THE DANBURY REPORTER-POST.
VOLUME XIV.
Reporter and Post.
PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT
DANBURY. N. C.
PICPPER A SON 3, Pubs, tr Props
RATES er it'isniiprio* i
Cm Year, paoakle In adTance, •l-JJJj
■U Month
HATHA or *BVEETISI*«'
OH tonare (ten linen or lena) 1 time tl 00
Feruch aUnltlenal ImerUon, w
Onmcb tot longer tlm« or more .pace ean be
made In proportion to the ahuve ratee. ,
TVUMIM! advertiser* will he ei|>«ct«l to remit
•JESStoIhSSTates at the ih.j aen,t
"St U NVUcaa «11l be threat, higher
&s««ht U~*d.tT.n Dollar.
pwSitiium.
L-Hr ' ~
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
ROBERT D. GILMER,
Attorney and Counsellor,
MT. AIRY, N. C.
practices in the eoarts of SUIT}-, Stokes,
Yadkin and Alleghany.
W\F. GARTER,
jtTTO£X'Br-&T-liS w *
KT. AIRY, SORRY CO., N. O
Practices wherever his services are wanted
R. L. lIAYMORE,
attorn ey at law
Mt Airy. N. G.
Special attention given to the collection of
elalms. l ~ lim
B. F. KING,
WITH
JOHNSON, SUTTON ? CO.,
PRY GOODS,
KM- *1 atoU 39 South Sharp, Street,
T. W. JOHPSON, R- *• SUTCOW.
J. ■. R. ORABBE, O. J- JOHNSON.
VT DAT, ALBERT JONES.
Say & Jq»@Sp
manufacturers ot
gADIHJtRY,HARNESS, COLLARS,TRUNK
No. JM W. Baltimore .treet, Baltimore, Jlu.
A. Tocker, H.C.Smith, U.S. Snaggles
~!©~
A wholesale Dealer. In
HOOT B, WOKS, HATS AND CAPB.
He. MO Baltimore Street, Baltimore, JM.
S.jT* tt. X. BEST,
WITH
Henry Sonneborn $ Co.,
, WHOLESALE CLOTHIERS.
aa taasvir St., (between German A L*mb«rl Bt»>
ISALTIMO HE MD.
H. SONNEBORN, B " BLIMLINE
„ W.S.HOBP.ItTSON
S: UCOTVrELL, A. S. w ATKINS.
WatkinS' Cottrell « Co.
Importer, ami Jobbora Of
HABI)W AHE.
1807 Main Street,
RICHMOND, YA.
Agenta tor Falrbank.
Alter Brand Bolting Olota.
BUfht* Putnei, L - a Blair
W. U. MILES,
WITH
STEPHEN PUTNEY# CO.
Wholesale dealcrt in
JBoots, Shoes, and Trunks,
1219 Main Street,
Sept. fWI-em. RICHMOND, FA.
j. n. ABBOTT, or k a.,
with
WIM«0, ELLBTT * CICMP,
RICHMOND, YA.,
Wholesale Dealers la
BOOTH, BHOBS, TBTTWKB, *O.
Prompt attention fail to orders, aad latle
•Ktk» gaeranteed.
JHt-VirfUM SUU4 Pn-n OtdtaepmaUr
■arch, «. "
aoeaaT w. rowsaa. saaaa o. ravto .
R W POWERS * CO.,
WHOLESALS DRUGGISTS,
' Dealer* In
rAIMTfI, OILS, DT«B, VARNISH 88,
Trench and American
WIBDOW QLAbS, PUTTY, tO.
BHOKINO AMD CHBWINQ
010AR8, TOBACCO A BPBCIALTT
ItOS M»«" St., Btohmond. VaJ
A»t*sttsn 16—
J. L. C. BIRD,
WITH
W. D. KVLB & Co.,
IBPCBTKBS AND JOBBIBS OF
T* ft teD WARE. Cntlery.
IRON, NAILS and CARRIAGE GOODS
No. 0 Governor Street,
lUCUMOND.VA.
IfcßHaaaTOEli
SUBSCRIBE FOR
Your County Paper,
-iThe Reporter and Post.i-
OF THIS PEOPLE I FOR THR PEOPLE I
OF THR PEOPLE I FOR THE PEOPLE !
OF TIUB PEOPLE I FOR THE PEOPLE !
OF THR PEOPLE! FOR THE PEOPLE I
ONLY $1.50 A YEAR!
SUBSCRIBE HOW
It is your duty to aid your county
paper. We propose publishing a good
family paper. and solicit from our
friends and from the Democratic psrty
in Stokes and adjoining counties a li
beral support. Make up clubs for us.
Now go to work, and aid an enterprise
devoted to your best interests. Read
the following
NOTICES OF Tns PRESS :
1L REPORTER I'WIT * sound in
poliqy and polities, and deserves a libe
ral support.— Reidrville Weekly.
The Danbury REPORTER AND POST
begins its thirteenth year. It is a good
paper and deserves to live long and livo
well.— Daily Workman.
The Danbury REPORTER AND POST
celebrates its twelfth anniversary, and
with pardonable pride refers to its suo
cess, which it deserves.— Sew and Ob
server.
The Danbury REPORTER AND POST
is twelve years old. It is a good paper
and should be well patronised by the
people of Stokes. It certainly deserves
it.- Salem Press.
For twelve long years the Danbury
REPORTER AND POST has been roughing
it, and still manages to ride the waves
of the journalistic sea. We hope that
it will have plain sailing after awhile.
Lexington Dispatch.
The Danbury REPORTER MID POST
has just passed its 12th anniversary and
nnder the efficient management of broth
er Duggtai oannot foil to increase in
popularity with the people of Stokes and
adjoining counties.— Winston Sentinel
The editorials on political topics are
timely and to the point, and the general
make up of every page shows plainly
the exereiae of much care and pains
taking. Long may U live and flourish
under the present management.—Moun
tain Voice.
The Danbury RXPORTEB AND POST
has entered the thirteenth year of tt« ex
istence, and we congratulate it upon the
prosperity that is manifested through it*
columns. To us it is more than an ac
quaintance, and we regard it almost as a
kinsman.— Leaktvtlle Gazette.
The Danbury REPORTER AND POST
last wwsk oelebrated its twelfth anniver
sary. It is a strong and reliable paper
editorially, it it a good local aad gener
al newspaper aad in all respects a credit
to in town and section. It oaght to be
well patron lied.— Statervitte landmark.
The Danbury KXPOKTER ADD POST
hatjust entered its 18th year. Wt were
one of the orew that launched the RE
PORTER, and feel a d jep interest in its
welfare, and hope that she may drift on
ward with a clear sky and a smooth m
faoe for as many more years.—Caiwt//
A«M.
The Danbury REPORTER AND POST
has oelebratedits 18th anniversary. The
paper is toond in polity and politics,
and deserve* tho htarty support qf the
people of Stokes. It is an excellent
weekly aad we hope to aeait flourish to
the future aa sever before.— Winston
Leader.
The Danbnry REPORTER AND POST
came out last week with a long editorial,
entitled, "Oar Twelth Anniversary"
and reviews its past his toy in a vary
entertaining way. Go on Bro. Pepper
in yonr good work, JOB get np AM of if
not tha best country paper to North
Carolina.— Kenumntte ASMS
That valued exchange, published in
Danbury, N 0., the RXPORTM AND
POST, baa entered npoa its 18th anni
versary. Long say it livt tu tall the
attention of the outside world to tjWM>
ty «Muh is m licta, «n iMOSt, ■ min
erals at any in ft* State of North Car
olina, and to battle far correal pclUwtl
measures. -Danville Timet.
"NOTHING HUCCEEny LIKE SUCCESS,"
DANBURY, N. C., THURSDAY, JULY 2, 1885.
Rosa's Engagement.
BT HELEN FOREST GRAVES.
'Dear me!' said Mr. Pitcher ; 'what
are our gals so dressed up for ? Ain't
It ?'
'Mush, father !' said his,thrifty wife.
expecting company." The
Widow Rollint is coining to wash to
day.'
Ml. Pitcher whistled softly.
,Phew-w !' said he. 'ln my young
day* we didn't hire a woman at seventy
flve cents a day when we had good, stout
arms of our own.'
'Thing* change, father,' laid his wife,
hurriedly.
'Not always for the better, though,'
remarked the good farmer, as ho got
into bis one-horse wagon and drove
.way.
•Dear me,' said Rosa, 'what a start
that gave me "
•Just liko pa !' said Fanny. 'Always
ooming in when wo least expect him !'
'He's oat of the way now,' said Mrs.
Pitcher, peeping oyer the top of tit big
geranium in the window. 'And be
won't be baok until dinner time.'
'Do you suppose he'll be along soon ?'
said llota.
'How is a body to tell ?' retorted
Fanny, rather impatiently.
'Ob, Fanny, I'm afraid !' faltered Ro
sa. 'You take my plaoe, won't you ?
He'll never know that it wasn't you
who wrote tho letter.'
'Rosa, what a child you aro !' said
Fanny, with tho oaltn suporiorty that
belonged to her two years of seuiority.
'Don't you see that it will never do for
you to change your mind now V
1 wonder if he's handsome ?' ob
served Rosa, with a little, excited gig
gle. 'Ma, there's the apple-sxuoe boil
ing over on tho stove! It will be hor
rid to have tho house filled with the
smell of cooking.'
'Burnt apple sauce never yet hurt
anybodysaid Mrs. Pitcher,M alio made
iiLsto tntb tffe kltcoen,"where the Widow"
Rollins was just getting tho clothes into
the blueing water.
•Oh, dear !' said Rosa. '1 am in such
a twitteration ! I almost wish, Fanny,
we hadu't answered that advertisemont.
'lt's too late to think p{ that now,'
said Fanny- 'Thero he oomea this min
ute !'
•Where!' cried Rosa, divided be
tween her extrcmo ouriosity to see tho
man who had advertised for a wife in
the columns of the Fairy lew county
Journal, and the instinct that bado her
flee to tho nearest convenient closet.—
'Ho is handsomo !' whispered she.
'And be has got his valise with bim !'
said Fanny.
•La!' oried Mrs. Pitcher. 'I wonder
if he expects to bo asked to stay V
'lsn't be dressed genteel V said Rosa,
all in a glow with excitoment. 'Ma,
you can go to the door. I feel as if I
couldn't stir a step.' v
The Misses Pitohcr bad, in a way,
taken the thread of fate into their own
hands. In a neighborhood like that of
Fairview Center, where there were at
least five girls to every eligible young
man, they felt that it was noootsary to
bestir themselves in order to get mar
ried.
And thus considering, Rosa, the
younger, h*d boldly answered a matri
monial advertisement.
Mr. Pitoher was kept m ignoranoe.
The girls were morally certain that 'pa'
would disapprove of tbeit new depart
ure—perhaps even go so far aa to for
bid it, ap and down. 'Ma,' on the con
trary, rather liked the romanoe of the
thing.
•If the yonug man is in earnest,' said
she, 'and I can't see any reason why be
shouldn't be, it may be an exoellent
settlement for Rosa.'
At the sound of footsteps on the door
■tone, Fanny fled precipitately, Hosa
sank, panting, on the haircloth sofa, and
Mrs. Pitoher hastened to answer the
knock.
•Does Mr. Pitoher live here ?' said a
toll young man, with sandy hair, a
moustache to match, and pale blue eyes
veiled behind spectacles.
'He does,' faltcringly answered Mrs.
Pitoher. 'Please to walk in. My
daughter is in the parlor.'
•Perhaps,' said the yjung man, hesi
tatingly, *it might be well to explain to
you that I—" "
■No explanations are nccossary,' said
Mrs. Pitoher, growing more and more
lorid. •She quite understands. Please
to walk into the parlor. Toa'll find
her there.'
Rosa, sitting exactly in the centre of
the bait sloth sofa, looked not unlike n
moose in a tiap I
The youug man set down his valise
and bowed stiffly.
'I hope to see you well, miss V said
he.
'Pretty well,' stammered Rosa.
And thero followed an awful silenoe.
Rosa oould have janiped out of the
window if it hadn't been for the big
geranium. She would have taken refugo
through the door if t sho had not been
inwardly certain that Fanny was in
hiding baok of tho binges.
Sho oould not ftp i '' -mlnyMylHta
a draught otaif, fof.d sho vanish
into a crack of tho floor.. So she sat
thero and tremblod. '
Tho young man, sftuf portentously
clearing his throat, begat to unfasten
the buckles of his valfse^
'I liavc something here whioh I should
liko to show you,' said be.
'He has got some credentials as to
character,' thought Rosa : "or perhaps
it is an engagement-ring. Ob, I hope
it's a nice one!'
"Are you fond of oookinjt' said the
young man. 'But 1 needn't ask. Every
New England girl is that "
'1 like it pretty well,' said Ross, muck
marveling at the questiog. 1
•You read a good deal, I suppose V
'Oh, yes !' said Rosa, brightening up
a little.
'Exactly,' said tho young man.
'Well, I have here tbe very thing that
will suit you. Your next neighbor
below—Mrs. Slatterlv—has taken two
oopics of it, and it wa4 she who recom
monded me to call here. A oompiote
cookery book, with all the reoipos in
poetry and illustrated throughout, at
only one dollar a volume. A souvenir
alike worthy of a parlor table or the
kitchon-dresser, or even of a plaoe in a
young lady's boudoir. And as for lit
erary excellence—"
His tongue was unloosened at last;
he was sufficiently now.
Rosa started to her feot.
'Are—are you a book agent V she
ori H. J . w" " T
'That's my business, miss,' acknow
ledged the young man, unwrap
ping several difforently-bouud valuines
of the 'Completo Cookery Book, In
Verse." "Will you do mo the favor to
look at this book ?"
'No, I won't ?' excitedly cried Rosa.
'I only ask a trial, to oonvinee you
tbat—'
'Let me go!' cried Rosa, blindly
rushing to the door. 'I—I am not
well! I think I'm going to faint.'
Tbe book agent picked up his specta
cles, looked blankly at tbe blue, red and
green volumes of his stook in trade,
and began slowly to replaoe them in his
valise
'I don't believe I shall make a trade
here,' said he to himself. 'Tho people
are queer. I hope I haven't got tnto a
private lunatio asylum.'- ■
And he opened the front door and
vralkod out of tbe house, jnst as Rosa
ran sobbing down tho grape vine path
in the baok garden, directly into the
arms of a tall young- giant, who was
coming up from tbe river, with an over*
ooat on his shoulder.
•Rosa,' said he, 'l've oome hero to atk
you to pardon me. It was I that ad
vertised. I did it just for a jokt. But
when you answered it—"
•Jotham Ellet!' cried Roea, nearly
ohokmg with wrath. 'l'll never forgive
yon in this world—never !'
She struggled to escape from his grasp
but in vain.
•Now, Host, dorrtie 2K"
•You will forgive me—you mutt! And
yon shall marry me, too. There! 1
always said I couldn't pluck ap a spirit
to ask any girl to marry me ; but some
how this matter teomt to settle itself.
No, you shall not go till you've said yet.
You're the very girl I've always wan
ted. And yon don't know what a deal
of store 1 shall set by you, Rota,
dear !'
'Don't tell pa about tha advertise
ment, then,' whispered the fast relenting
Rota.
•I won't tell a living soul,' deolared
Jotham.
The book-agent went on hit way,
making tolerably good sales that sultry
July day, while Jotham and Rosa tat
happily under the grapevinea, and the
Widow Rolling hang out the flapping
•beets and towels on the lines, ana
sighed to think of the days when she,
too, was young. And Mr. Pitcher was
wctl pleased when he oame home aad
learned the news of hts daughter's en
gagement.
•Jot Ellet is a goad fellow,' said he.
'Rosa oouldn't do hotter.'
•But it isn't half as rouantie aa 1
thought it was going to be. when Rosa
first answored that advertisement,' said
Fanny sorrowfully, in the seolutton of
the baok kitolicn.
"Patronise Your Own."
A printer stood at the desk of a bus
mess man tbo other day and notiocd
him using letter and bill heads which
he had bought of a New York or Buffalo
house. Said tho printer, who was a
customer : "What would you think of
me if I should go to New York and buy
your line of for myself and fami
ly V The merohant replied : "I would
think you a fool when I know you can
! get tho same goods just as oheqp of me
and also aid a follow-citiien." When
the printer called bis attention to the
imported letter and bill heads, the
morshant coughed and walked up behind
the oounter to wait sn a customer.
And the same merchant just the day
before, asked the printer to give bim a
free puff about his big stock of new
goods ! When bills from tbo paper mill
and type foundry come in and the wages
of employes become due, the printer
thonght of these things. Local bankers,
bakers, dry goods merchants, grocers,
druggists, and other business men
should think of the above facts some
times.— [Norwich (N. Y.) Telegraph.
Hlnhter Jarvln.
Ex-Governor Jarvis, of North Car
olina, was accompanied to the State
Dopartment to receive his credentials
as Minister to Braii!, by Senators Vanoo
and Ransom. When he was about to
be s*orn, the olerk said, as usual :
"Hold up your right hand Governor !"
To wbioh Gov. Jarvis replied. ' Oh,
no ; I oan't do that, for aomo of my
Northern friends, a few years ago, made
that impossible." Then turning to the
Senators of bin State, he said with much
fervor ; "Gentlemen, this is the gran
dest and most magnanimous country on
the face of the earth. Twenty years
ago we were doing our best to destroy
this government, but failed. Now, in
stead of oxpatUtioa or any other pun
ishment, you are Senators of the United i
Htntc, tatul 1 am going abroad u' ait
official representative of onr country at
a foreign court. There is nothing liko
this in history."
Iu (be Bowels of tbe Eiartb.
A few days since two gentlemen living
in the fifth ward were exploring the
caye in Lookout Mountain about three
miles from this city. They had pro
ceeled about Beven miles when they
found themselves in a large chamber,
with a high arched roof. While looking
about the room they wcro horrified to
find a human skolcton lying on a largo
rock. It wae in a perfect state of pre
servation A large number of ourious
shaped beads were found about the
skeleton. They were brought to the
1 city and are on exhibition at Woolson's
Novelty Store. Nothing was found in
the oavo that would indicate the identity
of tbe skeleton.—[Valley Herald.
Artlattc I'alntlnga.
Mr. Bashful—"My daughter is
making surprising progress as an ama
teur artist. Sbt recently painted a
landscape whioh was so real that the
lowing of the oat tie oould be heard dis
tinctly."
Mr. Hashful—"Protty good ; but my
darter Sal kin beat that."
Mr. B.—"What! has your daugh
ter been developing as an embryonio
artist?
tar. H.—"l don't know ti she has
bin doin' that, but she painted a pic
ture of a green oowcumber so natsral
that it give the hall fawly tbe oholera
morbus."—[Nasman Independent.
Ihe Caucasian notes that many far
mers in Duplin sre posting their land
against huckleberry pickers. ~ They are
foreed to this seemingly harsh measure
in self defense, to preyent a complete
demoralisation of farm labor during tbe
huckleberry season.
In Cumberland Superior Court last
week, Judge Avery sentenced three
mnrderots to be banged on Thursday
instead of Friday. This is an innova
tion whioh sensible men generally
will approve.
Cora does not thrive lit a wet soil,
espeoially in early spring, as it is eertaln
that moisture ehills tho toll.
| Tl>e quinee is a slew grower, to that
it is beet to purohaae trees four or five
feet high than mure slips. ,
To) mueh flesh is not wanted in rais
ing a eolt; feed good hay aad a few
oats and salt twice a week.
Tbo 9tate of Miohigan is almost deaa
ded of her forests.
CALENDAR
Of Crimlnul and Ciell ( HUMS for Trial at
Summer Term of the Superior Court of
titoke* County, Commencing Monday,
August I IMA, 1686.
Suns.) loili/roHHlaj' lllliaatWHaH
12th for CrtaUaal Trtali
aad Motion*.
THURSDAY, Anoorr 18,1886.
I 7 Ruffin heirs vs Overby.
13 Tilley vs Jessnp, et al.
I 14 MoCanlesj vs I'linotcm et al (4 case*)
13 M«Vgan vs Lewis et al.
22 Hall vs Watts.
Fain AY, AUGUST 14,1885.
23 Robinson and wife vs Smith ot al.
27 Smith vs Joyoe.
28 Morritt vs Hairston.
34 Hicks vs Lawson.
3(3 Smith vs Lewis.
87 Boyd vs Taylor.
55 Kreeger vs Kiger.
38 Burrell v» Martin.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 15,1885.
39 Nioholson vs Reeves.
42 Niohalaon vs Tattle.
43 Flynt vs Burton.
46 Boso vs Sarles.
48 Laslty vs Fulton.
52 Eaton vs Lambeth.
53 Martin vs Frasier.
MONDAY, AUGUST 17,1885.
State va Valentine.
54 George vt Estes.
50 Lash vt Martin.
57 Smith vt Davis.
6& Slate vs Thomas.
TUESDAY, AUGUST 18,1885.
68 Francis vs McKinney.
60 Carroll vs Pepper.
61 Martin vs Hall.
62 Lash vs Kant.
63 George vs Tilley,
64 Oaudle vs Fallen.
65 Dodd vs Lawson.
66 Vs Alloy.
67 Gibson vs Lowis.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19,1885.
68 Simpson vs Simpsen.
69 Steele vs Pringle et al.
70 Lawson vs Pringle (4 cases.)
75 Nelson vs Tilley.
76 Nelson vs Nelson.
77 Stewart vs Stewart.
78 Wagner vs Dodd.
79 Hill vs Hill.
81 Ruffin heirs vs Bennett.
MOTION DOCKET.
1 Wilson vs McCanless.
2 Ilutoborson vs Martin.
3 Smith adm'r vs McCanless.
4 Francis vs Worth adm'r.
5 King vs King.
6 Ilutcherson vs Hutcherson.
8 Griffin vs Griffin.
9 Martin adm'r vs Ilutcherson.
10 Carter vs Poore.
11 Timmons vs Watts.
12 Steele vs Hawkins et al.
19 Harris vs Moilanless.
20 Bynum vs Miokey.
21 Warner vs Carroll.
24 Smith vs Jackson.
25 King adm'r v« Scales.
26 Taturn vs Pringle adm'r.
29 Kiger and others Ex Parte
-80 Chambers va Bynum.
31 Winston vs Winston.
32 Newsom adm'r vs Newsom.
83 Moore Ex Parte.
35 Moser and others vs Boles.
40 Myers vs Golding.
41 Ellington vs Steele et al.
44 Martin va Rierson at al.
45 Lawson vs George.
47 Smith vs Johnson.
59 Amot vs Martin.
50 Baker adm'r vt Hill ex. and Taylor.
41 Pepper guardian Ex Parte.
74 Smith vs Smith.
80 lloylet vs Rutledge.
la the eall, any oase not reached on
the appointed day will be called in or
der on next day, and in preoedence of
cases set for the next day.
Motions heard aooordtng to tbe con
venience of the oourt.
Witnesses will be allowed paf for at
tendance only from tha day oatet are
set for trial, and after that tine on til
the oause is disponed of.
J. F. GRAVES,
Presiding J udge.
Danbury, N. C., June 16th, 1885.
Judge Ruffip's health it reported at
improving.
Raleigh is to have a new $26,000
graded aohool building.
The State Guard encampment will be
held al Atheville July 30th.
NO. 2.
SIM4IX BITES.
Man is like a potato—never sore when
be will get into hot water.
There are four or Are applicant! for
the poitoßoe at Danville, Vs.
A million and a quarter ef rata are
annually killed foi their seal skin.
When a man sees doubts it is evi
dcnoe that his glasses are 100 Itroeg for
him.
A barber has foar tAindrel
silver dollar* .inlaid in the floor of his
shop.
Liquor saloons in Boston are com
pelled by law to dose every night at 11
o'clock.
Mr. J. J. Jones, postmaster at Milton
tor seventeen oonsooutive years, died oa
the 17th June.
Maohiues capable of doing til* work
of twenty men aru being iatrodaoed in
the Panhandle mines.
It only ousts $2 to drawa family in
Porto Rieo for a whole year. It is ex
pended mostly id hats.
Tbo crow is not a particularly musi
cal bird, but the farmer always asso
ciates him with the cornet.
Tailors ought always to be able to
please their customers, because it is
their especial business to snit people.
A small boy ball gamo of about foar
on each Bide sounds as if thert"fere at
lrast about two hundred •op#* in the
game. »
Koscoe Oonkling is report*! as say
ing that the defeat of Blaine was neces
sary to tho future suoceas of the repub
lican party.
A man up north, tbo other day tried
to blow himself up with a keg of pow
der. Ho was thinking of going np a
little bit higher.
Now to the sanctum comes the bore,
With smiling faoe and, mnnnej
And close* carefully the door
He left ajar last January.
It takes but thirteen minutes to lead
an elophant on a train. Tho elephant
doesn't have to spend half an hour get
ting his trank checked. 1
The Russian press is said to be in a
dying eondition. The type foundries
Bnd it impossible to keep up with the
demand for k's and j's.
Man is always popping at woman with
the Mowgun of his saroasm, but it sbntes
her inning when sbe gets the bonne) and
he is alone with the bill
n 'nJj V7T \
A monument 1 !* to b* erected in Paris
to the invent/u of soda-wfiter. We
suppose it will bear a representation of
the inventor's phiz.
The emporor of Austria, it is Mid,
has a private circus. So has many »
married man who isn't au emperor when
b« gets home late from the olub.
About the only reference to baseball
:n holy writ that we remember is where
Kebeeca goes to the right-field with n
pitoher. ' The right field for water.
Sam Jones, the ovangelist, says'Qod
won't keep a young lady pious wbo has
her waist encircled seven time* n Week
by the aruis of a spider lagged dad*.'
'That'* very good ohcose of yoars for
some purposes.' >1 thought you would
like it. It's lively, isn't it?' 'le* ;
why don't you enter it for walking
matoh.'
'lce cream !' observed liriggs at the
boarding house 'That is what I call
an oasis in tho desert.' 'lt is more Idee
a dessert in tbo oasi«,' replied the this
boarder.t* « 4
There is a fortune in store for the
milliner who shall devise a bonnet that
oan be worp in any part of tho chvroh
and always present its triiumed side to
the oongregation.
What &is great throbbing publie is
yearning for is a scientist who will dis
sever a woman willing to acknowledge
that any other woman's dress does toot
hang like a rag.
•An Ohio man,* says a news item,
rwbbed linement oa a horse with a sere
finger, and is poisoned.' This should
teach persons not to fool with a horse
that has a sore finger.
Whon you find a man who has foiled
in nesrly everything he has undelaken,
be Is generally ready to offer yon a rtch
fond of gratuitous advice as to M* you
should conduct your bntine**.
•Whs* a Messing (• u,' MM #kt,
slightly muddled, 'tbatnight never eosaes
on till late in the day, when a aup.i*
toired out, and he eouldn't wore no
more anyhow, even if it was morning.'