AN ESSAY ON" HENS.'
It is .my purpose Jn the course of
this essay to set down a few of my
personal observations on the subject
of "Hens" for the benefit of unborn
generations. I have had exceptional
opportunities for studying the habits
and customs of hens, and I have often
aucuieu uy me aiarmmg
scarcity of literature bearing upon
mis important subject.
The hen is -a wonderful, bird, and I
have always thought she deserved
more attention from the outside world
than she gets. I have felt a deep
seated interest in the hen for a good
many years.and I have done all in
my power to start a wave of popular
sympathy in her favor; but for a long
time it seemed that my gray hairs
would have to go down in sorrow to
the grave without tasting the fruits
of my labors. Many times I have
otuuu wuh tears in my .eyes and great
lumps of undigested agony in my
breast and watched the world go dash
ing on in its mad career, all unmind
ful of the faithful hen. I have heard
the smart wags of the country turn
out various and sundry rough jokes
at the expense of the hen, while she
stood afar off with her face buried
in her handkerchief, weeping, one
great sorrowful wope right after
another."
The hen is very chicken-hearted and
cannot bear to be snubbed. A snub-
J fiuiui 01511 L. X lie
hen does not possess such a brilliant
and side-splitting sense of humor as
your humble servant happens to be
the proprietor of, and for that reason
she cannot take a joke. Then hen
ta?ies life very seriously, as a general
rule. I have been personally
acquainted with a great many differ
ent hens in my time, and almost with
out an exception they have gone
through life with a sad and melan
choly expression on their faces. The
hen never laughs except on certain
occasions, but when she thinks the
occasion demands it she throws off
her henly dignity and goes into it
heart and soul. Whenever she be
comes the mother of a new egg she
most always climbs onto the fence
nnrl raTrtia cmraral minutnn 4-s 1 n n ivk
ter. On these occasions her face ex
pands into a very respectable smile,
and the ripple of her musical
1 nV,o V,4. i It.
adjoining plantations in a manner
that is altogether satisfying. But
with the exception of these ovations
which the hen gives to her new-born
eggs, she is very meek and lowly in
heart.
The infant hen is called a biddy,
and when she reaches her early hen
hcod she is sometimes called, a pullet.
When a young hen becomes the
author of her first new and original
egg she throws aside all her maidenly
reserve and abandons herself to a
season of . unalloyed enjoyment. She
thinks there was never anything to
equal her performance, and the novel
ty of the situation appeals to her with
such force that she has to cackle
right out. The greatest day of a
hen's life is the dayshe lays her first
egg. , She may go on laying eggs for
years and -years, but her bosom will
never again heaye with so much un
mingled joy as it hove with on that
occasion.
After the novelty of the thing wears
ofi, the young hen will usually go on
laying eggs for a few weeks in a very
quiet sort of manner, and then she
will taKe a notion an at once mat sne
would like to get out a new edition of
little henlets, and when she takes
that notion there isn't any use to
argue with her. She won't listen
to argument. She will turn her
head to one side and walk off talking
to herself in a subdued and absent
mmaea tone of voice. She will take
long walks about the plantation all
alone, and will look suspiciously at
every person she , meets. Presently
sne will entirely disappear and' re
main in that condition for quite a long
time. And the next thing you know
she will walk up into the barn-yard
some fine morning with ten or fifteen
little henlets trotting at her heels.
By this time she has assumed a very
motherly attitude and goes about
scratching worms for her baby hens
to fight over. .
I can understand the hen very well
until she takes a notion to set, but
after that I am not able to cope with
the deep mysteries of her nature. All
I can do is to take off my hat, bow
my head reverently, and walk away.
For several thousand years we de
pended entirely upon the setting hen
to multiply and replenish the earth
with chickens, but we are somewhat
more independent of the huffy old
dame in these latter days if me
chanical ingenuity and ready-made
majorities. Several years aero one of
these inventor fellows turned his at
tention to henology, and before the
rest of us learned, what he was up to,
10 and behold, he had turned out a big
wooden hen that could do -the work
of a, dozen feathered hens. All vou
have to do is to pour a bushel of eggs
into a hopper and start the machine
and it will grind out hundreds of lit
tle infant hens while you wait if
you care to wait long enough.
The discovery of the incubator, or
mechanical hen, "marks a great step
forward . in the culture of the hen.
The faithful old setting hen, who has
worked hard all her life to supply the
market with spring chickens, can now
retire to a reserved seat in the first
oalcony of the hen-house and spend
the remainder of her life in compara
tive, ease knowing that the work
which she began will be pushed to a
successful climax by the aid of these
new labor-saving machines.
I have just one more suggestion to
make along this line. I rise as one
man to suggest that all setting hen
who have worn themselves out in the
service of the poultry market, and
who are now removed to give room
for more improved machinery, be
piaced on the pay roll of the retired
1st.
A KNOTTY PROBLEM.
Here is a knot of the knottiest knots
hat were ever knotted in the name
of a knot, and I'm going to print it
whether or not.
Not knowing the number of knots,
it will not be unwise to count the
knots, or else, as apt as not, we shall
not know the number of knots when
we get done with this knotty bundle
of knots.
First, there is the nautical knot;
for do you not know that a ship sails
so many knots whether the wind
blows or not; and I want to know if
a nautical .knot is the same knotty
sort of a knot as the old-fashioned
pine knot? And if not, why not?
And that's knot number one.
And then there is the pine-knot.
And who has not, as apt as not, set
up by the light df a knot and worked
out many a knotty mathematical knot?
And was not the pine knot a great
blessing when lamps were not? And
if not, why not? And that's knot
number two. ' : - ;
And then . there's the love knot. And
who has not, whether in love or not,
tied many a love knot in the name of
love that dies not? And did not the
iOve-knot come in handy when speech
was not? And that's knot number
three. '
And next comes the tou-knot which
hens and women forget not, and
which most men admire not. Is the
top-not a pretty knot? I answer.
certainly not. And if not, why not?
And that's knot number four.
Right here I have struck a knot
and can't get any, further with thi
knotty collection of knots. But this
is enough knots; is it not? And if
not, why not? And that's knot num
ber five.
16 AND 40.
This world is full of. mysteries.
In jolting around through the world
we have bumped up against things
that we couldn't understand. And
there are other problems that we
can't approach close enough to bump
up against, much less solve them.
We have often strayed our optics on
matrimonial misfits that would have
puzzled all the Wise Men of the East
and caused the philosophers of
Greece to commit suicide.
We can understand why pumpkin
vines don't lay goose eggs, and why
a black-snake can't straddle a log,
and a thousand other questions of
less magnitude. But when it comes
to shaving our puny n intelligence
down to a fine point and figure out
the reason why a sweet-faced, bright-
eyed, intelligent feminine fairy of
sweet sixteen will consent to marry
an old hunch-backed, crimson-nosed,
swaggering swill-tub with a breath
like a buzzard and a record like a
convict one who for forty long,
lingering summers has prowled about
in the vineyard of human nature
then we just hold our breath, swap
ends with ourself and scream out:
"Take us, tied, tangled and tumfooz
led. Laws' Lash, Moravian Falls,
N. C.
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