CORRESPONDENCE. down. He would " knock & 1 S - ,Za! COFER, Statham, Ga. Editor ; :-r Fool-Killer, Dear Sir: I ana. sending , ' --you five more subscriptions, to '.your ' : )papefV iThis make3 ten, I have gotten v.uD for you. Now be ae sassy as you HUBBARD'S LITTLE TALLER DOG. tears crippled man's, crutch from under Gentlemen, I am going to. tell you nim and leave the poor fellow pros- STILL BEHIND. the worst tale on North Carolina that 1- can thinks of at this writings It Is this: V : ; Down among the sand-hills, at can. wope .. you wm uav , bucbo i jcaizueiu , v., is tue Btvuijjiue with your papjer. I enjoy reading it. I ground of the most miserable, meas- v" v I ' lev. - journalistic - jumping-jack . that tratftd in the road. He would steal 1 the last sweet potato from a ' poor blind nigger and give him nothing in its place. " : . And again, in looking over the ground after the cyclone has passed I notice that things are pretty much the same as they were before Royr Just as -usual, this issue is away behind time,; and I am afraid some of the; subscribers will not get the May issue until " May has made her little bow and departed." I'm awful sorry for this, but have not been able to help it. I "am working under great difficulties, and have to get out the paper just whenever I can- But I am hoping that before long I can catch up with old Father Time and R. A; KEATING, Zadock, Mo Edit- ever defiled the mail-bags of these or; Fool-Killer. Dear Sir: I received united states. This ' inkiniverous croft Saunders : annihilated them. It vour card this morning on the first animal wears across the seat of its seems that things have a very ugly train, and the next train brought The pants a sign-board bearing the name, habit of refusing to stay annihilated, send out each issue on the first of the Fool-killer. Was certainly glad to get "The Down Homer' and it is , pub- The Down Homer can upset tne it. The Fool-Killer is the sure thing. Ushed by a little bunty ' bald-headed Bible on every page, but the Old It is not very good, for the fools, but bunch of brag and bombast answer- Book is just like a cube of granite it is the thing for old Mister Wise ins to the name of W. O. Saunders, it's still right side up. He upsets Peepul. - J. O. WELLS, Hartford, Ky, Editor Fool-Killer, Dear Sir: Enclosed find 75 cents for which please send The Fool-Killer to the enclosed names for one year, I have gotten in possession This same Saunders is fully con vinced in his own mind that he is the goods. To start with, he has been drinking deeply at the intellectual fountain of the great East Aurora Borealis. He thinks the sun rises and sets in Hubbard's navel, and, he it again, thinking sure he's got it month for which it is dated. This being so late is an annoyance to me and , causes a great deal of confusion among the subscribers. But please understand - that I will catch up as A FOOL OF LONG LYING. of one of your sample copies and like firmly believes that the universe was it, and everyone I have shown it to likes it. J So I ' have made up a small club and am mailing it to you. If you will mail samples I think there will be other subscribers. Yours with best wishes for success. C. G. ROGERS, Cashiers, N. C Editor Fool-Killer, Moravian Falls; N;SC Dear Sir: As it is the 28th of made in the Roycroft Shop, v : f And so, with the passing of time, Saunders has managed to imbibe all of Hubbard's meanness all of his rotten theology and his materialistic philosophy without getting so much as a smell of Elbert's better qual ities. I myself am a great admirer of ubbard's genius and versatility as this time, but it's still right side up. soon as possible, and in the meantime, EverV side of it is just alike, and let the clubs roll in. every side is the right side. They can up-end it and tip it over, and turn it and twist it all they please, but it will fall right side up every pop. Maybe Saunders will discover that fact after awhile. But in . the meantime it's real comic to stand off and watch him strain his mortal guts A news dispatch from Boston con tains the following' gob of informa tion: "Because his father prevented his marriage to the woman of his choice, out trying to pry the Eternal Truth Joseph ' Plummer, of Milton, N. H., off of its hinges. has remained forty years in bed. He In one of its recent issues The is now, 71 years old. The girl he loved Down Homer tried to chew up The is dead, but the old man has not been I Fool-Killer and spit it out, but it got cnoKea on the trutn ana naa a jeeminy-flt and fell over in il. Now told; in fact, he refused to speak of her from the very day when he 1 said to his father: 'If you will not let me the. month ahd we have not yet re- a writer and thinker, but I am not lit can'-crawl up and rub the sand out have her, I will go to bed.' He went ceived our April issue of The Fool- Killer, we fear the man who wrote you the letter and whom you named "Whiffledick," has come and given you a knocking down, since you re fused to be called down. However,-we hope this has not been the case, for we still want your little spicy journal of wit and humor to visit our homes each morith. - We ' look forward to its coming and don't see how we could make out without it, since we have got the habit Let us hear from you, and what day of the month you print your paper, so we will know when to look for it, so if it was to get lost in the mails we , could send for another copy. (Dear Bro. Rogers: I wrote blind to his faults. His theology is dangerous in the extreme, arid much of ' his high-toned philosophy ' is founded on false theories. But he was cunning enough to know what sort of mental pabulum the; wicked oldj world wanted, and he set out to furnish1 the goods. To be a leader, although he led people to hell, suited Hubbard's vanity better than: going to heaven alone. , It is perhaps true that Hubbard has more imitators than any other man living, and W. O. Saunders is one of the least of his imitators. Saunders goes so far - as to ape the Roycrofters in their manner of dress. He wears the big turn-down collar of its eyes and try me another pop if it feels like it Now in conclusion, I will explain what the name Down Homer means. .... f It signifies that the editor's final home is down way, way down yon der where they don't , shovel snow and Saunders, is on his way home.- THE LATEST WAR NEWS. and don't you a personal letter in reply to the and the flowing Roycroft tie, and he above, but I will also, print yout letter ; here and add a few words of comment ' for the benefit of other readers. As to the date on which The Fool-Killer is issued, I am sorry to say I have not had any definitely fixed date so far. It was my intention, and is still twists nis little oam neaa to one side and tries to look just as Hub- bartiish as he possibly can. The im itation is so palpably evident that a Dima man couia see it. The poor little fellow has "had his likeness tooken," with the big choke-rag in my desire, to mail out the paper right the foreground, and he has hired the at the first of each month, but owing to sickness and other unavoidable de lays I got to running behind a little every time, and it seems an awful hard matter to catch up any more. For several issues past I have been mail ing near the last of the month, and that has caused a lot of bother and misunderstanding among the sub scribers. A monthly paper should be mailed so as to reach the subscribers about the first of the month, and I will arrange my mailing that way just , as soon as possible. But for the present I hope the readers will bear with me patiently. I assure you the v paper 'will be mailed to you some ' ' time during the month, and maybe you will enjoy it the more , if you get right good and hungry for it. The printing and mailing of The Fool Killer has grown to be a big job, and 1 with -my limited' facilities it takes a longtime. Editor.)' artist to Hubbardize the features as much as possible. This picture he prints on the front and back cover pages of The Down Homer, and fills in between with some of the most infernal rotten hell-broth that ever disfigured white paper. He kicks the old Bible around like a foot-ball and makes fun , of the faith , that is the anchor of the soul for countless thousands. He rubs Jesus Christ nut of existence like a small boy rubbing chalk, marks from a blackboard. He squirts a sluice of blasphemy at God Almighty and heaven goes out like a match in the wind. Oh,. it is won derful, how the great Saunders can annihilate things! He can spit on hell and put it out, and make the devil climb trees and cry for mercy. He can use his necktie for a sling; put the earth in it and throw it from here to to to East Aurora, I guess. - But I notice that Saunders, the icrriDie aestroyer, does not build anything in the place of . what . he J Fool-Killer. Diaz has resigned. Diaz has. not resigned intend to. The war is ended. It is now thought that the war will end before long. There is no telling when the war will end. There : has not been any war in Mexico. The fighting continues along the border of the United States. There has not been any fighting anywhere about the border. Several Americans have been killed. No American has been hurt. The Insurrectos have the Federals on the . run. The Federals have the Insurrectos on the jump. Madero has surrendered. Madero has never thought of sur rendering. A great battle was fought last week in which twenty-five ; thousand Fed erals were killed and wounded, and one Insurrecto sprained his ankle. Later report says that no battle was fought. The guns were merely firing a salute. ' . - Later : No guns were fired at all. : A reliable dispatch says that terms of peace have been arranged. A reliable dispatch says that the war clouds are darker than ever' - A semi-official report says that an epidemic of lice has broken out among Madero's men. - Madeiro officially denies that he ever saw a'louse. " If you want the war news; read The to bed. The father, thinking: this per versity of youth would pass in a few days, carried him his meals. But he did not get up. He continued in bed day after day, week after, week, year after year. Now he is so weak from his long , inactivity , that he has lost the use of his legs entirely." An exchange prints the above and heads it: '(A Fool of Long Standing." But I can't see, to save my life, where the ."standing" comes in. Seems to me "A Fool of Long Lying" would ex press it better. . Geerwhiz, but wasn't he some man, though ? The news item says he has been in bed 40 years and is now 71 years old, which would have made him 31 years old at the time he went to bed. In this country a man 31 years, old is supposed to be free and at liberty to marry whoever he dog gon pleases, without the aid or con sent of any daddy on earth. The idea, of a middle aged man giv ing up and going to bed just because his daddy didn't want him to marry the girl of his choice! Why, he didn't have sand enough in , his gizzard to rattle in a chigger's bladder, and was too mortal lazy to draw his own breath. - If I had been Jn Joe's place, and was going to let Daddy .boss the job to that extent, hang-taked if I wouldn't have got Daddy to go out and select me a Wife to suit ' his own notion. A character weak enough to wilt down and give up like Joe did ought not to have been very hard to please. ' .Why, I'll bet that fool has worn out enough bed clothes in the last 40 years to pay tor a good farm, and been more trouble to his folks than 'leventy-nine pairs of twins. ; I guess the old man "got sorry he didn't let his middle-aged infant have the girl and go to thunder with her. But the girl, if she . was worth shucks, must have thanked her God and the old man Plummer that she was , lucky enough to escape. 3 1 ' 1