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he Fool MONTHLY 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE AT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A YEAR Vol. XIII. Pores Knob, North Carolina, March, 1925. No. 3. V -Killer GRAMMAR Be careful of your grammar, Don't let nobody find You ain't been taught how you had oughf To speak what's in your mind. I never knowed no person What wouldn't find their speech. Improved a lot by learning what The grammars has to teach. Them grammar boolcs will learn you How English should be spoke, So you won't make no bad mistake Lijce crude uncultured folk. Don't never talk like they does; There ain't no reason why You couldn't be as smart as me And learn to talk like I. END OF TIME" DIDN'T COME Just as I expected: The earth is right here yet. And time is still going on. And so that widely-advertised end of time" which was schedul ed to arrive on February 6th did not materialize. I have noticed that it never does, and I am beginning to lose looking for the wrong thing at the rfght time. A goodmany other "prophets" who think they are smarter than Margaret Row en will get fboled just as bad as she did. BOOGER MAN 'LL GET 'IM. gainst God and the Bible, any how. Why doesa non-existent God call forth so much yow y owing among His enemies? If they don't believe the game is there, why do they waste so much good ammunition shooting at it? If God and the Bible and the Christian religion are as dead and useless as Hadleman-Julius says they are, it looks to me like s educated people, books To learn 'em everywhere. Berton Braley. There is a little sa wed-off son of Abraham away out yander in Kansas who has taken uoon him- SSP in these "end tf time" self the Job of .killing God, de- . SSdSSto snmaigs mat are gotten up oy uuymg ine Diuie, a m wipmg an racket about them, and waste all religious cranks and fanatics forms of religion clean off the o00(i paper an mk trying with more zeal than common 'map. . tQ kig something 'that was al- sens,e; , Y . The name of this particular ready dead. The -fact that he This is a hard blow to Mrs. God-killer is E. Haldeman-Julius, does it gives the lie to his words Margaret Rowen, of Los Angeles, and he operates a big infidel- an(j proves" that God and the the Reformed Seventh Day Ad- hatchery at Girard, Kansas, Bible are very much alive. ventist "prophetess." For more where he nublishes three of four Wherever we have went, than a year she as had the date papers and magazines devoted to Julius paper without seeing the Finds others whom fills us with gloom set and she and her followers his pet hobby. His "Haldeman- words God" and "Bible" f and Because they are. content have been warning the world Julius Weekly" is a regular hard- "Jesus" and "religion" all over it ToJfm , that the Judgment Day woukLar- shell missionary for . infidelity as thick' as Fords on Main Street. Wrfhout no kmd of care ; rive promptly on February 6th, and the devil, and he spills about tf he eniovs talking- about iead Though, it they looks, they s grammer 1925. ' ten columns of his hell-hatched 1. J&fiw nfT ww Wonder what Margaret is say- harrangue in it every week. earth don't he talk about King ing about it now? And how will Then he has two more rather Tut and Daniel Boone's dog and her followers explain matters? mild-mannered monthlies that the Democratic party? . ADout tne oest explanation i only kill God occasionally and , . MAN IS A QUAIR DUCK, TOO know of is found in Deuteronomy very gently. But that wasn't HOT ROASTED 'TATERS : 18 :22, which says : enough, so he has just started Talk about wimmen being "When a prophet speaketh in the a new one, "The Haldeman-Julius The progressive march of sci quair! Of course they are ,sorter, name of the Lord, if the thing follow Monthly," which is going to be ence just keeps right on keeping but the men are purty tolerable not, nor come to pass, that is the thing te bell-weather of the whole on, and if Luther Burbank don't qtfair, too, when you come to which the Lord hath not spoken; but howling pack. It is going to look out, I am afraid he is going think about it. Now you take a the prophet hath spoksn it presumptu- pian;t its bear-clawed feet on the to, get left with the bag to hold, man at his own home. If he had ously. Thou shalt not be afraid of red-hot dome of hell and reach so to speak, to climb up on a high stool in him." its long hairy arms up among I see in the papers that some front of a table with no cloth on There have been selfappoint- the stars and just literally pull cunning plant-wizzard is going to it and eat his meals that way, ed prophets of doom from time God right Off His throne and just literally and everlastingly wouldnt he raise cam m a hur- out of mind, and this isn't the murder Him in His tracks. It is put to shame our friend Luther, ry? You bet! But the old fool first "end of time" date that going to take the Bible, which The story is that the newly-isen .will go to a cheap restaurant, went galloping by with its tail m has been destroyed so many second Burbank has succeeded in crawl up on a greasy stool be- the air and nothing happened, times before, and wipe ft clean raising an improved sort of Irish tween two dirty tramps and gob- There have been several before out of existence one more time potatoes, alre'ady salted and pep ble down a hunk of raw mule and this the most notable one being twill be remembered that Vol- pered. a bowl of soup made out of dish- the William Miller date in taire and Ingersoll and ' Payne Of course you don't believe it. rags and ram water, and swear 1844. And I remember one and various others, have destroy- I don't either, but it's a act, all he enjoys it all. Let a mans when I was a very small boy. ed the. Bible from time to time; the same. It's all very easy to wife at home j)tfer him a piece Many of the ignorant people of but the old Book has a disagree- understand when you know the of 'pie from which she or one of my neighborhood believed in it, aDle habit of refusing to stay de- method. He does it by planting the children had taken a bite, and they had me just about stroyed. And so it must be done a stalk of red pepper in each po and he would holler his head off. scared into fits. I had built a over again in this good year of tota hill, and that takes care of xux ne wm get out in a crowu aam m tne Drancn and naa put 1925, A. D. the peppering. Then he waters witn salty water every the proper salt fla to the eTowiner where a consumptive Chinaman lived. Well, this was the biggest sight to watch him skin out of spuds. has bit oif a chaw, and that's all and best flutter-mill that I had his coat and get ready for the There is just one thing lacking riSht- I ' ever owned, and I was proud of battle. He reminds me of a new- now, and the wizard is working At home he won't drink milk it.. Then one day the "end of born tadpole trying to drink the day and night on that. He nev out of a glass from which one of time" was fnnounced, and you ocean. er intends to give up until he suc- the family has been drinking, can imagine my consternation. I Oh, shucks ! It would be fun- ceeds in growing the potatoes al but just call him into the back just knew that if the end of time ny if were not so pitiful. A hu- ready cookeS, as well as salted stall of a livery stable and pull came and the earth was burnt up man tadpole ! A mortal seed- and peppered, and ready for the out a bottle and he will stick the as they predicted, it would plum tick! A two-legged louse! And table. " neck ; of the bottle six inches ruin my flutter-mill. trying to defy the Eternai Crea- You may not think it possible, down his-throat m order to get a My joy was great when I saw tor of all things! If Almighty but! believe he will succeed. I swig, after half a dozen nasty that my flutter-mill had escaped God , sitting throned in His heav- think his wonderful ability as a mggers have had the bottle-neck without a scratch, but all the en, takes notice of such wiggle- liar will bring his 'tater patch in m their big black mouths. "prophetic" flutter-mills in my tail performances here on His to such close contact will hell Verily, a man is a quair duck, iieighbohood were about ruint. footstool, He must be mildly a- that the. tubers will be thorough- t vTT- ri And now Margaret Rowen's mused. . ly roasted. Then he can get him n we naa many worios liKe prophetic flutter-mill has ceased .There is something peculiar a.tin snout and root them out of w f hrough w0Uld t0 flutter' abou1b all these hard-fought bat- the ground like a hog and eat just about plum wear us out. And all this is what comes of ties that the infidels wage a- 'taters till everything goes easy. f - S ' - "v - i " ' . i . . aux uuiiuH a uion vx vwuax Up iiutwu-uuji. me wuuujr ine little secona-nana voitaire mis paten irom tne nrst straggler ne meets poy wno nasn't bunt a nutter-Jin Girard thinks he is equal to day, and, lo! and set his teeth into the plug mill on the" branch hasn't hfelftthe bie- iob. and it is one holv vor is addd
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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March 1, 1925, edition 1
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