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The FoolKillKr MONTHLY 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE AT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A YEAR Vol. XIII. Pores Knob, North Carolina, August, 1925. No. 8. HI EVOLUTION By E. Roscob HAll EVERYBODY BUT THE JURY If man waa made like God Himself, And descended from ait ape, Do you mean to say thab Almighty God Has a monkey's form and shape? At just what stage does Christ step in Andive us eternal life? If you will answer this for me, You will end a bitter strife. If Adam and Eve were only myths, And Eden a patch of weeds, Why should we waste our money and time On religious sects and creeds? If the Bible must be thrown aside Like the myths of ancient Greece, Who shall we ask to be our guide To the port in the Realms of Peace? 'Tie said to be a rotten rule Chat will not work both ways ; So you and I may turn an ap9 One of these changeful days. If an ape for a grandpa suits your head, Let your ancestors shine ; But if I'm living, or if I'm dead, J, il on 7t want one for mine. Just about everybody in the world had a chance to hear the monkey trial except the jury. The twelve "yokels" who were selected to hear the evidence were the only people who never got to hear any of it. Some people believe some thingsr other people believe oth er things, and still others don't believe anything. The monkey ; trial brought together the great est aggregation of believers and unbelievers and disbelievers and don't-believers and don t-know- ers and don't-carers that ever assembled on American soil. Poor old Bryan believed his side of it with such intensity and vehemence that he just literally worried himself to death. Just naturally quiled down right there on the spot and died, if you please. If I had been in Mr. Bryan's place I wouldn't have done that. It don't seem quite preper, and there wasn't any dy ing in the contract, nohow. Bry an' took it entirely too seriously. I didn't see anything about it worth dying for, unless a fellow might kill himself laughing. It was the funniest thing I ever heard tell of, but Bryan never did see the joke. He just believ- Don't shift your mouth into ed and believed and believed un- high gear until your brains getjtil he believed himself plum to PARAGRAPHS. started to working. It's a foolish woman who hits her husband with a rolling pin when she can hurt him more by crying. Rev. Wilson Culp, the Ohio preacher who deserted his own family and ran away with anoth er woman, is undoubtedly Gulr able, to say the least. Headline says : "Making a Mil lion Honestly, by John M. Work." Yes, that's one way. But it would take John and all of his family a good while to do it. Charlie Schwab hassued him self for nine' million dollars. But he will find himself an awful slick rascal, and he will probably never get the money. Serves him right. He ought never to have trusted himself in the first place. It might be possible to get up another case against John T. Scopes charging him with re sponsibility for the death of Bryan. Everybody knows that Bryan killed himself by fuming and fulminating over the Scopes case. If there had been no Scopes case, Bryan would have been living to day. Boy, page the grand-jury. tdeath. Now you take Clarence Dar row and he just naturally don't believe anything. If the sun is shining and not a- cloud in sight, he will put up an argument and prove to you by exgtft witness es that it is raining, and he will say that you are cross-eyed and just can't see it. But Darrow is still alive, or was the last I heard. v In many ways it w&s the most unique trial ever held. When they started the case, every man in Tennessee would have disclos ed the whereabouts of h& still in order to get on the jury. When the twelve were selected they were more envied than Zieg f eld's front-row girls. Then fate arqse and slapped a wet dish-rag right in their faces, be cause the minute they were se lected they were sent out of court and weren't allowed back again until they were called in to hear the judge s verdict. Everybody in the whole wide world was invited to sit in the court-room except the jury. Ev ery time a lawyer, whether for ape or rib, would rise to speak the judge would remark : "Gentlemen of the jury, you will please retire, as you would n't know what the learned coun sel was talking about. I'm sure I won't know, and I doubt if he will know himself, so we dont want to have anyone influenced by anything that, is said hef e at this trial. And please don't lit ter up the lawn outside with your presence. You will under stand, gentlemen of the jury, that the court-room is small, and on account of having so many photographers and out-of-town newspaper men" here, it is only fair that they be allowed to oc cupy the space. I know of no better way of demonstrating the hospitality of our commonwealth than by allowing these visitors the. privilege of our best seats. You gentlen of the jury all live here, ofcourse, and you can come into the courthouse most any time. So rlT is,only right and in keeping with our boasted hos pitality that you retire to make room for the photographers, be cause a good picture in the pa per means more to our town than a decision, and I hope no one will interfere with a cam eraman in his discharge of jus tice." When the jury heard that they were to be barred from the courthouse they held an indig nation meeting and were, on the point of resigning, when one of the twelve took a broader view of the case and said: "No, let's stick on the jury; we can read it in the news papers, as they print everything that is said in the jcourt room." Then part of the jury said : "Yes, that's fine for you fel lows who can read, but what a bout those of us who can't read ? Here we are on a jury, and we can't hear the evidence, nor see it nor read it." So they went to the judge arid the city aldermen ofDayton and said to them: "Looky here we had to give up our seats in the court io the visitors. We' can't read, so how are we to know .the things we are not supposed to hear in the court room?" Then the fellow from the drug store, "where the whole darn thing started," had another bright idea. He said: "When they have a big show up north anywhere they put in a thing where you broadcast, it. What's the matter with that for the boys that can't read?" So Bryan and Darrow went on the air, where they have both been ever since I can remember, and the jury could listen or "tune 'em out" whichever it pleased. Darow and Malone lost their case because they didn't make the prosecution prove which is the lower order of animals. When the foreman of the jury finally handed in the verdict (which had been prepared be fore the trial started), Darrow objected to the other eleven jur ors being present and hearing it, because he feared that it would make them prejudiced against the defendant. But the judge over-ruled that objection, as he had over-ruled everything else about Darrow except his gallus es and said : "Mr. Learned Counsel from the North, the court wants to be fair to all, and I don't think we should deprive these jurymen of hearing the verdict. They have given up their time and their seats, and have waited all these days, and think it is no more than fair that they be allowed to come in here at the last min ute and hear what the court has decided. I can cite several ins tances in Tennessee jurispru dence where- this eustom has prevailed. Are the jurymen all next : Town Constable: "All but two, your honor, and it has been so long since they were here that they have forgotten where the courthouse is." Foreman reads: "We find the defendant guilty of teaching ev olution, but we recommend him as a good teacher, for anyone who can teach a bunch of 16-year-old boys, anything, even if" it is evolution, is a good teach er." And so endeth the first act of the monkey show. Now every body change cars for Knoxville, The curtain will rise for the sec ond act early in September. Who says life is .dull? It ain't no sich a how. Life these days is a moi ; show, and it's worth your money. As to whether people evoluted from monkeys, I can say with reasonable certainty that some of them didn't. They just re mained monkeys. lKey- The biggest and most difficult job at the monkey trial seemed to be the job of preventing the jury fronV hearing any of the evidence. That "Fundamentalist Univer sity" they talk about will be sorter like a two-inch yard stick or a vest-pocket mountain. Now that John T. Scopes has ben tried and duly convicted, it is in order for somebody to bring suit against Tell E. Scopes and Mike Roe Scopes and Speck Tro Scopes'. All these gentle men have been guilty of dab bling in evolution.
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Aug. 1, 1925, edition 1
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