Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / Nov. 1, 1922, edition 1 / Page 2
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PAGE TWO The Fool-Killer 'A Monthly Mustard-Plaster for the Blood-Boils of Society, Church and State. PUBLISHED MONTHLY 'lames Larkin Pearson - - - -Editor BOOMER, NORTH CAROLINA SUBSCRIPTION RATES: Single subscription, one year, 25 cts. En Clubs cf Five or More, 15 cts. Eatered as second-class matter March 3, 1916, at the postoffice at March 3, 1879. TAKE NOTICE . Dp not send postage stamps on sub scription. Remittances should be made by 2gistered letter, express or postoffice E&oney order. Be careful to write your own name and address plainly ,aud direct all tetters and make all orders payable I THE FOOL-KILLER. Boomer, . - North Carolina. 35S Lst Us Talk it Over Well, dear sinner friends, this is die Fool-Killer. i How does it set on your awmacuY II you like it you oa4i got more atlf aeaoquarwr. The Bfcol-KiUer is not even a forty-1 fkrcemt.h rntmin to anv other naner on I earth; 1 w - - - w - - a B It stands ih a class by itself, and ite I field is as broad as the English! iCSHg. You can put that down to start With. I am the fellow who works at the Sttmp-handle on this rag of reform. fenf; I have read a great deal, and feavothunk some. then X started The Fool-Killer. ouiet my nerves and to keep La press from getting rusty. From the seclusion of these wooded fcins there will go forth each month ZR KTJ?r2SS fSE5XSr will ahafee the rotten foundations of eociety and cause the church of Slammon to at least turn over in its I tleop. The Fool-KiUer is a monthly mus - i S 1 i. C A.1 J 1 H I dipped in razoT-soup. 1 it ndes the devil a straddle without a saoaie, ana spurs mm a every iope. - Ji -1 J 1 . A . . I " It is salted with wit, peppered with humor, and seasoned with sarcasm. Every line cuts like a whip, and every word raises a blister. If you are a fool you had better not . lubsoribe for The Fool-Killer. If you vre wise you will, and that settles it JAHE8 LABEIN FE1BS0H Boomer, N. C. STATEMENT of the ownership, management, cir culation, etc., required by the act of Am?. 24. 1912, of The Pool-Killer, J published monthly at Boomer, N, O., . for Oct, 1922: Editor, Managing Editor, Bus. Mgr., Publisher and Bole Owner Jamea L. Pearson, Boomer, N, 0. (Signed) JAMES L. PEARSON, Sworn to and subscribed before me ! this tho 1st day of Oct., 1922. MatUe P. Greer, P.tX, - Ely comaisslon oxpirea 189 mm THE FOOL-KILLER, BOOMER, N. C. PARAGRAPHS. The money the other fellow has is capital. Getting it away from him is labor. History, is an effort to explain in books ow one fight after an other got started. - Family skel'ohs used to be kept in the closet. Now they print them in the papers. The peace of Europe is not of as a piece of Europe. Looks like we ought to have a warm winter this time, after so much hot air has been turn ed loose in the country. If you can't strike the iron while it is hot, the next best thing is to strike it so hard and so fast that you'll' make it hot. A fellow told his girl -that she was the Very breath of his life, and then she told him to please hold his breath. Old Satan has only got a few more years here on this earth, ood ew m Trpaftin' if thp votmtr ma. cnme doesn't run riffht. the vrw rm fiv if: with a Iholtln a . sk it sleeping out ot doors will produce beauty, I know (some) f0lrS whio oueM to sleep tout Iflhmit tWplVA TMO-hts ft UWV IT TT i. T - JJ suppose iienry aoot ioage must feel sorter like the black unwashed sinner who just DID escapfe gcfcng to hell. But he got his whiskers singed, all right. It is said that five thousand cigarettes are lighted in the United States every second. How lucky lt is that all that stink . . nn t t4. uA amt at once place! But as the smeu goes noaiing up TOwara heaven. I wouldn't be surpris- (wl if Ood and th ano-els have - mere was going to oe a great n unking: of battleships m this country. There Was going to be real progress toward disarma ment. But what are the facts? Why, bless you, they have junk ed three or four old tubs that would have been junked anyhow, and there is now a great cry for a bigger navy. So much for the promises! Oh, how mluch longer will it take us to learn a little sense? The Democrats are always out lining "or .r-cut, out-spoken, militant policies" when they are out of office. And so are the Republicans. But they neither one do anything when they get in. That's the devil of it. If all the great and good things that the politicians. PROMISE us were actually delivered oh, boy ; Heaven wouldn't be in it at all. But they are never deliver ed. Please remonber that FLOP! FLOP! FLOP! This has got to be a regular "flopping" old nation. At one election it flops one way, and then at the next election it flops right back where it was before. Nobody knows just who doesMt, nor why, but it seems that ev erybody helps to .do it, and then everybody gets mad because it wasn't done different. Talk about fools ! If you can find a bigger fool than the great American voter I want to get his name and address, please. Two years ago this fool nation flopped over on the Republican roosting pole. But the roost- ng on that pole wasn t as easy as the old flopper had expected. The Repubilcan pole was crook ed and wobbly and full of knots and splinters, and didn t smell much good, nohow. So now the flopper has got tired of roosting on that pole and has tnea to flop back, this time falling on its back sorter under the Demo cratic roost, and ifwill now have to lie there with its legs stick ing up and smell both of the stinking old parties. Sam-taked if it don't get wuss and wuss. Just a few more flops and the great American flopper will be out of its mis ery. MONKEY OR MUD? There is no longer any doubt about it the Evolution question is getting the popular churches all het up. If this keeps up we are liable to know pretty soon whether we evoluted from mon keys or not. They have got it to where it must be settled one way or the other. It isn't any longer a fight be tween a united church and the Darwinites outside of. the church. It is a fight altogether inside of a divided church. Near ly all the educated preachers and laymen take the monkey side, while the uneducated masses take the mud side. It is a fight to the finish between the Fun damentalists and the Scientists, and if they don't split all their churches as wide open as a boot jack it will be a wonder to me. It is a plain case that the monkey people are not going to sacrifice their monkey on the altar oi cnurcn unity, it is II l 1 ! -TIP equally certain that the mud people are not going to give up their mud. So there is no more chance to harmonize the two fac tions than there is to mix oil and water. You have "just got to take one side and let the oth er side go. Or else you have got to stand off a safe distance and watch the fight. But I have been thinking some thing like this: Why not let each feller have the ancestor he prefers? If it pleases a man bet ter to believe that he is the son of an ape, why, let's, not deprive him pt; the pleasure. , On the other hand, if a man can get more peace and: satisfaction-, out of believing that his 'grandpap was a mud pie, then let him go to it. oiks get little enough en NOV. 1922. joyment out of life, anyhow, and we ought not to cheat them out of that little by raising a fuss about their ancestors. Maybe 'some folks were made out of mud and others out of Monkeys. I don't doubt that God is able to use both materials. I don't doubt that God could have made man put of a pumpkin seed if He had wanted to. And some men are so sorry that I often think they must have been made out of a seed-tick or a ouse. THE DISHRAG Now I'll bet you think that's a dickens of a subject to write about. Maybe so, but you must remember that it often depends more on the writer than it does on the subject. A bang-up writ er can take the bummest sort of a subject and write a pretty. passable yarn about it, while one of these jack-leg scribblers could take Heaven for a subject and make the angels weep. When I was a little bare-foot ed rascal about the size of a fat man's fist, I used to be the dish-washer at mammy's house. fused to line up the dirty dishes in battle array, giving each of them a knife and fork to -fight with, and then I would charure at them with a wet dishrag and win a great victoryThe greasy memory of those dish-washing days sticks to my bram like dis ease germs to a fly's' foot, or the odor of onions to boarding house hash. 9 At the old field school we used to have debates on "The Dish rag and the Broom," and I was always on the side of my old ircena, tne cusnrag. ;some oa: my greatest orations were deliv ered m defense of that faithful friend of the kitchen mechanic. The dishrag is a wonderful invention. History is strangely snent as to the name of the in ventor, but we know it to be of very ancient origin. The dish rag must have been invented about five or six thousand years oetore the woods were burnt. It was old and gray-headed when the Atlantic ocean was just a little puddle, and they used the ocean for a dish-pan. I he ancients were well acau- amted with this well-known weapon of kitchen warfare, and uieir sweet sixteens could play "Dixie Doodle" on an old plate to beat the band. Many oi tne most classic dishrags that we have any account of were of Greek and Roman architecture. m The dishrag! Look at it as it hangs there behind the stove, and try to imagine how the world would have gotten on without it. How faithfully and uncomplaincrly it has mankind, and yet the poor thing uas oeen treated worse than a dog. It has had to be enntent with nuzzling over the empty vuaiussaiter tne. greedy board Ars -8Med- up everything. And this is the first time it has ever had its biography written
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Nov. 1, 1922, edition 1
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