VOL II.
MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, JANUARY,
NO. 1.
HE FIXED IT.,
A friend of mine had a big rhud-tiole
Right plum in front of his house;
And the wagoners passed and got
hung up, - - '
And cussed to .beat the douse. ;
My friend was a good old Christian
man, i - ; ,. .
And he hated to hear such talk,
And so he decided to fix that hole
So the horses would not balk. .
He went out there with shovel and ax
And fell to work with a vim, '
And pretty soon a man came along
And stopped to talk with him..
he
"I see you're workin the road,
said; - -
Then answered the good old soul:
"I got tired of hearing the drivers
cuss, ; ' . :
And I thought I'd fix this hole.
The fellow took his pipe from his
mouth, v
(I'm sure the, pipe was a cob,)
And smiled and said,-as he : passed
along,
"Well, you're doin' a dam good job."
A LOVE STORY.
A SERMON BY THE PASTOR OF
THE FLOCK.
TEXT: "And the .littte bird sat. on
the roof of the cow-shed and scratch
ed Its neck. And it sadly said,
scratch because it itches."
;Now, my good Idiots, do you know
w are like the little bird? We . do
hings because because we can't help
doing them. - Most ot us are not what
we are from personal choice. Our lots
were cast among certain environ:
ments, and we can't get out. Our on
iy prerogative-is to stay where we are
and make the most of our surround-
Jngs. - T-t
H the great Conductor of the unit
verse had. loaded us all -onto a special
Pullman palace car and sent us into
Wonder if we could :en joy-life. better next day. But nobody Jever reads the r'
if we didnt have to scratch so hard-Recordi.and.it isn't worth half the
for a living :; Seems like "we could:
And again it seems dike we couldn't.
The molasses is always sweeter be
cause we dug hardlin the cane-patch,"
and the candy of life has for us a bet
ter flavor if stir It with our own.
old wooden spoon
?: Here is the lesson we have learned
from the text: I It is better that we
scratch for ourselves. And it is also
better that we have not a gold-plated
mantel-piece to scratch against. ..." 'A
black-jack bush , is better. So we will
go on - scratching) as usual. We will
not break' our - neck's to get rid - of
scratching them. - That would be kill
ing the goose; -and so forth. 7; y
(rnndhv.-t- At nnnthfir timp. Twill tftll
this world, richly dowered with,, "wis-: . . . - ... ,-
v. -. T-yuttwnatbecaine--oftbe-littIe.bird
For the present he- has"; tuck.e6T his
head under : his wing and gone to
sleep. -
Ham Short saw - Sally Spriggins
Sally Spriggins saw Sam Short. Sam
seemed sorely smitten. , Sally sorter
smiled. Some strange, sweet sensa
tion seemed silently : set soulward
Sam signified such sensation, so Sally
soon saw something serious seemed
sure. Sam said Sally's smiles shed
sweetness. Sally "said Sam's speech
sounded sorter silly. ;,':
Several Sundays saw Sam sporting
Sally. Saying some sentimental sen
tence, Sam sorter sighed. Sally sat
silent. -"' ' ' ' :
Suddenly Sam, seeming strangely
stirred, spoke saying: "Say, Sally,
suppose somebody sought : spouse,
should somebody" succeed?" , - -
Sally simply said: "Seek sire, Sam,
seek sire." So Sam" sought Sire
Spriggins. Sire Spriggins said,
"Sartin." " " '
dom and all other good . things and
told us to choose for ourselves, how
many " of ; us would haye chosen the
place we. now occupy ? Not many.
We would have all ta&en a suite of
rooms in the finest hotel in town. We
would all have been fine people, with
nothing to do but visit all the other
fine people, and. if our neck itched we
would have hired a nigger to scratch
it. - - - y -"
But I amindulging in -dreams. .We
don't happen to find ourselves rolling
in such opulence. . Most of us are just
common folks, and if our shoulder
blade itches we have to scrub it a-
gainst a tree. Maybe the little bird
wouldn't be roosting on the desolate
IS US CLE SAM A FOOL?
-Is. Uncle Sam a fool, I say? And I
answer, it looks a devil of a sight like
it sometimes. It's a well-known fact
that the old star-studded rascal can
spend more money foolishly than any
other man or set of men, corporation
or institution, that ever- tried to - do
business.,
I, have already had my say on the
battleship - question," and now I want
to call your, attention to that thun
deration, tarnal-nation howling hum-
old cow-shed if it had a cozy home bug known as the Government. Print-
Fletcherism, the new health fad,
urges people to chew their food" more
carefully. Good advice, no -doubtT
but the problem of chewing- isn't
bothering me half-"as much r as the
problem of getting something, to chew.
under some warm south bank, - with a
sweet little rivulet babbling near and
fa few bright flowers glinting and
smiling in the sun. But some other
bird got there first. I guess it was
the "early bird" that we have .heard
so much about. Here we're about to
discover that the early bird catches
other things .besides the worm. Oh,
that we could all be early birds. But
we can't If some' of us et- there
first, ? others are bound to get' there
last . ' - ! . , i -'
It seems like the fates have worked
off a huge" joke on us- poor idiots.
Why compel us to wai.t for. the second
tablejlmly to find it empty and bare?
Why , not. let' us all eat first and all
get" the best ' victuals? -That's the
question I want answered, I've-waited
long for the answer, and still -wait.
And in '.. the l meantime, ; figuratively
speaking, . I have-to stand on - the rooL
of the cow-shed and scratch my neck.
Arid I scratch' becauseMt itches. : ,
ing Office. It's ajbig establishment,
and it 'costs millions of dollars toTrun
it I've been there and seen it been
all through the blamed thins. They
boast of, its being the largest printing
office in the world, and maybe it is.
I'm npt disputing about " its size, for
goodness knows ''it's, a whopper. But
what good is it ? What do they print
there that is worth a dried-apple cuss
to anybody? ' .
They print the Congressional Re
cord when Congress is in session. The
Record is the official cemetery where
they bury the lifeless utterances . of
our clawhammer-coated Congression
al kangaroos. - It is also useful-for
Congressmen to slop over -in when
thera is not room at the Capitol. .Ev
ery .word that-is uttered in Congress,
as well as a lot of Swords that are ;not
uttered, gets itself printed-; in' the
Record, ' If . the . nigger boy that' runs
the. elevator happens to sneeze, you
can-read that sneeze- in ' the Record
white paper it is printed on." -
What else do they print at the G. P.
O? ' . - -
Oh. thev urint , Renorts. ' Renorts.
Reports. Great big heavjv ponderous : -
yblumes rof Reports about this,- that
and the I other Rep'orts that nobody .
on earth is interested -in. They, .use
the" finest grade of heavy book paper '
for these Reports, and put them in
n a. iiriini v n t: 11 j 1.1 1 iiiiiuiiinst fi 1111 . briiu :
them broadcast , over, the country!: No-
body was ever known to read on of"
these Government Reports. .They are ".
dumped -into -the - cellar with other
rubbish and trash, and there they- lie:
till they rot. have abouta vwagott'- -load
of thems in my own cellar, : and -
they are . Just" now cettor : good and
mellow. ;' If-a "man,had a great secret
that must be kept hid from air the v
yorld,: the safest-place- to "put it would
be in a Government Report. '
Expensive? Yes,, golly, I: reckon' It -is
exnensive. I haven't seen any ex-
act figures oit-the subject.but it must
cost millions of dollars to. print : and
send out 'all that'rubbish. "And nearly -
- .- - . '
V.U - P 4- Jrt VM 5 TT . , TITO OQrt -
BVtJl V . Ult Ui. it XO CUUtCi; tlOBlvu.:.
Just ; as well . take that much money "r,
n-nA VitrttTr if in Ti a rurnr .:l
" But Uncle Sam dotft giv a doggon..
He just dives down into his jeans send "
and digs up the long green and says:
Here, boys, take this. Go and ouy
more - paper and ink and hire mqre
hands and print more Reports to send
..4-... 4v nnnnln tttV TlTrtll 1 I r 't : riTA. tVirOO
cents a ton for them." ' " " "
iviigniy lauuueiiiuuQ ouu w.
But just the other day the news went
forth that he was" not able to buy new.
flags - and was going to " darn the old
ones. Mignty tnunaerauou your oam
is.
.Work out the problem, ; boys. r. give"
it up. r-
NEW PRESS DEEDED.
BoysI've got .to buy me a larger
I. Ul .-iiiw . via .- ..... IV. . . A
la'tion has grown so large that I can't
handle-it much longer on the press
now. have. The new press will cost;
a whole lot of money, and I must de-x
pend on you to help me get, it. You
roil in the subs, and I'll do the rest. .
Boys, if you will 'just - keep rolling
in: the subs like youare doing" now;
we will soon" show the world what .the
word -"circulation means.', '