Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Feb. 1, 1917, edition 1 / Page 1
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' 25 Ccnta a Year 15 Cents in Clubs of Five or More. When yon get hold el something good pass it around. Send in a big club. THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF ITS NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE. VOLUME 7 BOOMER., NORTH CAROLINA, FEBRUARY, 1917. NUMBER 9 PLEASE RENEW. If this paragraph is marked it means your subscription has expired, and unless you hayo recently sent in your renewal or do so right away, you will not get any more Fool-Killers. I don't like to cut off anybody's name, so please keep your subscription paid up and send in as many of your friends as you can. "International Law!" Scat! Suppose Woodpile Wilson, was I backed up in a corner fighting for j Germany and what for? Why, bis life (just like Germany is) and durn it, because the steel trust there was only one weapon he and the powder trust and a few could use, do you suppose he other big greedy combines of taint would hesitate to use it? Not ed wealth have demanded it. This much he wouldn't. And Wood- great hellabaloo of a fuss with pile wouldn't care a cuss whether it was in violation of "interna tional law" or not, either. All this .talk about "interna tional law" amuses me, anyhow. Is anybody fool enough to think that any mere 'law" written out on paper in times of peace can hold blood-thirsty nations in check during times like these Law is only expected to operate during peace, and 'when law and peace break down) then we have war. If law was strong enough to control nations during war it could prevent the coming of war. But it isn't strong enough, I am sorry to say- And so when law loses its grip on the tail of the world it might as well retire to a safe distance and keep its mouth shut. Pot and Kettle. There is an old proverb much heard nowadays, according to the New York Independent, which we never could see the sense of. "The pot can't call the kettle black." Why not, we should like to know?-. The lettle IS black, and it ought to be called black. Who has a better right to speak with confidence about the faults ef the kettle than the pot, which has for years hung on the same crane and inhaled the same smoke? Truthfulness is a virtue, if smuttiness is a vice. If there is anything that would make the pot seem less smutty in our eyes it is giving us a clear reflection of the imagl of the kettle. Shall no one point out blackness anywhere unless he knows himself to be epeckless ? Would the pot rise in our estimation if it followed the custom of its critics and said, 44 The kettle is white as white as lam?" The Fool-Killer is a double geared, selfacting buzz saw with teeth all over itself. It can rip xff more dog-hide from the carcass ef the .floundering fool in thirty 3inutes than will grow baek in urty years. NOW HE'S DONE IT. Well, by grannies, our great Woodenfoller has done gone and did it, just like I expected. Just to please a few confounded pot gutted millionaires, he has Hind ered away with his gold-plated 4 4 patriotism" and pitched us head foremosf into the great ocean of blood that is engulfing the world. We are now virtually at war with Germany wasn't started by the common people of this country, fou can bet your dear life on that. And their wishes were not once considered in the matter, either. But. when the fighting and the paying have to be done, then Mister Common Man will be con sidered, all right. He will be in vited right up to the front and given the honor of filling the first bloody trench with his riddled carcass- Oh, but "we" must "protect our rights," you know. Durn "our rights! Who are "we?" And what do "our rights" con sist of, anyhow ? Huh? What a loud silence I hear ! Confound it, fellers, ain't you got sense enough to know that when our big slick-tongued poli tical bosses and our pot-gutted millionaire "patriots" begin llo run off at the mouth about "our rights" they mean the license which we durned fools give them to skin us alive and make us pay for it? I may have some "rights" out there on the ocean or over in the war zone, but if anybody wants them particular "rights" of mine bad enough to go after them, durn my skin if he ain't welcome to 'em. It is a blame-taked poor come off that the country has to be dragged into a nasty war and mil lions of people killed just to satis fy the greed of a few heartless speculators, money-sharks and profiteers. And we all know that's what it amounts to. We all know there is no other question involved except the ques tion of giving our money-lords free rein and making the govern ment back them up in their devil ment. They must be "protect ed" in their -criminal game of j robbing their own people to feed ! a f otlgn war. But we wno have to bear the burden of it all how much " pro test n" do we get? Have yu heard any talk of a war being started to protect the poor man and his rights? No, you "ain't, you blamed idiot, and that ain't the worst of it you never will, either. The "rights" of such fel lows as you and me are so little and so few that our glorious gov ernment don't consider them worth " protecting.' ' Throw up your hat and' yell hooray, for the "rights" of some body else when you have no rights yourself ! That 's the good old stuff they call "Pay-try-it-ism." Ain't you just about tickled plum to death because you are now go ing to be given the glorious pri- viiege oi havmg your innards ipped out and your juicy ham fed to the sharks in defense of Rockefeller andi Morgan and Du Pont and all their gang of "pat riotic" hell-raisers? Ain 't it a devil of a sweet mess ? Now ain't it? UNCLE SAM'S PET BEAR. Did you ever hear tell of the feller who raised a pet bear ? Well' it's mighty ail-powerful interest ing just now if you've got sense enough to apply the lesson, and so I'll tell you about it. The feller captured his bear, of course, when it was just a little harmless baby bear. It couldn't hurt him then, and he wasn't afraid of it. But the years passed. The man ave his pet bear plenty to eat and it grew rapidly. Still he con sidered it the same little pet bear and wras not afraid of it. He couldn't realize that it had grad ually grown to be a big dangerous bear. And so one day when the man was playing with his pet bear as usual and not thinking of any danger, the bear just jumped on him andte him up blood-raw, as the poet says. That was the last of the man, but the bear may be living yet, for all I know. Do you see the pint, mister? The European war was the pet bear, and these Benited States are the man that fed it. We even took the bread out of our own mouths to feed that nice little war. Awful cute little cuss, don't ye know, and we hated to see the poor thing starve. And so we fed it. And it grew and prospered. And now what ? Well, it has jumped on us and threatens to eajt us up. We are ,now going to reap our reward lor feeding a pet bear. .There are a good many more or less all-seeing eyes on earth, and some o? them are accompanied by all-wagging' tosfgnei. Chips From The Battle-Axe. I never could understand how it was that a man could cnew and smack on a nasty old piece of to bacco he had stolen from the flea bugs and horn worms until I saw a lot of buzzards fighting over an old dead mule. Every one to his taste as the old woman said when she kissed the calf. Billy Sunday has just closed a 'revival" in Boston in which he had 60,000 hit the trail for the Lord knows where to and Billy pulled in $51,000 of the royal coin. What a pity Jesus Christ didn't know how like Billy! Poor old Judas never would have been tempted to sell him for $15.00- Say, Mister, who gave you the right to live a nasty, slimy, slum- tfiy, doggish life, and then stick your little simlin of a head into the air like you had corn to sell and strut around like a thorough bred gentleman, while women that are just as good as you have to be segregated" from decent peo ple? Is it not an inspiring scene, and one calculated to make the heathen part of the world fall down and worship the meek and lowly Christ, to see all the "Chris tians" of the world' at each. other's throats like mad-dogs, fighting like devils and dying like fools, in a war inspired by greed and carried on by wicked ruler for the benefit of a few million aire grafters and for the glory of His Satanic Majesty? It may be all right and proper to stand for our "rights" to travel on the "high seas," but it seems to me that something of fa more importance is the "right" of honest working people to se cure sufficient "stomach timber" to navigate here on land. Ameri can robbers are committing great er crimes against the rights of the American people than the Euro pean murderers are. Yes, it's mighty easy to get into a fight, but sometimes it turns out like it did with Dave S . An Xld faishioned free-for-all fight was going on at a country groc ery, and Dave in exercising his rights got within the danger zone, and with an oath asked, "Is this a FREE fight?" "Yes," said the fighters. "Count me in, then" said Dave. About that time a blow right between the eyes stretched Dave out full length on the ground. "Count me OUT," said Dave, as he scrambled to h$i feet and hutled out of the wax
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Feb. 1, 1917, edition 1
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