Newspapers / The Monroe Journal (Monroe, … / May 19, 1914, edition 1 / Page 2
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i faLtti y. psii Ma FULL HEAT IN A MINUTE That's an advantage when you have to heat something quickly in the night. New TPerSciioit Oil Cook-stove heats instantly without smoke or smell. It has all the convenience of gas and costs less for fuel than any other stove. It is the best oil-burning device yet pro duced for cooking purposes. The New Perfection No. 5 has the new Fireless Cooking Oven, which roasts and bakes perfectly slow, fast or fireless cooking, to suit every need. New Perfection Stoves are also made in 1 , 2, 3, and 4-burner sizes. No. 5 stove includes broiler and toaster. These utensils can be obtained separately for the smaller sizes. Sad-iron heater and cook-book free with every stove. At dealers everywhere, or write direct for catal locue. STANDARD OIL COMPANY Waxhfnunn.D. C (New Jersey) ChB-inte.N.C. Norlolk. Va. BALTIMORE Charlct town.W.Va. Richmond. Va. Charlc-.ton. . C. Great Excitement, But the Goat Was Serene WASHt.NUTO.V Thta is about a lawyer and a goat. Not the lawyer-! goat, but a r-ai Hilly that belonged o a boy. Ail the lawyer had to do with it was to tell what happened to show the serenity of a goat when subjected to excitement. And as a serene goat Isn't an everyday affair, here goes: Scene, Massarhusetts avenue ai it enters Scott circle. Hour, about 5:1.", when bankers, brokers, corpora tion lawyers and capitalists of early JhI bird haljil8 ere hlU downtown U: VSjJ 'i5i J A in their limousines, touring cars and ttltill lui wniiu uuus ." above a street car uuiil they came to the goat lie was on the wrong side of the street. And he woulda't budge. The conveyance to which he was hitched a box on wheels, 1914 model was crowded with sections of six mall boys whose legs were danglius out side. They urged and beseeched. cajoled, threatened and whacked, but the goat calmly chew ed his gum and staj d put. There never any telling what goes on under the horns of a billy goat 1n the brains we don't concede hira. Perhaps he had a hunch that his one best way to get rid of hauling six boys was to refuse to haul one. So he stood and stood and stood, until The composite banker, broker, corporation lawyer and early bird capital ist canned in his nifty machine had blocked the asphalt, and the street was fringed with mere everyday humans, who will have to walk until they acquire wings. No reference whatever to airships. Then a blue cloth guurdian of the law breezed Into the foreground and Uot his goat. Call Him the Story Telbr in Chief to the House ONE funny story in one ten minute speech, by all tradition, unwritten rules and precedent of the house of representatives. Is amply sufficient. But since this administration has set its face against following precedent, Tom Heflin. representative from Alabama and story teller In chief to the house, has started out loyally to upset tradi tion. He has taken to telling two sto ries instead of one In the time men tioned. Here are two samples Mr. Heflin recently Interjected Into de bate: "A fellow had lost an eye, and he said to the surgeon, 'Doc, I have Just naturally got to have another eye, and 1 don't want any glass eye. I want a flesh eye.' The doctor replied, '1 can put a cat s eye iu for you.' The man said, 'All right, just so I can see with it." "So the surgeon very skilfully transplanted the cat's eye In the place of the one the man had lost. In about three months the surgeon saw his pa tient and said, 'Hill, how Is your eye?' Hill replied, 'Well, Doc, It Is all right, I guess. The only objection 1 have got to the darned thing is that it Is al ways looking for crickets and mice.' " The second one: "On one occasion a dvsnentle nreaeher went home with a member of his church for dinner. The good wife had prepared a feast fit for the gods. There was fried chicken, round, robust biscuits, red ham swimming In red gravy and the finest coffee that ever flowed from a spout. The good lady was Justly proud of what she had spread before the parson. "Hud, the nine-year old fon. with fork In hand, was Just ready to do bat tle with the good things before him, when his mother said, 'Parson, won't you have some of tlia chicken?' To their surprise and the utter bewilderment of Hud, the parson replied, 'No; I never eat chicken.' "The good lady then asked. Parson, have a piece of ham.' Hut the par son answered, 'No. I dare not eat ham.' Hud dropped his fork. "The good lady then said, 'Won't you have a biscuit?' and the parson replied, Did you use soda in the composition of those biscuits? Well, then, 1 cannot eat biscuits made with soda.' "Hud. In wide-eyed ;is;oiilnh:nent, lo ked nt his mother and exclaimed, with nncer ami earnestms, '.Ma, maybe the darned old fool would suck a raw egg!' " oPhl How a North Carolina Moonshiner Wen His Case If it Is a high grade riano or Pla yer Piano, duet bench with music desk, or Organ you want, we have the best. Hollaway Bros. Near Tassenger Depot, MOXUOE, N. C. R:a:xK;::n::!s;::im Do you know 1 that the best pleased people in North Carolina are those who hold policies in the Philadelphia Life Insurance Company? Ask us about them. GORDON SAS CO. . All Kinds of Insurance. I Farmers A Merchant' Bank Bid. MONROE. N. 0. REl'RL'SENTATIVF. K. W. TOU of North Carolina tells a good one on him self. He says: "In my home county was a man by the name of Reaves, who was indicted for a violation of (lie revenue laws, and retained me to defend him. As he waa regarded as wen-mindrd man. the Judges wer JrQQ''' i) disposed to be lenient, though the evi Q&xISL Vn donee was conclusive as to his guilt 1 iuju ueuves iuui lie iiiuhi un as foolish as he could In order to help his case. So on the day the case wai tried Reaves appeared In court it was a roasting summer day wearing la heavy overcoat buttoned up to his throat. "When the court was opened by the marshal Reaves Jumped up and made a spectacle of himself by calling out foolish statements. As the Judge would have to take action, I rose end told the judge that he could see fot himself that my client was not a responsible person; so the case was nolle prossed and Reaves told to go and sin no more. "Several years later, when I was the prosecuting attorney, I found that Reaves had been up to his old tricks und was In court for trial on another violation of the revenue laws. When he took the stand I asked him the fol lowing questions: "'You have frequently been indicted for this offense?' " 'You ought to know,' replied Reaves. 'You were my lawyer.' " 'Yes,' I returned, 'but did you not go in court and play the fool to get out of trouble?' " 'No, sir,' said Reaves, quickly. 'As for playing the fool, It wag you, sir, did that!'" Why John Sharp Williams Never Joined the .Army n ENATOR JOHN SHARP WILLIAMS was never In the Confederate army J Hut the fault Is not his. He started with the best Intentions, as well ai with a knapsack filled with a good lunch. The war was at its height when he was a big boy of eleven, and as his father was In the army, and doz ens of friends and relatives had gone forth to battle against the dreaded "Yank," John Sharp one night decided that his country called him to arms. The fact that he was only eleven, and about the only road he knew waa that to the candy shop, did not deter hlra. Out In the darkness of the night the "call" of his country sounded aa loud aa the dinner horn to hungry bands In the harvest field. Bo young Williams arose and set forth down the road In the early dawn. And ai he tramped down the lanes of dust, past the still farmhouses o?ei which hung the early smoke from the kitchen chimney, he dreamed dreami of how he would come back on a prancing charger covered with glory, gore and gold lace. Then suddenly behind him he heard the lope of- an approach lng horseman. Looking back, he saw It was old Uncle Zeph on the blind mule. Uncle Zeph pulled op the mule with a Jerk beside ma young master. "John, your maw savs as how you better be gittin' back home in a hurry Kha sin't er fcoin ter stand fur no filch goln'i on!" exploded Zeph. "You Jest cUm' up hera 'bind me on dia mule and hell tcto us home ter breakfast!" Seasonable Offerings -AT- Crow Brothers Cash Store. Ladies' Dress Goods. In Dress Goods and Waistings we have choice patterns in Brocade Crepe-de-Chine, Plain and Fla kola Crepe, Linens in all shades, and large assort mcnt of patterns in Red Seal Ginghams. Oxford Shoes. We have received large lots of Oxfords for Men and Women, all ready for the mild weather that is at hand. Spring Suits. A fine line of new Spring Suits in blues, browns, tans, and grays, all shades and new stlyes. Come to the Big General Store for all your needs. Crow Bros, cosn store. The Most Important Thing a druggist do'es is fill prescriptions. There is no drug store where this feature has more scrupulous attention than here. When there is sickness in the house It Does Not Pay to Take Chances. Better bring your prescription here, where every thing is certain to be right. ENGLISH DRUG CO. THE DEPENDABLE STORE, MONROE, N, C. Every Cent You Spend Fool ishly is Banked by Some One. Why not Bank it yourself? It is your money. Save it Start an Account with us. We will help you save. We Pay 4 per cent Interest in Sav ings Department. Savings, Loan &. Trust Company R. B. Redwlne, President. & O. Blair. Vice-President. H. B. Clark, Cashier. I. H. Blair, Assistant Castilea. When you ride, ride The Indian. THE W. J. RUDGE CO., Agents. Write for catalogue.
The Monroe Journal (Monroe, N.C.)
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May 19, 1914, edition 1
2
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