Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Feb. 1, 1916, edition 1 / Page 1
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r 1 THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF ITS NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE VOLUME 6 BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA, FEBRUARY, 1916. NUMBER 11. IT CHIPS FROM THE BATTLE AXE. Look out there, you poor white folks and niggers ! Them there Germans, or Japanese, or some body else, are going to wade across the creek some night and walk off with your "Liberty," and then you will be in a pickle, for that is all the "property" these American robbers have left you except your shirt and pants so you had better see if the munition makers will swap you a gun for your breeches, so you can be " prepared!" Hush, now don't kick. You MUST be a PATRIOT, even if you DO have to go in your shirt-tail. A man that delights in war and loves to win victories by shooting down his fellow men, is such a full-blooded son of the devil that his barber I-rd better use great care for fear he will cut his horns. The poor boys of England didn't know they had a country until the war broke out but now they have found it out with a vengeance, and they have got to fight for it. What a shame! The poor fellows have had to pay the "lords" two prices for every bread crust they have eaten and for every shanty they have lived in. And now they must be ' ' patri otic" and go and fight and die for a home they never had and for n pmintrv that belonsrs to the v fc "lords." Some people are very particular to ffo with Christ down into the water, but they part company with Him as soon as they get on the other side of the creek, and then go on their wiggle-woggle way, butting and stinking just like the rest of the billy-goats. The preachers that preach that the world is getting better must have a mighty poor idea of be! ter", or else they must think that our great-grandfathers lived in hell itself. Pray tell me in what respect the world is getting bet ter". Is it more truthful? Is it more honest ? Is it more virtuous ? Is it better in any way? Open your eyes and SEE; unstop your ears and HEAR; quit holding your nose and SMELL; and stop your fool talk about the world getting better. Jonah was not a tobacco-chew iner and cigar-sucking preacher, for no whale could hold one of them in his stomach for three days without vomiting. PLEASE NOTE CHANGE OF ADDRESS. If I were an unborn baby just at this stage of the world's pro gress, I would use all my influence to keep from being born just yet PUTTING nT rrTii ir- hi WW W Vi A 7 Jt II V It X' Take notice, everybody ! The Fool-Killer has moved its office from Moravian Falls, N. C, tc BOOMER, N. C. There have al ways been some big objections to "Moravian Falls" as the name of a postoffice. It is too long, diffi cult to keep in mind, and to most people it is absolutely meaning less. Many postmasters, in draw ing money-orders on that office, spell it every way but the right way. Boomer, on the other hand, is a short and easy name. Only six letters in it, and the word means something. Boomer booming on a boom it will always remind you that The Fool-Killer is doing a booming business. And that is a fact. Don't forget it. By sim ply connecting these two thoughts in your mind you can easily re member the paper's new address. And you can tell your friends about it, end thus help to make it boom still more. The appropriateness of the name Uoomer is one reason why I moved The Fool-Killer from Moravian Falls, N. C, to Boomer, N. C. There are some other rea sons that I rcay mention later. "Where is Boomer?" you will probably ask. Well, Boomer is a small country village in Wilkes county, North Carolina, about five miles from Moravian Falls. It is surrounded by a farming and fruit-growing community, and is a very beautiful place. My big new office, which I have just ?-uilt is situated out in the woodsjsomc little distance from the village of Boomer, and all its surroundings breathe the spirit of the open country. Here I can live and uiitusiurueu. nere i can have plenty of elbow-room. M mail is delivered right to my dooi every morning, and the wholf situation is just ideal. I can thinV ana work better out here in the III lr r? ON THE MAP woods where everything is quiet and peaceful. This is perhaps the only inst- ance where a paper of large circu- ation can be found literally out .. ... m tne woods, several miles from , .A, . . A. A , , a railroad, with nothing that looks or smells like a town anywhere in miles of it. But that is the situa- tion here, and it suits me exactly. My big new office, while not quite ... , . . , complete, is now being occupied, and another addition will be built to it during the coming summer, This issue of The Fool-Killer will be hauled away from the new of- fice in a big farm wagon, the mail sacks being piled up like a load of hay. In this manner the paper cember number-of the Review of will be carried over the country Reviews such a Socialistic editor road to the railroad station, a dis- ial as the following: tance of about ten miles. Killer is different from all other of its rural location makes it still more different. . My old school-mate, Ralph Waldo Emerson, in one of his in spired moments remarked that if a man would make even a better mouse-trap than had ever been made, though he lived in the woods, tne worm would mane a path to his door. And Emerson was right. I am not in the mouse- trap business, but I am out here in the woods trvmcr to make a better Datcr than was ever made before, and the reading world is rapidly making a path to my door have helped to make Moravian balls tamous all over tlie country. and now I am putting Boomer on the map in a hurry. Forget Moravian Falls it is no longer of any importance. A1 A. . . , low the most important postoffice .xi .i"ciiv,o. Address all letters and make all money orders payable to: THE FOOL-KILLER, BOOMER, N. C. AN HONEST CONFESSION. From the standpoint of eniment respectability there ain't any flies on the American Review of Reviews- That is a fact too woll known to need emphasizing here. r or many years it nas stood at the very head of its class as a maga zine of superior excellence and reliability. If a man can afford to take and read but one of the big standard magazines, he cmiM t? , , for Knsv rnaAav ft vast simnimf. of reading, culling and boiling down that he ain't got time to do for himself. And its .editorial hv Dr. Albert Slinw -nra Ttnll tviif ' ..... ... . ten and worth reading, whether ' flm.p w:tll h- ftr nn Now all that popularity for a magazine means more than vou miSnt suppose. For one thing, it mea-n? thS Politi.cal ,aml fi- anuiai uusses 01 America nave not fonnd anything in it to kick about it has managed to keep on the good side of the ruling class, mid that awful word " Socialist ie" has never been hurled at it, so far as l Know. I was therefore most a green My surprised wThcn I read in th o-De- !- 'E? pies, or in programs of action, to be j : i : l r i. -ii a. L i .... as well be the leaders of the other, so far as their convictions arc concern eu. These two parties stand to-day ns the chief enemies of jrood eovermnct in our municipalities and our Stntes. and it is not treasonable to say tlnt .thoir methods and their rivalry are the chief obstacles to prood government in the 3phere of national and internet ionl affairs." PLEASE NOTE CHANGE OF ADDRESS. Europe was "prepared." Win-re js Europe's peace? lhcre was no other cause for the war except that Europe had too much "preparedness." Shall we benefit by Europe's mistake, or shall we not? PLEASE NOTE CHANGE OF ADDRESS. Congressman Victor Mnrdoek, who is a sort of "handy-rnau poses and says : "The Democratic party ls on the verge of an iiit(,r i imi eAuiusion. riffnt. lft r bust! But say, Vic, it don't he- come you to talk about the im pending misfortunes of the Jack ass. Ain't you and your party a rent-off tribe from a busted party?
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Feb. 1, 1916, edition 1
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