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THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF ITS NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE.
VOL. V.
MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, NOVEMBER, 1914.
NO. 9
IT'S ALL OYER.
THE LASH.
Well, the polls are all closed and the
voting all done,
And the hand-shaking stunt is mew
ended;
The bought 'ns and drunk 's are
wagging away, v
On whom all the bosses depended.
Tke booze-jugs are empty, the stop
pers are gone,
The grafters have mounted
-1
perch
The praying "ameners" who voted for
sots,
Are heading again for the ehnreh.
Hypocricy's common at every pre
cinct. To each church a stumbling block
goes,
While the Devil's all smiles to the
end of his horns,
And Christianity's holding its nose.
fine excuse for the hard times we
have been having, and if it hadn't
been for the war the administra
tion would have had to bear the
blame.
And we must be thankful that
the same cause which we said
made the hard times is now prom
ising to give us good times. Let us
be thankful for the great market
which the war is making for the
abundant crops which we have
raised. Let us be thankful for
A SERMON ON PATRIOTISM.
Well, honey it looks like just
as good a time as we'll get to fire
off another sermon on "Patriot
ism." The Fool-Killer has preach
ed from this text a time or two
before, but the subject has not
been exhausted and there is al
ways something more to be said.
We hear a great deal of slob
certain group of States, or a cer
tain nation in which they happen
to live, and that they ought ot
stop there. Your "National Pa
triot ' ' must love his own nation,
but he must hate all other nations
and he must be prepared to fight
them at a moment's notice Not
because the other people are not
just as good as he is, but because'
his " Patriotism' ' wasn't cut quite
big enough to cover them.
bery gush about "Patriotism" in
these days, and it might do us I Now look here, sonnv :
good to investigate iust a little.' Tf TVe oot a ooor! tail-hold on
bir ithe sPeculators who have corner-1 Wnat sort Gf a looking thing is your argument, it seems like we
ed these erons and are making Po;rt;c. 0r,vi,mn9 j x i.
iuwiwwoiu, u,xj.j uu vv s are getting uiuunu iu uie uuiicius-
Where did it orignally come, ion that "National Patriotism"
PROCKSGIVING
THANKLAMATION.
By President Tumulty Woodpile.
millions selling them to Europe.
Let us be thankful that the poor
farmers who raise the crops will
not get much of the profits, be
cause if they did they would get
from, and what ticket does it
vote?
Ask a Redemocan that question
and he'll very gladly inform you
the big-head. Let us be thankful rtha it always votes the Redemocan
that all the wheat, corn, and oth- ticket. Ask somebody else, and
er iooa stuns are oemg snipped you'll get a different answer.
to Europe, so that our own poor it all depends.
will have to starve this winter. Iti Tn tho lanmiacm nf mv Aid
v V w. -"-J W
Well, feller citizens, according
to the government's medical al
manac, we are getting around a-
gain to the time of year when it
is cuss-to-Mary for the Pope's a
gent in the White House to send
out a Procksgiving Thanklama
tion. Now therefore, I, Tumulty
Woodpile, president of the Be
ited States of Plutocarcy, having
been put through the Twilight
JjUeep, have been successfully de
livered of the following :
All people of these Benited
fltates are hereby notified that the
first thing to be thankful for this
time is the Atlantic Ocean. Nev
r did the old Atlantic look go
good to us as it does at present.
There have ""been times when we
kave thought that theCreator was
unnecessarily wasteful with his
water supply when he made the
Atlantic Ocean, but now we can
begin to appreciate His wisdom.
Just how it ain't any too wide
to suit us and if it was a few
thousand miles wider it wouldn't
hurt. The further we can be from
Europe these days the better it
pleases us.
Therefore all you slaves who
call yourselves free citizens
should give thanks to Rooky D.
Oilyfeller because he has kindly
consented for you to live here in
his country, provided you will do
just as he says, give him every
thing you work for and never go
on a strike.
But while we are giving thanks
that we live outside of the war
zone, we must remember that the
war is a blessing to us. In the
first place, if has been a mighty
is better than the smaller brands
we've been talking about. If
that's so, why wouldn't "Inter
naional Patriotism" be still bet
ter? Why not have a heart big
enough to embrace the whole
world and regard all men as
brothers? Taking it up one side
and down t'other, the people of
one nation are just about as good
serves them right. The. poor farm- j friend, Postle Paul, Patriotism is
ers and wage-slaves are getting all things to all men.
so full of this-here darned So- J Now here :
cialism that they are a menace to, I know a man who hates every
the country, and it will be a bless jDody but himself. He goes heavily
ing if they all perish. Maybe we armed and is a terror to his family
can then raise up another genera-1 and his neighbors. He just struts
tion which will be more humble and brags about what a great f el
and obedient to the masters. low he is, and swears he could
Tjpf. lis Va tfinnlrfnl firr tViA pani. ' tV.: ,-v."i - - ux. .
s rv iiip ci wuuic luwusuip wiLii oiie;iT,ftfilpT,
v,.u ..oo, v,cLiQ '"wui iu nana uea Denina mm. ii i naa to
workers would get too indepen- pick out a word to describe that
dent. Even now it is all that fellow, I would call him a "Self
Rockageer, CarnafeUer & Co. can Patriot."
do to hold them in check. v ! j bother -man who loves
uei us oe xnanKiui tnat tne war his own home, hut hate the hnmM again for the capitalists . and
iVT w - of his neighbors worse than spectators. &ui tnat class nav
as another, or a little bit better.
When we grow intellectually tall
enough to look out across the im
aginary lines that men have
drawn about over the face of the
earth, and recognize the good in
all men, then we will quit
fighting and begin to live like
" International Patriotism ' '
what we want.
is
They say times are getting good
papers to tell about the uncivil on He would hurn Mg neighop,8 been doing well enough all th
wars m Colorado, Arkansas, and house at th dro f h ts j t time. The thing we want is som
eiesewnere m tnis country, m as ,vpll pal1 tw iw "n.mo. good times for the workine feller.
What do you know about that?
Socialism is a wedge that is
-I -t rt i -r-v 1 1 .it . tiiut J-V
lT XX . L lca ,g Jli Patriot" and let it go at that,
the fight against the workers. . ,
Let us be thankful that only one ther gentleman of my ac-
; quaintance loves ms county iust
thiq timp anl lAt ns tall all io I1Ke au Iur7 dux nates every otn-,UCAAA5 uixui,-uut ui
lies on him cussedness, and every
Le? us beThankMthar devi1' Ml takes to get up a election drives it a little deeper.
hill "not yetkaf to vTVfi8ht with that fellow is to tell It is making the capitalistic splin
Ymy blwlM behira are from some other ters crack like all sixty, aid pret
mey pray oecause tnat would oe.nn. T,. v. t,v soon the olrl rotten onr will
a deatn blow to our present sys
tem of legalized robbery.
lhere are many other things for
which we people of the Benited
county. That very minute his tv soon tne old rotten chunk will
fighting blood gets active. He PP Pen
can t give you any reason for it,
except that his nature just ain't
States of Plutocracy ought to be!g enough to comprehend more
thankful, but these I have men
tioned are the principal ones.
In view of all these great bless
ings which the plutes of our land
are enjoying, it seems proper for
us to appoint Thursday, Novem
ber 26th as a day on which the un
der dogs may come together and
than one county. What's the mat
ter with 1 'County Patriot" for
him?
Another fine sample of citizen
ship who is just one degree broad
er is a great lover of his state,and ! hw
ucieuu ih Willi nis me ; out
any man who happens to live two
The warring governments of
Europe are encouraging all sol
diers to marry before they enlist,
in order that the ranks of posteri
ty may be filled. They have reduc
ed the cost of marriage licenses,
but nothing has been said about
I reducing the lost of raising a
thank the Lord for their poverty -hundred yards beyond his state
Say, Buddy, you remember that
"Peace Sunday" that Woodpile
and wretchedness, and for the!lln is nis hitter enemy. This . appointed and asked everybody to
bosses that keep them in thatlman 18 a "State-Patriot.
condition. And the bosses can
thank the Lord for the slaves who
Now, Mister, what do you think
about all these various "patri
are willing to keep on being slaves lots?" Don't you think they are
.iust because they ain't got any
better sense.
(Signed)
TUMULTY WOODPILE.
Pres. B. S. P.
Billyum Jawbone,
Sec. of State.
the biggest blamed fools you ever
Heard tell of? You think they
would be better Patriots if they
go to church and pray for peace
in Europe. Well, just the day
before the prayers were to be sent
up, a ship left New York harbor
with sixteen million- rifle car
tridges to be used in the war that
Christian" America was going
had "broader" views, don't you? to ask God to stop. No wonder
For instance, you think, maybe, the prayers didn't rise higher
that they ought to stretch their than the market price of muskets
patriotism enough to take in a' and bullet.