C3 Cnts
a Year
15 Cents
taCluba
efFive
or More.
I 1 - f I 1111 I 1 I 1 I IX X II II II -J mi II I I I
11
THIS PAPER, IN SPITE OF ITS NAME, DOES NOT BELIEVE IN KILLING PEOPLE.
When yoa
get hold of
something:
good, pa3
it around
Send in a
big club.
BOOMER NORTH CAROLINA, APRIL, 1917.
NUMBER It
SAW TEETH
Tfcere wasn't a saw in a mile of the
place,
But the aligator opened the end of nls
face,
And I saw teeth;
Tea sir, it's a fact that you cannot
dispute
That I looked in the mouth of that
ugly old brute,
And I saw teeth.
A pie, and a nigger as hungry as sin,
BIRDS AND ANGELS.
like it or not, I am going to have
it that way.
Bang ouch ! an idea hit me I I wish I knew which bird is my
Did ever such an accident happen good angel. I would go right this
to you? I just got. to wondermg , minute and take it a whole hand
, , , . i x i nice iresu ci umus.
wnai an angei is, anyuuw. x uave
heard the preacher-man say that
the angels are all about us and
that they have wings and tail
feathers and so forth. I have
And he opened his shoulders to shovel never seeu anything in real life
it in,
And I saw teeth;
No sir, he never did bother to chew,
OH, MOLY HOSES!
Say, listen to this, and then go
off and throw a conniption fit and
puke up your liver 1
Mr. and Mrs. Bob Fitzsimmons
THE DOPE COLUMN.
W. L. England, in Lenoir New
But his lips were red and his gums
were blue,
And I saw teeth.
Irvrkb-orl mil oh lilrd thi nin.t.nrfiS
, , , . l have got into evangelistic game a
ot angeis that they print m the , ni R , ,
Oscar Shell is now offering
chewing tobacco with each shave?
Ed Hoover's settin' hen diedson
him the other day he borrowed
one from Laurie Hall to fill out
the unexpired term-
Measles "are" but molasses
"is". Surely the way of the cor
rect speaker is hard.
Last summer while taking a
Sunday-schoJl papers, and 1 have her Fitzy-witzy studying the uatn Peter Angley mistook the
at last come to the conclusion that Bible in the hope that he may yet whet-rock for the soap. Most all
maybe nobody else ever saw one, be able to give Sunday clubs and the skm Swed back.
either. Hence the pictures must sPades and beat h'm his own j Glen Munday left on the train
ho mnrp m,PQ wnrk than auv- game' ! Saturday for Waxhaw. He was
u h . i Formerly Bob nonnded the a Hav hhi
mllTllln Pr6tty SnWyjthin eise Alld iaybe the guess j everlasting stuffing out of an op-.count of not being able to make
She certainly wanted her teeth to be has missed farther than it shot, jponent in the lighter "s ring cheer- up his mind which way he'd walk.
A pretty young maid met up with a
man,
And smiled as only a pretty maid can,
And I saw teeth;
seen,
And
I saw teeth.
James Larkin Pearson.
RUBBING IT IN.
One of my neighbors happens
Wouldn't it mighty -nigh jar the ed by the base mob, himself the! lie had car fare one way.
huckleberry seed out- of your hoi- exponent of brutality. Then he and
iar tooth it it should turn out that -Mrs. itz would have a lew man
the little common everyday bi ds tial differences more or less pep
of the forest are the angels j?
Roy Martin, dope dispenser and
j general nuisance at Ballew's, said
, nut uiuviVHv,ca nunc itiw i v- - l i 1 ,i . i , .
; -, i I. . 1 - a man asked him the other day to
pery, and maybe a bout or two of , i - , v i
connubial fisticuff.
Later, when Bob lost his punch
don't know of any argument to be
to be the owner of a filly colt, and used against that idea and there
. . . .- i i j i . .i ii -j i r i i a a. ! i
along m tne winter u was ais- are several jrood ones m iavor ot auu iiau ms iaee oeaien oui oi uu
eovered that the colt had more it. For one thing, the birds are man semblance, he and the Mrs.
lice on it than Rockefeller has got ce ta.nly the most innocent little tapered before the footlights at so
dollars.
In such cases there U always
plenty of advice, and it don't cost
anything except to listen. The
only difficulty is in deciding
which advice to use.
Well, among other things, my
neighbor was advised to get a
peck of tobacco stems and boil
them in water until the ooze was
critters we have any knowledge of
and their songs approach nearest
much per caper. Now, having
ceased to be a drawing card there
to what we would call heavenly !and having completely effaced
fix him up some medicine quick,
as he was about to die with " in
side information-' ' 9
Hill Powell was three minutes
late on the job yesterday morn
ing. He says plantin his tater
patch caused the delay; also he
isaid he might a bin later on the
music of any melody that has
played tag with my ear-drums
since I can remember.
And the wings there your are
again! The birds have got 'em
And their easy, graceful flight
and marred tne; image of God in J Job if the eyes on the seed po-
rriTTOu flioin all f Vi a rtirrnixr rvT
Strong enough to float the iron heavenl beinps sent down here to
watch over us poor weak, blund
ering mortals.
And the birds seem always
happy, just as we might imagine
an angel would be It s a clear
wedge, and then wash the lousy
eolt all over with that stuff.
The stinking mess was prepared
according to directions and duly
applied, after which the colt look
ed like a pet rat that had been
drowned in a sp'ttoon.
Twrv fv ViT4aa rlnva lafpr tVio P.ftlf.
was examined to see if all the lice 1 "Pon leir .shoulders a great bur-j al1 the other avocations he has
vere dead, and for pity's sake! ' OI 'e8N iy i go .uroue tr3ed to pop suddenly into the pul-
-what do you reckon ! Instead ni u 1 m s ana c,uss ine P
themselves, they propose to lead
or drive us along the saw-dust
trail straight to the elysian fields
of the New .Jerusalem.
Oh, Moly Hoses! Don't this re
mind you of a pair of skunks
bathing in attar of roses? !
Now don 't understand vour
Grand-Pap to say that souls
should hot be saved- livery par
doned sinner can elect himself an
evangelist and point out to other
wrecks on the ocean of life the
case they have got more sense . orily SHfe har nol atul should do
man we nave, iney aon i iaKe.H0 but f0P a ,10:able failure in
of being dead, them consarned lice
vere sitting back in there cross
legged and chewing tobacco just
like a gang of sailors. I was call
fid in as a witness, and while
Watching I saw several big bald
Iteaded lice spit out their quid and
take a fresh chaw.
And now thel)wner of the colt
is wondering if he didn't make
bad matters worse- Instead of
getting rid of the lice, he only
learned them the tobacco habit,
and now he will have to go right
on buying it for them
It is a very sad case.
In order to make The Fool-Kilb
car as original as possible, its
columns will hereafter be devoted
mostly to thoughts that have no
connection with the subject.
whole works like we do. When
ever the world around them looks
blue and dismal and they can't
muster up courage to hop out on
a limb and sing hallyluyjer, they
at least have Sense enough to stay
in their houses and keep their
mouths shut. A bird's policy is to
sing glad songs or say nothing
They never grpwl. they can't
make the world brighter they re
fuse to add to its gloom.
t mitdit wo on and think up
dozens of angelic attributes that
the birds have, and you will have
to scratch your head mighty hard
to think of a single human trait
that belongs to them. 1
If an ansrel is a spirit being, I
don't see why it couldn't inhabit
,a bird's body just as well as not.
Anyhow, whether the rest of you you!"
pit smacks of filthy lucre, spon-
duhx juice, and the desire for
"unearned increment." Maybe
I'm misjudging Bob, but if I am
I propose to ask him to go on
one of his preaching debauches
and accept no contribution for his
efforts. Let's count the money
end as cut off and see if his en
thusiasm wanes
It 's a sad thing to. see people
giving the soured and polluted
dregs of a mis-spent life to God
Almighty, after gaustering all
over the devil's territory oozing
energy and sin at every pore as
long as youth, health and success
were theirs.
Seems to me I can sorter hear a
voice saying to such painted
squaws and pickled bucks: "De
part, ye cursed! I never knew
tato he swapped a cow for hadn't
give out.
The News Editor secured a
cash subscriber the other day and
with the proceeds purchased hii
self ;one of these new-fangled
shine-in-the-dark kind of wattes.
He says it's a regular nuisance aa
every time he takes it out in day
light he feels like he's cheating
himself and when he has occasion
to know the time at night, he in
voluntarily reaches up and. turns
off the light.
Hill Powell stole his wife'a
octagon soap wrappers which
she's been savin' to get a pianer
with and ordered off for a fine
razor. Hill is lettin' the stubble
grow so he can give it good try-
out when it comes. He is also
complaining of the long delay in
transit, and is threatening to go
over to Valmead and get a shave
from Ralph Tuttle. ' '
A Kind Husband,
A few members of the local
organization of Sons of Rest were
keeping the dust from, the up
holstery of a new Overland Sun
day afternoon. One said the pro
per thing to do was to get mar
ried, and that he would do so only
he was afraid he couldn't be kind
to his wife. "Why," he said,
"last night on my way home I
saw a man actually holding a
lantern so his wife could chop
wood."
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