Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / May 1, 1916, edition 1 / Page 1
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THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF ITS' NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE. VOLUBIS 7 BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA, MAY 191G. ITUM3LH 1 What's the Use? To come from nr. pn linVnn-n past Peopled with trod- t. war, An i into a fnimv tiil wr vast. Ami nob l y k'tows wat fr; TCo play f in miit tha &ame of life, "Like hurrvig ants tat. ' rwl, EmhivilfrM f .rver m dartiv strife Oh, what id tlio use f it al? To gather truth from wise meu'b mi laier. bv men a wise,' To he assured liab iui e nt! fools And an of iheir wojU are lies.; To venture all ir wimIoih h sweets And bee t'leui tum t gth; TVhea itp- . uiih uieiippuiutiueiit iieetH Oh, what is imh ua of it all? James Larkin Pearson. MY PROFATITY. Confound it! Dura itl Dad gum it! Oh, why in ths devil won't they allow a feller to cuss a little sometimes I I can't think of -any word more mode&t than a big fat damn that wid express my burning indignation at the hypo critical heiiishness of some of tae things that are being done in the name of charity. I have been much impressed lately with the great heiiabaloo -that the " tender-hearted " pluto crats have raised over feeding tne .starving babies in the war coun tries. Now please understand that I ain't raising any kick against "having the suifer.ng babies (and lso the suffering grown folks) of Europe cared for as much as possible. No doubt the need is urgent enough, and if honest peo ple would giye with an honest Tnotive, it would be a mighty fine "thing to do. But wait a minute. Hereis the devil of it. Have you noticed the mames of the "tender-heaited" .givers who are taking such a big interest in this charity business? "Well, bless your darling gizzard, they are the very same pack of Tdood-fattened hell-hounds that have supplied the deadly weapons and kept the war going. Every body knows the war could not have continued this long without lielD from America. Behold the American munitions-maiiufactuT ers weeping over the widows and orphans that their, own powder .4tud leal hti made. And then out of the fabulous fortunes of blood money that they have amassed, just watch them flip a few pennies of it back to the starving babies in the name of charity. Yes, sir! The soulless greed of the American munition-makers is only equalled by their monu isiental gall. After selling Europe the tools to murder herself with, ihey think they can buy the re spect of humanity by dropping a xew hynoc tl ?.rs"on her cof in. The nerve of it ! j f WL 1 - ' "fls 8 " I h .-- " . ' r-vV ' ' tl v ' rSid " ' ' :"vi LIS AND SOME OF A SZRMOIJ OH VILLA. I am willing to venture myrapu- tation as a piophet on the asser tion that Vhxa is either dead o- cilive, caught or uneaught. I ;ould prove it by Uncle Sam it he rV3x e here. But since ho is' exten sively absent and otherWiS J em ployed, you wixl juct havo to take oiy word cr it. "-r-t- Anything I write about Villa that am ' t true now will be true when it happens, xind if you don t get the real facts when you need them, maybe you will need them when you do get them. Villa-ology was one of the sub jects that they didn't teach me when I was in school. That shows what a poor educational system we have in this country. There wasn't even a word about him in my Sunday School lessons, and this is the first sermon I ever heard on the subject. So you see I am not very well prepared'' to handle this great question. But with Uncle Sam's help I expect to settle it some way pretty soon. AH I want Uncle Sam to do is to catch Villa and hold him still 4or me, and I will gladly make any remarks that need to be made aout him. You mustn't forget that Vila is a Bandit. "Band" has refer ence to his followers, and he him self is "It". Hence the word .Da.uu.il;. ine original meaning of the word was shirt-tail, " be cause when a Mexican in time of war got a serious wound he to' e off his shirt-tail to "band-it". Still later, when revolution had so im poverished the struggling' armies that they actually had to go in their shirt-tails, they became of Scally known as Bandits. This in formation is original aid copv ri?rhted, and any infringement vrill be prosecuted to the full ex tent f my cuss-word vocsbr'ar. But we seem to be arriving away from the subject. Let Ub rPL. i MY HELPERS. depart, back to the main line ol thought and "see if we can learn any less about Villa than we have already succeeded in knowing. As already, previously, hereto fore slated, Vi la has lately been classified as a bandit. He staited out in life as a bandit, and soon became such a good hand at it that his custom grew very rap'dly. Hesocn-had more bandi ting than he could do, so he had to organize a force of men to help him. From th at, "Villa s fame spread all over Mexico. It became a sort of fad among the rich Mexicans to be robbed or killed by Villa and his band. It was considered high y honorable to suffer at the hands of Villa, and it finally got so that the common scrub bandits couldn't hardly make an honest living at their trade. Whenever anybody in Mexico was seized with a burning desire to in re,vi,"'v TtHir care fully killed, they always sent for for Villa. It was a little more ex pensive, but it was a better g-ade of work. And a rich Mexic an i never stingy in matters of that sort. And so it happened that Villa's success as a bandit finaMy mad1 him able to buy a pair of breech es and some valler shoes. Prrsto change! lie was ro longer a bandit he was a PATRIOT! As a patriot Villa was howling success. His handful of j followers grew into a vast arm; and he was hailed as the Savio of Mexico. There was ft that time several men wanting the Savior job, but Villa ad 'em all skinned a mile. He led his patrio tic armies against the patriot armes of th"e other Sav?ors. and v a very kind and neighborly man ner they cheerfully ard oh1?- ingly shot at each the fo-? month to month. A ?ood many on both sides enjoyed the patrio tic fun sk much that they died, but Villa lived andvent on sav ing Mexico. -v iJon t tcrget that Villa--was a operations enabled him to kill more people than iormerly, but it wTas not murder like it used to be. Oh, no ! it was a patriotic duty now, because Villa was now able to strut around in a miltiary aniform. You wouldn't think a pair of breeches could make all that difference, but it does. But wait a minute. Let's see what next. After so long a time Villa's popularity seemed to sort- 1 1 a er play out.- liis breeches got ragged and his folhywing began tio dwindle. People just won t fol low ragged breeches. It became known that Carranza had a new pair with pretty stripes up and down the legs, and the crowd flopped over to him. Villa went from bad to worse. His breeches became strings, and then they dropped off entirely. Again presto change ! He was no longer a patriot he was a bandit asrain. When he kills Deo- pie new it is no longer a patriotic duty it is murder. It all is all very sad. If Villa' frad only been able to keep him self m breches he might st'll have iwn a PA I RIO l a i Unci Sim would net now be down there hunting for his scalp. To My Correspondents; One of the things that have to be badly neglected about thn shop is my personal correspondence. 1 have on my desk right now' a bout two bushels of letters that ought to have personal answer, and the writers are probablv thinking hard of me because I don't write to them. Now, dear friends, let me assure you once more t hat mv will is j'od, but my powers are limited. If you c-t uld be htre hi d see the stack of let ter I have u answer and the little time I have to answer let ters, you would no cnpr be surprised at not bearing from me. Please be patient, friends, and I will answer ' as many of your letters as possible. And to those who don't hear froui me personally I want to give the assurance that I deeply appreciate our friendship and the vturk you are doinjr for me, and my "inability to answer all your fetters is a greater grief to me than it could possibly be to you. Show The F ol-Killer to every tody ou see. It wiii tickle 'em
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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May 1, 1916, edition 1
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