Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / April 1, 1915, edition 1 / Page 1
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17 THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF ITS NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE. VOL. VI. MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAROLINA, APRIL, 1915. NO. 2. Burnin' Off. I say, now, John an' you'll agree Per boys like we-uns use ter be, A heap o' pleasure lies concealed In burnin' off a broom-straw field. You -know that hill at the old Brown place Whur we played ball an' prison-base On Sundays with the neighbor boys Ah, them-thar days was lull.o' joys! Then when the broom-straw yallered good From all them frosts 'at it had stood, We longed an' longed like ever'thing Ferbumin'-off time in the spring. A SERMON ON CAPITALISM BY E. J. WILSON Every once in a while, even in this age of education and enlight enment, some darned little old shriveled-brained, marble-headed deluded discipline of Capitalism somehow manages to screw up the north-east corner of his blow hole into a kink about one-fourth How could we get along with out the millionaires? Yes, indeed! How could we get along with out the cut-worms in our cabbage patch? How could we raise 'taters if it wasn't for the 'tater-bugs? How could dogs and hens live GO SOAK YER HEAD! With the country under a new tariff law and the banking institutions under a Democratic banking and currency law, it has remained for the National City Bank in New York to pile up the highest amount of deposits in its history. One day this week it passed the $300,000,000 mark for the first time. When one bank in a city of big banks can accumulate three hundred millions of dollars in the regular course of business, it would look like if there is anything the matter wife the country it is too much prosperity. the dark if it wasn't for Jorni D.? the hands of the bankers and your inese are au pests, ana verily p" muuunaucs ui iew xork. of an inch long intended torepre- without fleas and chicken-lice? 'Long somewhurs 'twixt sundown an' sent a sneer something similar to And how could we enjoy a Paw he would come in an' remark: tnesmneoia raaa ounuog, aim guuu iiiguis sieey u is wasn l increase in commercial business w " The signs is all perzackly right lets out a racket like a busted Safe- for a few million bed bugs the simple reason given for this tre- Fer burnin' off broom-straw tomgrt. the sum.total of which Just think what a great conven- mendous record.-Charlotte (N. C.) In?mn amounts to about as follows, to- ience it is to have a few dozen r. An' struck out hard as we could go wjf rats around your corn-crib, and your foot! Of course the Ferthatold broom-straw hiii,yeknbw. How could we ever manage how neccessary it is for us to have banks have got plenty of money, We dsteagwf our torches through the to get along without the million- a garden full of gophers so we and that's the devil of it. The An' kep' right smart ahead o' Paw; aires? What would we do for a can raise a bumper crop of roast- hanks have got it ALL, and the ?owiup JOB? And how could business be in'-ears (after we get the afore- people have got NONE. Why, Sometimes the blaze was runnin' high run without Capitalism? Why. said gophers filled up.) you blained fool, I wouldn't ask An' lightin' up the earth an' sky; we've got to have the capitalists How long do you suppose we for any better evidence that this S?1 to run the industries-and pay us would live if all the flies and Woodpile administration, withal! Sometimes, too, whenthe air was still, guys our wages-ain't we? Now, skeeters had been "swatted," and of its new-fangled financial ma The fire went creepm' up the hill; then, just answer THAT, you're how in the world could we see in chinery, js playing right into xne ions; siraws uumu uu au tiie . ground so smart!" An' fell like dead men all around. gav wouldn't that iar I " ' 1 It. -l I use ter watch 'em doin' that, gallus buttons loose? Wouldn't it I say unto thee, thou mutton-head At nas got down on its mortal The straws wM?oe! "wSyfat turn yourjnose red, and your face that the greatest of all these evil belly and groveled at their feet That fell an' died, an' thar they lay. pale, and vour hair gray, and things is the dollar-hungry devil and granted them every special make you pop-eyed and knock- called Capitalism. privilege that could bethought kneed with fright, and give you How did we get along, anyhow, But when it was asked to thirty-seven kinds of bellyache in before Capitalism captured us? helP the Por cotton raiser of the three seconds? Such stupendously, How many million-dollar idlers South, you remember what hap startling, astounding, confound- were there among the Pilgrim Pened, don't you? They talked a ing, complex, problematical per- Fathers? None there, you can flooa" of not air big enough to plexities would astonish the dev- just bet your boots on that, oat a Zeppelin, and they mess il himself. for there was too much strong- ed around and got up a dickens Well, buddy, when you ero to arm business going on just then. a b Loan Fund for the spe- If Billy Sunday don't. twist the making a heap big no'ise like that, so Mr. Aristocracy just waited cl benefit of the poor cotton devil's tail off he will at least it begins to dawn on me that per- till all the Injuns had been de- raisers. But instead of letting make it mighty sore haps you have not studied your molished, and they got a swell the cotton raisers have it, they JL lessons very thoroughly. hotel and a bank aijd a railroad turmed it right over to the bank- A sick buzzard will vomit, and If common sense was the school- built, and killed out all the pole- ers, and if ary cotton raiser or then flop back after another mess mam in the world's big, school- cats, before he dared to risk his ther poor man has seen or smelt of dead hoss. Say, you Bull Moose house, you would most likely be' exalted self on the shores of one red cent of that Fund he has voter, does that sound like any- occupying a position down about North America. kePt it a secret, thing personal? a foot from the tail-end of your The billion dollar grabbing, Sarn-take my time if I see any- class. You would also probably greedy, grafty, gambling, grouchy thing to brag about in ,the fact The Hornet ("hottest Demo- try to argue with the school-mam bunch of demons known collec- that the millionaire bankers and cratic paper, " and so forth) con- that 2 and 2 jnaade 3, or that Z tively as heartless corporations, millionaire depositors of New tinues to steal its thunder from was the first letter in the alpha- and individually as successful bus- York are so lousy with money other papers, and in the same bet. iness men, originally sprung in a wnile four million wage earners breath cusses the editors it steals Now it's perfectly proper to large measure from the idle, blue- in the country are out of work from. The Hornet reminds me of ask real sensible questions in or- blooded aristocracy of the old and their families starving, a one-legged monkey trying to der to get at the truth about the European Courts, and one has " straddle a pole. . . real live, up-to-date progressive only to peruse the pages of his- Sa felIers I want every bless- issues of the age; but when you try tory to find out what Jdnd of de- ed .one of you to read the two In trying to give orders to both to frame up a bunch of stuff like generates most of these lords f Nicies by E.J.Wilson in this Europe and Mexico, I'm sorter that alluded to above as an argu- and earls and dukes and counts issue and then tell me how they afraid Woodenroller has bit off ment in defense of such absolute- and barons really were. And it's strie vour funny bone. I have more than he can chaw. I think ly worthless low-down human an honest fact that the breed secure4 Mr. Wilson to contribute we had better keep the worms parasites as the millionaire or cap- hasn't improved any since, except an article occasionally, and if he out of our own 'backer patch and italist class, it shows your coco is in then capacity for stealing. keeps up the lick he has started out let the rest of the world lookout about as full of intelligence as a Did you ever pour a bucket of with there will soon be a powerful for itself. last summer's gourd. (Continued on page 2, last column) dying-out among the fools. An' somethin' else I liked so well Was that-thar pleasant smoky smell That jes' kep' lingerin' about Long after all the fire was out. It's funny how a feller's nose Will recollect sich smells as those, Recallin' things we heard an' saw When we was kids a-burnin' straw. James Larkin Pearson. PARAGRAPHS.
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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April 1, 1915, edition 1
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