Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / May 1, 1912, edition 1 / Page 2
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,1k.' ', . , , . , - - , , ' ' , ' - ; ' r . . .. ' , ' " ' , - - , ' The FoolrEGHer THE FOOL-KILLER IDIOTORIALS. LIGHT UF, LADIES! May, 1912 BRING THEM IN; A Pungent Periodical of thrilling Why don't they pass a law aboi- LDear ladies, f witn ine wmoiug Thought . ishing icebergs , - -smile, - ; And charms so rich and rare, PUBLISHED MONTHLY. Howdy, ; brethren and sisterin f How do you all cqm"e on this fine morning? , It has been a whole The preacher says the love of And have you learned the latest long month since I (pulled your J. X; PEARSON, One . year to your heart, 25 Cents, v. ;n Clubs of Five or More, 15 Cents. - EDITOR, money is the root of all evil. And then he passes the hat. I was determined not to mention Entered as style Of fixing up your hair? : The lords of fashion lately met In old Chicago town latch-string and scraped my bro gans on your door-step, and I was getting awful jinxious" to see you again. I am, your preacher, you know, and I'm plum doggon proud second class matter -ROCKeiener s uuuie xu urns issue, i,- A, - kjL.iiw ' " - ' rr i vTamh 30. 1910. at the Dostofflce at wen, i ll swear i xnere lwsaciasi, M , xc,v,u- :Ioravian" Falls, N. C, under the act of March 3, 1879. ( sett ing to .fifty thousand of you this month.- Just think what a crowd The "ielly wabble" dance is the ;.And laid the rulins dowir; latest.; They say-it looks like a bale And now when. , you go out. of that would be if you were all to- of cotton trying to hug a f odderj stack.- TAKE NOTICE! Do not send postage stamps on sub iicription. ' Remittances should be made by registered letter, express or postoffiqe You might as well try to pull an money order. auger-hole out of a log as to un- : Be. careful to write your own name flertake keeping the drotted mil- and address plainly, and direct all 'flrQ n:lt nf tha. '.Smut. I.li. -vmaV nil r-wA ira TlOVQ M O I . & . to: :';:'v i kiS;..-- '::v4r- 5?w?:S nights, . gether. 1 ; have, never seen your You pretty fashion girls, taces, and. of course U never will, You've got to Have electric lights hut we are friends just the same. ,A-gleaming in your curls. Go visit the electric man ; And tell him what I've said, ' And let him draw you up a plan For wiring up your head. ' - -vl 1 "r-i O i : Li i .1 j.Lilt ' ' . THE FOOL-KILLER, , AKe oiepnenson paiu i,wiceas HraTian Falls, - - - North Carelina. mucl1 for nis seat in. the Senate as A storage battery in your hat , . - - I mo on I n T.-V7- TT71 II 1 mf 111 nT. I T I ' V T j ft J ' A A .' years. Do you smell anything ; I feel a personal interest in every one of you, and I want you to feel the same way toward me. I am do ing, my best to give you some' jim dandy good preaching. If you like the way I spoon out the hot truek, please invite all your friends Lei Us . Talk It . Over "' - to come toour meetin'. Pew rent A switch hid somewhere in your is on fifteen cents a year if as many as: live will come in togeth er. We are going to'have a regular revival this summer; ana the rat For turning on the juice. ma R'xr.i-'K-nioT - x tanic. How does it set on your stomach?. If "you like it, you can get more at headquarters. Is Mr. Bruce Ismay a woman or a child? His name annears a- mong the list of "women and chil- The tiny globes, all neatly formed, mourner's bench will be crowded dren" saved from. the sinking Ti- Ana tnen a man wold sear .lhatall the lightning-bugs had Worth a dollar. So please show this .swarmea- . I paper to all your neighbors and washing tne DiacK on oi a. nig- iUJUUI "".v . friends and invite them to our ger would be an easy job compared By Ned ! And won't' that be the JFool-Killer meetin'.If they try The Fool-Killer is not eyen a forty: wfth cleaning up them twin pole- leyenth cousin to any ;pther paper on ! It stands. in a class by itself, and Stephenson. ; cats of the Senate Lorimer.v and its field is. vs broad as the English language. - - . . , This paper wears no bell, , muzzler collar nor halter. . You can put that down to start with. I -am the fellow who works at the ; pump-handle on this pungent period ical of. thrilling thought. I print only what I write; I write only what I think; and pleasev - I own this and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to buy one share of it. Does that sound strange? , Well, bless your soul, I am a, great deal richer than old John. I never travelled any to speak of, An exchange says: "The devil will be to pay at the Chicago convention.'- Oh, surely not! It will be a pretty out ' if the devil can't trust his own children. ; r . stuff? , . ... . v I' reckon, pretty soon, The ladies will give light-enough Without the sun and moon. to make excuses, Just grab them by . the coat-tail and bring 'em a- lqng anyhow. " . .' WRITE WITH INK. THE FOOL-KILLER'S DIC-TIONARY. ( Without any apologies to Webster. ) A pretty girl with both of her When sending in subscriptions, or writing to me on any subject, please write with pen and ink and be careful to , make every word plain ; and , distinctspecially ARMY A body of ruffians au- I think what I - doggon perambulators squeezed xinto ope thorized to commit wholesale names and postoffices. I get many - - ' leg of a dude's breeches! If this murder.. w v letters ; written with lead pencil on LB DUUIO CBWUUBUiUCUl, I 1 Vl Tai V , 1 ' U 1 -.r . . ; - i.1 1l ' . 1 .1 uuuuic y u&iucss ccps uu, luugn w A jfeiK W AKD A space of tIie ver cneapesL paper, ana tney YYxn uavo iu , icam w nxvc time in which something happens Jnrt3 "L teu s" V1 ana lnaisunct snow-Diras. . ffor cnmam u- j tnat 1 can hard v rftaH t.hm of. v ' - 1 " I . a tt . . - 1 nait nnrl ttvmi 1 1 i. I 1 . n W ui: ' - T.,ui: rica give to some OI .the noor:, a I uu nwc wiciuiiv.whuiiik. T v 7 iMU.i:i..i. f ; . . i . I I In a man wnt n Kntln thunk some. can," or a BedmtmteUW or a J.TH-T stoP spd- " h .written me four or I have also writ a lew hooks which I nfl,UT, -nin,; kuu -ii w icaiu uuc a memDersmp uc wiucq uu uau, sem me inree I know . great, becaus. they .JDemity -Dimity -dog-biterit-aU in thejLnanias Club. ' . , ; clubs, hutnobodyhad received the sell worth a cent. : Great books never do. And then I started The Fool-Killer, what are you, anyhowf, Rotten mule-belly , flavored with FIRE A mysterious element paper and he had never heard a. that creates insurance. ' : - word from me. His letter of com- GENIUS Any person whose Plaint was written with penfcil. It - ; Tt -- " f i . r i - - mm - ' . . - i r vji ijxi a. u Lj i v iiKrKrin wnncn Just to quiet my nerves and keep the mortmea aog-nam is all - right-so w- . r l 'iSL was all plain enourrh excent the From the seclusion of these wooded moiis sham battle against the meat woJAa :-DOUt one hundred out until Hooked it up in the Pos- hills there will go forth each month trust. Now pass your plate ahd K j - 8..ueeu crucmea, uai uuifle., it proved to be Tru- uui ueu, or omerwiso put to aeath uiaun, jbltk. i nen oy Teienng to HOME A nljiPA the subscription books I found that tcf change our clothes in order to J?8 cus a(i been recorded at a bundle of literary dynamite that have some more canned hoss. win snajce tne rotten ionnaations or eociety and cause the Church of Mam- I am due my correspondents ai raon to at least turn over m ite sleep. ri i. - - : rru- ,.tr,niM i i, w explanation of : my failure to an- mustard-plaster for the blood-boils of Socie'ty, Church and State.. . go somewhere else. swer many letters .that shou d iTI rr: . ,TrAjr h": i t T , iy inai men or oia times are said "ve Deen answerea. l have so I to have Dosap,Rsfcd ? it will be salted with wit, peppered much of the mechanical work of out-of-date, and almost for&otten - .with 4iumor and seasoned with sar- the, office to do that it is literally LEARlS-To add to one's ig CS!!m j ir-'- impossible for me to keep up with norance by extending the know- LSlhS my. correspondence. To new sub- ledge we have of the things we can every word kwlll raise a blister. , .. , , r . never know ;- ' ' If .you are a fool you had better , not scribers and club-senders let me , a , : 1 V rrih fnr Th voni.iniir.. Tf say that the arrival of. the nmr , S u A,U7"A nnlver? error; the in a a. I 'ii u - j ' At" i ; "elation DCEW66H 0Q6 lllusioti and ycu are wise yea will. CUl3 it will acknowledge the receipt Ml'adSKSS Freeman, Ark., instead of Tru mann. The "mistake was due to bad or careless writing, and wasn't my fault at..all.:-.We' are very busy here, and it takes time y to run to the Postal Guide every few ' min utes to look up something. My friends can save me a lot of work and themselves a Tot of vworry if they will write with' ink on good paper and be careful to make; ev ery word plain and distinct. I am doing the best I can to keep every thing straight. . ; 1 " ;v
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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May 1, 1912, edition 1
2
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