Newspapers / The Kinston Free Press … / Dec. 11, 1903, edition 1 / Page 3
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T3ITT Tr "; PflTiriTY. pr yoi oiler we,'.' cwutluutU AbL as WW i a wared bis hands In the air. "Mnlau DOIHGS ; Cafeael JHaraar Hem of a GaoJ . TUaf Iroaa Aim Shorter i ' ' ' ICopyrisht. IMS, by C. B. L.wia.1 OLONTEL lAftPEK bad b!a ! I j -down 0. tlie railroad .depot V to e about shipping some J'-" mules to St Louis and waa ' n bis way back to tb poatoOLc when . , AM Shorter suddenly appeared before ' aim and said: - " "Upon my word, Colonel Harper, ' hvt I'm glad to sesyo' this mawnln' ' powerful glad. Just thinking aboot yo' two mlii a tea ago' ' , w " he extended his hand. r - ' "I'm atiir alive, thank you. How1 mewla, colonel?". :, "Bout ao ao, Ab No great flutter ia tbe market" ' ,. .- ' . And co'n, olonel V .'' , "CoV a leetle stlffer. lest a lestle." "I reckoned mewls and co'i wii all right" but I didn't ' know.. Colonel . lull .MI . flUVt"'1 WJAMIW :? BMrw s WT IT THAU I HatiHir ' tiown fof 1 arood man years." , ... , "Yes, Abe." :. T : f ' "And in all those years I have never asked yp to loan me any money.? 1 ' '"No." k X L ' ' " 'It. I had yo'd have' accommodated me, knowing that I'd have kept, my - word about paying it Dace now then.' colonel' r , -"Sense me. Abe,w Interrupted the colonel, "but I'tt powerful short this mawnln' powerful short 'Beckon I -won't bare a cent to carry home with me." . , !Bnt yo'-yov ' JCptnJn't do It,, Abe couldn't po slbly do it" "Colonel Harper." said Abekas he drew himself 'up with great dignity.' jtf wumu ia uijf wum a. a cur man, I reckon T 1 - - ; ' r J . ,."Yes; reckon I would." -," "Then that's all right i That's what I waa getting at" If 1 wanted to bor row any money of yo. which I don t. yo'd take my wordwouldn't yo'?" "Oh. for - shore for shore," replied the , colonel, evidently f much "' relieved in mind.- , "xes. If yo' .wantca to nor row any money and I had any to lend I should have confidence in yqV Yo' hain't " looking ' any too peart this mawnln', . Abe. . Pike , county ..hain't been throwing yo' down ag'ih, I "Dope?' "Didn't yo' hear what happened last tuemiay uigut, cuiuuew , "No. not a word.- Was It mo' scan dalizing '4 -'-S ,'"-:(jwuq "Wuss ? than . that. Colonel, Harper. Pike county rose up ag'in h6 en masse and tried assassination for a, change, "Shoo, shoo! Did I ever I Some body shot'.atyot.eUH ;r? m "They attempted to assassinate my reputation," sutv tblch was wuss than shooting at my body from behind a stone wall- Yee,,suh, tried to do me ap for good and all. and they can't see how I possibl stayed on top of toe grouna. xo Know aDout tne nae County Literary club, of co'se." ' "Yes;- I reckon I've heard of tt, tf-.oiifch as yo' know I run mostly to co'n and ft 'wis." " . l ."VrcM. I sent In my pome te be bal loted -on for -membership, and they U.rowed me . down thi-owed me with a crasb. Out of fo'ty ' monbers pres ;:t tl irty-nine blackballed -me. . How w!3 t' at for giving a young man a a" " , r 'iiwjy ". ". .00. I do declare." , "t -B-aa pp:te vuik ar. 1 -Tn'-y. co'o I J t spite work or, 1 . ' ? Y it 1 M oa top of t! ;.t IT-; .'1 :.- --a n '1 ft 1 -per to the me'tir-, a : . r mLk'i 1.3 reckoned wouM lry lay S-.l t'.i'y t"n fe"t Ix'low tl.e soil. I v -i't f "-e, c,f fo'fe. ln;t I Leard all aUut i.." "ritcbed right Into j o', did beT' ask el the colonel.. , . "CoulJn't te wu j. done! Harper, yo r'u to co'n v 1 r-.euls ar-J have a t x .t t r -.tit rave yo evtr eearicf l,;.4..iu,r' "" rrr.t ! ft 1 1 !:j I' Mir. i-r ' ., 1 1 . t , a 1 Rogers ' wouldn't' ,ijJow these thins i. but went on. to say. that . certain young uiau in this town, meaning me, could have been a second I'lotlnus If he had had energy ambition and ap plicatloD "He. ebr farther, coloiiel heap farther.- He wanted to .know wby I didn't take off my coat and go to wo -k; why 1 didn't pay hack borrowed mon ey; why I didn't seik to climb up in stead; of hanging about Saloons to get drinks. He just raked me from top to bottom and from right to left In way y& never did see, aiid the' crowd ap plauded him aiid looked to see me drop dead or skip the tdwft, .What da yo think f thSfceoloneir ; .. "Sboo,r shoot replied, !n colonel in tones of mingled astonishment and pity. o "But I'm not dead, colonel, and 1 haven't skipped, v I'm- still right ycre. and It won't be ten days befo I'll be on top the whole crowd of em. Yere s my. hand, Colonel Harper.1 Put it tbar.- . ''W-what Is It, Aber -Queried the colonel as he extended his band. .-' "I've got 'cm, colonel got the Pike xtunty scandalizers right tinder , my thumb, and befo' they are a week older they'll . bear something drop with smash. That's what I want want 'em to pitch into me. Tbe mo' they pitch the quicker I'll get to the top".' . "What yo got up yo'f sleeve, Aber ''Colonel Harper,' how , long did yo' co't yo'r wife befo being married. If I may ask?" - e "'Bout twb years. I reckon,". ' . . "That's about the average. Yo' put in, say, ten hours a week.' That's a low estimate, but call it ten, .That's over a thousand hours to the average1 co'tship. What's the value of yo'r time toer hour T" v ! y s)t ',',,''J ,!,!. : we might say J50 cents. I reckon.", " "We'll call it only, half that colonel, and still we find yo' used up $361 worth of time co'ting yo'r wife. Same with eighteen million other men In this coun try. That figures up hundreds of mil lions of dollars, enough to pay all the taxes and buy every widow woman's diamond ring to boot Do yvf foller me. coloneir ; 7 j - , : r I VSkassly, Abe. -"Would yb' do away with the co'tlngr. ' ' ' "I'd do away with a heap of It colo nel, and It would be just as well for both sexes, , Hake a law ag'tq co'ting over twb hours or Tialf a day' at most Might be half a day In case of a very young gal. Time saved fa money saved. Instead of co'ting around yo' can be plowing the' land, hoeln? co'n or work ing at something else, and tbe gal can be churning or, washing or making her clothes. Makes a saving both ways, yo' see. I've thought it all out by myself. and I'm going to copyright -the plan. How does it strike yo' for an idea, colo nel?" 2jV Hi t k M 1 rw Better let 'em' co't for at least four or five Sunday nights." suggested tbe colonel as a flood of pleasant recollec tions rushed across bis mind. . . All right, all rlehf. Make It even ten Sunday nights, and' then yo' save 1100,000,000 a year to buy sealskin sacks for the widows of America Yes; ten Sunday nights, and'"-' ? y ' '"And what. Abe?" uu jv wj wvu v? -w xmu.w and wet our whistles? well, being it's yo, colonel, and being; a leetle. plain whisky never did hurt nobody, I don't mind If I do-don't mind In tbe least." f. ,M. QUADf. CHANCE 'CAf.JE 4. I "What are you feeding to those hogs. Qiy friend?" the professor asked. "Corn. Drofessor.'t the ericKled old farmer, who knew the learned gentle man by sight replied. j"Are you feeding It wet or dry?" l"Dry'- r..,i ..VVV' 'V ; "Don't you know if you feed It wet the hogi; can digest It in one-half tbe tjmer -The farmer gave him' a mtizzical look, t "Now, see:, here, professor," be said, ,"how..nuch do you calculate hog's time is worth?" Llpplncott's. ,""'' v Ample Reveaar. ,i When tyounjj Spoonamore called oa the. society favorite,, the lovely Miss Welloph, she sent down word that she was. "Indisposed." s '.--' j1tv hereupon, when young Spoonamore went awaj'i he pinned a , card xm the outer frame of the front door on which he had hastily written this inscription: "Belle out of order'-mhlcajrTribune. ' Fatal Brevity. What got Gopher Jim Into trouble," remarked xnree . inger i Bam, "was bearin' somebody say. that brevity Is the soul of wit." ' "Did his hnmor fail to please?" "It was the death of him. He boiled the word mendacity down to one sylla blesWashington Star. - - - . Oa Talnjr I.oeklna?. 'e I l.al. r.etkoa I hearJ ' a.. 1 is f y-.r3 a . a a r-vrr ei 1 r'1. s't (7i X Around Fullon market nd all atong Frpnt strH tWy kuew Shorty -O'Hlg- gins, , Ills given uamo waa John, hut as he was a trifle less than five feet high be waa always called Shorty. ' There waa -only one thing to consolie Shorty In his struggles to keep a duu garee suit of clothes on his buck and prevent huuxer from ; gnawing at his Vitals. He couldn't slog, 1la the fid die 5r.dance-.a.horfiMlpe,'bu 1 could sneeze- The fame of Shorty's sneexe extended fiear'dowa to tbe Battery and tip to - the Brooklyn bridge. It had been heard , up Wall street a' far as Exchange place. ' It was a sneeze ie vullarly bis own, and 110 one cbuld rob him of It or produce a successful Imita tion. fThat sneeze dldu't'.rome under the head of "promptness and dispatch," It was all of ten minutes from tbe time his nose began to tickle until tbe ex plosion eame. Kxploslon was the, term for it Wben the sneeze finally 'eame It lif tPd Shorty's cap otf his head, rent new holes in his shoes and started the cobblestones, in, tbe street frpm their sandy foundations. - , 1 s One day Shorty picked up a bit of news and, was at once interested. Xo one could remember when he bad been .interested lu anything before. The Cubans' had suddenly . braced up pud Sailed into the Snaniards with new vigor, and the Junta had raised a large sum. of money in the States to send over a cargo of wnr trmterial. Shorty learned what craft would take the car go end her date of sailing, and It came about that he wns included in.fbe crew, though the mate bestowed a' kick upon blm is an "N. Q." almost before the ropes were clear of tbe snubbing posts. The craft went south to make1 a start from a Florida port, and io due time the munitions were on tbe rolljns deep. . History is silent as to why the mate got down on Shorty 4 and worked up his old Iron on bitri .Perhaps it was bo account of the jslxe of his fet or the squint of bis eyes. . Steamship mates are rather eccentric in tbeir likes and dislikes.; No f matter vwbaltfc the basis. Shorty was selected as the man to be bounced about and bounced be was. The filibuster craft was delayed at sea by accident, and again she was cbased off the Cuban coast by a Spanish gun boat, and the matv bad five or six days In which to .make It plain to Rhoriy that he was not beloved. - The steamer at length headed in for the appointed -rendezvous- but when ten miles off the shore two things hap pened. A gunboat, was, sighted bearing down on her. and darkness bad scarce ly come when a thick fog settled down wrth atfShorty wasn't to blame for. ,eltier the. gunboat or the fog, but tbe mate swore that he was and gave bun some more of the same old tonic. , - No living man bid ever beard Shorty , Olllggins utter threats of vengeance; no one bad ever known of bis striking back. Had the fish dealers of Fulton marketbeen. told that he thirsted for revenge after that last bouncing about they would bve stood amased. Neveri theless, such was the case. Yes, the; worm-had, turned;, at last and if the mate had been a mind reader he would' have hastened to take off bis cap and applogize.. , . Tli filibuster1 bad reefs to look out for and. an Intricate jchannel to thread As the fog came down she bad to grope.-, A 'little "later she came to a standstill. The Spaniard came up la wttuin nair a mile or ner ana began to play her search light No good. Then she crept forward, fathom by fathom with her crew' aCthe 'CUn?E.:,C' The order had been "lights put" and no' talking -aboard' the, filibuster, f-JSv'-. ery thing that could creak "and' groan was lashed fiist and such men as were forced to move about- removed heiH snoes. jiie.jmji was so .thick that 4 man standing amidships could not see stem or ptei-n fThe bare! crunched itl her form while the bound hunted t and, fro. , Presently . the , oca'was. as (ulet as a gmveyard. Nhorty found bimself beside tbe mate. The mate wasn't thinking of bounclu anybody Just then, but Shorty was reviewing the past Ue reviewedfor live ,min,- utes and then whispered in the mate's ear . ..v, f "'.Mr. Davis. I'm goin'.'to sheeze." "If you do! I'll throttle you!" replied tbe mate as he turned on him. . "Mr, Davis. I'm goin" to sneeze, and you can get ready to go to the bottom of tbe sea and be handed to your u The mate had heard of 'the Shorty sneeae." riMl fven ns be reached out to grasp the originator and sole proprietor by the throat and choke him Iuo a state of limpness be turned pale and his heart pounded bis ribs. He failed to get. to Shorty's neck U time. .Tli sneeze came, and it was a sneeze tlmt would have set 500 pedestrians alonw Front street wondering what tug b:tl exploded l,er boilers. They conU it.rxe heard It a hoard the Riinhont had she been four tinses as far -away. " There was a iroinr)t bail in renlv. and then. as the filibuster eaptaiu ripped out an oath and the mate drew his leg back for a kick, tlie Spaniard let go with biw port battery ami three bitf shells crush ed into tie steamer. A minute later the wns a si'-Ms-x wreck and taUh) ill 7 1 iWV. i Ik " SwasU aUs aLLatw afls sUa sUs,. . .aljLaV S -: hfVX.t l1 i y li y fl JMf- alia 1 awl 1 is7 - 0 Furniture and House Furnishing Godii Before Making their Purchases. Hosiery for Everybody r: , , TL Heavy Black Ribbed Hose in . large and , Vjpal si VeAular XSc grade, while Jt;, KJEhey. last t10c per ipair." ;G?od valno for J 4-t 4- ytm finc it to their interest to inspect Cour line of: t Qodds 3 We Clothings Shoes Dry Qoodls m , We are showing some of the Season's !t 1 best and most Stylish Patterns in Ladie's I Bine Dress Goods at the lowest prices. . Daily putting forth every effort to please If Jou as prices and quality Come if ' " and see for yourself. y . 1 MMBMMMMMMWMSW IHHiNMIMWMMniMM ?:,Ladies,;Fine Dress Skirts; - ' ' Blacks, Fancies, Greys and. Blues in r . ' the most up-to-date styles , Large' line-.', , , to select from. Bound , to please you " Lin is too large and we are - making ' " '- .' v ,('! . ' i f ' t . c; 1 ; a : j 4 , Cotton Goods Yard wide white Homespun worth 64 c, wnile it'Iasts 5c per yard. Good Yard f ,-3 Wide Bleaching, worth,-9c,,going. now 1 at X'alicoes Outihgs, Flannfelttes," W " Suitings, Drills.Tterniriess and Cheviots - at bargains. ' 3 n . - - t CLOTHING-' - .CLOf fflM-S; The good . Styles and shapeV jh Men's; f Ybuths arid -Boy's Clothing are here and." we Ti ' ' J(.' y Lalf (.f I er tl.hty-s.'x tufn ef t!.e w i'.'i ! r:t.'t ''V rt r i rvi ; t i" . ni men to V. e ! Ladies Jackets and Fine Furs f ' They are here. In many desings sad -colors in various shades. ' Others1 are being pleased, give, us . a call and i we will try and please you. - w 1 Black Mercerized Under Sknl3. 1 j . f V .. ( I -f U ( T . We are offering some . exceptioafiy , fine values just here. " Ladies are ' daily .'exclaiming "Can't see for my liJe hew - ou sell them so cheap." There is no secret about it. We are ever trying -to protect our customer s interest. - Underwear ! Undervcar ! , We bought very heavily , in Undeurear at old prices and can give best valaes All kinds and sizes to selertf rom. 1 Ji' ' , Shoes! Shoes! Hundreds of pairs io select from 'SelidJt Leather kind. '" Fine and course SlLOcs -4 LadiesV glen's, Misses'' 5bb1 !' Chi every- , ren's. . Prices that will interest ,one in need of a pair of shoes. . -.(-;(.-!! ;ate nxibus.to:serve ,yow:r Large line Over coats at lowest cash prices. '"'r '-' l''',,'fi' n r ' "n - , p. n n s'"""1 ..n-f . ana nouse rurmsii Oil AlOOdS irng "are here for you to 'see. Bed -Room ; Bureaus,1 Chairs, Tables, Cradles, Springs, Mattresses, Carpets, Rugs, Mattings and Lace Curtains. T ; ; ; Give Us a Call and Sco for Yourself I'.C It i ;w i t t t" - I r : I Tt t r m" y It I'nt to Hcod's New Drunr Store
The Kinston Free Press (Kinston, N.C.)
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Dec. 11, 1903, edition 1
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