ALL KINDS OF FOOLS.
I'll sing a little snatch of song
About the fools that come alone.
There's many fools of many minds
The harmless fool and other kinds.
Most pitiful and most forlorn,
The fool in that condition born
The idiotic, staring fool,
With brain as dull as any mule.
Poor man ! 'Tis not his fault alone ;
In other lives the seed was sown ;
We should not laugh at such a
man
No doubt he does the best he can.
You've seen the fool upon a limb.
And sawing 'twixt the tree and
him;
Also the fool who thought it fun
To blow into a loaded gun.
Qne other fool that I despise
Believes that he is very wise;
I have no doubt that vou recall
The tiresome fool that knows it all.
The business fool will scheme and
plan
A thousand ways to cheat a man,
And cannot see that in the end
He'll die without a single friend.
Another place for fools to mix
Is in the field-of politics ;
They hate the truth and love a lie,
And some sell votes and others
buy. ,
Bless goodness, I must not forget
The fools that form the social set ;'
Of all the fools tkat sin has nursed,
The fools of fashion are the worst.
They grab old Reason by the
snout,
And jerk him down and throw him
out,
And high on Fashion's rotte
throne
Old Mistress Folly reigns alone.
Religious fools of every kind
It is not difficult to find
So many gods, so many creeds,
That do not satisfy our needs.
The list is long, and yet they sa
New fools are sprouting" every day ;
The Fool-Killer biffs 'em one by
one,
And yet its task is never done.
GOSH-ALL-OVER-MYSELF!
Geeminy goodness!
Ouch!
Oh!
I'll just be consarned if it don't
get wusser, and wusser all the
time! J
The cry has been for two battle-
ships a year.
And that was just two a year
more than we had any earthly
use for.
But now here come Joe See
Fuss Dan Yells, Secretary of the
Navy, and wants us to build three
dreadnaughts a year instead of
two.
He wants them to be the big
gest fighting ships ever built, and
he wants one of them named
"North Carolina" in honor of his.
native State.
Honor, your foot!
Say, I can't think of anything
that I would consider a bigger
disgrace to the State than to have
one of these infernal contrapshuns
named after it.
And, hang-take it, ain't there
already one of the things named
after North Carolina?
And ain't that aplenty?
Whenever the Old North State
gets burdened with anv more
honor" of that kind, it will be
about time for her to sneak off
behind the cow-shed and be right
plum downright ashamed of her
self. s .
Three dreadnaughts a vear
would cost at least thirtv-six
million dollars a year to build, to
say nothing of the annual up-keep.
And they wouldn't be worth a
dried-apple cuss to anybody.
Now, instead of
$36,000,000 a year, suppose we
could use it in build
3 www
all over the country.
w nat would be the result?
Why, bless
that would, give us at least 20,000
miles of good road every year
enough to reach five
the entire country.
Lhat would be worth something.
But battleships!
Lord pity us!
Talk, Talk, Talk, Talk.
I recently saw a newspaper
article with the above heading. I
didn't read the article, and don't
have any more idea than a hog
what it was about.
But the head caught me, and I
said to myself, "There! Guess
I'll just hook that heading and
use it as a new fall bonnet for
one of my own preachments."
Talk, talk, talk, talk.
And then get a long breath and
talk some more. -
It takes talk to run the world.
And I don't wonder at it, for
lots of the talk I hear is enough
to run most anything.
It nearly runs me crazy some
times.
Don't bother to think, but just
talk.
Thinking tires the thinker, but
talking only tires the listener,
and that don't matter.
Therefore talk.
Talk early and often, late and
loud. v
Go into the office where people
are busy, crank your mouth and
put it" to work.
The boss pays his hands to
listen at you talk.
And they enjoy it.
If somebody else is talking
about something of importance,
that's just the time for you to
butt in. Crack away and tell 'em
you know more about it than
they do.
That's good manners.
It don't matter whether you
know anything or not make a
bluff and pretend that you know.
The less you know the more
you should talk.
Make up in talk what you lack
in knowledge, and maybe you
will fool somebody into thinking
you are smart.
Exercise is good for the
tongue therefore let it wag. -
Tell 'em your name is Mr.
Gabby-Jack from away up Long
tongue Creek.
SEND FOR THE GRANNY,
QUICK!
In clawing around through cre
ation in search of more fools to
skin, I rested my roaming lookers
on the name of one George W.
Carey. I have had this sorry cuss
hung up on my victim-rack for
several weeks, but I have put off
the skinning operation because
he stunk' so bad that I dreaded to
tackle him.
Now this wandering, wild-eyed
fanatic who goes around with a
"Dr." label pasted prominently
on his putrid personality, has
kindly condescended to give the
waiting world his own original
version of the moon question.
According to Dr. Carey's bow
legged belief, the sun is the
daddy of all the planets and this
old earth of ours is the mammy
of them. He says that all planets
are born of the earth in the same
manner that man is born of
woman. The South Pole is the
womb of the earth, and the sun's
rays act upon it in such a way as
to cause a conception. Then a
new world is born. Doc says the
moon is the youngest child of the
earth, but . there is going to be
another one born about the year
1945.
And so that's the way it's all
done! Well, well! How very simple!-
Strange we hadn't found it
out before. Much obliged to you;
Doc, for giving us a "whole box of
wisdom pills atone dose.
But you haven't explained
why some of the earth's children
are so much bigger than their
mammy. Jupiter and Saturn
they are several hundred times
bigger than the earth, so astron
omers tell us. Guess they must
take after their daddy in size.
Is that it?
Now, reader, are you satisfied
on this point? If not, must take a
dickens of a sight to satisfy you.