G THE w fLMiKGTON MESSENGER. TUESDAY JANUARY 3fc li)U5. t-lai 5 mumi : -T. . r MR. DOOLEY By F. P. Dunne. (CopSTigkt 1905, by McClure Phillips & Co.) "Did ye irer make a speech?" ask ed Mr. Hennessy. "I did wanst," said Mr. Dooley. "Ivry throe born American regards himself as a gr-reat orator an' I've al vrays had a pitcher lv meself in me mind standin befure a large an ad mlrin' bunch iv me fellow pathritcs an thrillin thim with me indignation or convulsin' thim with me wit. Manny times have i" lay In me bed awake, seein' mesilf at th' head iv a table pourin out wurruds iv goolden elo quence fr'm th depths iv me lungs. I made a pretty pitcher, I must say. eam, dignified, a perfect master lv me silf an me audjience. Th concoorsc shrieked with laughter wan minyit, an rose to their feet in frenzied ap plause th next. In all me dhreams I wore a white necktie an a long tail- I Iver an an upward an long as th stars ed coat, because I have a theory that j In their courses creep through eterni all thrue , eloquence comes fr'm th' I ty an twinkle as they creep recallin' tails iv th' coat an if ye made an ora- ' tor change-Into a short coat, he wud become deef an dumb. As I sat down aflher me burst iv gleamin' wurruds, th nudjienoe rose an' cheered f'r five minyits an Sinltor Beveridge, th' sil ver spout iv th' Wabash who was to follow me slinked out iv th' room. "Srt wan day whin th' Archc-y Road Improvement Comity give their grand banket an' th chairman asked me to make a few appropriated remarks in place iv Chancy Depoo. I to'd thim I wod toss off some orathory just so th boys' V7iid not be disappointed. "I didn't write out th' speech. No great oratory who has niver made a speech needs to. I merely jotted down few interruptions by th audjienc;; like this, Hinnissy: (Great Applause.) (Ijoud and continyous laughter.) x (Cries iv 'Good,' 'Hear, hear,) (Cries !v 'No, no,' 'Go on.') (Wild cheerin. th audjience risin' to their feet an' singin: F'r he's a jolly good fellow,' AVblch nobody can deny.) ''An1 havin' arranged all these nicis Jjreat orator who has niver made a knew ivry man there an' thurly de spised thim. There wasn't wan iv thim that I oonsidhercd me intelleo hool equal. At wan time or another, ivry man of thim had to come to me Tr advice. But somehow, Hinnissy, th' minyit t looked down on what Hogari calls th sea lv upturned faces dhrink in I began to feel onaisy. I wasn't if raid iv anny wan lv thim, mind ye. Man f'r man they were me friends. IUt altogether they were me inimy. I cudden't set still. I had come with am anpytite but I cudden't eat. I had a lump in me throat as big as an ap te. I felt quare in th' pit lv me stom. tch. I noticed that me hands were moist. I thried to talk to th' man next to me but I cudden't hear what he said. Wan orator afther another was pcltln th'. audjience with remarks out lv th' -fourth reader an' I cudden't - listen to thim. All th' time I was linking': in a few minyits they'll de tect ye. Martin Dooley, th' counther felt Domostheens.' Th' room swan be Xuro me eyes; there was a buzzing in sue ears. I had all th' symptoms iv 33octor Bunyan's customers, r thned to 'collect me thoughts but they were off th reservation. I wud've gone if I 'Cud walk an' I was goin to thry Whin I heerd th chairman mintion me name. It Founded as if it come CiOt iv a cheap phonograft. I frgot to tell ye, Hinnissy, that in thinkin' iv me gr-reat effort I had re bearsed a few motions to inthrajooce th noble slntimints that was to bubble "UP fr'm me. At th' mintion Iv me name Ian durin' th cheerin' that followed I was goin to lean forward with me head bowed an me hand on th' edge iv th table an a demoor smile on me face that cud be translated: Th' gr-reat. man amused but wudden't have ye know , i fr wurrulds.' Whin th' cheerin' - t "irong had exhausted its strength I in- nr?e.d to rise slowly, place me chair in it out iv me an leanin' lightly on th ;ck iv it, bow first to wan ,side an thin th other an remark: 'Misther hairman, a-a-and gint-elmen: Whin I see so manny smilin faces befure me -. this auspicious occasion, I am re minded iv a little incident 'An so on. "Well, glory be, Hinnissy, I can hard ly go on with th story. It was twlnty flve years ago but I can't think iv it without a feelin' at th end iv me fin gers as though I had scraped a plasther r yall. At th' mintion iv me name, I lept to me feet, knockin over all th Wishes an glasses in me neighborhood. I carefully stepped on me neighbor's toes an bumped into th' chairman who was still tellin what he wanted me to think he thought iv me. I rolled me nap ldn up into a ball an thrust it into me pants pocket I become blind, deef an 4umb. I raymimber makin a few grunts, fightin an imaginary inimy with me fists an dhreppin in me chair, a broken four-flush pathrick Hinnery. I've niver got me repy tation back. Most iv th' people thought I was dhrunk. TTh' more charitable said I was on'y iuzy. Th impressyon still remains In 111 ward that I'm a victim iv apop.exy. "Weil, elr, 'tis a sthrange thing this Shere oratory. Ye see a man that ye -wudden't ask to direct ye to th' po?t oiT.ce get on his feet an make a speech that wud melt th money in y e'er pock et. Another man come3 along that ye think a reg'lar little know-all an whin Jhe thrles to make a speecli to a Sunday chool class he gives an imitation iv a man with croup, delusions iv pursuit An' St. Vitus' dance. If he don't do that he bombards his fellow man with -th' kind iv a composition that they keep xys afther school fr. Carney made -wan iv that kind at this banketV Car--ney has a head as hard as a cocynut. JHe "wanted a new bridge built acrost th crick an' he was goin to talk about -that at th banket. On th way over lie tolf me about it. He argyed so well -that he convinced me an I'm - wan lv - th' most indignant .tax-payers fr a jpoor man that ye Iver knew. I thought whin he ge up he wud say something t --.-like this: Boys, we need a new bridge. ' . -- . v. . ON ORATORY. Th prlsint wan is a disgrace to th ward. Curtins horse fell through it last week. By jimuneddy if Billy O'Brien don't get us a new bridge, we'll bate him at th primaries:' That wud have gone fine f 'r Curtin was a loud an pop'lar fish peddler. But what did Carney do? He niver was within four thousan' miles iv a swing bridge acrost th Chicago river. Says he: 'Gintle men: "We ar-re th most glory ous peo ple that iver Infested th noblest coun thry that th sun iver shone upon.' he says. "We meet here tonight,-he says, 'undher that starry imblim that flap3 above freemen's homes in Ivry little hamlet fr'm where roIl3 th' Oregon in majestic volume to th' sun-klst wathers Iv th Passyfic to where th' pimsicoddy shimmers adown th' pine clad hills iv Maine he says. 'Th' hand iv time, he says, 'marches with stately step3 acrost th' face iv histhry an as I listen to its hoof - beats I hear a still small voice that seems to say that Athens (a shout), -Greece (a shrill cry), Rawhm (a shriek) an E-gypt) (a deep roar) an th' wurruds iv our gr-reat pote "Twink ling stars ar-re laughin' love, laughln' at you an' me," an a counthry, gintle men, that stands today as sure as to morrah's sun rises an' kisses th flag that floats f'r all. Now, gintlemen, it is growin' late an' I will not detain ye longer but I have a few wurruds to say. I appeal fr'm Philip dhrunk to Philip sober.' That ended th' speech an' th banket. The chairman's name wab Philip. Th second Philip that Carney mintioned was not there. "I guess a man hiver becomes an orator if he has annything to say, Hin nissy. If a lawyer thinks his client is innocint, he talks to th' jury about th' crime. Butrif he knows where th priso ner hid th lead pipe, he unfurs th flag., throws out a few remarks about th flowers an' th' burruds an' asks th' twelve good men en' thrue not to break up a happy Christmas but to sind this man home to his wife an' childher an' Gawd will bless thim if they ar-re iver caught in th' same perdicymint. Whin- j iver I go to a pollytical meetin' an' th' la-ad with th' open . wurruk face min tioqs Rome or Athens, I grab fr me hat. I know he's not goin' to say anny thing that ought ito keep me out iv bed. I also bar all language about burruds an flowers, I don't give two cints about ith' Oregon iwhether it rolls or stagger3 to th' sea; aaid I'll rap in the eye anny man that atftimpts to wrap up his sicond hand oratory in th American flag. There ought to be a law against usin' the American flag f'r' such pur poses. I hope to read in the pa-aper some day that Joe Cannon was arrest ed f'r usin'th American flag to decorate a speech on th' tariff an' sintinced to two years solitary confinement with Sinitor Biveridge, an' be hivins, I don't wantt anny -man to tell me I'm a mim ber of wan iv th' grandest races th' sun has iver shown on. I know it al ready. If I wasn't I'd move outt?. "No. sir, whin a man has something to say an' don't know how to say it. he says it pretty well. 'Whin he has something to say an knows how to say it, he makes a gr-reait speech. But whin he has nothin' to say an has a IoTJ iv wurruds that come with a black coat, he's an orator. There's two things I don't -want at me fun'ral. Wan is an oration an th' other is wax flowers I class thim alike." "Ye're on'y mad because ye failed," said Mr. Hermessy. "Well," said Mr. Dooley, "what nei ther reason d'ye want? Beside, I didn't fail as bad as I might. I mightt have made the speech." Tonic to tlie System. For liver troubles and constipation there i3 nothing better than DeWitfs Little Early Risers, the famous little Pills. They do not weaken the stomach. Their action upon the system is mild, pleasant and harmless. Bob Moore, of LaFayette, Ind., says: "No use talking, DeWitfs Little Early Risers do- their work. All other Pills I have used gripe and make me sick In the stomach and never cured me. DeWitfs Little Early Risers proved to be the long sought re lief. They are simply perfect." Persons traveling find Little Early Risers, the most reliable remedy to carry with them, sold by R. R. Bellamy. It is said to take five valets to dress the German Emperor. That's nothing to the "dressing" the people of Russia are likely to give the czar. Times Union. Coughs and Colds. All coughs, colds and pulmonary com plaints that are curable are quickly cured by One Minute Cough Cue. Clears the phlegm, draws out Inflammation and heals and seethes the affectei parts,, strengthens the lungs, wards off pneumonia- Harmless and pleasant to take. Sold by R. R. Bellamy. The striking operatives at Fall River Mass., feel that they have "peace with honor" in the way the strike was arbi trated through the good offices of Gov ernor Douglas. That is the only way to preserve industrial peace. Atlanta Constitution. ,A Grim Tragedy Is daily enacted, in thousands of homes, as Death claims, in each one, another victim of Consumption or pneumonia. But when Coughs and Colds are prop- erlv treated, the tragedy is averted. F. G. Huntley, of Oaklandon, Ind., writes: "My wife had the consumption, and three doctors gave her up. Finally she took Dr. King's New Discovery for Con sumption. Coughs and Colds, which cured her, and today she is well and strong." It kills the germs of all dis eases. One dose relieves. Guaranteed at 50c and $1.00 by R. R- Bellamy, Druggist, Trial bottle free. i Those concerns 3 iong the Atlantic land North, Care' :n- railroad that have been enjoying special' privileges at' tne expense of th tax payers of the state are beginning to kick for their rights. Durham Herald. : "Little Colds" n eel ected thousands or lives sacrificed every year. Dr. "Woods Norway Pine Syrun cures little oW3 cures b'ff colds, too. down to the very rerge of consumption. . CAPITOIi CHAT. "A gray old man entered the Vice President's room Saturday. He sought Senator Frye, and, after depositing the electoral vote of t North Dakota, in dulged in reminiscences of the two presidential campaigns in which An drew Jackson won. Although A. B. Russell -was then but a iad, his mem.. ory at eighty-three Is keen. He has in his mind's eye a vivid picture of how the voters looked those days in pass ing to the polls. He touched on his service years ago as a fellow-commissioner with Cad wallader Colden Washburn, for many terms a members of Congress from ' Wisconsin, major general of volun- ? teers, and likewise governor of the Badger State. Then Senator Frye be came ' reminiscent, for Cadwallader hailed for Senator Frye's old Congres sional district. The North Dakota vis itor observed his own regard for the ex-governor and ex-representative, and mentioned the latter's gift of a library to hiis home town of Liver more, Me. ' Yes," murmured Senator Frye, his mind evidently going back to earlier days. "They had a famous cradle in the corner of the old Washburn residence, shown the day the library was dedi cated, " said Russell. Yes," said Senator Frye again. "You know, I made a speech that day, and I referred to that old Washburn cradle as having rocked four gover nors of States, four United States rep resentatives, three United States sen ators, one major general, one captain in the navy, and two foreign tmini.--ters." There have been some unique Inci dents in the bringing of electoral votes to the President pro tempore. The messenger from California came with the ten votes of that State sewed into the lining of his coat, near th inside pocket. He simply couldn't lose the votes unless he Tost his coat. Sev eral gentlemen entered in a delegation ! We are willing to believe that the with the messenger from Vermont j president does not look with? favor up Mr. John F. Murphy, the clerk, who j on the scheme to redume our represen keeps a record of votes received, ask- ' tation. He may be a politician but he ed for the usual credentials, which is is not tftat kind of a politicfan: Dur a paper signed by all the other elec- ; ham Hevald. tors designating the name of the mes- senger. ! ed the Vermonter, "but we electors are all here," and out stepped his three colleagues in proof of his words. Indiana sent her fifteen electoral votes by a double messenger service. A. TC. Silte. of Monticell'o. and J. D. Oliver, of South Bend, conveyed the important records. "Nearly all the others wanted the office.' said Sills, "but it was too important to .fight over. So Oliver and I jofned forces and secured a majority, and here we I are. Capt. John A. Travis, one of the i veterans who guard the gallery doors and hold their places for life, enjoys a distinction1 belonging to no one else ; on that roll. Every January he re ceives an amnual pass over ' a certain ' big railroad, where he carr ride as . often .as he chooses. i When the final day of debate on the ' Wilson tariff bill came, in the Fifty- ; third Congress, the pressure for seats j n the galleries was great. THere was ! not a foot of available standing room j eft when a gentleman arrived, very eager to get inside. It was an' impos sibility. But he showed both by his manner and by his w-ords hi? serious disappointment. In those days the privilege of the floor was less strictly guardecr than now, and Travfs .led his man-to the flood' below and passed him in behind the brass railing. . j The stranger returned after the de- j bate, expressing- much gratitude and holding- out a roll of bills. "I cannot accept money," replied Travis, "for any service here, further than what the government pays me," and the J stranger, who proved to be a railroad I official or prominence, disappeared. I But every year the annual pass over ' the railroad comes to hand, tr prove ' the official's appreciation. Representatives Littlefleld and Bourke Cockran. the Tammany ora tors, are striking up a warrnr friend ship. Both arc? keenly interested in , legal topics, for both are leading law- ! yers in the House. Political differ ences cut little figure between them. They "walk and talk together by the hour. Both are fast pedestrians. Mr. Cockran has developed inito) an expert in dress. In fact, he is easily the best ' dressed man of the House. Mr. Lit- i tlefleld has no aspirations m that di- : rection, although his attire generally - becomes the man. But when these two start out from the carpitol, of an afternoon, each arrayed fn his long and hisfh, and make a hot pace up Pennsylvania avenue, they are an im posing pair. All the other Congres sional strollers up that pleasant thor oughfare are quick'y left behind, seeming," in comparison, like common "pikers." j Ex-Gov. Powers was conducting a Bangor constituent, Mr. F. A. Wilson, around the capitol the other day. Mr. Wilson, eminent as a lawyer in the Pine Tree State, and a former part ner of Chief Justice Peters, as learn ed a jurist as Maine ever produced, has brought the six electoral votea here. As the two were standing In the corridor Representative Champ Clark, of Missouri, stalked by. He once went to Bangor and told the Maine Democrats in convention as- sembled what slmon , pure Democ- racy is. " V'Here. Champ," said the governor. hailing him. "I want you to meet one of our distinguished Banror citizens. Mr. Wilson." " 'This !s a pleasure," quoth the Mis sourian. "One of these days I dm go ing to deliver a lecture on the splen did character of New England hos- pitaltty. T have Just been up there aeain and I know what I am talklns about." "When you .deliver that lecture, I come to Bangor and let us all know,j about It." responded' Gov. 'Powers. "We will pack the largest hall in the town for you." - The Mission of St James" Is a suggestive title to be prominently dis played on a report from the House committee on private land claims, it has no reference, however, to the mis sion at London, whre Editor White law Reld,-of the New York Tribune, is soon to be stationed. On the con trary, it refers in the legislative con nection at present to a little dispute over a half acre of land out In Wash ington state. me history of the dispute dates back over sixty years, when the Blshon of Quebec commissioned two orient. to go into the then Territory of Oregon "to lend their services to the bad Christians who have there adopted the morals of the Indians and H-e In licen tiour.ess and forgetfu'ness of their duties " Thpv rttKHch..i t j of St. James, near Vancouver. Some ! ten years later a military Dost wan established at the same place. Thu missionary and military authorities oc cupied the ground jointly. Eventually extensive litigation grew out of thu joint occupation, and the undisputed claim to a half acre of land was aug mented by still 'other claims,, which the government is now asked to liqui date -by payment of $45.000. Wash ington Post. Sickening Shivering Fits Of Augue and Malaria, can be relieved and cured with Electric Bitters. This is a pure, tonic medicine; of especial benefit in malaria, for it exerts a true curative influence on the disease, driv ing it entirely out of the system. It is much to be preferred to Quinine, hav ing none of this drug's bad after-effects. E. S. Munday, of Henrietta, Tex., writes: "My brother was very low with malarial fever and jaundice, till he tock Electric Bitters, which saved his life. At R. R. Bellamy's drug store; price 50c, guaranteed. Speedy Relief. A salve that heals without scar is ! DeWitfs Witch Hazel Salve. No rem edy effects such spedy relief. It draws out inflammation, soothes, cools and beals all c3,ts, burns and bruises. A sure cure f-sr piles and skin diseases. I DfeWitt's is the only genuine- Witch '. Hiael Salve. Beware of counterfeits, they are dangerous lamy. Sold by R: R. Bel- i Tlie legisla Sure would do eli:toIt the child labor law and the school law remain as -thay now are. Gharttrtte ( Chr.micle. Terrible plagues, those itching, pes tering, diseases-of the skin. Fut an--end to misery. Doan's Ointment cures At any drug store; According to Professor Wiley of'tTn 'Bureau ' of Chemistry there are few articles of " food that are urpoisoned'. We don't mind that if onlsrthe cowk. dcesn"& leave. -Exchange. Kills nisvWiRr and Attempts --Suicfflb. Macsri; Ga.,' JJanuary 11. ispeciaK to The Telegraph from Newman, Ga says that F; Mi. Adams shot and almost instantly killed nis wife there tc&iy. He attempted' suicide soora afterward but was prevents from ending his owu life. There is considerable - excitement over the-occurrence. Jealousy on tiif part oJ" Adams toward his wife and the fact that" she would not liTfr- witb. hnn are supposed to have beej the' ccais-'s of he tragedy. Wall street 0? complatnlspg- that Thile Tom JJawson did not give them a scare he frightened ufte "larab.'s" away, rhich vas msiohi woarae. .Durh-3L3i Sun;. Great in Der aand. jNotsang is snore m oamana tnan a ' medicine whicii meets inodern require . ments for a TMood and system cteanser. ! such as Dr. King's New Life Pills. Thsy I are just what you need to. cure stomach and liver troubles. T:ry. them. At R. R. Bellamy's drug store, 25c, guaran teed.). New Hern has pamdioo sound and Goldsooro has the railroad money and officersr Kinston seems; to b holding the bag an a snipe aunt: TOnstwn Free Press:. The Secret of" Success. Foty million battles, ofi August Flower sold in the United States alone since its introduction! And1 t)e de mand for it Is still growing. Isn't that a fie showing of success? Don't It prove that August Flow has had unfailing success in the cure of indi gestion and dyspepsia the two great est enemies of health awd: happiness? Does it not affords the best evidence that August Flower is a sur specific for all stomach and intestinal disoi ders? that It has proved Itself the best of all liver regulators? August Flower has a matchless record of over thirty-five 3'ears in curing the ailing millions of these distressme com plaints a success that ts becoming wider in its scape every day. at home and abroad, as the farrw of August Flower spreads. Trial bottles, 5c; regular size, 75c. For sale by R. R. "Bellamy. "Few of the plums of this world have fallen to women. writes one of that sex. Welf, everything else in the or chard has, beginning with apples. New York Herald. ; - I Spoiled Her Beauty. j Harriet Howard, of 209 W. 24 th SU New Tork, at one time had her Tbeauty spoiled with skin trouble. She writes i had Salt Rheum or Eczema for years, J but nothing would cure it, until I used Bueklen's Arnica, salve A quick and sure healer for cuts, burns and sores. 25c at R. R. Bellamy's drur store. t ' ,r wonder Jf Judge Parker feets tmnch happier to be abfe-to walk about the streets of New Yrk without hav- ing crowds to press pon him and ruf- e nm sain Dosornnrwiie wtw ; HARDWARE AND TOOLS. YOU CAN GET DIG VALUES HERE FOR A, VERY SMALL COST. WE ARE MAKING SPECIAL INDUCE MENTS TO EARLY SHOPPERS Builder's Supplies. A line of up-to-date Tools and Supplies tTint will give results. TMs is eTiie Purceh Building, Spri LEAVE YQU1& ORDERS- noxvfor Spring Shipments, . and you wUl noI'Bc disappointed in getting, your work up. Ptxone 206. P. O. Box 277. WILMINGTON GRANITE AND MARBLE 'WORKS, - v THE LADIES' STORE Offers McMenamin & Cos Famous Deviled Crabs. When you order yur next can of CrabK, try Existing: a slice of Cream "Bread, a dainty brown after buttering It slightly.-spread a half Inch !ayen e Deviled Crab over thts toast. Set in the oven so that it will be hot vhert. the egzs that you have broken Into the eggr basket and set In hot water, ar poached. The eggn should be lifted f rom the water nnd one laid on cache slfce of toast on the Crab meat. It can he mmie a dainty, tempting tiTferr-fo- the convalescent, who hates 'Toa sf and li'jpc.r never again to see CARPENTER GROCERY. What's The Matter With Your Boiler? LET US FIND OUT FOR YOU. We have jnsfc seen red the services or the ely first-class boiler motet in the city and' we are fully prepared to handle all konds of boiler work. No job too large. Estimates and bids submitted free of charge Yours for business WILMMGTOM IRON WORKS. jan 1 3 d & w, tfc SEE P(Q)TAT(D)E VARIOUS MM0)o WHITE BUSS, HOULTON ROSE, Malrc'Your Orders for iois wui oe uennine Maine Grown and Prices Will be Low. We will" be glad to qeole. WORTH witmnGTon. n. c. TH Buck's Store- 99 Co, Wilmington, H. C. LOOK HERE, YOUNG HAW Throw" away that abominaBft? ci garette aKxl gret acquainted wltN ui real good clar:. dgarrttes are srocd ctjoxtgh for adolescence: but when yoTre a man smotoj Vann's Sptclal I gars- and appreciatt the difference In your standln? businejw, social ami! from he viewpoint of health. Did yotr re mark thcMiame Vann's Special? ' J. D. VANM, TELEP1IONJE3 190. ROSE BEAUTY, BOVEE. Shipment When Rec3y I G O a 4 i 4