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Monthly 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE AT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A YEAR Vol. XIV Wiikesboro, North Carolina, April, 1926. No. 2. A MILLION OR TWO TROUBLE IN MONKEYDOM 1 1 wouldn't be rich if I knew that I could, For wealth is a burden and not any good. My tastes are all simple, my wants are but few, And I could make out with a million or two. Just a plain little shack built of mar ble or stone, And a little more swell than my neigh bors can own, With a few thousand books that I'd never read through, And that wouldn't cost but a million or two. A few dozen servants to come at my call, Some jewels, and pictures, and music, and all, And three or four cars that are shiny and new Why, it all could be had for a million or two. You see I'm a man with a moderate taste, And don't care a snap about money to waste, And I'll state as my private and per sonal view That a man doesn't need but a million or two. If Ford were to offer to give me his pile, I'd wave it away with a satisfied smile, And thank him profusely, but swear it was true That I didn't want but a million or two. I wouldn't be rich, for I never could see That riches would add any honor to me. Such honor as that I shall never pur sue, - lut I WOULD like to have just a million or two. James Larkin Pearson. TWO ALMIGHTY GODIKINS The little land of Italy, Italy, Italy; The little land of Italy Is certainly a shiner, With two almighty godikins, Godikins, Godikins; With two almighty godikins, The Pope and Mussy Liner. I wonder how they manage it, Manage it, Manage it; I wonder how they manage it To tell which is diviner, When both of them are godikins, Godikins, ; Godikins; .... When both of them are godikins, The Pope and Mussy Liner. James Larkin Pearson. The Fool-Killer has another piece of sad news to relate. Our ancient and honorable forty-lev- enth cousin's, the monkeys, are having trouble in their camp. It 1 is the first serious trouble thati they have ever had, so far as I can find out, and it has developed into an open rupture with threats of civil war among the tribes. What is the cause of this great trouble in Monkeydom? Evolu tion, of course. That is the most troublesome question now before the monkey public, and j ust what the end is to be nobody can tell. In Wake county, North Caro lina, there is a great tropical for est where the monkeys of the Tar Heel state have their head quarters. They use a big spread ing oak tree for their capital building, and the members of the monkey legislature sit around on the limbs or hang suspended by their taila while their legislature is in session. Heretofore these sessions of the monkey law makers have been peaceful and harmonious. But a new arid terrible thing has happened. It recently be came known that certain monkey professors in some of the mon key colleges had been teaching to the young monkeys a strange new theory called evolution. The theory, if I understand it, is that all monkeys evoluted up from some sort of lower animals known as human beings. The monkey professors have written books in which they submit evi dence to prove their contention, and before the monkey parents knew what was going on this terrible theory was being taught to the monkey children in all the monkey schools. All patriotic and self-respecting monkeys will now rise up on their hind legs and raise a ter rible howl and demand that this evolution stuff be cut out of all the monkey school books. It is a well-known fact that God made the first monkey out of a cocoa nut, because you can see the monkey's face on the cocoanut even till this day. A cocoanut for a pappy is all right, but just think of evoluting from a human being ! No-sir-ee ! This from the Boston Herald: "The English sparrow is disap pearing from American city streets mainly because it could not change its diet from half digested oats to half-links of motor tire chains." Now the Boston Herald had better go and wash its mouth. WHO IS RUNNING THE WORLD? ' Let's get right down to brass tacks, as Postje Paul says, and see if we can find out who is act ually running this-here ball of mud that we live on. In the first place, how come the aforesaid ball of mud to be here? Men didn't make it and put it here. ..Neither did the monkeys, elephants, h o s s e s, cows, fishes nor grasshoppers make it and put it here. Then who or what did it ? The least we can say is that some Power above and beyond us did it. Even the rankest in fidel will have to admit that much. He must admit, too, that the Creative Power, whatever it is, has. intelligence and reason. There is system and design in the things of nature that we see around us, and to say that they just happened so is the most foolish explanation that could be given. Well, then, what next? If a Good Power made the world and put us here in it, why are we having such a devil of a time of it? Why can't we all behave ourselves and get what we need and all be happy ? Ask any man in the world and he will tell you that he wants conditions to get better. All the great statesmen say they want war to stop. -Well, if they are the boss of the job, as they claim to be, why don't they stop war and all the rest of the fool nonsen -9 that is going on ? Oh, they say, "We can't." Can't, eh ? Well, then, they are not the boss of the job. The fact is that (?od started things out all right, but man and the devil grabbed the reins out of God's hands and thought they'd be Big Ikes and run the world. So Tiod thought He would just let 'em try it for a while and see what sort of a mess they would make. Well, they have made a mess, all right, and now it has got so bad Mr. Man cant stand it any longer, and he can't fix it, and he don't know what to do nor which way to run, and if God ever gets tick led He must be tickled now. NOTICE! If this paragraph is marked with a RED pencil, it means that your OLD subscription has expired. But if you have lately sent in your renewal, then you mty disregard the notice. LISSEN, LAWYERS, LISSEN! The Redemocan plutocrats love liberty so doggon good that they want it all for themselves. They are not willing for the under dog to have any. The Fool-Killer has on its sub scription list a good many law- I yers. Now a lawyer is supposed to have good reasoning powers. He is supposed to be well trained in making clear distinctions be tween words of different mean ings. And if he hasn't these qualifications he isn't much of a lawyer. Now I want to put up to my lawyer readers a hypothetical case. Suppose, Mr. Lawyer, that you were handling a case in which the result depended on the meaning of two Greek words. Suppose it was agreed by all Greek scholars that one of the words meant HOT and the other one meant COLD. Wqfuld you, as a lawyer, undertake to prove -that they both meant the same thing ? Of course you would not. But that is the very thing our Bible translators tried to do when they took two Greek words Gehenna! and Hades and used the one word Hell to translate both of them. Gehenna means HOT (in fire) , while Hades means COLD (in death), but the translators have tried to make both of them mean the same thing. They have fixed it so that when the average English reader of the Bible comes to the word Hell, he don't know whether he is reading a bout Gehenna (a hot place) or Hades (a cold place). Perhaps the reader has never had his at tention called to the fact that the word Hell is used to translate two different Greek words of ab solutely opposite meanings. So he just goes ahead thinking that Hell is always a HOT place, be cause the popular theology of the day says so. But the popular theology is either very ignorant of the meaning of words, or else it is deliberately dishonest. I guess it is some of both. Now, Mr. Lawyer, what do you think about sjich a two-faced translation as that? Do you think it proves anything? You might call your preacher's atten tion to this and see what he says. The Florida boom is busted, and everything is headed to ward the North Pole. Even Billy Bonehead is probably on his way North by this time. Germany had been promised admission into the League of Nations, but the last minute the door was slammed in her face. If the League of Nations really wants Uncle Sam to become a memberoijt, there is one sure way to succeed. Let her put out the word that he is not wanted Thar haint nary nuther papernd that he would not be takei like this in the whole round . m under any conditions, and I'll i world. If you ever expect to need a Fool-Killer, this is your only chance. Grab it. bet my old hat he'd be in before you could say Jack Robinson. Sam is jHist that contrary. ,
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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April 1, 1926, edition 1
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