Monthly 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVS OR MORE AT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A YEAR
Vol. XIV.
Wilkesboro, North Carolina, March, 1926.
No. 1.
BILLY BONEHEAD'S LETTER
Foolville,
March the fust.
Editer ov The Fool-Killer,
Wilkesboro, N. C.
Deer Mister Editer :
There aint no chance to say
awl the things I wood like to say
in this letter. I wood like to re
mind you agin what good Redem
ocans me and Paw is, but you
proberly remember that. And I
hope you ain't forgot abo)ut us
havin so much prosperity. These
air. importunt things fer you to
remember.
But I have sorter got a hunch
that maby I had better tell you
unses about we-unses trip to
Flordy. Ov koarse you dident
kno that we-unses had bin to
Flordy. Well, we aint. But we
am a talkin about goin. We hav
awl got the Flordy fever awful
bad. We wuz awl tfak down with
it the same nite, and we ain't no
better yit. Hit happened this-
Maw sent Paw to the store one
day to git a sack ov flower and
sum hog-corpse. He got 'em, but
he had to git 'em on a-credit
kaze he dident hav no munny
T rlrvrk'f Irnrk mKir "Paw npvpr has
no munny, kaze he sez thar is
plenty ov prosperity ,and I kno
tha is; but Paw is allers in det
J '-L T-P T TT7
anu cunt gut nu muiiii. xj. . w
had to liv on the intrust ov his
munny he woodent liv long. But
ef he cood liv . on the intrust ov
what he oze he never wood die.
I've studied a heap about this
here buyin things on a-credit.
Looks to me like its a purty good
thing, atter awl. Ef peepul kan
buy what tha want on a-credit
without munny, I dont see much
use ov ever havin enny munny.
Looks ter me like the credit plan
is a heap cheaper.
Ov koarse the folks what sells
the things on a-credit wood like
to hav their pay atter awhile, but
tha mostly don't git it. Least
ways, tha don't git it from Paw.
Hit's jist awl Paw can do to keep
his credit good, without workin
rvn4- Tvi-iTir 4-r noir a-fcs ri4-Vi
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Looks like tha wood understand
that keepin his credit good wuz
a heap more important to Paw
than gittin the dets pade, enny-
how.
Well, when Paw got home.with
the sow-belly, it wuz rapped up
in a peece ov nuzepaper. I think
it wuz the Atlanter Constipation.
Atter Maw had unrapped the
sow-belley I tuk the paper and
sot down to reed it.
mi A i 1 T
me iust tning l seen was a
peiece about Flordy and the big
carryins-on down thar. It told
in that peece about how the
Northern Millyjunairs wuz a
flockin into Flordy and fixin to
set up a new Gyarden ov Eden
MY RIGHTEOUS WRATH IS A-BILIN'
I'd like to always wear a grin,
An' keep right on a-smilin';
But there's so much of crime an' sin
A-floatin' 'round where I have been
So many brutes in human skin
My righteous wrath is abilin'.
I'd like to just be singin' songs,
With blessin's 'round me pilin';
But when I see the passin' throngs
Of proud conceits an' boastful wrongs
The Lie set up where Truth belongs
My righteous wrath is- a-bilin'.
I'd like to think that there was not
One trace of sin's defilin;
But when the Truth has gone to pot
The devil crowned and Christ forgot
I can't help gittin' sorter hot; 4
My righteous wrath is a-bilin'.
But God will soon remove the curse,
The Snake will quit beguilin';
An' when things can't get any worse,
The whole procession will reverse,
An' there will be no grief to nurse,
No righteous wrath a-bilin'.
James Larkin Pearson
NOTICE!
If this paragraph is marked with a
RED pencil, it means that your OLD
subscription has expired. But if you
have lately sent in your renewal,
then you may disregard the notice.
THE WISDOM OF WISE
down thar. When I red that,
w ne spoite up ancL sez, sezze
BieveHe go down thar and
be Adam." - .
Then Maw she spoke up and
sez :
"Yes, and He go and be Eve."
Then I sez, sez I :
"Hoo'll I be?"
"You'll hav to be Cain," sez
Paw and Maw both together.
"I druther be Abel," sez I.
"But you aint able," sez Paw.
"I kno me and your Maw hav
raised Cain lots ov times, but we
aint never bin able to raise Abel.
So when we go down thar to that
Gyarden ov Eden you'll hav to be
Cain."
"Then hoo will I kill?" sez t
"You kan kjll the snake," sez
Paw, "so it wont tempt yer Maw
to eat none ov them forbidden
oranges."
And Maw she sez :
"That's a fine idy. We aint
none ov us got nuthin to wear,
nohow, and that job ov bein Ad
am and Even in theGyarden will
jist perzackly suit us."
And so it haz been agred a
mong us that we air to start to
Flordy as soon as we kan dispoze
ov our vast holdins here and git
us a Limberzeen to travel in.
Ov koarse Paw and Maw will
be awful bizzy jist a-bein Adam
and Eve, but my Cain job wont
take more than half ov my time.
So I will proberly hunt up Ponzy
and become his pardner in the
Rale Estate bizness.
Ef we do git off, I will rite you
from Flordy next time and tell
you awl about our trip.
Yores trewly,
BILLY BONEHEAD,
SPEED LIMIT TWO INCHES
A YEAR-""1'
I see in the papers that we are
sure enough going to have dis
armament. They are now think
ing of beginning to prepare to fix
to start to discuss the prelimi
nary details ..of holding a pre
liminary conference. The first
preliminary conference will be
held in April to discuss the
plans for holding another pre
liminary conference in August,
at which time plans will be dis
cussed for holding another pre
liminary conference about next
Christmas. And at the Christ
mas conference it is hoped that
a date can be set for holding an
other preliminary conference in
the fall of 1927, and then they
will try to decide on the time and
place for another preliminary
conference a few years later. If
they ever do get beyond the
preliminary stage, wnicn is
doubtful, some fool socialist will
suggest that they should actual
ly begin to do some disarming.
Then all the wise statesmen will
let out a war-whoop and mjurder
the fool Socialist m about 17 dif
ferent languages, and then the
chairman will call the house to
order and appoint a committee
to select the time and place for
another preliminary conference.
Who said we weren't getting
on? .
They have now discovered a
winged insect that lives on tin.
Well, sarn the luck ! I'll bet it's
the hoss-fly trying to adapt it
self to modern conditions. Now
we'll have to go to spraying
"Shoo-Fly" over our old Fords,
The.great Jewish rabbi, Steph
en S. Wise, is beginning to live
fup to his name. He is Wise and
getting wiser.
During all of his life until a
few months ago he has denied
even the historical fact of Jesus
Christ's existence denied that
such a man ever lived in the
world. But now he comes out
and publicly admits that he has
been mistaken. He is now con
vinced that Jesus did live, and
that he was a great and good
man a true teacher -and proph
et. ie still denies that Jesus was
the Messiah for which the Jews
have looked and are yet looking,
but he goes so far as to say that
the Jews must accept Jesus and
his teachings.
Just what degree of acceptance
that is meant to imply it is hard
to say, but any acceptance at all
is the most remarkable thing
that ever happened. The Jews
have always stood squarely a
gainst accepting Jesus in any
shape or form ; but now that the
ice is broken, they will go right
on accepting him more and more.
Some of the strongholds of Ju
dahism will hold out against the
new idea for awhile, and some of
the stand-pat rabbis will make a
big fuss about it. But all of the
open - minded and progressive
Jews will soon be on the Jesus
band-wagon. Some of. them even
now go much farther than Rabbi
Wise has gone, but he is the most
noted Jew who has gone so far
toward accepting Jesus.
I predict that inside twenty
years every Jew on earth will be
a Christian. I may be mistaken,
but that is my notion, and it will
be mighty interesting to watch
the developments from now on.
The prophets of old said that
the Jews would return to their
own land. They are returning.
The same prophets declare that
they will accept Christ. Now we
see that beginning. True? Absolutely.
If hard work and good sensi
ble foolishness can prevent it,
there is not going to be any "dull
season" with The Fool-Killer this
year.
If The Fool-Killer was just like
other papers, there would be no
use to have a Fool-Killer. But it's
different. In all this wilderness
of printed things, this paper
stands out like a white preacher
at a nigger meeting.