Page Two
THE FOOL-KILLER
August, 1914.
The Fool-Killer
Pungent Periodical of Thrilling
Thought.
PUBLISHED MONTHLY.
J. L. PEARSON, EDITOB.
One year to your heart, 25 Cents,
in clubs of Five or More, 15 Cents.
Entered as second class matter
March 30, 1910, at the postoffice at
Moravian Falls, N. C, under the act
of March 3, 1879.
IRVING V. KOCH, Adv. Manager,
30 N. Dearborn St., Chicago, 111.
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Be careful to write your own name
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North Carolina.
Let Us Talk It
Over
Well, dear sinner friends, this Is
The Fool Killer.
How does it set on your stomach?
If you like it, you can get more at
Headquarters.
The Fool-Killer is not even a forty
leventh cousin to any other paper on
earth.
It stands In a class by Itself, and
Its field is as broad as the English
language.
This paper wears no bell, muzzle,
collar nor halter.
Tou can put that down to start with.
I am the fellow who works at the
pump-handle on this pungent period
ical of thrilling thought. I print only
what I write; I write only what I
think; and I think what I doggon
Fleas e.
I own this entire establishment,
and Rockefeller isn't rich enough to
fcuy one share of it.
Does that sound strange?
Well, bless your soul, I am a great
leal richer than old John.
I never travelled any to speak of,
But I have read a great deal, and have
thunk some.
I have also writ a few books which
I know are great, because they don't
ell worth a cent.
Great books never do.
And then I started The Fool-Killer,
Just to quiet my nerves and keep the
aid press from getting rusty.
From the seclusion of these wooded
llilli there will go forth each month
i bundle of literary dynamite that
will shake the rotten foundations of
iiociety and cause the Church of Mam
mon to at least turn over in its sleep.
The Fool-Killer is a monthly mustard-plaster
for the blood-boils of
Society, Church and State.
It is salted with wit, peppered with
Uumor and seasoned with sarcasm.
Every line cuts like a whip, and
4tvery word raises a blister.
If you are a fool you had better not
nubscribe for The Fool-Killer. If
you are wise you will. And so that
k iet ties it
STATEMENT
of the ownership, management, cir
culation, etc., required by the act of
August 24, 1912, of The Fool-Killer
published monthly at Moravian Falls,
N. O., for April. 1914.
ICditor, J. L. Pearson Moravian Falls, N. C.
Man. Ed., J. L. Pearson, Moravian Fal s, N. C.
Jius. Man.. J. L. Pearson, Moravian Falls. M. C.
lublisher, J. Ij. Pearson, Moravian Falls, M. C,
Owner, J. L. Pearson, Moravian Kalis, N. C.
j J. L. Pearson. Ed. Pub. and Owner.
Sworn to and subscribed before me this 1st
flay of Marcn, 1914. w. K. kubbard, n. P.
My commission expires 30 ian.. 1916.
HERE'S WHERE I STANDI
People are asking where I stand
politically, and the only honest
answer I can give them is to con
fess that I am a man without a
party.
Since I kicked over the traces
and said good-by to the old rotten !
Republican hulk a few years ago,
have been more in sympathy
with the Socialist party than any
other. But even that party allows
itself to stand sponsor for a few
things that I am not so all-fired
certain about.
However, as it looked to me like
the best thing in sight. I had no
other choice- Because it stood ,
up bravely against the wicked
Money Power and cried out in be
half of the "under dog" for
these reasons my sympathies were
with it. Another thing that in
clined me toward Socialism was
the fact that it was the only party
in the field that was not under the
thumb of Romanism It had the
name of being Rome's bitterest
enemy, while the other parties
were bowing and scraping before
the pope. Years ago I saw the
need of some political party to
take up the fight against Rome 's
politcal advances here in this
country,and so I patted myself on
the back and said, "Here, Pear
son, is the party you've been look
ing for."
But, blame-take it, I just wish
you'd look yonder now at my So
cialist party. There goes Fred
Warren with it in his vest pocket,
and he is headed straight for
Rome to hand it over to the pope.
I don t know just how many
pieces of silver Fred is getting for
betraying his party into the hands
of the enemy, but I'll bet it would
make Judas 's little wad look like
thirty cents.
Now everybody that wants to
can follow Fred Warren into the
Roman trap, but here is one bud
dy who pointedly will not do it.
Fred can talk himself black in the
face about there being no dangt r,
and that all this anti-Catholic hur
rah is unnecessary, but I know
better. There IS danger! The
alarm DOES need to be sounded,
and it ought to have been sound
ed long ago. Americans MUST
take concerted action against
Rome if they expect to preserve
the few liberties they have left.
The man must be miserably blind
who cannot see th,at every branch
of our civil government is AL
READY in the clutches of Rome
and her grip is going to get tight
er every day until we arise and
shake her loose. There is no use
to try to dodge these facts. They
are before us, and we must meet
them like men. It must be ballots
now, or bullets by-and-by. Which
shall it be? .
And so that's where I stand po
litically. The party that gets my
vote hereafter MUST put into its
platiorm a plank declaring for
ABSOLUTE SEPARATION OF
CHURCH AND STATE, AND
FOR FREE SCHOOLS AND
FREE PRESS- Are you with me ?
Then get busy sending in subs.
SAVE, DOGGON YE! I SAY,
SAVE!
Somewhere in the wilderness of
Snobdom lives a well-fed rooster
by the name of Dr. Frank Crane.
This Crane person is broke out all
over with a bad case of Blind Op
timtis and spends most of his time
writing hypnotic dream stuff for
the capitalist press.
I have before me a pious preach
ment by Dr. Crane on "Thrift,"
and I just want you to listen to a
few ear-fuls of his fancy fuss:
"The man or woman who is spend
ing all he or she makes is a fool. No
other term expresses it. Of the great
'army of unemployed' who have been
beseiging our cities, panhandling for
dimes and standing in line for bread,
it is safe to say nine-tenths need not
have been in that condition had they
saved ome of their money while earn
ing wages. Lower your styles of liv
ing if necessary. Your 'position in
life' is not essential. Your savings
are essential."
Now, Tom Henry Peter, you've
got it straight
Say, Sal Malinda Lucy, did you
hear that?
Save !
That 's the word !
Strange nobody ever thought
of that before.
If you are getting four dollars
a week and it takes three dollars
to pay your rent, don't be so
wasteful as to eat anything, and
for goodness' sake don't think of
wearing any clothes ! Lay up that
other dollar and save it.
And lower your style of living!
Why certainly!
If you have been living on
bread and water, just cut out the
bread.
And if you have been enjoying
the luxury of a pair of ragged
breeches, sell 'em to a nigger for
ten cents, put the money in the
bank and go into your shirt tail.
There is nothing like saving, you
see.
Of course that "army of unem
ployed" ought to have saved
something while they were earn
ing wages. I suspect some of
them were getting as high as sev
en or eight dollars a week before
the "Wilson prosperity" hit 'em,
and they didn't have, on an aver
age, more than seven or eight
mouths to feed and backs to
clothe out of it. So they ought to
have saved up. at least half their
wages for the time when "psyeo
ogy" was going to bow up its
back and start around the ring
making a fuss like "Hard Times."
A shining example of this lack
of " thrift" is found in the case
of our goody-goody Secretary of
State, Billyum Jawbone Bray-on.
Poor old Billyum can't save a
cent out of his salary, and even
has to splice it out with -Chaw-Talk-way
lectures to make tongue
and buckle meet. But then
there is some excuse for Billyum
not saving anything. He only gets
a measley little thousand dollars
a month, while men have been
known to get as much as thirty
dollars a month and could not
save anything. I reckon Billyum
does the best he can with his little
tad of a salary, but I am awfully
afraid he will have to join the
"army of the unemployed" be
fore long say about 1916.
But as for you and me, let us
take the advice of Dr. Crane
save ten cents and buy a railroad.
CAN YOU DO IT?
Say, Mister, here is a little job
I would Tike for some man to un
dertake, just to see how it works
out. If you want the job, I will
give you the instructions. Here
they are:
You go out in your town or
cummunity, buy you a plot of
ground and build a house on it
Put heavy bars on the windows
and heavy locks on the duors.
Also build a strong high wall a
round your house. Ther; go out
and entice a gang of young wo
men into your prison and lock
them up, and act in other ways
to arouse suspicion that some
thing is wrong about your institu
tion. Then when the officers of the
law come around wanting to know
what is going on inside, you tell
tntm it is none of their blamed
business. If they insist on going
in to see for themselves, you bris
tle up and tell them to keep out.
Tell them that you are trying out
some kind of a new-fangled relig
ion in there and that (they have no
right to interfere with your relig
ion. Now, Mister, do you think you
could pull off such a stunt as that
and get away with it? No, not
to save you from the devil. But
the Roman Catliolics are doing
that very thing all over America
today, and the officers 6i the law
are not lifting a finger against it.
Romanism is the only institution .
in America that can run a ques
tionable business under lock and
key-and compel the authorities
of the law to keep out. WHY?
Well, that 's what we are trying to
find out.
AIN'T YOU PROUD OP THIS ?
That was a great stroke of jus
tice that, we pulled off down at
Vera Cruz when with one thun
dering shot from one of our
mighty guns we sent into eternity
the blood-spattered souls of one
hundred Mexican school-children.
Of course those children must
havfi h
were caught right in the crime
jiug tu sLuuy ana develop
their minds for future" usefulness.
But our brave boys," with their
big guns and their patriotic desire
to "serve mankind," put a mighty
sudden stop to that diabolical
plot.
To be a school-child in Mexico
is almost as great a crime as to
be a miner's child in Colorado
Ihere may be some little differ
ence, but we ain't got time to fig
ure it out. We are too busy 'serv
ing mankind. And so the safest
plan is to murder and burn the
Mexican children just like we do
the Colorado children. . This plan
is guaranteed under the Pure
d an? ?hus Act of Atril 20,
1914, and has the approval of the
government.
Si? 7ith the tago! Let the
rich children dance while the poor
children die! Open another keg of
powder, my brave boys, and let's
serve mankindn Bg
For the benefit of those who
may not have heard about it The
Fool-Killer takes occasion to-announce
that President Tumulty
private secretary is a fellow
ed Woodrow Wilson. v