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PIKE COUNTY DOINGS Ab Shorter TIU CoIoimI Hamper " About "CllHOphOMn (Copyright. lS03. br C a Lewi. kOLONKI HARPER bad hitched bis mule to a poat in front of the . PIM county courthouse J ; , . , ,. ana was about to enter tne 4 building wben Abo Shorter turned the ' corner and hastened up to him with: ? "Waal, I do declar If thla ain't Kur- oel Harper! Howdy. kurnelT Jeit recto aned yo wain't coming to town again thla y'ar." ' ' ' - "Howdy. Abe." reoeated the colonel as they shook bands. "I've bad a right mart to do out on the plantation, yo know, and am In a powerful burry this mawnlng." - "Yen, yo' are a busy man, Kurnel Harper, and I'm not fbe one to take up yo r time, jest a minute, However. . These yere Pike county scandallzers bare throwed me down again, and reckoned yo' might want to bear about It" "Shoo! Shoo! How was It, AbeV : "I got up last Monday mawnlng, kur nel, thinking to put on a clean shirt Hunted high and low and then rem em bered that my only other shirt was away In the wash. Sent a black boy down to Mary Green's for It, and what sort of an answer do yo reckon she sent back?" "Yo' owed her a bill, mebbe." "Yes, kuruel; I owed her 17 cents, and the answer came back .that she'd bold on to my clean shirt ml the bill was paid. Think of that, Kurnel Har per! Did yo' ever hear of the likes since the day yo' was born? Only 17 cents, and me a rising young lawyer In Pike county, and yet she wouldn' end the shirt!" "Purty tough, Abe," replied the colo nel, "but of course yo' sent It?" "No, sab; no, sab. Couldn't do It after that Insult to my honah and prin dples. I saw right away that it wasn' the woman who was throwing me down, but it was these yere scandal lzers who hare determined to drive me out of Pike county. - I thought I'd beat 'em by getting a writ of replevin, but when I went to Squar Jackson for it what do yo' reckon be said? Kurnel Harper, look me In the eye and tell me what yo' reckon he flung at me?" "I can't skassly say,. Abe. Did he hurt yo'r feelings by saying that yo'd better pay them 17 cents?!' "Worse than that, kurnel, fur worse. He not only refused me the writ, but said that if I bad drunk less whisky, done less whittling on pine shingles and had the ambition of a toad might now have been standing in the shoes of Csesar Baronlus. Kurnel Har per, do yo' know who Caesar Baronlus was?" - "Can't skassly say that I ever met up with him, Abe, though I'm a pore band at remembering names. Uspd to live around yere. did he J" "Yo'-never met up with him, kurnel, and there's a good reason for It Caesar Baronlus was born in Naples on the , . 80th day of October, 1538, and died the 80th of May 1807, Yo' couldn't very well have met up with a man who bad been dead 200 years When yo' were bo'n, could yo'?" ; . v. "Skassly, Abe, skassly, , When yo first spoke the name I didn't know but that he bad lived around yere, So he's dead, eh?" . "Dead as a doahnall, kurnel dead befo a single tree had been cut down In this yere county of Pike. That rae the man Squar Jackson throwed xs6 to me a man who wasjbo'n, buried and turned .to dust . befq' my grandfather could walk, alone, where was my chance, kurnel; where was my chance? Did I live" in Naples In the year 15387" "Don't reckon yo' did, Abe." .. . "This Csesar . Baronlus Was a blsto rtaa and a strong writer, and he made big name for himself. ..' He had the show to do It If I'd been living there . and then It might have been neck and if S M i'JXST WJTT MY THBOAT, KCBHXU" neck between us, but be had the bulge on me over 800 years. Can I beat 800 j cai B, auivj aupuf toil m uiau uv , great man 300 years befo he's bo'n?" , "Beckon not, Abe." replied the colo- ' "Then yo see the Injustice of It; wanted to down me so bad that they had to go back 300 years for an excuse. Dot rot 'em, kurnel, but they won't give me no show! They're set out to . drive me out of Pike county, and they won't Stop at notUng to carry out their plans." ;"; A " ; - - "But yo won't let 'em do it; Abe?" " "Never In this world, kurnel I've got schemes, I have, aDd Pll bare every t Jessed man, woman and ctild in the county slBging my praises witt'a a fortnight rm expecting as many as t?n telegrams any minute, ,Thoo! fhoor . "Hnral Harper" sail Abe as wise look came to bis face, "there are over 10,000,600 mewls In America, and ev ery single one of 'em was bo'n mean and lazy.; Yo can't get one of em to do bla best without cussing at him. Cussing a mewl takes up time. . I fig ure that the time lost In cussing the mewls of America amounts to a mil lion dollars year. Yo' can't put It a cent less. Yo've got as many as fo'ty working mewls and sixty darkles on yo'r plantation. How much time do yo waste every year cussing tnern mewls?" . , " ' '" . ' "A .heap,. Abe, and it don't do any good.' A mewl la a mewl, yo' know.",, "I know be la, but I'm going to change him over. How much time do yo waste cussing darkles V ' , "It's heaps. Jest the same, and I can't see that they work any , better for It I may cuss for an hour and then turn my back to find 'em going to sleep again." "Then here's my point Invent some thing to do the cussing and save yo'r breath to talk politics. I've got the Idea right in my bead and shall work It out inside of a week. It'll be called the cussophone. and it'll cuss and call names for twenty-four hours after be ing wound up. Just attach it to a mewl's ear and let 'er rip. It'll be some thing so much better than the human voice that every mewl will git up and bump himself and do double work. I believe I con make em for a dollar apiece, and the sales will be 20,000 a year. When not in use to cuss mewls they can be used to cuss plantation hands and hired men. and thus double their value. What do yo" think or the Idea, kurnel?" "Looks to me like a gold mine, Abe. I'm working fo'ty mewls right along, and I wants a cussophone for each one of 'em." "That clinches It, kurnel, and I'll have the machine out Inside of two weeks. Meanwhile" "What Is it Abe?" "Meanwhile, being as yo' have asked me to step around to Tom's place and wet my throat, I can't find it In my heart to deny yo'. Jest wet my throat, kurnelt-jest a little wet." 1 M. QUAD. Selflah Fellow. Nell Is your engagement really bro ken off? Belle Absolutely. I sent back all bis letters today, and It's positively final. Nell The idea! What led to the break? Belle Just bis selfishness. When I hinted to him that I didn't love him any more he wanted bis ring back. Of course 1 told him he couldn't have It, and that made him mad. Philadelphia Ledger. Taklnsr Berote Mea.nrea. v'x;.. Cut B Helped. c .. Bookkeeper Six more of, our dun ning letters have been returned by the dead letter office, and postage had to be paid on them. ' ;":.' Tailor It can't be helped. - I "If your envelopes contained your name and address they would be re turned without expense." . . "Yes, .but then the people who re ceive them wouldn't open them." New; York Weekly. " To BfveV CnAertakc. "No," said the manager; "I can't no cept your play.? rm very sorry." ' "Don't you think the lines are witty or the plot clever or the" "Oh, it's all .right as far as the tinea and the plot are concerned, but one of the characters to a cook. Where could we get one, with any hope of being able to keep berF Chicago Record-Herald. Prodaatlve Smib. "They're atill looking for a national flower, I see. .Now, what" the matter with the goldenrod 1 There's a flower that's not to be sneesed kt" 'Huh!" replied the; man with wa tery eyes.'. 1 guess yon never bad nay fever, did yon r Philadelphia Prestv j " . : So nr tm. Editor How did yon find out to much about the proceedings of that woman's club? Reporter It was a secret meeting they held. Judge. ks ;t '-- ' 14aaltela, "Her novels show lack of revision," "WelL she la very young." "I suppose her motherhard!y per mits her to read what she baa writ ten." Puck. : - . . 'V Aaeat tk Cfcestaat. '4 .Tla now th chestnut -V ' " All as-low, " j , Is quit the Jewt Hut lV A , . Don't yon know. . v When thla today we ? '. . ( - Bins aerene . In manner rjr, we '. Simply man Tt nut po 6?&t and Full of oat, And not tbe-eear and Yellow Jeet 1 -It. K. Itankittrick. is New York Times. JhnrUaa Klk I BoUfaat Wat One of the most remarkable discover ies In the shape or a peculiar species of fish ever made on thla continent waa that mad at Carson. City, Nev, In 1870. At that time both the Hale and Nercross and the Savage mines were down to what is known as the 200 foot level." When at that depth, t sub terranean lake of boiling water waa tapped. This accident flooded ' both mines to a depth of 400 feet After this water had all been pumped out except that which bad gathered In basins and in the inaccessible i portions of the works, "and when the water Still bad a temperature of .128 degreesdearly scalding hot many queer looking little blood red fish were taken out In ap pearance they somewhat resembled V goldfish. 1 ' They seemed lively and sportive enough when they were in their native element boiling water notwithstand Ing the fact that they did not even have rudimentary eyes. When the fish were taken out of the hot water and put in to buckets of cold water for the pur pose of being transported to the sur face, they died as quickly as a perch or a bass would if plunged into a kettle of water that was scalding hot; not only this, but the skin peeled off exact fy as if It had been boiled. Eyeless fiBh are common enough in all subterranean lakes and rivers, but this Is the only case on record of living fish being found in boiling water. CASTOR I A For Infants and Children. Tub Kind You Hare Always Bought Bears the -Signature of fl T. PARROTT, Ph. G., M. D PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. KINSTON, N, C. Orrics Houbs: 9 to 10 a. m. and 8 1 9 p. m. Telephone calls: House 24, Office 78. C. H. POOL. Contractor and Builders of Wood and Brick Buildings, KINSTON. N. C. Estimates furnished on application. Good Work Guaranteed. mat Old Wheel of Yours should be as plumb as the wheel of your engine that pulls your gin. If its crooked it will run crooked. Have it straightened at BELL'S SHOPS. 810 E. Bovnt St., KINSTON, N. C Election Notice ' Pareuant to an ordinance and resolution passed by the Board of Aldermen ot the town of Kinston, at their meeting held September 1 IUN at h h Mm, . naut.lnn m ihtn one-third ot the qualified voters ot said town was presented, notice Is hereby given that an election will be held in the town of , Kinston, N. C. on , . ( . . , - Tuesday, October 27th, 1903. to determine whether a' dirpensary shall be established in said town of Kinston. N. C At said election those favoring a Dispensary will vote s ticket on which shall be written or printed the woras f or Dispensaries, ana all opposed to a Dispensary wijil vote a ticket on which shall be . written or printed the words "Against Dispensaries." Such tickets shall be of white paper and without device. The polls will be openett on election day at 7 o'clock ft. m., and closed at sunset of the same day. This the 25tn day of September, loos. By order ot the Board of Aldermen. . N. J. ROUSE. Mayor. I J. MEW BORNE. Clerk, s Cheapest Furniture Store inTown A call "will convince you. The Prettiest assort . ment of Pictures and Frames' to be found in the city, received -' today. Call and see .mem. ; s Wtite Furniture Co. - k '110 W. NORTH ST. Just around the corner from LaRoqaal Store Citizens 'Sayings Bank -r.opnisToi,i.w.; : , DIREOTORSi B; W. CANADY J. - v Kinston L. HARVEY. . . .'Kinston 4 J. E..HOOD . . k . . Kinston D. OETTINGER . . . Kinston W. L. KENNEDY, Falling Creek JESSE JACKSON . . . Kinslon J. W. GRAINGER .' . : Kinston J. F. TAYLOR . ; .' Kinston D. F. WOOTEN . ' Kinston ; OFFICERS. I . N. J. ROUSE , . . r7 President B. W. CANADY . Vice President CIIAS. F. HARVEY . . Cashier II I 1 Mill I I I G.T; Next It KINSTON, Worth of Salable Merchandise Second week of this Store's opening. We want to make it great. We can make it great with the patronage of the good people of Kinston, Lenoir and adjoining counties, not forgetting our friends in Greene. CLOTHING Men's Qothing Men's Salts worth $16.50 at $14 Men's Suits worth $12.50 at $10 Men's Suits worth $10 at $8.00 Men's Suits worth $7.60 at $6.00 Men's Suits worth $0.00 at $3.50 Men's Suits worth $3.50 at $2.19 These Prices Are for Cash Buyers BbysVKnee carpets mnm oilcloths Our " Carpets and , Oilcloths are great values for tlie money. Come and look. FUR M. Carload just received. Solid Oakf Suits worth $25.00 now $19.00. Solid Oak Bedsteads $1.98. HBjBjajajMaHMHaMHHHMMHawHa ;il-rfc--9-.. Jill'' 3 - T'.".i ' -- ' i-Vr .'LIb ' A ' ' ' ' ?' " .""' ' Don't Forget the Place Next to G.T. THE 1 1 I'l lTl i1! I f I I i I I 1 I I I I I I I MUMFDRE):: to Hoods New Drug Store 3 (sSSfisiJRRi aMMSl Black Mercerized Petticoats worth $1, sale price 49c Black Mercetized Petticoats 11 inch fldunce, 3 1-2 inch puff, worth $2, now 986 ' " V ' Home Spuns Heavy Yard Wide Home Spun " '"' 4q Yard Flannel Tweed Check 3 I -2C Yard TU'RE QUEEN. STREET Hood's New Drug Store M UN FORD FARMERS' FRIEND i'i'l'l 11 1TI i 1 l i1! I I I III I I I I 144 North Carolina n Boys' dotting Boys' Suits worth $6.00 at $198 .A tk Sail Oat 3.8a Boys' Suits worth 4.00 at 2.98 Boys' Suits worth' i.00 at 1.98 Boys' Suits worth 2.50 at 1.68 Boys' Suits worth 2.00 at 1.00 -Boys' Suits worth 1.00 at 98c Boys' Suits worth 1.00 at 09c from 10c Up Don't Forget toe Place irjrr I I I I I I i: 8 :
The Kinston Free Press (Kinston, N.C.)
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Oct. 5, 1903, edition 1
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