Newspapers / The Goldsboro Headlight (Goldsboro, … / June 30, 1892, edition 1 / Page 8
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EDCE Triai- yhv suffer from tlie 1,afl ffects pf tbe La rippp Lame Eack I libb Kidney and" Liver diseases. liheumatism, Indigestion, Dyspepsia, any kind of weakness, or other diseases, when Electricity will cure you and keep you in liealtb. (Headache relieved in one minute.) To prove this I will send DR. JUDH'S ELECTRIC KELT to any one on trial, fiee. Prices, $3, $G, $10, and 13, if satisfied. Also Electric Trusses and Box Batteries. Costs nothing to try them. Can be regulated to suit, aod guaranteed to last for years. A Belt and Battery combined, and produces sufficient electricity to shock. Free medical advice. Write today. (Jive waist measure, price and full particulars. Agents Wanted. Address DR. JUDD, Detroit, Mich. Summer gnnooncement . OR H. WEIL OUR DRY GOODS DEPARTMENT at this season contains the most desirable line of goods that has ever been our pleasure to offer to our patrons. It contains a varied assortment in DRESS GOODS. FANCY GOODS, NOTIONS, TRIMMINGS and HOUSE FURNISHING GOODS. All of the above enumerated goods arc now displayed in profusion, as our shelves and counters will testify. IN THE CLOTHING- LINE ' we have made an extraordinary effort this season to beat our former record and we may say without egotism that we carry the largest and bett asssortment of any establishment in Eastern Carolina. In addition o our ready-made stock we carry a full line of MERCHANT TAILORING GOODS, and make suits or single garments to order on short notice in the very best manner, and made by the best talent in the country. Our prices for this kind of work are very moderate and bound to please. OUR STOCK OF SHOES consists of only such goods that we can fully warrant to give satisfaction. We always keep on hand full lines of LADIES', MEN'S, BOYS'. MIS SES' and CHILDREN'S 'SHOES. In this department' we have special bargains to offer this season, and it will repay those who are desirous of purchasing RELIABLE goods to call and inspect these goods. GENT'S FURNISHING GOODS in all its branches and a large stock to select from. MATTINGS AND FLOOR OIL CLOTH mtthe latest and most handsome designs. If you wish anything in the lino of Floor Covering, it will pay you to examine our stock before purchasing. fl-All our goods are sokl strictly at one price. GRAND OR Spririo and AT Thi3 Season finds us better prepared than ever to offer our friends and patrons the most beautiful and attractive stock of goods that has ever been exhibited in this city, and at prices which are bound to astonish. IN DRESS GOODS we have all the new novelties and latest designs with a beautiful assort ment of trimmings to match. Our lines of WHITE GOODS, CIIALLIFS, LAWNS, EMBROIDERIES and FLOUNCINGS must be seen to be appreciated they were never prettier than at this season. OUR SHOE DEPARTMENT comprises an endless variety of Ladies', Men's and Children's Shoes. Any style or quality that your fancy may require, you will find in this department. We don't keep any shoddy goods; every single pair of shoes that leaves our establishment will be fully warranted,0 as wo are only dealing with manufacturers of well known repute. IN CLOTHING WE TAKE THE LEAD ! This Season. We have Clothing to fit and suit the most Aistidious. We have them for Men, Youths and Boys. If you want a real nobby Spring Suit, any style, and at less money than you have ever bought it, it would be to your interest to eaJl on us this time. These are facts which we daro to be disputed, even by our competitors. UNUSUAL BARGAINS IN HATS, consisting of Straw. Stiff and Felt Hats. GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS in endless variety and exceptionally low. Call and examine our stock. No trouble to show goods, for we are fully convinced that if you look you will buy, and that is what we want. C. & BROS. H. WEIL & BROS. GOLDSBORO, 3f. C. DISPLAY Summer Goods & CO. KERN & CO. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE, STORIES THAT ABE TOLD BY THB FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Worse Thau a Negative A. "Word That Hath Been ana Must lie Political Information. Etc., Etc. When little Chawles, in accents weak, Proposed to stout Miss Whopper, She kissed the dear boy on the cheek, And said, "Go ask your popper." Harper's Bazar. A WORD THAT HATH BEEN AND MUST BE. He "Farewell." She "Farewel. Will jou ever call again?" He ' 'To-morrow night." Brooklyn Life. POLITICAL INFORMATION. Tommy "Paw, when a man commits political suicide does he shoot his head off?" Mr. Figg "No; merely his mouth." Indianapolis Journal. APPROPRIATE MUSIC. Bandmaster 4,But how can I play a wedding march? I hve nothing here but military music." Manager "Oh, give 'em the double quick that's good enough." Puck. THE EMERGENCY PROVIDED FOR. Jennie "But you can't support a wife on twelve dollars a week, George." George "True, darling; but our rinu always raises its men to twelve dollars and a half when they get married." Puck. HARD TO BELIEVE. Keedick (describing a giant he had seen) "He stood seveu feet in his stock ings." Mrs. Keedick "Now you might just as well tell me he had three heads iu his hat." Judije. A HARD MAN. Mme. Albino "That ossified man is awfully quarrelsome." Mr. Skeletone "You're right, my dear. He has been the bone of conten tion around this museum about long enough." New York Tribune. A FITTING HOLE. First Actress "Why, haven't you heaid, dear? I'm engaged for one of the , principal parts in 'Beauty and the Beast.' " Second Actress "How nice! And who plays Beauty?" London Tit-Bits. UNMERITED REPROOF. The Rector "My dear young lady, I hope I am mistaken, but I thought I saw you talking during the sermon yester day." Stray Lamb "Yon certainly are mis taken. Doctor. Why I never talk in my sleep!" Life. TALKING SUOF. "Darling," said the young man, "your eyes are like diamonds, your lips like rubies, your teeth like pearls, your hair like jet " "George," she interrupted, "remem ber that you work in a jewelry store. Don't talk shop." Washington Star. HE WAS GLAD, THE BRUTE. Caller "Where is your little brother, Miss Courte?" Miss Courte "Poor little Tommy is sick abed." Caller "Thank er him now let us proceed to enjoy ourselves as we have not done since his last indisposi tion." Yankee Blade. THE SILVERY LINING. One of the stingiest men in New York fell from a streetcar and broke his leg in two places. "Are you hurt?" asked one of the parties who came to his assistance. "Not a particle," replied the sufferer, grinding his teeth in pain; "I pay a doctor so much a year." Texas Sitt ings. SHE WAS CIVIL. Ambitious Mamma "Edith, I noticed last night that Mr. De Rich paid you considerable attention. I hope you showed him a proper amount of civili ty." Ingenious Debutante "Oh, yes, mamma, I did ! I'm sure he knows he can have me for the asking." Brooklyn Life. A boy's memory. Mr. Suburb "I told you to go to the Bto:e this morning and get rake, and spend the day raking up thu Ddds and ia the garden. Why didn't you do Little Boy "I I couldn't rake up the garden." "Why not?" "I I forgot to get a rake." Good News. MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Mr. Billus "Uhugwater, I am having a lightning rod pat on my house. Do you believe in lightning rods:" Mr. Chugwater "I haven't much faith in them. But what kiud of roof has your house?" "A tin roof." "What kind of tin?" "What difference does that make?" "All the difference in the world. Billus. If it's American tin it's pro tected already." Chicago Tribuue. PARALYZING ADJECTIVES. Spacer "What! The telegraph edi tor's committed suicide? You can't mean it! Why, just two hours ago he sent up a story about five men being killed out west, with a scare head be gining; 'Horrible, Awful, Terrible Disaster!' " Slug One "Yes, that's just the mat ter, for when a story about ten men be ing killed came in a half-hour later he couldn't think of any bigger adjective to use in the heading and shot himself out of despair!" Boston News. HE FEARED THE WORST. "I've baked my first cake to-day, George," said the young wife, "and I want you to eat some of it." "lam willing," said George, as he looked rather suspiciously at the cake, "but I've just had my life insured." "All the better," laughed the wife, merrily. "I don't know about that," said George; "they might think you had baked the cake on purpose and refuse to pay the policy." New York Press. ON THE WRONG TRACK. lie "Congratulate me, Miss Bella. In a few days Miss Goldthwaite will be mine." She "I am glad to hear it "ut I didn't know you were " He "Of course you didn't, not any one else. Didn't want any competition, see? But it's all fixed now. She'll be worth ten thousand a year to me." She "Really? The name's unfamil iar. New York family V He "No; Kentucky family, and one of the best. Sired by Bang Up, dam Queen Elizabeth why you must remem ber her. She made last season nrsx not half trained at that." She "Oh, I thought you were speak ing of a marriage engagement." He "Now, Miss Bella, that's pretty hard. I know I spend half my time in the stable, but that's no reason you should take me for an ass." Life. BY ANY OTHER NAME. He was not such a dreadfully desperate-looking citizen, and when he was rauged up in front of the judge of tha Police Court, that dignitary was disposed to be lenient. "What is your name?" inquired the court, rather kindly. "John Smith, your honor," responded the prisoner, politely. "That ain't the name he goc3bv where he lives, your honor," put in the police man who arrested him and had noticed that the judge wes prejudiced in his favor. "Ah," said the judge, "he has two aames, has he? What is the other one?" "They call him 'Boardin' House Beef,' your honor," said the policeman. "Very odd name," remarked the judge, "very odd. What do thev call him that for?" "Because, your honor, he is a good deal tougher than he looks." Detroit Free Press. SnE OBJECTS TO MATURE 8 LAWS. "Shoot the law of gravitation I" said Mrs. Grinder to Mr. Grinder. "But, my dear' said the husband meekly, "think of the consequences." "Shoot the consequences, too, for that matter! Now see here! If there wasn't no law of gravitation folks could walk up the walls and around on the ceiling and we'd have just four times as much room in this boarding-house as we have now. Where we have only two beds in a room now, we could have eight as easy as not. Eight times five dollars a week is forty dollars a week. How's that for one room? "And then, if there wasn't any gravi tation, think what a mighty saving there'd be in dishes, and the young ones couldn't fall downstairs, and the boardeis couldn't waste the hairbrushes and crockery on cats. I say shoot gravitation or anything like it!" "But, Martha, wouldn't we all go sailing up in the skies?" "Well, isn't that what you, an elder of the church, have been praying for these forty years?" And Mr. Griuder ceased. Buffalo En quirer. "WOMEN ARE SUCH FOOLS. Mrs. Iliflie "I lost a dollar somehow out of my purse to-day." Mr. Hidie "You did, eh? I'd like to know how you managed to do such an idiotic thing as that." Mrs. Hillie "I can't tell exactly. I was in Lacey's store and got into the crush at a bargain counter, and then my attention was attractei to another counter, and I worked my way there, and, I suppose, laid my purse down tor an instant, possibly unclasped. All I know is that whealcame to look a silver dollar was missing." Mr. Hitlie "Huh! I see just how it was. You got so intensely excited over some fool frippery or other you forgot all about what you were doing; forgot where you were or who you were; didn't know whether you were on Earth or Mars or Jupiter, alive or dead. You wo men never learn by experience rsanie thing over and over again. It isn't six months since you lost half a dollar the same way. The washerwoman comes to night, too, and I haven't a cent to pay her." Mrs. Iliflie "You had forty dollars in your pocket this morning." Mr. Iliflie "I dropped that at the races." New York Weekly. Treasure Trove. An innkeeper in the country near the city of Koenigsberg, in Prussia, was en gaged in his wiue cellar when suddenly the ground under him gave way and he fell into a deep hole. At Lis encs people came running down, u light was struck, and they saw the host some fifteen feet beneath then; in a dark place. A ladder was brought and a light taken down, when they found a large room, or cellar, on the walls of which there mauj board? with bottles of wine, which, being tried, turned out to be of a splendid quality. There was a wardiobe with a number of i rich silk gowns. In a corner the rotter remains of a table and two benches were found, with three earthenware jugs. Otc jug contained four watches of silver and gold, one of them marked with the year 1813. The second jug .contained severa' thousand dollars of money m silver and copper. The third jug was full of doc uments, molded away so far that it ;9 doubtful whether any of them can be de-ciphered,-Chicago Herald. I TALK OF DAY!! n IS OUR Large and Handsome Stock 1892. . OR 1892. SHIP AND Wmil GO They are the Pick of the Market and every single piece La3 been carefully selected with reference to the LADIES' TliADE of this city and section. I have just returned f-oa the Northern fashion centres where I secured Unprecedented Bargains -in the Dress Goods, White Goods, Flounc ings, Laces, Embroideries, Ham burgs, Lawns, Challies, Trim mings, Silks and Satins. -All these BOUGHT FOR THE SPOT CASH and as I received a remunerative discount on the transaction, we are able to sell our customers every single 3-ard of goods at the exact' wholesale figures, that means at the same figures as they were billed to me. IN CLOTHING AND SHOES WE HAVE GOT THB DROP On our competitors this season. We have Clothing to fit and suit most everybody and anybody. In quantity, quality, variety and cheapness, they cannot be surpassed by any leading house in the State. Our Stock of Shoes for LADIES, MEN, MISSES and CHILDREN is something of which we are proud of. Eveiy pair was made especially for us and fully war ranted. In style and cheapness they can't be beat. GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS in the latest styles and novelties. In this line we can offer special induce ments, as we have secured real and genuine bargains. Straw and Felt Hats, in the latest shapes and in endless variety at prices never before heard of It will do your heart good to look at them, no matter if you want to lny or not. If you only will visit our vast establishment you will readily confer, if you take a look on the overloaded shelves, that we keep the largest and best selected stock of goods in the city and perhaps in the State, and will sell them as low or lower than any house who does an Honest, Straightforward Business. AVe don't mislead the public by promising to sell goods at half their value, any person with common sense knows that can't bo done, but wc do promise to sell them at WHOLESALE PRICES, and will guarantee satisfaction in every respect. WE WANT YOU TO READ every advertisement in this paper. Wc want you to visit every reputable dealer in our line, get their prices, examine their goods, then come 10 u-: before you buy. You will then bo posted, and can better appreciate the Genuine and Rare Bargains we are offering to all alike. Afraid of losing customers by this liberal advice? Bless you no ! It is just as natural for you to drift back int" the safest harbor as it is for rivers to seek the sea. It Will Le of Interest to dealers to call and examine our auie iu oner ueuer inducements than ever before. 20rders by mail uaretul Attention. mi ni lil The Original Leader of Low Prices, aOLDSBORO, N. 0. -:o: lines of- goods have been- -:o: stock. In variety and prices wc will receive Prompt and "11 ElWfl
The Goldsboro Headlight (Goldsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
June 30, 1892, edition 1
8
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