VOL. III.
MORAVIAN, FALLS, NORTH CARQUNA, SEPTEMBER, 1912.
NO. 7.
He Wouldn't Last Long.
If a pure tallow man to the hot place
went - ' " :
For something that, he'd done
wrong, v V " C'
Ho might get a moment of punish
ment, But he wouldn't last long. k
If a big camp-meeting was in full
swing
And the feeling was running strong,
The devil might happen to shout and
sing, ; , - ,
But he wouldn't last iong.
If a man who's afraid to climb a tree
Should join the angel throng
And start to heaven, it seems to me
That he wouldn't last long. '
If a man with a miluonor iLtwpa
change r ' V
Feels that his chance is strong,
He misht get in on the stock
exchange,
But he wouldn't last long.
If a man had to wear all the kinds, of
dress
That deck the female throng,
He might not die in a week, I guess,
But he wouldn't last long.
J. L. P.
What the Wage Slave Works For.
HOW MUCH WILL YOUR
BELLY HOLD?
The poor wage slave works a
day for a dollar to buy grub to
give him strength to work another
day for another dollar to buy
more grub to give him more
strength to work another day for
another dollar to buy more grub
to give him more strength to
work another day for: another
dollar to buy more grub to give
him more strength to. work an
other day f or , another dollar to
buy mere grub to give.him more
strength to work another day for
another dollar to buy more grub
to give him more strength to
work another ;Jday, for, another
dollar to buy a pine coffin to bury
him in.
Man's inhumanity to children
i , i ,
mases countless . lactones suc
cessful.
Jevver notice ho w: much more
eloquent, a big: ritery,rmakes va
jreacnerv Qra.iajwyercQr-anybQdy
eise who is selling eloquence?
Oh, golly, golly!
And, then some more golly!
And golly agin!
, The question before the house
is,' now. mucn win your neiiy
hold?',' t :
Ain't you seen the day, mister;
when you would have been glad
to ; i get , fifteen cents' worth of
corn cake and .cowl corpse r to put
under your, belt?
How many times in your ljfe
have you poked your feet under
the table and put away r a round
thpaEpJlajs
ables at, one fitting , ,
, Naryitime,-by
; Ain't jthft right? J
Well, anyhow, it nmst be
some. s,atfef action r , you to
know, that they do make bellies
with a thousand dollar capacity
even if i yours is a. fifteen-center.
Listen:
My old friend and companion
the Ass-ociated Press, has just
handed me a story that will make
a jimdandy stack-pole for some
of. my literary fodder.
It seems that one of our mil
lionaire madams had a hundred
thousand more of these-here old
troublesome dollars than she
had any use for, and she wanted
to get rid of them right quick.
And so the old gal concluded to
give a big dinner to some of her
foolish friends
The story goes on to relate
how several months were spent
in preparation for that big chaw
f est and" how they ransacked all
creation to find expensive whini
ididdles to hang onto the tail-end
of that dinner. It must .have
taken the perverted imagination
of forty-leven crazy caterers to
think up enough newfangled so
ciety .nonsense to amount to a
hundred(tiusandi dollars.
&mon other things," they jcag
tured hundreds ot beautiful
hUtterfJjes .and feirdsvpf , rare
plumage;, jmd turned them loos e
in the great dining hall to the
surprise and Jdelight of the gold-
plated guests.
There' were . a hundred eaters
present, and each vittle-box was
figured to hold; $1,000 worth of
grub.- . .-Kv'v - ": . :
Now don't tha beat the very
01d)Scratch? Think of , spending
a hundred thousand dollars on
one big eat, and giving it to a
gang of gilded-gazooks who are
plenty able to buy tneir -own
grub!
If that money had been spent
for good solid rashions and- di-
-vided among: 100)000 poor-hungry
familiesit 3 would have- been-
real Meingy.:i'''": ' .
But no-sir-ee-bob! These high
flying hellians who have money
to burn would fairit at the sugges:
tion of doing anything useful.
A FOOT-RACE WITH TIME,
The August issue of The Fool
Killer was mailed on the 31st of
August. Just did hit the old month
on the tip end of its afterwards
as it went galloping by, swinging
to the flying coat-tails of old
Daddy Time. Now I don't like
that kind of a come-off one bit
better than you fellers do, and if
the Lord lets, me live and the
sheriff don't sell me out for tax
es, I am going to make the : dog-
gondest effort ever 4you saw to
slip up and grab Mr. Time where
the wool ain?t quite so short. ; In
other wordsi I want to get to send:
ing out the paper at the f i?rsttQf
each month. -But after getting sq
far. behind, it will take some time
to catch up. If nothing digger
than a shoestring breaks; thisjs-
sue. will be a little earlier than the
last one, and Flhkeep inching
along by degrees like-the cat eat
the maddick till finally Ifllmnke
a home run and wipe my brogans
on your door-step the first of each
month. ; Just hold your? impance
in;6ne hand and; ypur. FopJrKiHei;
intheoaier.;andtjeil all the.felka
howdy for me. -v.
Have You Been lnyeiite4?!
Oh, dear me!
What a wicked and unreliable
set. we all arer-anyhow!- -
'Tai n't never safe no more for
iiobody to trust nobody about
nothin
Everybody , and I everything
must be "investigated."
Hurrah! v
Come on, boys, and let's, all
be investigated, and have it done
and over with.
You investigate me.
And I'll investigate you. 9
And then we'll join hands, .and
investigate the, . other. ieMpw. --
After which the other.fellow
will join hands with some other
fellow and investigate us.
,3, will all ' find each otiber
guilty of something.
But hush! v ,
r Don't say a word about it. -
We are all in trouble together.
And we all want to get out.
I'll lie for you if you'll lie for
me.
We'll all join hands around.
and prove by each other that we
are all as pure and innocent as
unborn babes.
And the fool people will never
know any better. '
They will be satisfied to
know that we have been investi
gated, and they won't think to
inquire who did $he job.
And then we can proceed
with our, devilment without being
under suspicion.
; Do you catch on?
Ha, ha, ha!
Verily, : this investigating
business is the immortel truck,
anyhow.
j j ml
Now, boys, as a parting word
I asjk you to, show this, paper to
all your neighbors and friends
and get them to subscribe. The
Fool-Killer will get better and
better eack month. In next issue
there il ,spne juice tljl
pucker the devil's mogth to,,
sixty.' - . -'