Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Dec. 1, 1912, edition 1 / Page 1
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Let the Poor Devil Gum It. A rich woman in Washington has had a gold filling put in her dog's tooth. News item. Oh, the dogs of the rich must have gold teeth, To keep them up with the fashions, So they can look down on folks be neath As they chaw their high-priced rasbions. Oh, the road of fashion's a steep old trail, And the dogs have reached the summit; But whenever a poor man's grinders Why, just let the poor devil gum it. Boo-Hoo! Another Dog Dead! Say, Buddy, what are your personal opinions of a state of society in which a blamed wooly dog gets more care and attention than half of the children of the country? Think of a sick dog be ing attended by four physicions for three months, and then im agine its dead body, in a mostly casket, being exhibited in the best room of a millionaire's home. And if that ain't enough, just imagine the same dead dog, in the same costly casket, being carried to the cemetery in flower-covered hearse, followed by four carriages full of human mourners. The above facts are reported by the Ass-ociated Press as a real happenstance which was pulled off before it got ripe in Cincinnati about three weeks ago. The late lamented pug dog was the prop erty of Mrs. Harry Jackson, who is said to be utterly prostrat ed with grief over the death of her dearly beloved. Mrs. Jackson has spent manv thousands of dollars for the care and comfort of that . nasty dog, entirely un mindful of the fact that poor neglected human children were crying for food and clothes al around her. Oh, my tummy! Ain't it too bad that we can't all be long haired pug-dogs and get slob bered over by the rich wimmen? TWO STOCKINGS. All kinds of kids have been taucht to believe - In hanging up stockings oh Christt mas Eve ; , r And here's two pictures that I've just "took" To show how the various stockimrs look: ' . ru here pre sent a photograph that possibly will make , . you laugh to see this : stocking fat and round, in which so many things are found. Of course " you all know very well the child that owns it must be swell ; because 1 ; that gets big loads of toys and sich. You see how this-here leg is stretched with all the things old Santy fetched. It's great to t be a rich man's child v and live where luxuries are piled head-high around you every day, with nothing else to do but play. A rich old daddy to provide, while Santy comes in on the side and fills your Christmas stocking full be cause dad's rich and has a pull. Oh, yes, it surely would be. bliss to get a stocking full like this. And ' here's the stock ing of the child up on whom ; , wealth has nev- . er smil- ed. Old Santy, never visits folks . - : . -who - y labor ' under 1 - tyrant yokes. They can't fix upenough " , for him that's why this stock ing is so slim. :.'' BIG BILL'S LAST MESSAGE, in the Bible where it says a man .shall hot hold the presidency Well, by George, boys, I guess more than one term. I was so this is my last message to Con- doggon busy trying to get re gress for a few hundred years, at elected thatl never once thought least. Since the election I have 0f that scripture during the cam been studying the matter all paign. But now it is a friend in over, and I have finally begun to need, acting on my wounded suspicion that the American peo- spirits like mutton taller on a pie don't want me to be presi- sore toe. I therefore recommend dent any more. If it ain't that I that a law be passed limiting the . J don't know what it is, because president to one term of six mere musi nave Deen some Kina years, and mash his impudent of a hidden meaning in the way mouth if he asks for it any more they sot down on me. I feel just I futher recommend a life-time like a big rat that had been flat- government pension for ex-presi-tened under a dead-fall with a- dents, so that they won't have to bout-forty tons 6f rock on top of peddle; shoestrings -or -gota the ir. Confound it I'd as soon take hold on -that won't do. We'll another licking as to write this have to put in there a qualifying message, but it's the custom and phrase something like this: "Pro- 1 reckon I'll have to come across vided, That this law shall not ap with some sort of a speil. Say, ply to Theodore Roosevelt." - Mister Congress, why couldn't I ain't going to say nary word you just do without ary message about the tariff, Vecause it ain't s I don't think much of the gal who will sit up all 1 night and swap slobber with a he-ape, and then lie back and sleep next morning while her mammy gets the breakfast. If any of you gals who read The Fool-Killer are guilty of this, go off and hang yourselves. .You are no good. from me this time? You wouldn't no use. Just wait till next spring take my advice if I gave you a an(j you'll get your belly full of car-load ol it, and you won't ac- legislation. complish nothing, nohow, only Trusts? whv. laws-a-massy just set there and yow-yow all me! just wait; The new congress winter, besides that, u you nap- wiii crve them a black eve. too. pen to pass ary good law, Willrow Concernimr the armv and navy. Woodson's new Congress will, bob j have been told that cracked right up. and repeal it. Looks to wheat is mighty good feed to me like you Republicans in Lon- mafce hens lav. i . 11 I erress micrnt as wen save vour t n Dw:n Bt --- " j. tiilliiv an ivcuuiitaii uoi" breath to run up hill, for there's masters who are forced out of a thunderation sight of up-hill office had better hide the stamps business ahead of us Republicans. and money order funds so that i Well, in the first place, my the Democrats can't find them, views on the presidency have Now concerning the financial undergone some radical charges question, ain't it strange how a nere lately. or instance, you an hoot-owl can see in the dark? I know what kind of a shine I cut And in conclusion, gentlemen, trying to get elected president I w0uld suggest to your honor- fnr a sfipnnd tfirm. You know how I ran the steam roller over Ted :oa fft ct nnt rmp winter rah- and wrecked my party, all be- hbaffesr cause l luiiy oeiieved tnat one BIG BILL. four-year term deserved another. But big men like Saiijt Paul and Just hold open the end of your myself get converted mighty imagination and pour this into it: suddenly sometimes. Just as soon he bray of the Congressional WSSSSSXi again heard in Wash- XX CAVA 11 b VU1 1 lU VU1 UV Mil iv wvmvvu, I . I suddenly remembered that place ington. Now close it up again.
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Dec. 1, 1912, edition 1
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