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Volume X.
Boomer, North Carolina, September, 1920.
Number 7.
THE HELL QUESTION
There is .no such place as hell,
No ever-burning lake of fire,
Where hoofed and horned devils dwell,
And tortured souls cannot expire.
The God that made us out of clay
And gave to us our human breath,
Has said, .s plain as words can say,
That sin's sure penalty is death.
If death is what a man must pay
For leading here a life of sin,
Will' God then trade some other way?
Where does the endless hell come
- in ?
Eternal death is bad enough;
- Eternal torment would, be worse.
- Where do men get that silly stuff
'That they have added to the cruse?
If death is life, then bad is good,
And black is white, and cold is hot.
How then can words be understood?
And how much meaning have they
got?
When God declared that saints should
be
Alive while sinners should bedead,
I'm fool enough to think that He
Meant just exactly what He said.
James Larkin Pearson.
GUESS WHO.
You couldn't guess in a month
of Sundays who is the author of
the following quotation :
"If there is one thing we love
more than another in the United
States it is that every man
should have the privilege unmo
lested to utter the convictions
of his mind."
Who did you say ?
Wrong!
Guess again!
Gene Debs?
No-sir-ee !
Oh, you couldn't guess it in a
thousand years. The man who
daddied that beautiful American
.sentiment is a well-known mon
arch by the name of Woodrow
Wilson the very same Woodrow
please yer onner, who is keeping
Gene Debs in prison for daring
"to utter the convictions of his
mind."
Now if that ain't consistency
with a vengeance, I jlist want
you to hush, as Tom Watts says.
How can the brazen-faced hypo
crites expect anybody to have
confidence in them, when they
"talk like a saint and act like a
devil ail in the same breath ?
If the troubles that have come
-to The Fool-Killer had befallen
any other paper in the world it
would have been dead, buried and
forgotten a long time ago. But
The Fool-Killer is made out of
"sterner stuff," as Postje Paul
jays. No matter what happens,
it just grits its teeth and lives
right n.
ADAM SMITH, EVE SMITH,
AND OLD MAN SATAN
BROWN.
I am
while.
a millionaire for a little
T i j
I own a thousand acres
oi tne nnest level ana iertiie lana
in the. State. I lay me out a
beautiful estate spend enough
money on it to make a veritable
paridise for beauty. I have or
chards and flowers and fruits
and everything lovely to the eye.
A little sparkling stream of pure
water runs through it. In fact,
nothing has been omitted that
money can do to make it beauti
ful. Then when I get my beautiful
estate to the point of perfection,
I look around over the country
and pick out a man and woman
to live there and keep it up for
me. The people I happen to
select are named Adam Smith
and his wife, Eve Smith.
I establish Mr. and Mrs. Smith
in my paradise and give them
orders to take care of it and keep
everything in perfect shape. I
promise them a permanent
home there as long as they live,
and they shall have plenty of
everything they need to make
them happy.
A 11 11' T 1
Among otner tnmgs, i nave a
great many colonies of honey
bees, and I tell the Smiths to be
carefuFabout the bees. I warn
them not to kick over the gums
nor poke their neads into them.
And not try to steal out any of
the honey to eat. Make free with
everything else, but let the bees
alone. Those are my orders to
my tenants. And so I leave
them there.
But old man Satan Brown
comes along and says :
"Looky here, Smith, why don't
you and your wife eat some of
Pearson's honey?"
"Why," replies Smith, "Pear
son told us the bees would sting
us it veJiothered them. He said
we musn't eat any of the honey."
The very idea!" says Satan
Brown. "Not eat any of that
good honey? Afraid of bee
stings? Huh! Why, Pearson
don't know what he is talking
about. The bees won't sting and
the honey is awfully good. Please
get out some and try it."
Well, Mrs. Eve Smith sorter
liked the idea and she WAS get
ting pretty hungry: for som(
honey, anyhow. So she slippec
around and turned over a gun
and grabbed out both hands ful
or comb dripping
with Qvjpot
nectar
and she ran
to
7 n
IT
with it and -thro wed half of it in
his lap.
About
that
time
the bees
which had grot thoroughly stir
up, just literally covered both of
them; Old Satan Brown was
peeping around the corner of the
hen house and just fairly busting
his sides laughing. '
Well, Smith and his wife
began to yell and bounce around
lre something awful, and in
the time of it they ran over six
i th d . d th
over. Then they split out
through the flower garden and
just naturaly laid everything flat !
as they went. Bolting into the
house, they left the north door
open, and the wind blew the fire
out on the carpet, and the house
was soon in flames. The Smiths
were scared half to death, and
their faces were swelled so they
couldn't see. So they bounced
ip and down and screamed until
the house, barn and everything
was in ashes. Then they ran off
and hid on the bank of the creek.
I came back and saw what had
happened. I hunted them up and
demanded an explanation. They
said:
"Well, Mr. Pearson, we are
awful sorry, but we couldn't
help it. Old Satan Brown is to
blame. He told us that the
bees wouldn't sting, and that the
honey was good to eat and lie in
sisted that wTe try it once. Hon
est to goodness, he is to blame
for all this."
Then I went and hunted up
Satan Brown and said :
"Looky here, Brown, you've
butted in over at my place and
caused my tenants to get nearly
killed with bee stings and on top
of that caused everything to get
burnt up and destroyed. And
now, because of what you have
done I am going to give you a
position of authority over iriy
tenants. I now authorize you to
get a big supply of brimstone
and old boot legs and go to that
swag just below the cherry
orchard and build a hell there.
I want you to build good strong
furnaces and fix it to last forever
for I am going to turn over to
you that Smith family and all
their descendants and I want you
to torment them in hell forever
and ever. I know you are a heap
more guilty than they are, but in
J 1 J T J
spite oi tnat i am going to em
ploy you to punish them for what
you caused them to do. It won't
hurt you a bit. You'll enjoy it.
But you must make it hot for
them Smiths."
And Satan Brown thanked me
and went off whistling down the
creek to fix his hell. -
The Literary Digest recently
printed a picture cf Millionaire
Com
aoout sucn a snacK as tne wnitej
House at Washington. Must
. i t 1 1 1 TTTl i
nave cost several millions. But
owner oi tne mansion is go -
around making speeches to
one-gallus Rubes and telling
cnem
yes !
1 1
now lie loves them! Yes,
lust like a cat loves
the
mice!
BACK TO THEIR VOMIT.
The Fool-Killer does not enjoy
using nasty words, but some
times there is just no way of
getting around it. The world is
so full of nasty -evils that need
to be exposed, and it . can't be
done without using words that
may sorter shock some of you.
There is . a class of political
jumping jacks in this country
who are just like the Biblical
dog sooner or later they always
return to their vomit.- And they
are about the most sickening and
I disgusting critters in the whole
political pasture-.
There is Hi Johnson
And there is Borah.
And there is LaFollette.
You remember how they rip
ped and raved and tore their
hair all up and down the land
for several months. They were
the leaders of the Anti-League
crusade on the Republican side,
and they were "progressive" and
"radical" till you couldn't rest.
They couldn't find words ugly
enough to express their contempt
for the old reactionary gang, and
any man who favored a league
of nations had just as well pre
pare to die.
Great reformers were John
son, Borah and LaFollete !
. Great champions of liberty !
Oh, how their hearts did bleed
for the poor and oppressed!
And, oh, how their two-edged
tongues did peel the hide from
the Old Gang!
Debs himself was never more
bitter against the plutes.
But that was before the Chi
cago shindigv
That was before the Old Gang
quietly applied the toe of its $20
shoe to thatpartf of Johnson's
person which the law and my
good manners will not allow me
to mention.
That w&s before a little bunch
of millionaire senators got to
gether and nominated a suit of
cVvthes for president, and adopt
ed the most brazenly reactionary
platform ever hatched on these
.shores.
Then what ?
Why, simply this:
Our great "reformers" sud
denly lost their zeal. Johnson,
Borah, LaFolette and the rest
were no longer "progressive" or
radical." The need for all that
was past. They must be "reg
ular." They must get down
on their knees before the suit of
clothes which their .party had
at nominated ana swear it, was in?,f.
4- i If I i .
what they wanted.
support it with all ti
ihe must
their strength
; and advise all ether fools to do
! thp smtip
And so that is
rhat they did.
.jonneon ana ins loliowers
were either liars and hypocrites
(Continued on page 2, col. 1.)