Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Nov. 1, 1912, edition 1 / Page 1
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VOL. III. MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, NOVEMBER;, 1912. NO. 9. DREAMING OF GROVER. Ob, the lies are all told and the votes are all cast, And the bosses' sham-battle is over; The Dimmycrat rooster is'crowing at last, . '- ". i' . And I'm dreaming tonight of old Grover. When I think of the years of Repub lican graft, And the way that the poor have been treated,- I rejoice in the fall of the kingdom of Taft, And I'm glad that his gang was de feated. B at thunder and lightning J Why . should we be glad? And" how -will our burdens be lesser? We're only exchanging the chains we have had , For the chains of a different op pressor. We've been mighty hungry and hope less and blue, . But now from the Dimmycrat graf t- er -v: - ' v We will get a few rags and- a meat- skin or two, . And the promise of- heaven' here after. Now heaven, rfo doubt, is a good place to go When the battles of life are all over; But it's hell for the poor man 'that lives here below, I'm dreaminer tonisht of old Grover. . , . So YES, I'M SOME PREACHER MYSELF. 4 Vii Full as a Tick. Every well-6rdered home needs a rat-trap, and I feel that I am do- -1 Lord Wilson, I long to be perfectly nS humanity a great service by a .n '..j jj j tat,? iiui.ruuuuimf.iuis wuuueriui mven- Kv f Q?f70 h:Q ;,!Sifl S Xwant to oome in there and-hang up tion. Of course you are awful bus by the size of his audience, and if ; my haf swatting the fools, tyit you can't he can get four or five hundred t afford to miss this ODnortu n i tv of OUKVQ UIO vdw I BUU W IV ilKUU . , - . JL -v - . . ' " .1 - Z 1 ll .1 . . oi tne oretnern ana sisteren out J r quick to hear him toot his gospel Horn ow feed me, and I shall be full ae a once or twice a month, he thinks K Uck- he is a pretty bang-up preacher. Here let no infernal Republican dwell, And each member of the flock is A don't sive the Teddyites nary a exDected to shell out a dollar or 11 smell; two about everv so of ten to hem Set ' tn18 good eating , thy feet I - - - I- i i . grease the gosnel erimlet. woma uck TKq'o oil me, ana i snaii Demiias a novdoubt, and I haven't . a word H ck- " - t to Say against it; but what I Start-Illord Wilson, look here how imploring ea out to say isuiis: iiapreacnerm i come. - fejudd;byjsize men l am some preacher seeing my sample. It is certainly the greatest invention of the age. You see how the flabigator is built with a golly ding at each end, and when these gollydings come in slamification with the jiggerbob it causes the squeezemgood to open just under the meat-skin, and that forces the squeal-stick into the die-hole, and if the rat has sense enough to be in the right; position it will sure get him. ? . heHgtrul5ti"otf:6 tick. ence, tnen i am some preacner v band some' myself, for I am preaching once pVe fasted so long I am nervous and based on the new theory, of science a month to an audience tff over ' sick v that all rats have a thorousrh 50,000 people. And I don't give Now feed me, and I shall be full as a knowledge of engineering and Lucxxi juou unc lit tie stimuli aiiu quit, like the other preachers do. but I stay and preach six or eight good sermons on every trip. And then just think of the price! Your preacher thinks you ? V i j " n 1 t . m Uncertain as Hell." I often hear some of the lim--ber-tongued, linguistic lollipops remarking that so-and-so is "as' uncertain as hell. " Now look here, you shallow-brained, , course mouthed, rotten-hearted lump of mortal mud, do you have any-idea how uncertain hell is? Life; and friends, and money,5 and a great many other things may be uncer tain. Life is as full of uncertain ties as a dog is of fleas. But if there is any. truth in the old fam ily Bible and some of us are fools enough to believe there is then it occurs to me that hell must be a reasonably sure thing. So if you snotty-nosed sinners don't want your fat fried in the devil's old skillet, you'd better watch out mechanics, coupled with the pa tience of Job and a stubborn de- A SERMON ON RAT-TRAPS, termination to get killed. This, my dear sir, is what we call the The Public Health Service at Saf etv Tat-tran ' It won't work at are mighty stingy and close-fisted Washington is making an official all without the hearty co-operation tliptnnpnftPn-orfiffopn rlniio So v . tiaw itAm. of the rat. The su rest way to get ayear, and he will not get mad if AHright. results is to have three rats work you double or treble ithe amount. It does me good to see our together, forming a sort of suicide But I give you more preaching solemn statesmen taking an inter- club. One rat will say his prayers ana oeiier preaenmg man ne aoes estin rai-jraps. ; and crawl into the thi . a second iur umy ctnus a, .year; ana ll - mey aireau nave uu iiauu a ,i 1 j .rj you'll hitch up the wagon and collection of several hundred and rat will give the sjgnal and a thu-d bring several of your. neighbors to sixteen varieties, ranging in ap- rat will throw the trap. n this meeting with you, you can all get pearance all the way from a Mc- way a colony bf rats could man- yvuL prcoi & pieaciiing lur mieen puruiiuis. icajjei iu a icu-iiauucu age to exterminate tnemseives oy lciho apiece. - tuiiiiuic. ' work nff at t nntr nnimh Wh ft iN ows can you oeat tnat tor a A11U t"au mc- hflrcrnin? T thinV nnf . ,T W Viae I am the sole owner oi a rat- never been so much good preach- tTV that ought to be m the gov iner offered so rh pan hpfnrp nnH ernment's collection. if you ever expect to get the v 1 bought it from an agent last cuckleburrs ot sin curried out of ; , . , and being positively bent on sui- vniir mnnp nmxr ic tho t ma Tha . JLiie aseiit was a very ueautuui ,T ,x v piirrvpnmh nf truth -ahiOv T ncoLVOUnff man. this is; the surest plan, I am also authorized to state that any rat possessing the intellect of Herbert Spencer or Thomas A Edison, cide, could, probably manage to - jfi' -V- I 1 - ' l' ! !! "1 " " jl ' : will remove the hrirrs nnH alsn His smile stuek out three feet get mmseii Kiiiea in one or tnese loosen lm t.ne 'hnrlf hTi: won nlfl on each side of his face, .and .he contrapshuns." F ivww W M. v 1U I 4 I . i 1 1 1 1 T . i . I Inn V.sJ innnna 4- H him I 4 kfTTl " 1 1 X 1 niaeDouna sinners., it may nurt aBU mo wuguo wnu mui. wnaij win you cuargexu cou- considerably, and you may have I his altogether charming young fer this great blessing on me and tn oiniiw nn furiW uu v un hiip.K" p.amp. stavins into mv think- .. -. , o4U" "u.hw"."lic live iiuii- - -- mv nosteritv" l asKea in oreatn- mornmg last weeK, HvaH -Ki-i- ;t nnii Krt .An1 atnnnm nriA ui UUli lb Will UCKUUU 1UI VUU. " " o '-. 1 x Delay is dangerous, so don't put throwed "Howdy!" Tat me from lessagernfess it ott, but buy your ticket to:day pne lronl siePs' DUl a0000 ana tor a year's admittance into 'The 11 prose -out a oacK wmaow. Fool-Killpr" ohnmh anH fpll nil Then he opened his sample your -neighbors to do likewise. case and began to run off at the SKpS -U Edito, Man, ng it intohis hanW has ever ODened his mouth be- doffcon vour old skin, I've just anu ver wuuu.Wv tween the two' oceans. - dropped in to sell you a rat-trap, him out into the road. Only one hundred dollars, " he replied, very sweetly. I, grabbed my pen and' wrote him a check for five hundred, and,
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Nov. 1, 1912, edition 1
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