Am jivooi-Lmcr,
of Thrilling
A Pungent
Periodical
Thought.
Idibtoiial
Viva, Madero! . , .
Readhop-Talk." ,
PUBLISHED MONTHLY.
Still a-killin' em.
J. L. PEARSON,
EDITOR. Poor old Standard , Oil!
One year ; to your heart, 25 Cents.
in Clubs of Five or More, 15 Cents.
Entered S as second class matter
March 30, 1910, at the postoffice at
Moravian Falls, N. C, wider the act
of March 3, 1879.
Money talks with cents.
Whoop-pee! Send me a club.
Diaz is about to peter. Goody.
Boo-hoo! That's John D. crying.
Shoot Fool-Killers at 'em and you'll
get 'em. .
wear
TAKE NOTICE!
Tin not Rend nostase stamDS on suh-
nr.tJtk Labor -creates all wealth and then
Remittances should be made by Gives it to the deadbeats.
registered letter, express or poawwue A , woman who wants to
money order. breeches is a pantaloonatic.
Be careful to write your own name
and address- nlainlv. and direct all I'll bet they have to call on T. R. to
letters and. make all orders payable settle that Mexican-fuss yet
THE FOOL-KILLER,
Moravian Falls, - - - North Carolina.
OOOD-BI. BAREFOOT BOY, -r and crawls in. Then other Hookies
Send me a bunch of subs to help
buy that new press. Got to have it. r
A LITTLE SHOP-TALK.
It would be just like ' a woman to
try to put on her breeches over her
head.
The Standard Court and the Su
preme Oil Company seem -to be sorter
mixed up.
Boys, I "can't feel satisfied to close
the forms for this issue of The Fool
Killer without indulging in r a' little
"shop-talk." I want to shake hands
with every one of you and invite you The lawyer is to politics what the
into mv Drivate office where we can Jew is tofinance too devilish smart
talk things over quietly. ; . for anything
In the first place, I want to thank
Some men turn down the goad op
portunities and hang on to the slim
chances.
you all for the splendid work you
have been doing in helping me to
build up the paper's circulation. A
regular stream of subs have been The only over-production that
pouring in, for the last few months, I threatens this .country is, an . over-
and the money that these subs have I production of fools
brought in has been a big help to me
in a time of great need. ;
I told you seme time ago about the
sickness in my family, and how we
were having to camp in the back end
of our printing' office. My wife told
you or our plans for building us a
cottage this summer, and we are
working hard to get it ready before
next winter closes in on us.
? As I said, the money received on
subscription has been- a wonderful
. help, but we need it all, and more.
The paper is our only source of in
come, and we can't go ahead with bur
building any faster than the paper
will permit. So if you like to read
The Fool-Killer I hope you will take
a personal interest in its success and
send in as many subs as you can. I
am nearly studying my head off to
-give you something warm and lively,
and if you think it's good stuff yu
ought to get all your friends to help
you enjoy it.
Viva, Madero! Now maybe -old
Navarro would like to put me' in
prison for saying it.
The harem breeches for women is
liable to reveal the awful fact that a
woman actually has two legs."
.. A man trying to make his own God
is like a poor little minnow trying to
create a river. ; ' - "
when a society woman takes up
with a poodle dog, I always feel sorry
for the dog.
Bleriot " calculates the cost of air.
travel to be fifteen dollars a mile.
I'll foot it all day at that price. -
Gossip has the wings- of a swallow,
the face of an angel, the tongue of an
edder and the conscience of the very
devil.
When a man gets too big for his
breeches it ' is cheaper to reduce him
I don't expect to lay up any money I a little than it is to get him a new
on this game for a year or two yet, if pair.
I ever do. The increased circulation
calls for a faster press, more type,
and a great many little items that
must be added to the office equipment
in order to get out the "paper. And
so, with my building on hand, and
the necessity of buying more ma
chinery,.! am going to be hard put to
it for a year, or so yet. But if all you
folks will just grab a wheel . and
grunt we, will soon be over the hard
pull and in position to give you a
better Fool-Killer than ever.
A man often forgets his handkerchief-
when he changes clothes, but
he very seldom forgets his plug of
tobacco.
It just beats the very dickens how
quick these blamed rich criminals
can get "at the point, of death" when
Justice gets to yelping at their heels.
If you could fasten a crank to a
tobacco-chewer's jaw you could get
motive power enough to turn a grindstone.
One of my young readers, writes me
as follows: '"What is the hardest
thing about roller skating?" The
sidewalk, sonny.
S Blessings on thee, , little man, .
; Barefoot boy with cheeks of tan!
With, thy turned up pantaloons,
And thy merry whistled tunes.
. Health that mocks the' doctor'?
rules, " ' .
Knowledge never learned at
schools; -"-s
Outward sunshine, in wand joy, .
Blessings on the barefoot boy! '
And that's the way the ol.d Quaker
poet of Haverhill shook it out of his
mental music-box in the days gone
by. Thus did he put into flowing j special brand of
meter what thousands or mute, in
glorious Whittiers ". have - felt since
time began. To , have been , once a
barefoot boy is to know and - under
stand what Whittier meant when he
wrote those lines.
And most . of us haye been there.
You remembr the time when you
were a little barefooted rascal trot
ting around the old home place with
both big toes tied up and a stohe
bruise on your .heel. Those wjere
only trifles,' and ther didn't inter
fere with the joy of going barefooted
in the . good old summer time. You
remember how you waited - through
the long, winter, and how tired your
feet got of those old heavy -brogans.
When the - warm spring sunshine had
coaxed the violets out, and the icy
lumps were gone from the ground,
how joyfully you kicked off those
old shoes and ran foot-races with
yourself for the very joy of running!
You do not need that I remind you
how you rolled up your breeches legs
and waded the little creek after min
nows. And when, a little butterfly
happened along you forgot the sore
toe and wentr bounding: over hedge
end garden wall to citch the poor
thing. " -
Whittier thought it was healthy to
go barefooted and get your legs sun
burnt and your heels calloused, and
to1 know the joy of squirting mud
through your toes. The daddies,
mammies, and young 'uns of the past
generations have all thought it was
healthy and jolly good fun.
But that was long before John A.
Ferrell, M. D., became Assistant
Secretary of the ' North Carolina
State Board of Health. I have be
fore me an article written by Dr.
Ferrell and widely circulated through
the press. And Doc very wisely in
forms us that it just never will do
to let the kids go barefooted any
more. He says eive vnnr rhiid
poison if you want to ; or let him
climb the church steeple and fall
off; or let him sleep with a rattle
snake or jump in the river. All
these things are harmless amuse
ments and perfectly safe compared
to the deadly peril of going bare
footed.. Wars and earthquakes and
train wrecks and fires and floods are
a little 'bit risky at times, but they
are nothing to compare with going
barefooted. Dr. Ferrell leans ' back
on his professional dignity and tells
us all about it. He says going bare
footed exposes a child to the ravages
of hookworms. According to Doc
; crawl in, .until,.finally "tye kid's foot
j is just working alive. with hook
j worms. They work thlr way up the
leg into the stomach, : where they
take up land and settle down to busi
ness. The hookworms are very care
ful to observe that " command in
Genesis, about multiplying, and they
can actually I make the multiplication
table ashamed of itself. - .
When . a good healthy colony of
hookies get started in a child they
soon organize a labor union and a
baseball Heam and go to raising a
North American
thunder among the little brat's in
nards. ' '
In real bad cases the hookies act
ually eat up little folks. Dr. Ferrell
tells about one case where a young
mother put her four-year old boy to
bed'one night, and the next morning
the only thing she could find was a .
big fat hookworm sitting up on the
pillow: and picking his teeth with a
bed slat.
And so you see what we are up
against. If the human race is to be
preserved we must make it a hang
ing crime for any father to let his
child go barefooted. The fact that
millions of the healthiest men and
women of generations past -went
barefooted, bare-legged and in their
shirt-tails till they were half grown
don't make any difference. They are
every ne dead now, and of course
it- was hookworm that killed them.
If the children of olden times had
not gone barefooted they might have,
been living yet.
Hurrah for the hookworm Commis
sion, Dr. Ferrell and the- Shoe Trust!
Bring on the footwear and let us all
be shod!
The United States is bounded on
the East by curiosity, on the West
by animosity, on the North by reci
procity, and on the South by devilosity.
The New York Independent prints
a poem oy Harry- Kemp entitled,
"Hell's Resurrection." Yes, there Is
J always somebody ready to' raise hell.
the hookworm is an awful beasT. He
lives in a mud puddle and wears a
little gimlet on his nose. Whenever
a barefooted kid interferes with Mr.
Hookworm's meditations by stepping
into his private mud-hole, Mr. Hooky
gets , busy with his little gimlet and
bores a hole right into that kid's foot
"CASTLE GATES."
, By James Larkin Pearson.
The above is the title of a little
Book of Poems by your humble ser
vant. My spare moments for the past
15 years have been spent in writing
the book. I also printed it and bound
it in cloth with my own hands. The
book has . 108 pages, 'and contains 93
poems, all of which are said to be
very good. Price 50 cents, postpaid.
JAMES LARKIN PEARSON,
Moravian Falls, N. C.
DO YOU KNOW -TOM WATSON?
I am pleased to announce that I
have made a clubbing arrangement
with the Jeff ersonian" Publishing Com
pany, of Thomson Ga whereby I am
able to offer the Watson publications,
in connection" with The Fool-Killer,
at a great bargain. The subscription
price of Watson's Magazine and the
Weekly Jeff ersonian is One' Dollar a
year each. But my price for either
the Magazine or the Weekly with. The
Fool-Killer one year is only 75 cents.
Or I will give you both of the Watson
publications and The Fool-Killer one
year for $1.25. You will perhaps not
have anotherrsuch a chance to get
the writings of this great and fearless
editor. So send in your order at once.
But I cannot take postage stamps on
this offer; so please do - not send any
stamps. Remit by postoffice or ex
press money order or registered let
ter, i Address: ' .
The Fool-Killer, Moravian Falls, N. C.