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55 Fool-Killer MONTHLY 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVE OH MORE AT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A1YEAR Vol. XIII. Pores Knob, North Carolina, October, 1925. No. 10. t . GRANNY, GET YOUR HAIR BOBBED Tune: "Johnny, Get Your Hair Cut." In second Kings the Bible speaks Of how old Jezebel painted cheeks. Old Jez, you know, was a flapper too, And painted you. UNCLE REUBEN HILL BILLY GOES TO MEETIN hey cheeks just likg One time I went to town, and I thought as how I would like to go hern to nieetin in town and see what it looked like. So I puts on my best, which consists of my newest blue jumper, a pair of clean-washed over alls and my best brogans. and I Chorus: Granny, get your hair bobbed Hair bobbed, Hair bobbed; Granny, get your hair bobbed, Short like mine. For man it's a shame to have long hairr But a woman has her glory there. Against bobbed hair and painted cheeks. Very plainly the Bible speaks. Chorus, as above. Granny don't care what the Bible says; She's a-going to do like old Aunt Jez. She's a-going to bob and paint like you She's a-going to look like a flapper too. Chorus, as above. LIMERICS There was a young Chesapeake oys ter Who dwelt in an aqueous closter; He stayed home at nighty And never got tight, When other young oysters would royster. There was a young fellow named Bright Whose speed was much faster- than r light He set out one day In a relative way, And returned on the previous might. A tight-fisted fellow from Perth Was the stingest fellow, on earth; When wed the third time He gave the preacher a dime, And declared that was all it was worth. i There was an old man in a hearse Who murmured, "This might have been worse; Although the expense Is simply immense, It doesn't come out of my pursed There was a young fellow from Wheeling Devoid of all delicate feeling; When he read on the door, "Don't spit 0n the floor," He jumped up and spat on the ceil ing. There once was a maiden from Siam Who said to her lover, young Kiam: "You can't kiss me, of course, Unless you use force; But you know you are stronger than hitched old Dobbin to my new bug gy and goes. When I gets there, I was a little late. Most folks were there already. Well, I went in. They was just sing in. When I started walkin up the isle, everybody turned around to look at me. , I guess they thunked I might be one of them-thar monkeys we been hearin so much about, by the way they started at me. Purty soon, I found out why they all turn ed around and eyed me so close. I didn't see another pair of overalls in the meeting house but mine. Dress? say,, you ought to see how them folks looked. The men all looked like preachers, and the wim men all looked, oh, so purty and good and had on sich purty dresses. When I 'sees, them I jest thinks how Sal looks with her old blue caliker dress on. My, how homely! And I used to think Sal was bootiful. Dreckly they quits singin, and somebody says it's Sunday School time. Everybody goes off in rooms to therselves but me. I jist sets thar not knowing what to do. Purty soon a preacher-lookin man comes over and takes me to a room, and when I gets in there he saysy class, this is Mr. So-and-so, and all them fine lookin men gets up and shakes hands with me and says as how glad they are to see me. Before they gets through they pas ses a hat around, -and the man who did most all of the talkin said they was takin up a collection for the' pore and would like for all of us to put in quarters, half dollars and dollars. I put in all the quarter I had, cause I shore likes to help the pore. Next this same feller announces that they was goin to take up a collection for the Sunday School and passes the hat another round. I puts in all the dime I had. Then we turned out to go back into the main meetin house. The preacher announces a song and says, everybodysing. Then he got up and talked awhile about ineetins that evenin and called it a B. Y. someth ing jest for young folks. He sa-id ne would preach that night and told what he was' going to say. He said on Monday night some sort of a wim men's club would meet, on Tuesday night the Rotary club would meet, on Wednesday night the prayer meet- in folks would meet, and on Thurs day night the wimmen folks would meet again. He had that meet,in named, but I fergit. Also' on Thurs- said they could rest on Saturday night so as' to be fresh for Sunday. Then he announced another song. After the song he said they wanted to take up another collection to be sent to a preacher in China or some place, and "said they needed dollars. So they passed the hat around again and . one of the f eliers stuck it un der my nose and held it there till I drops in my last dollar. Well, I says to myself that's all, shorely. But no sooner than they gets through this collection, the prea cher says, we will have another spe cial song, and the Misses So-and So will singv. Sing I reckon they did. or an tne noiierin ana taKin on they pulled off, it was a sight. It sounded like some one was bein op erated on. Then the preacher announced that they wtruld take up the regular col lection. All at once four nice look- in young men came marchin up the iles of the church, a-steppin at-the same time, and stood before the preacher with bowed heads, while he prayed thateveryone in the con pregation would give until it hurt,' and then said amen. Then one of these young fellers brought a pie pan around, a kind of a shiney pan. and poked it under our noses. Most of the folks had some coin to drop into that pan to make it rattle. But when he got to me he helt that pan under my nose till I got mad and red in the facey and I says; I ain't got no more money. Then I seen some young folks hold their hands up to their faces and say, Tee-Hee. After this collection was taken we had another song, and then the prea cher preached about 20 minutes and sot down. All at once a pious look in man gets up and says they need ed some money to buy some ficks tures for the church, and the preach er says, we had better take up another collection, and they took it. All at once I hears some fussin and spewin, and I looked around and I sees a bald-headed man all red in the face, and I hears him say, that makes only five collections they have taken up, and if that is the chief at traction at this church I ain't comin here no more, and I says Amen, the first time in all that service I had felt like sayin sich a word. Yores truly. Uncle Reuben Hill Billy. (4 A FEW MILLION YEARS AGO" I am. The income tax report shows that President Coolidge pays $16,000 in come tax, although his salary as president is not taxable. Don't seem to be quite so doggone poor as they used. to try to make him out. When Cal first entered the White House his wife, said they were not able to own a Ford. And the plute papers have been full of pictures of Cal I can understand some things without the least bit of trouble, and then again there comes along some thing that sorter stalls me. Right here under my keen edi torial nose is a well-known farm pa per, one of the big famous ones, and I think it claims to have about, a cool s mllion of subscribers. They are . mostly rural, of course the horny handed tillers of the soil. Now it is well known that the farmers ai;e overwhelmingly orthodox in their re ligious views. Most of them would fight any man who dared to suggest that the earth and everything else wasn't made in six literal days, and just six thousand years ago. If you want to get killed about forty times a day, all you have to do is to go out among the hayseeds and say "Evolution." They'll do the rest, and they won't be long about it. They have some shortcomings, but doubting the literal statements ot Genesis is not among them. , , " And" it comes as a sort of shock to find in a big farm paper such an editoral statement as this: "And coal itself, it may be worth, noting, is merely sunlight stored up in solid form in the plants that grew a few million years ago. Gasoline power is also a form of solar energy, or liquid sunlight, imprisoned in periods long past." A few million years ago? Good heavens! Don't you see that gets right back to Evolution? Don't you see how theyare slowly and slyly poisoning the minds of the faithful farme'rs with that notion of a Slow development through millions of years? If it ain't truey why must even a farm paper drag it in every little while? And if it is true, what are the good brethren raising such a rumpus about? I see that same sort of thing crop- ping out here, yonder and every where, in nearly all the papers and magazines I read. I find it even in papers that claim to be' against Evo lution. The State dailies and even the local papers let it slip in every little bit. . ' ' Understand, I am not taking sides. It don't matter to me' which way ft is. I am satisfied with Just any way that God has seen fit to fix it. ' But the point f make is that there ought to be a little more con sistency used by those who claim to oppose' these new notions. If the farmers and the common country people oppose Evolution, what must they think of finding it sprinkled all through their farm papers, like lit tle black ants in a picnic dinner?. milking the old cow or pitching hay day night the Deekins hjad a meetin. f on th farm, trying to make him look Friday night the Sewing Circle met j like a poor farm hnd. Call it off, with Siftter Sew-and-sew. Then 1 boys. A report from Washington says that a guard of 2 6 men and one of ficer is kept at the tomb of Hard ing. More economy. But why all that precaution? There is absolutelv ; no danger that Harding will ever try to he president again. I M
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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Oct. 1, 1925, edition 1
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