Newspapers / The Wilmington Messenger (Wilmington, … / May 16, 1897, edition 1 / Page 3
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i THE WILMINGTON MESSENGER, SUNDAY, MAY 16, 1897. 5 Motley Maslngg. In Poetry and Prose, by Querque. , (Copyrighted by Dawe & Tabor.) Like an elephant with a valentine or a merry-go-round playing Donizetti is the professional joker. Wit must be fresh as an, omelette, and bright as a child's 'smile. -It can no more be made to order than brains. Society has many pests the tedious talker, the bad dancer, the amateur tenor; but the greatest of all is the would-be comic man. lie twists ymr lightest word to form the heaviest pun, and spoils your smartest story to drag in a play on words, which, like a joke on a Greek play, requires a foot-note to mark its whereabouts. The man who, without any warning, Greets you early in the morning: -"I've heard, my friend, your herd of deer, Is merely drinking in the mere. It staggers me to always find, They leave the ladies all behind." - Or he Will supplement all his -answers with some crooked simile. You remark innocently "I'm off to Naples." He replies at once, "Is it possible? as the lady said when her lover sang 'Fly with me now.' "You are very pressing," the joker cried; "As the nut remarked when by crack ers plied. "I much regret I'm unable to wait; "As the .butler said when he dropped a plate. "In a hundred years it will be just the same; "As the cactus said when its blossom came. "It's the long suspense I chiefly fear; "As the victim said in the hangman's ear." Or he loves inversion and tells you that, like Esau, he has sold his pot right for a birth of message! .Some times outraged etymology is Re venged and brings in her anomalies in appropriately, like a dog in a jchrurch; as when the emotional and, dramatic reciter declaimed: "Go, thy liver loves," cried Cromwell, "Curfew shall not ring tonight!" or the eloquent preacher who extended his . large! hands over the edge of the pulpit afrd said impressively, "Pause, my brethren, pause!" - If you wished to speak of summer With its wealth of flowers and bees, How unfortunate the blunder , Should you talk of bowers and fleas! Or if walking in the garden Seeking out some cosy nooks, How sad to ask a lady . To repair to nosey cooks! Or if, contemplating beauty, You should feel some half-formed wish, ' How hard might go your wooing If vou said some half-warmed fish! Worse than all, if, as a poet, You described some weary bench, How very unpoetic If you said some beery wench. Then there is the practical joker; so called because, like most practical peo ple he is particularly unpleasant. He pulls away your chair, puts paper in your pipe, places a hat for you to sit on, or passes you salt instead of sugar. You do not see the joke yourself; but other people do. The unconscious practical humorist is the only specimen of this class who is really amusing. He who wrears strange garments and eccentric head gear; who carries an open umbrella when the rain has ceased, plays vio lin solos before he can tune the instru ment, takes amateur photographs, of his friends, woos in a railway car and forgets the tunnel has passed, gets married and responds to- the toast of "the bride," rushes into the depot as the train moves out, tries to post a let ter in the fire-alarm box, apologizes to the cigar store Indian, or holds a lamp in his hand when he goes out to see a comet. - Mirth and sadness are as closely al lied as great wit and madness. The cannon of Waterloo broke the revelry at the duchess of Richmond's ball and the wise Egyptians brought round the corpse when the feast was at its height. It is but a step from grave to gay; a step farther from lively to se vere, and a step-mother is worst of all. The brightest song the Robin sings, Dies in a single breath; So close to pleasure sorrow clings, So near to life is death. The maddest chorus men can shout, Sounds in a moment strange and hol low; So near to feasting comes the gput, So close to drinking headaches fol low. Honest laughter is the champagne of life that sets our blood dancing; our pulses throbbing and thaws the trouble numbed nerves like summer sunshine. You cannot mistake the genuine laugh. The forced laugh imitates it as feebly as the rattle of theatre tin i" resembles the roar of the cliff-bound ocean. "A man may smile and smile and yet be a villian;" but he cannot laugh; for laughter is -the foam of a clear con science bright. and light and pure. It is the very elixir of life warding off old age. resisting trouble and anx iety, and happy is the man who When cares and sorrows on life's path way throng, Can drive them off with honest jest and song ' And conscience clear, wherever he may roam "With mirth and laughter let the wrinkles come!" QUERQUE. PEOPLE ALL ABOUT. Judge Charles W. Walton, of the Maine supreme court, retires after thirty-five years' service on the bench. He is T3 years old. President McKinley is to deliver an ad- .n tv.n iin-ojliriCT- rvf thp Washington monument, in Philadelphia, next Satur- j day afternoon. ' Herman M. Shaffer, a professor in the Rochester (N. Y.) theological seminary, was accidentally killed by falling out of a window at his, home in Rochester. Two hundred and fifty-seven Chinamen have arrived in San Francisco to take part in the Nashville exposition. All but twenty-one will be returned to China. Mrs. William D. Noble, of Washington, D C, has given $20,000 to Harvard uni versity to establish a lecture course on re ligion as a memorial to her husband. Washington Messenger: The Pamlico smoking tobacco factory commenced op eration this morning. The members of the company are Captain A. WVStyron and Mayor S. C. Bragaw, Mr. H. E. Rose, of Virginia, an experienced manufacturer of smoking tobacco, is manager. The New York Stock Market, New York,. May 15. Chicago Sugar and Gas absorbed over one-third of the total sales at the stock exchange today, the dealings being about equal ly divided between- them. There was so little to encourage selling in Chicago,' Gas that the motive for it must be at tributed to doubts of the value of the stock being equal to the price. There were evidences of heavy liquidation based on apprehensions that the con solidation, measure will fail in the Iin nols legislature and with it thearrange ment for division of territory with a ri val company. Stop orders were reach ed on the way down, bringing large blocks of stock on the sagging market. Sugar also showed weakness through the pending proceedings against mem bers of the company for contempt of the senate, but recovered the loss. The Grangers also were subjected to special attack by the bears on account pf the weakness of the wheat market. There was little encouragement to buy "in the course of the London market, where Americans were largely neglected and prices were weak. There wras manifest apprehension also, as to what phase the Cuban question may have taken on by the time trading is resumed on Mon day. The? impression prevailed that the intentions of the administration to wards Cuba were in a formative state with a possibility of taking on an ag gressive tone. The anthracite coalers displayed I some firmness due to cover ing of shforts over Sunday and only trivial cianges occurred in their prices. The Gould shares also, mani fested a continuance of the strength they displayed yesterday, but it did not outlast the day and their prices de clined in the later dealings, involving them in net losses. There was a gen eral evening movement at the close of the session iwhich rallied prices slightly, nearly all tjirough the list from to Vz per cent, frbm the lowest, the latter in Ghicago Gas. Some of the extreme de clines were: Chicago Gas 2, Burling ton and Quincy 1, Northwestern 1, St. Paul , Rock Island 1, Omaha and New York, Chicago and St. Louis second preferred 1, the latter with out rallying. : Prices generally of securities are sub stantially lower than a week ago, but therehave not been lacking encourag ing features in the trading. The sub sidence of , the fears engendered by the war between Turkey and Greece led to a notable revival of activty in the foreign markets for securities and, al though Americans were given less at- tention than other securities, their prices in London improved and there Were many thousand shares bought in the New York market for foreign ac count. The subsidence of. the buying Lfrom' this quarter was apparently due to New York's persistent failure to re flect the confidence manifested by for eigners in American securities. Com mission brokers lay stress upon the dealings in bucket shops to account for the loss of interest by the outside pub lic in the market and the stock ex change is trying to stamp out bucket shops, by legal proceedings, and they withhold the quotations from them and from the public at large. V That the balance of internal mer chandise credits was affected" bv the recent heavy import movement is shown , by the April trade statement which reports an excess of imports of merchandise over exports of $25,128,134. But this still left for the ten months of the fiscal year an excess of mer chandise exported over imports of $61,005,751. The enormous import move ment seemed to be in full force still last week but this week's imports of drygoods and merchandise at New York showed a total of $12,058,694. This is still abnormally large, but is 52,623, 325 less than last week's total. Net de clines on the week are general. The early strength in the market resulted in gains of over a point in the Gran gers, Cotton Oil preferred, Chicago Gas, Tobacco, Tobacco Scrip, Louisville and Nashville and Leather preferred, frac- tional gains being general. Subsequent UUHllCO La UJJOllCU llCt J. WOO-O 111 lllUk) L. of these except Tobacco Scrip, which maintained its gain. Norfolk and Western preferred gained 3. The bond market was auiet during the week and suffered some sharp de clines in the usually dormant bonds. The undertone of the general market was fairly good, with purchases for foreign account -exerting quite- a sus taining influence. The. dealing includ ed a large number of issues, but the variations in the speculative lines were trivial. The principal losses were: Peoria, Decatur and Evansville sec onds 14 per cent., the first 5, Northern Pacific Terminal firsts IY2. Louisiana and Missouri River firsts 5, Western New York and Pennsylvania, incomes 4, Missouri Pacific consolidated six es 3, and Union Pacific sinking fund eights and Galveston, Houston and Henderson firsts 3 per cent. Govern ments were quite largely dealt in and displayed general firmness, with th new fours gaining slightly. The total sales of stocks today were 77,810 shares including: the following: American Tobacco Company. 1,200, Chi cago Gas 12,000, American Sugar 14,000, Burlington arid Quincy 8,700, St. Paul 6,200, Southern Railway 500, Southern Railway preferred 1,100. ' Two Lives Saved. Mrs. Phoebe Thomas, of Junction City, 111., was told by her doctors she had Consumption and that there was no. hope for her, but two bottles of Dr. King's New Discovery completely cured her and she says it saved her life. Mr. Thos. Eggers, 139 Florida St. San Fran cisco, suffered from a dreadful cold, approaching Consumption, tried with out result everything else then bought one bottle of Dr. King's New Discovery and in two weeks was cured. He is naturally thankful. It is such results, of which these are samples, that prove the wonderful efficacy of this medicine in Coughs and Colds. Free trial bottles at R. R. Bellamy's Drug Store. , .. REFIiECTIVE AND SENTTIMENTAL No words suffice the secret soul to show, For truth denies all eloquence to woe. - Byron. That's the kind of occupation Seems to suit him best; - Frets 'bout things thet don't concern him; Never takes no rest. When I ask him if his income Wouldn't be less slim Ef he'd stick ter his own troubles "I dunno," says Jim. Washington Star. Bncklen'a Arnica Salvo V The Best Salve In the world for Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, Tetter, Chapped Hands, Chilblains, Corns, and all Skin Erup tions, and positively cures Piles, or no pay required. It is guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction or money refunded. Price 25 cents per box. For sale by R. R. Bellamy. . i'n AiklPLl H L J Li iiii L vii , . . - inmrrii 'n ti'nr V ? "- ' The most .valuable of all waters, containing bicarbonate of lithia. For sale by druggists generally, or in cases of one dozen half-gallon bot tles, $5.00 f.o.b. at springs. .HasaMim Open all the year. First class in all its appointments. Write for pamphlet and roll information. The LINCOLN LITHIA WATER CO., Lincoln t woaooooQaooooooooooooosxxxxxxxxx FUN. Uncle Ned Instead of coming to me, why don't you borrow from your friends? Dick Why, because they are my friends, uncle. New York Tribune. "What is j'our opinion about the air- ship out in Kansas?" j Blavatsky looking 'round for a location.'' Detroit Free Press. "Miss Ruth Cutler, of New York, re cently cleared a high jump bar at five feet four inches." It is not stated whether the animal just behind her was a cow or a mouse. Yonkers' Statesman. Didn't Move Him. "Well, did the boss give you a raise?" "No." - "Not even when -you told him you had grown gray in his service?" "No. Gave me the name, of a good hair dye." Puck. The Difficulty. "Well," said" the Greek general glumly, "we have learned a les son." . "Yes," was the reply. "The thing I'm afraid of - is that it's going to be a long time before we get another chance to recite." Washington Star. Mrs. Hornbeak I wonder what we'd better give Cousin Em' ly for a wedding present? It ought to be something cheap that will make a big show. Farmer Hornbeak Guess we'd better give her a load of hay, then. New York World. Young Lady (to married sister) "Do tell me an appropriate present to give a new baby." Married Sister I know just the thing these little jewelled safety-pins. Baby, darling, had one given him six months ago and I have worn it ever since, Har lem Life. An Impression. "Did the lawyer get a clear view of the case?"-4nquired the liti gant's friend. "No; I'm afraid he didn't. I told him that my trouble was about money, and he seemed to.be proceeding on the theory that by relieving me of my money , he would cause the trouble to disappear." Washington Star. Mr. Belfield I don't like Spiff ins. He has wheels in his head. Mr. Bloomfield Don't you think that an expression to be condemned? Mr. Belfield Indeed, I don't. . I know that Spiffins has wheels in his head. Mr. Bloomfield How do you know? ..Mr. Belfield By the spokes that come out of his ' mouth. Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. Yarns About Alligators. - (Jacksonville, Fla., Cor. New York Sun.) The latest alligator yarn from Dade City reached here this morning. It says that some excitement was caused at Twin Lakes, west of here, on Wednesday last by the pranks of a big alligator near Hampton. Creek. Mrs. Henry Thomas died the day before and the body was be ing taken to the cemetery across the creek. The creek is about three feet deep. As the hearse reached the middle of the water an alligator dashed from the bank and began circling around the horses. The horses ran away, broke loose from the hearse and dashed to the bank, leav ing the hearse and driver in the middle of the stream. The alligator then attacked the horses in one of the buggies behind the hearse. Saul Jackson's black horse showed fight and the alligator bit his leg. The horse overturned the buggy, throwing Mrs. Jackson and two girls into the water. They managed to get to the shore in safety. One of the men went back half a mile and borrowed a rifle from a neighbor, came back, and, after six attempts, shot the alligator dead. It was nearly fifteen feet long. (Banyan Cor. Jacksonville, Fla., Times Union.) . F. A. Houston, of Bovine, brought over sixty-five 'gator skins for shipment last week. Fred has probably killed more; 'gators than any man in Florida. He is an artist in the saurian business. On ap proaching a slough where 'gators are likely to be he slips up with a cat like tread and imitates the grunt of a baby 'gator. If an old alligator is in hearing, she comes out at once, possibly to protect the young one. If a male one, he comes with the intention of making a meal of the dainty morsel. The. 'gator is a true cannibal. A large 'gator is seldom seen among smaller ones, unless it be the mother. The writer witnessed a battle between two monster 'gators years ago on the lower Indian river. They were a mile apart when first noticed. They were bel lowing at each other loudly. They ap proached slowly, each appearing to be on the defensive. But the battle was short. The larger one, when about twenty feet from his foe, . leaped nearly out of the water, -vith his mouth wide open. The smaller one, by springing quickly to one side, escaped. He then struck out for the opposite shore at a terrible rate, evidently feeling that he was outclassed by the big fellow. Take JOHNSON'S CHILL & FEVER TONIC. "Did Herself Proud." (The Commonwealth.) Wilmington "did herself proud" gen erally in entertaining the large number of visitors. There were no complaints and, no disappointments, but everv things passed off like the rendition of a programme at a May-day. When it was decided1 a year ago to hold the session in Wilmington, there was some doubt expressed as to wheth er or not Wilmington could accommo date such, a gathering. But any one who attended the convention in that hospitable city, had personal proof that no more royal entertainment has ever been given any assembly than the good people of Wilmington gave the Baptist hosts of the south. The Washington Post says that Steve Crane is trying the blank verse style of war news.v It strikes us that it's a blank ed sight worse than that. St. Louis Star. A SPECIFIC FOR Bright's Disease, Diabetes, Stone in Bladder, All Kidney Diseases, All Urinary Diseases, Gout, Eczema, Rheumatism, Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Neryous Affections, Diseases of Women, Inebrity, Opium Habit on, N.C. How Gen. McClernan Died. (Tweed Correspondence Macon (Ga). Telegraph.) It is probable that but a few old sol diers who wore the blue, or gray liv ing now, have any recollection of the death of General McClernan, in what manner he was killed and who was re sponsible for it. The man responsible resides here. His name is Elijah Curl and he is about 65 years old and was attached to ; the confederate army in Virginia. He was a brave soldier. Gen eral McClernan. commanded a federal brigade and was a hard fighter. 0 One morning during the war, Mr. Curl says, it was not a regular engage ment, the federals gathered near Orange Court House in Virginia, and began throwing shot into the camp of the confederates. The latter were not expecting any action, when suddenly the federal soldiers dashed forward and attempted to assault them, but were repulsed. In the midst of the affair General McClernan came up riding on a fiery steed, and, asking, Mr. Curl said, in a gruff manner, "Whose com mand is this?" "Never mind the com mand," Mr. Curl said, who at once ob served that the general had made a mistake,4 and got in wrong quarters. "Surrender," shouted Colonel Rivers, standing near Mr. Curl. General Mc Clernan turned his horse and dashed off, but before he got many paces Mr,. Curl shot him dead. Fain-lrtiiler. (PKRHT OITIS.) A 8nr and Safe Remedy in every ease and eTery kind of Bowel Complaint is Pain-killer. This Is a tine statement and it can't be made too strong or too emphatic. It is a simple, safe and quick cure for Cramps, Cough, Rheumatism, Colic, Colds, Neuralgia, Diarrhoea, Croup, Toothache.' TWO SIZES, 25c. and 00c. iwnitintmwtiMtnttftmy ivy, . i.'i. n H m to its natural color by lwa J?'" r a wt. no dve harmless, oleasant odor. $1 00 ft Dottle laws a m r .. : . , -. i.tctc'm HAIR TOXIC Hmoves dandruff, stops tair from f allingout anckpromotes growth 1.00 a bottle VRI3 MEDIC ANT CO 108 In Tton6t..N.Y.rBCC 1 applicationf 1 fcfc Illustrated Treatise on Hair on R- R. Bellamy, Wm. Niestlie J. H. Hardin li. tf.feasser, w. m. ureen & Co., Jas. C. Munds mix 1 am su weu in REMEMBER 73i "When you insure that the INSURANCE COMPART . AlwaysIPays its Losses in Cash. . 11 . nliijU Hall & Pearsall, WHOLESALE DEALERS IN Groceries and Provisions, Farmers and Distillers' Supplies SAMPLES AND PRICES ON BEQUEST Nutt and 'Mulberry Sts. l Roil The following rates for Passenger Fare will be in force to any and all stations on and after May 4th, 1897: Single trip tickets, one way, 20 cents each. Excursion tickets, round trip, 35 cents each. Commuters book, . 20 round trips, 16.00 per book. From Greenville or Bradley's Creek to any station on Beach 15 cents round trip. From "Wrightsville to any station on Beach 10 cents round trip. From any station on Beach to any other station on Beach 5 cents each way. R. O. GRANT, Supt. GEO. R. FRENCH, President. my 4 10 TRUTH,,, Only lO Cents Per Annum. To any Non-Catholic in North" Carolina, we will send lor only 10 cents per annum, (6 TRUTH" A Catholic Magazine deroted to giving TRUE explanations of the Catholic Church that is of the Catholic Church as it Is, not as caricatured ind misrepresented Address "TRUTH," Rev. Thos. F. Price, Man. RALEIGH,N.O Lino HOD me BOIlIIiT in mm I loQ-Coi wm Goro IHIE& 22nSiiLti'iF:S3 Tf f,afe, ours aros: rrri- zr rr ' reliable Female ptt.t. !YfiL ... rnst . .. rvr.-. a aeBMv a ukmj a a m urn m u v. c v n ic...vwi juwubs. if; Ask for . HOYZSS PESrUYSOTA YTLZS and Mtake no other. iWend lor circular. lrice $1.00 per box. boxes lor $5.00U For Sale by W. H. Green & Co. J. W. NORWOOD, PBESIDEflT. Atlantic National Bank, WILMINGTON, N. C. Paid in Capital $125,000. Surplus and Un divided Profits $65,000. UUII U I TDUU! A fliiTTTI A il if I O A TmfTlTT E Liberal loans made at lowest rates on made a specialty of supplying, without to borrow on good security. YOUR ACCOUNT SOLICITED.T ; PTRFTiOTQ re,S :I J. W. NORWOOD, C. W. WORTH, W. E. SPRINGER, S. P. McNAIR. D, L. GORE, v E. J. POWERS. P. L.BRIDGERS G. A. JtfO. S. ARMSTRONG, PRESBEDT THE HATIOIIAL BAM OF WILUIH6T0H, As the youngest Bank in the city, we feel very grateful for the large an ount of business that has been given us, and we promise our friends-to look after their interests to the very best of our ability. v ONo 'Interest We are anxious for new business and hope you will join us, as we will do as well for you as any Bank in the State. After a little more than two years business we have paid $6,000 in Dividends, $10,000 to Surplus and $3,000 Undivided Profits. Nt Resources $410,000. DIRECTORS: GEOJ R. FRENCH, WILLIAM C ALDER" CHAS- E. BORDEN, JNO. S.7 ARMSTRONG, GABRIEL HOLMES.I HUGH Macrae, JAMES H. CHADBOURN. JB BUILDING WE ARE UNQUESTIONABLY i Pup iim SASH D00ES AND BLINDS' LocKS; fiiDoes. Nails anil Builders Hardware Let us figure oh your wants. Competition of any and all points can be met by Ihe li JACOBI HARDYAEE COMPMY- 2 SOUTH FRONT STREET. ; If the one"of them for your trouble: We know iust what we are savmg.f win F.. Sorinoer fi PURCELL BUILDING. ALL ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO ATTEND TEE I ill IE OFMILLINERT, HATS (TRIMMED AND UNTEIMMED) FLOWERS, FEATHERS AND TRIMMINGS, RIBBONS, LACES, GLOVES, UN- DER"VVEAR, CORSETS, UMBRELLAS, SUN SHADES AND NOTIONS DRY. GOODS New and desirable goods In Silks, Organdies, DJmitles Lawns, , Lappets, Plaids and Checks, Brilliantines and Percales, and aU . other fashionable goods. Prices lower than any other house in the stat. quality and style considered. All we ask is a call. A glance through tar establishment will convince you of the same. 118 MARKET STREET, Samples sent on application. lime. A. Ruppeffs Face Bleach and ever offered to ladies. es'DeciaLhr reeoiriTn g ed to raarricd Iiadiesw W. J. T001IEB, CASHEE approved security. We have r?lway postponement, all customers desiring oAWL BEAK, JR.. H. L. VOLLERS. W. C. COKER. .TR NORWOOD, GREENVILLE, S. C. F. B. HAWES, CA8H1EE on Deposits, o C W. YATE , J. G. L. GIESCHEJ- WM. E. WORTH! WILLIAM GILCHRIST SUPPLIES HEADQUARTERS TOE 3e goods anything on this market p rove it, and we will p re sent vou with 60.: sole fluents WIL1TING TON- N. C. 3L7JI2 SI- IlK II WILMINGTON, N. - Soap. PI LI A.
The Wilmington Messenger (Wilmington, N.C.)
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May 16, 1897, edition 1
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