Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / July 1, 1915, edition 1 / Page 1
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...... , fl . IT tl fl no THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF, ITS NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE. VOL. VI. MORAVIAN FALLS, NORTH CAEOLINA, JULY, 1915. NO. 5- HATE YOU, GOT A MOLE I EXHIBIT NO. 23. Oh, the wimmen used to fairly take a fit If a tiny mole or freckle should appear ; They would plaster cheap cosmetics over it Till the face was all a miserable smear. But they tell me now that moles are -all the rage, . And the girl that hasn't got one of her own I Only has to turn the fashion paper's page Where the latest thing in moles is clearly shown. It's a crime to have a face without a flaw, And the beautiful complexion's had its day. All the ladies are compelled' by Fash ion's law -To put on some moles and freckles right away. If your dealer can't supply you with the moles, You can order from the city where they're made: They can satisfy the longings of your souls "With a mole of any size or shape or shade. . You can choose the place to wear it on your face On the chin, the cheek, the nose, or anywhere It will surely add immensely to your grace, And well know you are up-to-date because it's there. Now, my darling Flossy Fussy, don't you cry, For if Nature slipped a cog in mak ing you, You can fix it just as easy as to try, With an artificial mole or maybe two. James Larkia Pearson. Howdy! Doggon! This is me. Or rather, what's left of me My name is Sam. I'm supposed to be the Uncle of a good many folks. But if I don't be more careful I'm afraid my nephews and nieces will be step-orphans the first thing they know. CHURCH ADVERTISING. A feller in Iowa Jias invented a doofunny which he claims will en able blind people to see. There ought to be a big market for it among the politically blind. Some where in the book f Rev elations is a statement to this ef fect: 4 'And there shall be no more seas." And won't that be tough on the warships and sub marines? They'll just have to claw about in the sand. You have got a perfect legal right to stick your head in the fire, but you probably ain't foo enough to insist on your rights to that extent. But whil e you, as an individual, are not that big a fool, it seems that your nation is Dog my cats if some of these here swell churches in Yankee Doodle ain't gettin' pretty near out of soap-grease, so to speak. My trained editorial eye has just kotch sight of the ding-bustedest advertisement that ever flaunted its false feathers in the face of decent humanity. The Literary Digest tells us that on a recent Saturday the Come, come! Avail yourself of this great "business advantage" this powerful "personal asset." You will find that it will side track all suspicion and enable you to skin the public a heap easier. If the above "advertisement" don't mean that and nothing less, then I must confess my inability to understand what plain English DOES mean. Let it be distinctly understood that The Fool-Killer is in favor of I'm the trade-mark of the Ex-1 daily papers of New York con-. churches and church.eow But cited States. a . o-to-nurcn aaver- Whenever a ohh ri But a few millionaires have tisement m which the following sllT1v in h a ' bought me and used me for a cat's devil-inspired and hell-hatched cialigm that it hag paw to rake money into their language occurred: a plea as the ab P pockets. Kight within your reach is a Browned 'if it ain't And that ain't the worst of it. business asset a very definite bout time to 11 They are now using me as a one which you are perhaps over- the does and'auit. Can vnn im. Paddle to stir up a still bigger in- looking. This asset is derived agine Jesus or any of His first fol ternational stink among the na- from your going to church. Un- lowers using such an appeal to in- tions. ciouotediy yoj' nave never loosed duce people to com intn th fi upon it in this light. It is ob- lowship? As the Christian Her- vious, it you are Known as a aid says, their caU was quite the steady, sober-mmded churchman, opposite, a call to poverty a call ,!,usc "A-1J vvjivm jvu. ucdi xiav- sacrince, a call to danger a greater confidence in you. Going call to possible death. This brazen to church will tend toward estab- advertisement in the New YnrV iismng you m tne mind ot every papers is a striking illustration of one as a man to be trusted. This how far the professed follm is a decided business advantage, of Christ have wandered away a personal asset, and worth while from. His teachings. It is a reek- 1 -W ATTAMTT WY-kW ' ' -I, A A 1 - ili cvci wa. rotten sname. and so it. is! Now if that ain't the last but- Patriotic Fools Want Fool-Killer.. ton on Job's coat, you can havo my right arm for a soda adver tisement. Oh, yes! Oh, yes, you blamed Scotland, Ga., July 4, 1915. Dear Sirs: Having read amour old pot-jmted hvpocrite! Come other interesing and amusing items. into church! Come into church! m your mteresting and amusing pa- iTWa's tha nlfl fnr n w an interesting and amusing letter man wolves to get a great bargain tT Juafsl tne same in sheep's clothing, and to getKTT e v - . . , I vavit ofinlrin WoV U,olft, UirOUgU IIS ine aoove Picture is now i am J " ao ont a going to loo wnen I get aone7 " H,.. " patriotic fools, with a single thought T IT- i. J. A I III M V 1 1 M T II rPBTUWTnm 1TV CA TnQT I noiamg xermany xo a sxnct ac- " , ov v-v ana nearts that beat as one desire to count.7 ' uu Cim more easu7 caron your celebrate the Glorious Fourth in a Oh. I dnnno T mav look wnss- neighbors off then? guard and cominer and indenendpnt manner , I 7 , 1 . . , ...I " m ' " f U er than this. cneat tnem m a trade. Just look being five or more in number, inclose I uster have a-Birth-day. at our ne church ! ain t it a beau- herewith ten cents each, and but for To the best of mv recollection v ai tnt- spire pomtnig our independent SDirits notwith- it was called the Fourth of Julv. neaveward like the mocking standing this is a prohibition stat But the poor old Fourth is like nnSer 01 oatan cnaiienging iioa would beg that you send us your in- myself it's gettin sorter out, at t0 tne combat! .Look at tnose famous and unpretending sheet for. the elbow and ain't half as popu- nchly dressed folks marchnig in. and during the next twelve months lar in "sassietv" as it uster wuz. Aney are all --liiglily respec- enqmg juiy jist. Anno Domini, the Gruess I'll have to celebrate my table,' 'because they cover up their year of our Lord 1916 next, and oblige, death next. cusseaness witn tne cioaK oi reng- iuur iruiy,' T,-. Wo.n n-A ion. SrnriA nf thfvm rvwn srwAnt.-1 T. N OREFLEET . (juoi a w cix uc ucau as svaicu " " " " " " " i p, t aqttt tY j. T j 1 I snnnc Txrn ore tha hirao tvaaw . xo aeaxn. i """ x v "x ivi a TTAPPTsnw 0 yes. I'm brave but mv knees women ana eniiaren are ground w. H. HINSON. feel miffhtv totterv. out and coined into more money If I iust had a safe place to Ior tn rien? some ot tnem collect hide. I'd like to see 'em lick Ger- extortionate rents for tottering 7 I i i -. I A 1 -l manv ffood tenements wnere Hopeless and .unougn ix was some aisap- ' It i . J 1 11 I -I" Does anybody know of a hole nungry Humanity is packed like poinument at tne timei am ver that a man mv size could crawl sardines ; some ot them own mines giaa Qow tnat l was not elected into and other vast industries where presiaent m j.yi-z. Huh ? every known crime is committed Somebody call me? against the poor; s5me of them " Washington hopeful starving Yah, yah, Massa Johndee, are just common cheap liars and people in Mexico will be fed," here's vour little waitinsr bov. scoundrels, but they all. know how says a headline. Apparently no- w hat s my orders? to cover their -tracks and keep body cares whether the starving Hot-foot! themselves "respectable ' by at- people in the Benited States aae Good-bve! tending our fine church. fed or not. K. C. BULLARD. H. ASHLEY TT r
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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July 1, 1915, edition 1
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