Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Aug. 1, 1913, edition 1 / Page 1
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v. VOL. IV. it Amcrica"-Revised. My country, 'tis of thee, "Land of no liberty, Of thee I sing; Land of race-siiicide, Land of the law defied, Each town and conntry-side A grafter's ring. My native country, thee, Where many scandals be, And sin and shame, Why love thy pampered pets Who steal without regrets, While the poor slave who sweats Starves just the same? Oh, Washington, our pride, Where lobbyists abide, Shameless and bold ; Where Mulhall and his crew Bought House and Senate too. How well them rascals knew The power of gold! Clean the Inside, Boys. Ud at Washington for some time past they have had about fiftv or a hundred workmen cm- fifty or a hundred workmen em ployed on our great Capitol build ing-cleaning up and painting the outside of it. Say, fellers, it don't matter so much about the outside. That Llldt could have waited till some leis- uretime. Why in the gee-whiz don't you clean up the inside fiVct? TViq'o titVio ryi finstinp55 i5 1 mi . , . ine recent ioddv investigation merely stirred up the nastmess ana maae u stinK wusser. Dut itr'-1 8"uo didn't clean up things worth- a nardly. me entire inside ot tne Damtoi rm . . .i t i .. i is working alive with Mulhall maeeots and Lamar lice, and tKAt-'nlri hnllHno- Vnnwn nR th National Association of Manufac- turers nas oeen clawing neas in . . 11 i n i there for the past ten years. ,.-Wf n!ive , la 1had. th lld luieu uiianame nun surreu up so WGcan sttipII it :. hut. that" wnn't help matters any unless we go ahead and have a genteel clean- mg-up spell. Come down off the dome, boys, ana give congress and the sen- ate a few good doses of your soap and hot water. MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH Prayer to McAdoo. 0 thou great big-hearted and generous Master McAdoo, tnou who holdest the draw-string of the national money-bag, hurrah iortneei we nave just reaain the papers about that hundred million plunks which thou art sending into the South and West, That hits us exactly in the right spot, U Master McAdoo, and we are constrained to fling ourselves attny teet and declare to tne world that thou art the truck, Thou hast shot the panic with a ton ot greenback before it got close enougn to Dite us. Now all the banks will be run- ning after us and begging us to borrow money. That will suit us, you bet. We always did like to 1 : J j.1 1 i i iirniw riuiiif- i nun i nu iivinir But Paying Jt back is a hoss of another color. Canst thou not fix lt so we won't have to pay it back? We understand, 0 Master Mc Adoo, that thou wilt loan the sinkers to the banks at two per cent, and then thpv will lnan . , . . , tnem 10 us at Slx Per cent. And rint there is what hurts Han- ner s -le- Maybe we don't under- siana tne nnanciai Question. DUt I i i i j ii ,i n it iooks to us line tnou art nxing tn tnVp fnnr nor- f.onf -TvorV- no orl w J-ivyi" " 1VC " tu uails- .vvny noHistic." first Pull at the sugar-tit? Why f. " us Per cenl- Qnn Than I OT 110 asOl- KnnlTn uo ouoa U1C for six per. cent?They are better able to stand it than we are. Great Master McAdoo, we are 111 a quanuary aoout tms muucy uucsmcss. we can i ten to TTT fa. j.n i save our gizzards whether to thank thee for thy generosity or LhBC -f i 4. rf iVA 111 Wlth our natural enemy, , the money power. ut we will hope for the best and take all we can get. That's the way everybody does. If thou art actuated by a worthy motive and an honest desire to CAROLINA, AUGUST, 1913. help us, thy plans cannot fail. Thou wilt become the biggest pumpkin on the. Wilson vine, and we win owe tnee a million tnanKs. We desire, therefore, to pay thee one thank in advance, to bind Hie u , , . . ' . 9f.999 thanks when we get the nloney. Amen. Be Careful. Tom! Tf our Democratic Vice-Presi- dent, Tom Marshall, don't be mighty careful somebody is liable to mistake him for a wild-eyed Socialist. In the course of a speech at Aurora, Illinois, on July 27th, the Vice-President of the United States of America uttered these words: iitt n -i iinmiormed men. ike tin- broken horses, shy at things they do not understand. To many Americans the word Socialism suggests terror. They do not know that there are many phases of Socialism. They are unaware that many doctrines advocated by some branch of the Socialists are being put into operation year hv vfar hv th diflFer'ftnt Statps nf TTn:n rm QA:Qi;om m-u;u manifests itself in work of love and helpfulness can abide within a representative democracy. l-f irhTmiYrlQH yv on tttwv on4 thA "i"vi " - v., W1C Ui A" T" wince agicc i tht wic toQmrr tttqc siai. iTry1rr.w ,v,t? To u possible that the Vice-President has turned traitor to his nartv I r I ri i,ic nnr Aficonnnocriv tfying to tell the truth? You little romQt,v ,inc wh ho itnnw lpt,B RPP vnn hristlp nn to your own Vice-President and call him a blab-mouthed liar. ' And still the complaints come in saying that The Fool-Killer is not being received regularly. Doggon it, what's the matter If I hear much more of this, severa postmasters will be called on to do some explaining. s NO. 6. Good-bye, Cow-Corifee. Goodby e, Mister Cow ! Fare well, Mister Hog! It seems that you critters are getting a heap stuck-up-er than you useter S j ft WUZ. ' I notice that a Chicago stock yards expert has given out fig ures to show that the habit of eating meat has decreased fifty per cent during the last ten years, and he figures that in ten years more meat will be a luxury to be afforded only by 'the' mil lionaire class. 'And what a calamity that will be! . Say, Mister Cow, how does it strike you, anyhow? Ain't you plum heart-broken about it? Think of having to be turned out in the woods to shift for yourself instead of being taken to the dear old stockyards where you could have your head gently cut off and your carcass done up in purty tin boxes! I am sorry you cow critters are holding your heads so high, mak ing yourselves the victims of race-suicide instead of being mercifully murdered and eaten by two-legged cannibals, Now when the boarding-houses wear out the sole-leather steak that their boarders have been gnawing on for the last twenty years without making a dent in it, what will take its place? That is a solemn question. When that big able-bodied earthquake rolled over in its sleep and kicked the props out from under Bulgaria, it didn't take many days to wind up the nasty old war. Now if a similar earth-; quake would come along and shake up them Mexican greasers till they could spit up shoe-heels, it might learn them a little bit of sense. Maybe you noticed that Presi dent Wilson and .Ambassador Wilson didn't hug and kiss any. .A
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Aug. 1, 1913, edition 1
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