Newspapers / The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, … / June 1, 1925, edition 1 / Page 1
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The FoolKiller MONTHLY 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE AT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A YEAR Vol. XIII. Pores Knob, North Carolina, June, 1925. No. 6. LES GO A-FISHIN' ONE Jl ORE TIME 'Long somewhurs in the early teens, . Ole rushJiat on a feller's head, Ole slick dime in a feller's jeans. Felt as big as a pone 6 bread. Goin' a-fishin' along the creek, Bright June days jes' in their prime : Joy like that I now would seek Les go a-fishin one more time. Seems might'nigh jes' like a dream, But I kin tell ye the dream was great Trottin' along on the bank V the stream, f Draggin' the pole an' a tothV the bait; Feelin' as rich as a lord, an' then Feelin' to see if I'd lost my dime: Lea be happy like that again Les go a-fishin' one more time. Pore ole backs is a-gittin' bent, Pore ole legs is a-failin' fast; Can't go now at the gait" we went In them days o' the happy past. Doggon brain is a-gittin' tired Thinkin' o' this ole foolish rhyme: Now for the thing we've long desired - Les go a-fishin' one more time. James Larkin Pearson. GO BAREFOOTED, DOGGON YE! PLAY THIS ON YOUR GOURD FIDDLE I think "consistency" is about to lose its breeches . Frinstance, here is a monthly magazine call ed "The Home Circle," published at Louisville, Ky., and it seems to be an awfully good religious Sunday School sort of a thing so far as its reading matter goes, and it goes in for prohibition as strong as forty mules. But when The Home Circle gets its goo-goos on a fat check for advertising it is not quite so sanctified. In the Classified Col umn of its May Number I find this modest little announcement grinning at me in six-point type : "GROUND BARLEY MALT, brown sugar and copper, - Com pany, Box , Atlanta, Georgia. Entirely innocent, of course. Malt and brown sugar and cop per are never used to make moonshine likker. Oh, no, no, no! But sometimes a-body just will have old mean suspicions. The same paper carries one "Stop Whiskey" ad and twelve pistol ads. Purty good average. Oh, I was about to stop, but while this subject of "consisten cy" is under discussion, I might as well squeeze all the juice out of it. Take copper, now. Sheet copper. It ain't agin the law for a hardware dealer to sell me the sheet copper, and it ain't agin the law for me to buy jit. But it IS agin flie law for me to make up that copper into a still and set it up in some dark holler to make moonshine. It ain't agin the law for hie to buy and, own a straight piece of copper pipe ten feet long. But if I bend that copper pipe into a certain shape, j While wadinff through the cur- then it is a "still-worm" and I Lrfint nwsnaners with scissors in must not be allowed to have it. hand hunting for some - good Doggon it, the law knows j-juiCy victim for my editorial what those things are bought for ; wrath, I suddenly stumbled upon just as well as i oo, ana n it really wanted to put a stop, to the manufacture of rot-gut, why f couldn't it make the tools of the traffic a little more difficult to get ? That would help some, and wouldn't look so much like bare faced hypocracy. In spite of all their loud-mouthed hurrah about it, it looks to me like the "au thorities" really want the rotten traffic 'to go on so that all the Big Ikes can get their part of the swag. Just between you and me and Saint Peter, I don't believe anybody wants the likker bus iness stopped, unless it is a few poor devils like myself who are not making any profit out of it. Then there is the pistol, an other low-down weapon of the devil. It ain't agin the law for the hardware man to sell me a pistol, and it aint agin the law for me to buy it. But if I take the blamed thing and makedli$ step towards home with it I have violated the law. The mail order houses, such as advertise in The Home Circle, are allowed to sell me a pistol by mail, and Uncle Sam is so willing to the transac tion and so gosh-awf ully accom modating that he will stick the bloody weapon in his hip pocket and come trotting down here to deliver it to me. But the very minute he liands it over and I get my paws on it, Uncle Sam rears back on his dignity and says, "See here! You can't have that pistol! It's agin the law!" Well, if it's agin the law for me to have it, what in the blue blaz es did he brinsr it to me for? That's what I would like to know. BIT HIS OWN NOSE OFF Not long ago I heard a wise man say that Catholic Toe-Kisser Al Smith was the man who ought to have been nominated by the Democrats and elected president. He said Al would certainly have been elected if he had been nomi nated. And then in the next breath I my. wise man came out in favor of the Kluckers and wanted to see the 'Bed-Sheet Brigade cover the earth at once, Thar now! Ain't that a fine dish of religious soup with po litical flies in it? If all that fel low knew about the Catholics and the Kluckers was put together, it wouldn t nil meTiollow oi a gnat's tooth. this: "Heeding President Coolidge's de mand for economy on all sides, the Federal Department of Agriculture has called upon the people of the United States to save their shoes. The wasting of a single shoe each year by each person in the United States costs at least $250,000,000 at present prices, says the call for, saving. The people of the United States buy about 300 million pairs of shoes each year. Their needs could be supplied by250 million pairs if -fchey were well cared for and kept in repair by the persons who bought them." Oh, yes! Of course! Why, to be sure ! Now that our attention has been called to it, anybody can see that we are all wearing out too many shoes. I am a terrible sin- have worn out the only pair I had until they are hardly fit to wear here in the woods, and noi atall fit to be seeivin company. And I realize now that I hadn't ought to have done it. The sol emn fact has at last percolated into my crazy cranium that I ought to have gone barefooted last winter and saved my shoes. Consarn the luck, why didn't President Coolness and the De partment of Tater-Bugs call my attention to this shoe question before now? They had to wait until my shoe-soles had gone to glory or some other place, and then spring their little gag about savmgrmy shoes. Boo-hoo! But don't worry, my dearly beloved Rubes. It isn't too late. We can still go barefooted. It is summer time now, and we can roll up our breechaloons and wade in the branch and squirt mud between our toes for about six months at least. Andiy that time our old hoots will be so tough and rusty that they can stand it through the winter. If everybody in these Benight ed States would go barefooted as a goose for one year they would save enough money to build five or six battleships and make a good-sized payment on the "next war." So now, my dear fools, I hope you see how very important it is for us to go barefooted and saye our shoes for hard times. Hold on! Wait a minute! I ain't through yet. If you don't like the idea of going plum bare footed on both cylinders at once, more economy than you could afford, then here is another good plan : Just put on one shoe at a time, and put the other foot in your pocket, and go hopping a round like a snow-bird until ytm wear out that shoe. The other shoe will still be good. Just change feet and put on the good shoe, and put the bare foot in your pocket as before, and go to hopping again. In, that way one pair of shoes will give the service of two pairs, and we will still be several hops ahead of O. Henry's South America where they don't wear anything but a stone-bruise and a grin. HOWDY! HOWDY! HOWDY! Well, folks, it begins to look sorter like old times. The Fool Killer is on a big boom again and all of its old friends are flocking back and climbing on the band-wagon. That's right! Come on, everybody! If you can't roll a wheel you can at least junro on and ride. Here we go I We want to round-up every person whose name has the past and get them on again right a way quick. No "dull season" for us this summer, thank you! Just The Fool-Killer by itself ought to be enough to get quick action out of any. person God ever made, but as an extra in ducement for everybody to get busy and break all records at club-raising, I am now giving some jim-dandy good Premiums.. See list in this paper. Pick out the Premium you want and go for it like a mgger after a watermelon. Let the big clubs roll in here like five men a-meas-uring apples. Thank youl All ready? Go! 1 New York's Madison Square Garden, which was big enough to hold the late lamentable Demo cratic convention, could not ac commodate more than half of the great tHrong that wanted -to hear Eugene Debs when he spoke there recently. Poor old Debs! It is certainly bad to be so unpopular. Not many years ago Mrs. Mar garet. Sanger was put in prison for advocating "Birth Control" and circulating literature on the subject. But now the mailorder papers are full of ads offering "Birth Control" books for sale to the public. What in the world has gone with our good Puritan prudery all at once ? JMargaret and her "bad" activities are getting entirely too resnectable or if you think that would be 'these days. r
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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June 1, 1925, edition 1
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