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: si r i w jr 1 1 Monthly 25 CENTS A YEAR. IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE XT ONE TIME, 15 CENTS A YEAR Vol. XIV. Wilkesboro, North Carolina, July, 1926. No. 5. KEEP A-HITTIN' IT, BOYS The month of June this year was the best June The Fool-Killer has had in many years. I was most agreeably surprised at the way the stream of subs kept up. Usually the receipts begin to drop off about the first of May and go down rapidly till about the first or middle of July. Reaching low water mark, they stay there till the first or middle of September before there is much pick-up. But this summer the figures have been reversed. May was considerably better than April, and June was away ahead of May. July has started out well and promises to be still better' than June. But it all de pends on the activity of you club-raisers out over the coun try. If you will stay right on the job as you have been doing and put in a- few extra licks every chance you get, we will make this summer a record breaker. And then when the fall season opens we will be ready to open with it in grand, style. Friends, I am depending on you to stick to me and work with me till we make The Fool Killer a bigger success than it ever was before. Remember ,it once had 50,000 subscribers, and we can put it up to that figure again between now and next pea stickin' time if well all just link in and work at it like good fel lers . Now I'm going to look for big clubs and lots of them from you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, YOU and all the rest of you. RED-HEADED PECKERWOOD PARADE Hoo-ee ! Sick-um-pup ! Now wasn't that some high kicking caper that the unmarried ''daddies" of rotten Romanism pulled off in Chicago,' What-a-noise ? We had already been cursed with about every other bacl thing in the catalogue of curses, and Chicago was already so mean that it could hardly endure its own cuse.iness. .but all that it' i i i i was notmng compared to tne double-dyed degradation of hav ing the pone's "Euckre-istie Congress" swoop down upon us like a belled buzzard hunting for a dead snake. Even the newspaper accounts and pictures of the carryings-on were enough to turn the stomach of a wooden Indian or drive a de cent dog to suicide. And I shud der to think what the real aw fulness of the sin-soaked shim my show must have been like. In plain English, the old dago in the Vatican at Rome has long wanted to pull off something to impress the American people with his power and authority. So he fell upon the scheme of having a great 4 Roman Catholic blowout over here to be attended by all hie red-headed pecker wood cardinals and other sub-deputy-gods "in full bloom from Italy, Spain, and all the other toe-kissing lands. And- these buck-virgin "daddies" were to be attended and slobbered over by tens of thousands of their toe kissing dupes gathered from ev ery land, and all bent on getting at least one smell pf a Roman sod's hoof. Since I have been in this Fool- Weil, when the bunch of red- Killer business (nearly 17 yearslheaded peckerwoods from Rome Go Thou and Do Likewise now) I have had many good club senders, and some of them have been record-breakers , But now I have one who has broken all records for the time he has been at it, and he seems to be just getting started. His name is Mr. J. F. Lingerfeldt, of Bessemer City, N. C. During the last few weeks Mr. Lingerfeldt has sent in 197 subscriptions to The Fpol-Killer, and he is not work ing for anv premium either just doing it for the good of the cause. Say, can't some of you other fellows pitch in and beat him? Let's have a race. Now they have figured it out that the sun will last fifteen trillion years yet. Thanks. That ought to give the Redemocans time to think up several new lies to telK After all, Newberry wasn't h If bad. Actually, he was a Sunday School teacher compared to that Pennsylvania bunch. i a t T i i a reacnea iew xorK tney Avere jnet by Al Smith, ' Jim Walker and the entire pappy cratic offic ial family of Gullible Gotham, and they were led into the City Hall over fme red carpets with kneeling toe-kissers all along the line, just as if they had been holy angels straight from heaVen. Think of New York doing that ! New York, which pretends to be so wise. The old town wouldn't admit that anybody else could sell it a gold brick in broad daylight, but the pope's pecker- woods sure to Mike did it. And then, after being wel comed, introduced, kissed, codd led and cpo i over till the Statue of Liberty hung its head and puked up its liver-pad, the whole petticoat procession was loaded fhto specially-built palace cars the iinest ever seen on earth and headed toward Chicago where the main three-ring circus was to be pulled off. What were they going to do in Chicago? Why, bless your grandpap's rheumatiz, they were j going to hold a "Eueharistic j Congress," if you know what I that means. "Eucharist" is their name for the communion service, the Lord's Supper. "Mass" is another name they have for it, and indeed it is a "mass" of sickening nonsense. Catholics, at their communion service, don't eat bread and drink wine, as the Protestants do. They have bread and wine to start with, but some unmar ried "father " with an old wo man's dress on takes the bread and wine, mumbles a few words of Latin over them, and they are bread and wine no longer. They are changed into the ACTUAL flesh and blood of Jesus so THEY say. And all the faithful dupes believe it. So it seems that these high-and-mighty princes of the pope's "invisible empire" were journey ing thousands of miles over sea and land, and putting on enough swefl airs to shames a king's court, just in oi'der to take a bite of the Lord's flesh and drink a few drops of his blood. And then to sing a few Latin songs and be bowed and scraped to , by a hun dred thousand fool Catholics. But that pretended "holy ser vice" was oniy a thin excuse. What they wanted was to muster their forces and make, a big splurge "before the American public in order to show their strength and convince us that they are able to "make America Catholic!" They think, too, that it will help' to nominate and elect Al Smith president. Think of all that pomp and strutting and hypocritical sham "holiness" in the name of Jesus! A Jesus, if you please, Who was murdered 'by that same class of "saints" twcTthousand years ago. x : : They Want What They Want The proposed "debate" is not getting along very fast, for the reason that nothing of the right kind has been sent in. And I have been surprised at the strong sentiment among the readers against having such a debate or open forum. Nine out of ten who express any opinion seem, to prefer my own fool gab and won't be satisfied with any thing else. So there vou are. What can I do? I don't; think my stuff is any good, but what is my opinion against so many? The majority wins. Vare-ily, Vare-ily, I say unto you, the Pennsylvania Republi can primaries Were a $en$ational $ucce$$. When the West gets mad it is just awful howling mad. You can hear some of its howls right now if you will just listen. HOWL, O YE VARMINTS! One after another -so fast that it must make a standpat ter's head swim the great States of the Northwest are lin ing up in the progressive or radical column. The latest one to register her disgust with the Coolidge administration is North , Dakota, where Senator Nye has just wTon a sweeping victory for the nomination to the U. S. Sen ate. Senator Nye (a nephew of Bill Nye) is a La Follette radi cal and entirely out of sympathy with the administration. But North Dakota joins all the other corn belt States in saying that is the kind of man she wants to represent her in the Senate. The Coolidge candidate, a man named Hanna, was simply snowed un der. All the corn - belt States are doing that same thing. It has become a regular tornado twister of rebellion against the bossism of the East. The Northwest has named at least half-a-dozen "rad ical" Republicans for the Senate in recent weeks, while every single, solitary Coolidge man that entered the Republican primaries met crushing defeat. What else can Coolidge and his crowd of pampered plutes hope for? What else can they expect? They have consistently and persistently snubbed the farmers of the Northwest and denied every favor that they have asked for in years. And still they expect the farmers to stand up to the rack, fodder or no fodder, and "vote 'er straight."--1 am glad to see that the farmers have got some back bone as well as some brain, and that they are going to use both. Hoo-ray ! Goody ! It now begins to look like young Bob La Follette will have a stronger backing of "radicals" in the Senate than his brave old daddy ever had. And I bet a purty he leads 'em like a veteran. Poor little baby Congress has gone to sleep on a pallet of prom ises, and has left its milk bottle on the floor for the flies to suck at till next December. And be fore December arrives the old political cow may "kick the bucket" and poor little baby Congress may not find any more milk in its bottle when it wakes up. Even Teapot Dome looks pret ty respectable in the light of the Pennsylvania Republican primary. There is a doubled-and-twisted political cyclone' forming in the corn belt, and all the old stand pat politicians are scooting for their holes. They had better scoot and stay scooted. r I
The Fool-Killer (Pores Knob, N.C.)
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July 1, 1926, edition 1
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