ob slabery days, dat
pie-time membrance bring.
'Bout twenty years afo' de war ole mars
ter bought that press,
En' eb'ry week 'twixt den en' now hit's
done hits level bes',
'Cep' one week in de winter time dis nig
ger wuzn't dar.
"En' whar wux I dat time?" yo' ax.
Wall, boss, Til tell yo' whar.
Yo' see dat clump o' pines out dar, jes'
fore yo' gits ter town ?
Dar's whar I wuz dat wintry day, en
dat's de buryin' groun';
Twuz Patsy, mer old oman, sar, wid
hands crossed on her breast,
En dats de only time I knowd she eber
stopped ter rest.
Tonain Sally Dillard."
RICHEST NORTH CAROLINA SKETCH
A beardless disciple of Themis
rises, and thus addresses the court :
May it please your Worships, and
you, Gentlemen of the Jury, since it
has been my fortune (good or bad, I
will not say) to exercise myself itf
legal disquisitions, it has never be
fallen mc to be obliged to prosecute
so direful, marked and malicous an
assault a more willful, violent, dan
gerous battery and finally, a more
diabolical breach of the peace, has
seldom happened in a civilized coun
try ; and I dare aay it has seldom
been your duty to pass npon one so
shocking to benevolent feelings, as
this which took place over at Cap
tain Rice's, in this county. But yon
will hear from the witnesses.
The witness being sworn, two or
three were examined and deposed.
One said that he heard the noise, and
did not see the fight ; another that
he saw the row, but didn't know who
struck first; and a third that he was
very drunk, and couldn't say much
about the skrimmage.
Lawyer chops : I am sorry, gentle
men, to have occupied your time
with the stupidity of the witness
examined. It arises, gentlemen, al
together from misapprehension on
my part. Had I known, as now I do,
that I had a witness in attendance
who is well acquainted with all' the
circumstances of the case, and who
was able to make himself clearly
understood by the court and jury,
I should not so long have tresspassed
on your time and patience. Come
forward, Mr. Harris, and be sworn.
So forward comes the witness, a
fat, shuffy old man, a " leetle" cor
ned, and took his oath with an air.
Chops: Harris, we wish you to
tell all about the riot that happened
the other day at Captain Rice's ; and
as a good deal of time has already
been wasted in circumlocution, we
wish you to be compendious, and at
the same time as explicit as possible.
Harris : Adzactly (giving the law
yer a knowing wink, and at the same
time clearing his throat). Captain
Rice, he gin a treat, and cousin Sally
Dillard, she came over to our house
and axed me if my wife she moutn't
go. I told cousin Sally Dilliard that
my wife was poorly, being as how
she had ; a touch of the rheumatics
in the hip, and the big swamp was
in the road, and the big swamp was
up, for there had been a heap of rain
lately ; but howsomever, as it was
she, cousin Sally Dillard, my wife
she mout go. Well, cousin Sally
Dilliard then axed me if Mosc he
moutn't go. I told cousin Sail Dil
lard that Mose he was the foreman
of the crap, and the crap was smartly
in the grass ; but howsomever, as it
was she, cousin Sally Dilliard, Mose
he motit go-
Chops: Tu the name of common
sense, Mr. Harris, whot do you mean
by this rigmarole ?
Witness : Captain Rice, he gin a
treat, and cousin Sally Dilliard she
came over to our house and axed me
if my wife she moutn't go ? I told
cousin Sally Dilliard
Chops: Stop, sir, if you please;
we don't want to hear anything
about your cousin Sally Dillard and
your wife. Tell us about the fight
Witness: Well, I will sir, if you
will let me.
Chops : Well, sir, go on.
Witness : Well, sir, Captain Rice
I he gin a treat, and cousin Sally Dil-
laru sue came over to our house and
axed me if my wife she moutn't
Chops : There it is again. Wit-
pees, pleiise to stop.
Witness: Well, sir, what do you
Chops: We want you to tell
about the fight, and you must not
proceed in this impertinent story.
Do you know anything about the
matter before the court ?
Witness : To b sure I do.
Chops : Well, go on and tell it,
and nothing else.
Witness: Well, Captain Rice lie
gin a treat
Chops : This is intolerable. May
it please the Court, I move that this
witness be committed for a contempt;
he eeeni3 to be trifling with this
Court: Witness, you are now be
fore a court, of justice, and unless
you behave yourself in a more be
coming manner, you will be sent to
jail ; so begin and tell uswhat you
know about the fight at Captain
Witness, alarmed Well, gentle
men, Captain Rice, he gin a treat,
and cousin Sally Dillard
Chops : I hope the witness may be
ordered into custody.
Court after deliberating: Mr,
Attorney, the Court is of the opin
ion that we may save time by telling
witness to go in his own way. Pro
ceed, Mr. Harris, with your story,
but stick to the point
Witness : Yes, gentlemen. Well,
Captain Rice, begin a treat and cou
sin Sally Dillard she came over to
our house and axed me if my wife
she mout go? I told cousin Sally
Dillard that my wife she was poorly,
being as how she had the rheumatics
in the hip, and the big swamp was
up ; but howsomever, as it was she,
cousin Sally Dillard, my wife she
mout go. Well, cousin Sally Dil
lard . then axed me if Mose he
moutn't go. I told cousin Sally
Dillard as how Mose he was the
foreman of the crap, and the crap
was 6martly in the grass but how
somever, as it was she, cousin Sally
Dillard, Mose he mout go. So they
goes on together Mos?, my wife, and
cousin Sally Dillard, and they come
to the big swamp, and it was up, as
I was telling you ; but being as how
there was a log across the big swamp,
cousin Sally Dillard and Mose, like
genteel folks, they walked the log;
but my wife, like a darned fool,
hoisted her coats and waded through.
And that's all I know about the
Identifying" Mr. Johnson.
New York Sun.
"Is there a Mr. Johnson in this
car ?" call the conductor, as he en
tered a coach on a Lehigh Valley
Train and held up a telegram to
"There is !" replied three men in
chorus, as they rose up.
"But this dispatch is for John
"That's me!" replied two of them
while the third looked relieved and
"Which of you is married ?" con
tinued the conductor.
"I am !" both answered.
"Well, I think this dispatch re
lates to the birth of twins at home,
and is congratulatory."
"That lets me out, thank heaven !"
exclaimed one Johnson, as he sat
down to wipe his brow, while the
other flushed red and white for a
moment, and the received the dis
A Joke on the Doctors.
People like to joke about doctors
until they get sick, and then they
change their tune. But not so with
a certain old lady, ninety years old,
who recently died in Fontainebleau,
in France. Her will contained this
" I leave to my physician, whose
enlightened care and wise prescrip
tions have made me live so long, all
that is contained in the old oaken
chest that is in my boudoir." " The
heirs were much distressed, for they
foresaw a material diminution of
their share of the property. The
fortunate and expectant physician
at length arrived- The notary deliv
ered to him the key to the chest It
was opened, and found to contain
solely all the drugs and potions, still
intact, which the worthy physician
had given his patient for twenty
When young men and old ones too,
go out to sow their wild oats they
usually mix a little old rye m also.
CONCORD, N. C, FRIIAY. OCTOBER 25,
Letter from Booth America.
MOLIKO DEL CaRCARANA,
Province de Santa Fe,
September 1st, 1889.
Messrs. Editors :
Will you be kind enough to allow
me space in your valuable paper for
a short letter from this far-off coun
try? I have been solicited both
by The Standard and numerous
friends to write articles for your
paper, but lack of time always
seemed to be the object in the way.
I shall make one effort ; if I fail I
shall try again. I am at a loss as to
how to begin. In this glorious Re.
public everything is done in a differ
ent way from what it is done at
home."' The laws are different, a"ud
the customs of the people are dif
ferent, and there is a general differ
ence all around. But, however, we
must get accustomed to these dif
ferences, and to do so you must fall
into the customs of the country as
soon as you can, and, once used to
them, you do not think them so bad.
As the old adage goes, " When you
are in Rome do as Rome does." I
say, do as Rome does to a certain
extent Rome had some very bad
customs, but we shall say no more
about Rome, as it is too ancient, and
I think everything has been said
about it that could be said, both good,
bad and indifferent. So I shall con
fine this article to the little town of
Carcarana, in which I live.
Its population is chiefly composed
of natives, and numbers about one
thousand five hundred souls. We
have natives, Italians, Germans,
Swiss, English and a few pilgrims
from North America. The biggest
institution is the Molino del Carca
rana, which does a business of about
two millions of dollars per year ; not
so bad for a frontier town. The
next is a creamery of considerable
magnitude, owned by one of the
partners of the mill, which handles
eight tons of milk per day. I shall
give more details further on about
Probably this town has not the
boom that Concord has, but she will
get there all the same. I think we
can boast of having one of the finest
residences in this Province, and is an
ornament to the town. The actual
cost is $200,000. We have many
residences costing from $10,000 to
$25,000. The next thing is stores
andsaloons. Of the former we hare
only three and of the latter we have
thirty-nine. As a rule the natives
are not inclined to be drunkards.
When they go to a saloon it is to all
take a glass of wine or caiva (native
liquor) and take a sip, and all pass
out on the sidewalk and have a long
talk, and then go back and have an
other talk. Once and awhile you see
one drunk and disorderly, but this is
the exception not the rule. The na
tive is not a lazy being, but I think
he has been born tired and has never
got rested. I have often thought he
must have had some lessons from our
The next thing is the dogs. All
the dogs which I ever saw in my life
put together would not equal the
number in this town. I will vouch
that there are more dogs by five hun
dred in this town than there are
human beings. In the summer time
it is a caution to go up town at night
and see the big yellow ones lying on
the sidewalk as though they owned
the town. The best place is in the
middle of the street in this case.
I mentioned that I would give you
something more about the creamery.
In this article I will give the Cabar
rus dairymen some idea of a native
dairyman of this country. It would
be quite a novelty to see how the
thing is done. First a man goes out
on horseback and lassoes a cow,
brings her up and fastens her to a
post. The next thing to be done is
to fasten her legs with a strap ; then
the native sits down and milks more
or less, (generally less) with the cow
flouncing about like a wild animal,
and then another is brought up and
so on. I will state -j how churn
ing was down in ( . htrv up to
within a quarter of a century. A
man living out in the country who
made butter to sell never thought of
a churn. He took a nisr skin and
sewed it up, and put his cream into
it, tied a long rope to it and then
tied the other end to the hern of his
saddle and sneaked it into town, and
when he got there he had his butter
all churned. lie then dished it out
to his customers with a spoon. Now
all who think this is an Arabian
nights story can take passage down
here and see for himself.
As I receive many papers from
theJUnited States I see many articles
about spiritualists, faith cures and
temperance advocaters,I cannot help
hut think this country offers un
paralleled inducements to specialists
iri any one of these different hobbies.
In the first two cases the people are
just about ignorant and superstitious
enough to make good subjects. In
the other case the question is not
worn threadbare, as a temperance
lecture has never been heard of in
this country; hence an earnest ad
vocate of the cause would likely
make a ten strike with the first ball.
Probably in fifty years a temperance
party may spring up. Quina Saba !
At this writing we are just emerg
ing into beautiful spring. Peach
blooms and . gardening is the order
of the day. Wheat is looking fine
for the season of the year. Harvest
will be on hand in December. All
jr.sh.eat is worth 2.25 per bushel,
flour sells at $20; patent, $18; ba
ker's, $17 low grade. Gold is at a
premium of $1.85.
I will write once and awhile for
your paper. Yours truly,
G. T. Crowell,
Heigho ! What's this ? Spell and
see. T-h-e R-a-l-e-i-g-h S-i-g-n-a-1.
The Ralegh Signal! Yes. Well,
turn it over. Who's the editor ? J.
C. L. Harris. Who, Loge ? Yes,
Loge. Why, ain't he the same fel
low that nsed to run it ? The very
same. And he stopped his paper as
soon as Harrison was inaugurated
and went to running after the Pres
ident trying to get a Government
positisn ? Exactly. And he wanted
to be first one thing and then
another? Just so. And didn't he
get in the nest at all ? Didn't even
get a feather. TJmph ! Well, what's
he up to now ? Trying to get the
North Carolina Rads to take care of
him until there is another Republi
can administration, and then try his
hand on the Government again.
What's Loge going to give 'em to
take care of him ? Oh, he'll send
them a dirty, grumbling sheet once
a week. He will, eh ? What's this
first one got to say ? Says "the Sig
nal is not to be an administration
paper." Guess not, when it wouldn't
give him anything. "It will not be
blind to the mistakes of President
Harrison." Precisely, and he thinks
the biggest mistake the President
made was iu not giving him the
Raleigh Postoffice. Go on. "We
shall approve that which conforms
to our judgment, and shall criticise
or condemn that which our judg
nent disapproves." He is getting
tigh there. Of course he don't ap
prove anything now that th6 Presi
dent has "sat down on him." What
ese? "We wear no man's collar."
Vhatl Harrison didn't even give
Lim a few old collars ? Guess they
are too large. Poor Loge, he got
ltft bad. Good day. I'll call again.
A Wonderful Press.
Y. Cor. Orphans Friend.
With all the material progress
vhich has been made in this age of
libor-saving and wonderful devices,
I doubt if there is any other ma
chine which has been brought to
greater perfection than the printing
rress. I am led to this remark by
the fact that a most"wonderf ul spe
cimen of the printing press has just
been completed for one of the lead
ing papers in this city. In order to
convey an idea of its perfection and
superiority it may be proper to state,
for the benefit of those not in the
printing line, that all newspapers of
large circulation are now printed
from stereotype plates on presses
vhich are fed by one continuous roll
cf paper. These presses are called
the 'perfecting' or "web" press, in
contradistinction to the slower ones,
which are called "cylinder." They
print both sides of the paper at once,
the web going over one set of plates
end under another set They are
intended for rapid work rather than
fine. They are unfitted for printing
illustrations except of a very rough
kind. The fine work, such as is
done on Harper's Weekly or Frank
Leslie's must be done from copper-
faced electrotypes on cylinder presses.
An ordinary "cylinder" press will
print about 1,200 or 1,500 copies an
hour; a "web" press will print as
many thousand in the same length
of time. This much being under
stood, an idea can now be given of
the superiority of the new press
above referred to. It is fed from
three rolls of paper all at once, re
quires forty-eight plates (each the
size of a page) and prints 180,000
four-page papers an hour. Each
copy is cut, pasted and folded, and
the machine will print a paper of
any size from two to forty-eight
pages. It is twenty-three feet long
and ten feet wide, and cost the snug
fortune of $100,000.
A new lens will show 1-204,700,000
of an inch.
Very few English novel-writers
are better known on this side of the
Atlantic Ocean than Mrs. Alexander,
and we dare say our lady readers will
be pleased to see the portrait of one
who so often has given them pleas
ure. Alexander is only a nom de
plume assumed by her before she
was sure of her literary success.
Her real name is Mrs. W. Hector.
She is already a middle-aged lady,
with a rather heavy face, and looks
more like a good, homely housewife
than a woman who is able to draw
upon her imagination for any amount
of difficult characters such as we
find in her novels. Her most suc
cessful works of fiction are "Her
Dearest Foe," " The Wooing O. T."
and " Ralph Wilton's Heir."
Birds at Sea.
Sir Edwin Arnold, in an account
of his voyage to America, which'ap
pears in the London Daily Tele
graph, says: "Every day we see
playing round the ship and skim
ming up and down the wave hollows
companies of lovely littlo terns and
sea swallows, the latter no larger
than thrushes. These fearless peo
ple of the waste have not by any
means followed us from the land,
living, as gulls often will, on the
waste thrown from the vessel. They
are vague and casual roamers of the
ocean, who, spying the great steam
ship from afar, have sailed close np,
to see if we are a rock or an island,
and will then skim away again on
their cwn free and boundless busi
ness. Yonder tiny bird, with pur
pie and green plumage, his little
breast and neck laced with silver, is
distant 1,000 miles at this moment
from a drop of fresh water, and yet
cares no more for that fact than did
the Irish squire who 'lived twelve
miles from a lemon.' If his wings
ever grow weary, it is but to settle
quietly on the bosom of a great bil
low and suffer it for a time to rock
and roll him amid the hissing spind
rift, the milky flying foam, and the
broken sea-lace which foams and
gleams, and disappears again upon
the dark slopes. When he pleases,
a stroke of the small red foot and a
beat of the wonderful wing launch
him off from the jagged edge of his
billow, and he flirts past us at 100
knots an hour, laughing steam and
canvas to scorn, and steering for
some nameless crag in Labrador or
Fundy, or bound, it may be, home
ward for some island or marsh of
the far-away Irish coast Marvel
ously expressive of power as is our
untiring engine, which all day and
night throbs and pants and pulses
in noisy rythm under the deck, what
a clumsy, imperfect affair it is com
pared to the dainty plumes and del
icate muscles which will carry that
pretty, fearless sea-swallow back to
his roost 1"
Sot Generally Known.
A New York paper states that
Tammany Hall offered to make ex
President Cleveland its candidate
for Congress in the ninth district of
that city to succeed the late Hon.
S. S. Cox, but that Mr. Cleveland de
clined. This suggests some facts
which may be new to our readers.
Mr. Cleveland is not a resident of
the ninth Congressional district of
New York, and neither was Mr. Cox
who represented it. It is our im
pression that Mr. Randall is not a
citizen of the Philadelphia district
which he represents in the House.
There is no requirement in the con
stitution that a congressman must
reside in the district from which he
is elected. He must live in the
State, but other than this there is no
requirement as to residence. It is not
at all uncommon in the North, we
think, and particularly in the cities,
for a member of Congress to live in
one district and represent another.
A short time ago a lady, the first
of her sex, graduated in medicine in
Mexico. As an appropriate compli
ment her fellow-students of the
other sex got up an amateur bull
fight in honor of the occasion.
WHOLE NO. 93.
Doctor's Bill In Cblna.
We have hardly begun to realize
how'much we have yet to learn from
the Chinese in science and general
economy. Chinese economy, even to
the hgures written on a laundry
package, often works backhanded,
on the theory that the converse of
every great truth must itself be true,
But the inverted method is often the
soundest .. We Occidentals only pay
our doctors when we are Bick, and
sometimes not even then. The Ce
lestial method, as shown by the ex
ample of the emperor of China, is to
pay the doctor only when he is well.
As soon as the emperor is sick, it is
a notification to his physicians that
their salary is cut off till he is ter-
fectly well again. The passionate
zeal with which the regulators go to
work to get his majesty back where
their salaries will begin. ia some
thing astounding. The result is that
the emperor is about the healthiest
man standing on this planet, and his
physicians seldom lose adav's salarv
With ns, unfortunately, our inter
ests and those of our physicians are
diametrically opposed. Were the
latter to act on purely business rrin
ciples, and adopt the well-worn
motto that "business is business.
we should none of us see a well dav
from January to December. The
Chinese method is worth studying.
We recommend a statute providing
that all regular physicians shall be
compelled to practice on the Chinese
plan, which has worked such mar
velous results in the land of Wun
Origin of Lynch Law.
It is not generally known that the
term "lynch law" originated in
Campbell county, Va., before the
revolutionary war. At that period
the country was thinly settled and
was infested with tories and despera
does too many of them, apparently,
for the local authorities to adequately
punish. Col. Charles Lynch, a dis
tinguished officer of the revolution
ary army, undertook to rid his coun
try of the outlaws. He organized a
force, arrested the outlaws, and hav
ing satisfied himself and comrads of
the guilt of the accused, executed
them without reference to the con
stituted authorities. While not al
together approving of a desperate
remedy for a desperate cause, the
beneficial effect of Col. Lynch's ac
tion was recognized, and has since
been known as "Lynch's law," or
" Lynch law." Col. Lynch's brother
gave his name to Lynchburg, and
left a son who was subsequently
Governor of Louisiana.
'He Kissed He."
Here is an educational incident:
A girl being told to parse the sen
tence "He kissed me," consented re
luctantly, because opposed to speak
ing of private affairs in public
"He," she commenced, with unnec
essary emphasis, and a fond linger
gering over the word that brought
crimson to her cheeks, "is a pronoun,
third person, singular number, mas
culine gender; a gentleman pretty
well fixed ; universally considered a
good catch. Kiss is a verb, transi
tive too much so ; regular every
evening; indicative mood indicat
ing affection; first and thiid per
sons, plural number and governed
by circumstances. Me oh, every
body knows - me," and down she
Drinking Before Breakfast.
Professor Leuf says : In the morning
the stomach contains a considerable
quantity of mucus spread over and
adherent to its walls. If food enters
at this time, the tenacious mucus
will interfere to some extent with
the direct contact between the food
and the stomach necessary to provoke
the secretion of gastric juice. A
glass of water taken before breakfast
passes through the stomach into the
small intestines in a continuous and
uninterrupted flow; it partly dis
tends the stomach, stretching and
to some extent obliterating the ruga? ,
it thins and washes out most of the
tenacious mucus; it increases the
fullness of the capillaries of the
stomach, directly if the water is
warm and indirectly in a reactionary
way if it is cold ; it causes peristal
sis of the alimentary track, wakes it
up (so to speak), and gives it a morn
ing exercise and washing. Care
must be taken not to give cold water
when the circulation, either local or
general, is so feeble as to make reac
tion improbable. We should not risk
it iu advanced age nor in the feeble,
whether young or old, nor should it
be given in local troubles like chronic
gastric catarrh. In these cases it is
best to give warm or hot water. The
addition of salt is very beneficial.
WE DO ALL KINDS OF
NEATEST MA NNElt
THE LOWEST - RATES.
FCLL OF LIFE.
Read Them. Tney Will Do Ton Good
And Make Ton Grow.
The amateur photographer has
very taking ways.
Nothing will sooner make a per
son hot as cold treatment
The man who resolves to quit
drinking must be in sober earnest
When a man "gives himself away"
he naturally loses his self-possession.
Like many a young man, nature
begins her fall by painting things
It is very difficult to find a key to
success that will work without a
Many who teach the young idea
how to shoot, apparently don't know
that if s loaded. '
There is no full stop to the fur
nace in cold weather. It always re
quires the colon.
The woman who declares she
wouldn't marry thebest'man on earth
often pibks out one of the worst
The Pan-American 8 are holding
their congress now, but the congress
of hard pan Americans is always In
An absolute vacuum has never
been attained. It can exist only in
The watch trust is said to be
breaking np. It is time. A great
many other trusts, by the way, need
If we didn't have any rent to pay,
and didn't need to eat anything in
this world, what fine clothes we all
might wear !
Smokeless powder is all"right,but
the ends of science will not be achie
ved until some one produces a smoke
Marry your sweetheart on her
birthday, if you can, young man.
It will save you money every year in
" Wives should never conceal any
thing from their husbands." says a
writer. But women will persist in
having pockets in their dresses.
There are heavy-weight champi
ons and light-weight champions, but
no one has yet succeeded in beating
the grocer in the short-weight class.
"You seem at home here," re
marked a man at the postoffice to the
postmaster. " Yes," replied the lat
ter, " this is my stamping ground."
"The City of Paris, I hear, con
sumes more coal than any other
ship." Jones" That's a mistake."
Smith--" What ship beats it, then ?"
J ones "Courtship."
Trusts, just now, are being
squeezed. This is one reason why,
in despite of pessimistic warnings,
the average young man continues to
put his trust in lovely woman.
You cannot always tell by the size
of the number of a man's check how
rich he is. It isn't what he draws
out of the bank, but what he lets
stay in, that may interest his credit
Mr. Closeball "Do you .know
that I've induced Mr. Closehall to
give up cigars ?" Dovetail" Really?
Why, I've known him for ten years
and I never saw-him give up one
He was innocent " Uncle Rastus,
were the chickens you stole last
night fat ?" " De man wat says I
stole 'em breaks the truf all up.
Dey wuz de poorest fowls I eber saw,
" What are you doing now, Gus ?"
said one young man about town to
another. "Oh, I write for a living."
"On the daily press?" "No; I
write to father about twice a month
for a remittance."
Mrs. Pancake (to tramp) "Well,
what do you want ?" Tramp " Here
mum, is der pie I etol off yer win
dow yesterday. There may be two
or three teeth stickin' in it, but oth
erwise 'tain't hurt any."
Wife " James, do you know that
you are a very small man ?" Hus
band " How ridiculous ! I am near
ly six feet in height." Wife" That
makes no difference ; whenever I ask
you for money to go shopping you
are always short"
Gratitude Mr. Brown, (to stran
ger who has saved him from drown
ing) "My dear, good friend, I'll
never forget you as long as I live !
Come up to my store aud get some
nice, clean, dry clothes ; I'll let you
have them as cheap as anybody."
Family physician" Nothing will
do your daughter any good unless
she controls her appetite for sweets
and rich dishes. She must live on
the plainest food, and very little of
it, for months." Mother "Very
well, I'll send her to the boarding
school I nsed to attend."