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CANNON ATD1NQ.
"Whene'er youthful lover
His oourtlng has big gun.
Howitzer prizes him to learn
. That tts not always fan.
For Instance, when he's planned his siege,
And thinks the missile do,
The girl's distrustful parent
. Shows him a trigger two.
And as with much momentum
He down the steps doth glide,
And on the picket fence doth land,
He feels much mortar-fied.
The maiden in the meantime
Escapes into th yard.
And shrieks, with mien emotion.
My pa has Buck Petard."
The yong man thinkB it ever,
Ad, though he'll not declare it,
Concludes, since he can't ballet,
; That he will have to bear it. '
MY
SPIRITUELLE
1ER."
"SPOT-
One, two, three yes, I wad sure that
I had traced a family resemblance in
three very different faces, during the
same day, and that these faces had re
peated themselves at intervals during a
period of several days.
It happened in this wise. I was con
valescent recovering from nervous
fever, which had rendered my imagina
tive powers morbid, and so shattered
my nervous system that it was necessary
to recover it by the mildest means and
the slowest stages. I durst not walk
out, so I "was recommended to ride.
2jlueh reading, even of the lightest char
acter, was declared one of the worst
things possible for me ; so my young
friends got up private theatricals for my
benefit, and, though I was forbidden as
J-fctto take a public part jn them, it gave
me infinite amusement to aid them in
. their preparations. By degrees I be
came quite an artist in the necessities
of a successful "make-up;" could de
cide, at a glance, whether the eyebrows
required encouragement, or whether the
eyes were of a shade ib stand a narrow
but severe touch of rouge immediately
beneath them. I could tell at a single
look whether the whiteness of a false
complexion was due to flake-white, bis
muth, or alternate layers of camphor-Ice
nd powder ; and probably no one ever
answered more repeatedly the question,
"Have I too much on to-night 1" That
I became the criterion in such matters
was one of the piquant recompenses I
had for not being in a position just then
to take part in the public performances.
I have said that I was interdicted from
much walking. This drove me to the
city passenger-cars, for I could not af
ford the daily luxury of a carriage.
It is one of my idiosyncrasies
call it a weakness, if you will
that, having once got - into a track,
it ia hard to drive - me out of it.
Consequently I acquired the , habit, of
riding up and down the same city pass
enger track which one is not necessary
to particularize several times a day.
Upon one of these occasions I found
myself occupying a corner of the car
diagonal to one that was in possession
of a lovely, spirituelle blonde.
A very fair, pure blonde I And what
more exquisite sight is there on earth
than that of a white-rose-skinned, yio-
let-eyed girl, with face framed in with
rustic entanglements of light-golden 1
hair? This was the style of a beauty?
that encountered me in that passen
car, and whispered to me that my d
tiny was at hand. .
It was about 9 o'clock in the morning,
and we were alone in the car. She took
no notice of me at all, nor indeed of?
anything but the school book she held
open in her lap. I noticed that the con
ductor looked at her from time to time,
with an expression wnich might have
meant a good deal had I in the least sus
pected the truth, or met a case resem
bling it before. The young lady stopped:
. the car in the neighborhood of a large
red-brick building, which JLtook to be a
young ladies' seminary, -and got out
without betraying a consciousness of
my existence, irom which I opined that,
she was afraid of being late- for school
and didn't know her lesson.
At about-2 o'clock in the afternoon I
found myself riding up-town, in the
same car. The lack of other means of
amusement had rendered me a close ot4
server, and' consequently when the carj
stopped and a woman's-rights -looking
woman got in, apparently a spinster o
uncertain age, my looks were rivete4
upon her, and, in spite of the different
in age, attire, manner and evervthintr
which constitutes personality, I
claimed, to myself :
iii.-i.- III. T' 7
"Heavens! what a strange family r
semblance I I could-swear this woman's
rights-looking woman was the maiden
aunt of my spirituelle blonde. Thos
eyes, that nose, that chin "and therejh
upon I sank off into a retrospective revj
erie whidh lasted until I found I hafl
been driven six blooks past the paternll
residence, and reflected that the dinner
. had by that time probably grown m$
palatably lukewarm.
The mystery was not a'
an end jek
.That same evening at about 8 I took an
other ride, whioh was to last me until
. next morning. Being again the sole oc
cupant of the car, I was about to solte
the problem how great a portion of my
body could repose upon the velvet
m mw s m mm mm
ESTABLISHED I84S.
cushioned seat without an impingement of
my dusty feetr thereon, when the car
stopped. I heard th conductor ex
claim i " All right, aunty," and the
next moment there ambled in a middle-
faged woman, who seated herself, pain
fully and with heavy breathing, oppo
site. She wore a thick veil, but my
pyes were sharpened by much observa
tion, and, for the second time that day,
'I exclaimed to myself :
8 "Heavens I what a resemblance 1"
jand fell back on the old work of com
.paring eyes, chin and nose with those of
my spirituelle blonde of the morning.
I Yes; the- family resemblance was
there there was no disguising that. If
?the woman's-5ights woman had been
the spinster aunt, this woman was the
Idowager toother. Mixing with it all
there was a confusion, a mystery, a con
tradictionand defiance, which I tried in
vain to understand or remove. Why, of
hall the faces I had seen that day, these
jtnree snould nit before me, weaving
'themselves together, growing out of one
ganotherlike monstrous heads, alternat
jing each with incessant repetition, and
mingling their identities like objects re
jected in finitely in opposite, mirrors,
was the most inexplicable question of all.
I I dreamed about those faces all that
Inight. They grew out of my bed-posts ;
fthey hid themselves in the folds ?f my
mosquito net ; they sprouted from my
fneok and flashed before me like a fabled
monster, and when I woke in the morn-
i. - i.1 U 1 YA Ai-iAA m-w
appetite between them, for i certainly
had none for breakfast.
i So wearisome had grown this constant
brooding that, in despair I went to my
I doctor, andl conquering my fear of being
; laughed at, 1 stated the case.
I My doctor is an eccentric. He is not
f an old fogy; He is a young progressive,
with respect for past good, but with
k greater respect for future better. He
believes in phrenology, and he reads the
newspapers consequently ' be knows a
thing or two which more celebrated
physicians might search in their books
for in vain.
He did not laugh at me. He did not
feel my pulse. He did not ask me to
go through the farce of putting out my
tongue.; Bathe felt of my individuali-
1 ty, and then he asked me the very shV
gular question :
"Do you know what a 'spotter 'is?"
I pondered for a: few moments, and
then pensively shook my head. I was
not excessively green in city life, but I
1 did not know what a 1' spotter " was, and
so I said : i
" I thought, perhaps, I was a little
out of my head," I added. "Some
times I fancy my fever jarred me there
terribly. And I have been so haunted
by these three faces. Tou don't know '
At this point, for the first time, the
doctor interrupted me with a hearty
laugh.
"I do know all, my dear fellow," he
said, slapping me - on tho shoulder.
"Nothing's the matter there," touching
my head. "Your being haunted as
you call it, with those three taces, on the
contrary, is one of the best proofs that
you are all right. Take your customary
ride to-day. Ten chances to one but
you will encounter the same three faces.
When you do, get as olose to them as
ssible, and, if your eyes are not strong
nough, borrow a pair of eye-glasses.
Report the result of your observations
to me, and if, by that time, you don't
know what a 'spotter' ia, I will tell
you."
I rose to go, witn returned cheerful
ness.
" One word more,"- he said, ..holding
out his hand as I stood on the thresh
old. "You are not in love with your
violet-eyed blonde ?" t
"Ah! She is very beautiful," I an
swered, turning away ; " and I think I
don't know but I think 1 am in love,"
and, disappearing amid the doctor's
merry peal of laughter, I went on my
mysterious quest.
It was several days ere I called on the
doctor again. When I did so if was:
with a clear head, but a heart not alto
gether light I had pursued my investi
gations closely in the interim, and was
now going to him with the result.
And whit have you to report?'. he
asked. :
" The girl," I replied, " has genuine,
unassisted beauty, and I pity her from
the bottom of my heart 'that she is
obliged to earn her living in such a way.
Her spinster aunt is admirably got up,
but I noticed that the way she counts
is by turning down a leaf of thbook
she carries for every fresh passenger that
gets in. The old lady is : the greatest
success of all. She takes her notes by
pretending to figure her grocer's account
in a greasy blank-book. But they are all
three first-class 'spotters,' and ao their
business well."
"And pray, my friend,'' asked the
doctor, "how did you arrive I at a com
prehension of the deep significance of
that term?"; : ! ..
"My own! eager eyes : and senses in
formed me," I replied. ("You are
pretty well cured," I heard the doctor
mutter half aloud.) "A 'spotter,
usually a female, js an employe in the
secret service of a passenger railway
(ompanjb go duty if, to spot' dis
. . yv T
' , i " : ; "' 1 11 jrv. y" . . , : :'-'. -
i : PUBLISHED AT BUTHERFORDTQN, N. j EVERY FRIDAY MORNING. .
v -I 2 Ii '
A Family
honest conductors, and report them to
the directors of this j company. These
women, whom I have seen, are all 'spot
ters;' regular artists in the work."
" And how about the family resem
blance?" j
"The same face," ! I replied, "bears
an extraordinary family resemblance in
itaelf , when seen in a number of clever
disguises. I have said these women are
artists ancUdo their work well. But
there is only one woman in , the case 1
My spirituelle blonde is nothing bat a
spirituelle ' spotter, and my violet-eyed
beauty, my spinster aunt and my dow
ager mother are one and the same per
son. I brushed near her with the eye
4f a hawk. I saw the paint and patches
and powders. It is the best 'make up,'
on or off the stage,' I ever witnessed.
But I thinlr one or two of the conduc
tors, from the way they looked at her,
are a little suspicious; and I suspect my
lady wiUsoon be obliged to apofc' on
another line."
From that hour my convalescence was
rapid, and I rido less than formerly in
city passenger railway cars.
YOU CAN DO jrorfi BEST.
President Tiittle, ojf Wabash College,
closed his Baccalaureate with words of
inspiriting counsel jjto the graduating
class. ; We commend them to all young
men who may chance to .read them:
"For several years you have been
working for the honors of graduation.
As you reach the coveted goal, you meet
the crowds of the -j unemployed. The
case is not one to inspire hope. Is there
anything you can do about it? There is
something you cannot do you cannot
change the fact. In spite of your wishes,
the professions are joverorowded, or at
least seem to be. But there is something
you can do you. ' can da your best !' and
that is something. I
"Aseldct few do fit. ; Thousands do
not. We sometimes 'speak of aristocra
cies. Those based on wealth and family
are not the noblest of the class. This
aristocracy, composed of those who 'do
their best,' is the noblest. The profes
sions are not overcrowded with this sort,
but with the other. i.To be this sort of a
man. one that does his best' is as easy
as to be. a Milo, a Michael Angelo, or a
JPaul. Do you grant it? What then?
This. In that difficult but splendid per
sonal trait (if you have it) you have the
strong presumption I had almost said
prophecy of success. The man who
'does his best' has a passport, sealed
with the King's signet, to some worThy
field. There certainly is a place some
where for such a man."
STAINED GLASS,
In 1370 there was celebrated at
Tegernsee, Bavaria,the 900th anniver
sary of the stained-glass factory there.
For a period, a dark age in art, the
method of staining! was lost, and its
revival is thus explained. An English
man, bargaining at Nuremburg early in
this century for some fragments of old
stained glass, remarked before one Sieg
mund Frank, a cabinet varnisher that
there was a fortune for any one who
could revive the lost art. Frank took
the hint, and got the sympathy of the
Government. In 1845 an establishment
was opened at Munich, under Mr.
Ainmuller, who had been associated
with Frank, which ''I has become world
famous. Within repent years England
has rivaled Munichjin this art industry.
SWISS GIBL& HAIR' .
Thousands of girls in Switzerland,
Germany and Norway devote themselves
to the cultivation ofj! their hair as reso
lutely as a farmer does his crops. Once
a year the merchant, very often an old
woman, arrives in the village, and a
brisk trade is carried on. The Swiss
girls make the most, as nature has be
stowed on them an Abundant crop of the
blonde color, which; is hardest of all to
obtain, and the climate is evidently pro
pitious to its growth The price ob
tained depends on the length of the re
dundant tresses ; hair eight inches long
is worth 25 cents an ounce, while that
thirty-six inches in length will bring the
fortunate jfessessor $8 announce, and in
cases of exceptional beauty, and thick
ness even $35 an ounce may be realized.
, i :
A number of years ago a rich man, as
eccentric as he was! benevolent, died in
Philadelphia, leaving a will, in which he
laid a solemn injunction upon his child
ren that so long jas they lived they
should see the old year out and the new
year in at the foot of , his coffin. The
children are scattered through many
States, from Vermont to Nebraska, but
they never violato their father's injunc
tion, and last New Year, a few moments
before midnight, they assembled, as
usual, in the family vault in Laurel Hill
Cemetery. , Four of those upon whom
this grim necessity was laid are dead,
and the survivors constitute a strange
and mournful grotip as they carry on
their father's solemn behest.
Dubino the year 1 just closed one
house in Boston sent to Jreland 14,615
drafts, amounting to $190500. Not one
of the number exceeded 10, and very
few reached that value. The same house
sold 1,311 passage tickets, the value of
whieh was 35,0011 Nine-tenths of the
money was sent by girls, principally
inmcatimL . 1;
. I - . I -V, . T -- . . .-i .- i - i-
v i i
ty vy V
Jfewsfapfer; Devefoi floml Interests and
Tub saciczb Ax.tr ats to xmb swirr.
Nigh,t in a great city. fThe wind
surged and moaned with ml mournful
cadence through the leafless Itrees that
stood like gaunt specters of the night,
ever and anon bending low their with
ered trunks and great black branehes as
in mute appeal to the storm king to
not prostrate them forever with his cold,
merciless breath. -AV I f
Adown a street where gleamed the
bright lights of wine; bibber' haunts,
and the baleful glare of .the;; oyster sa-
oon fell upon the adewalkka young
man strode with quJok, neyyous step
and a wistful, haunting; look n his eye.
At a corner where the crowd i of eaerer.
jostling pedestrians - was tHiokest he
paused and looked anxiously around.
The soft, low tinkle of a bell was heard.
Clasping a bruised nickel
in his
left
hand, the young man steppll briskly
or ward, saying softly tohimejf : "My
heart has not deceived me pi am in
time." : if
Adelbert Quirk had caugbff the semi-
weekly car on Van Bren street.
In the elegantly-furnished jp&rlor of a
handsome residence, a tall anE radiantly-beautiful
girl sat silently in front of a
grate fire, the flames -from which leaped
lignuy up me emmney ana cast a ruddy
glow on "all that came within the range
of their lambent "beams, i Cleopatra
McGuire was the only: daughter of a
father who fairly iqolized the proud
beauty who presided over his "household
with such stately grae his wie having
fallen into a wash-tub; and beeM drowned
within two years of their marriage.
"Which shall I choose ?ff said the
girl, in soft, mellow tones. Shall it be
the strong-limbed Rupert with his proud
Saron pedigree, or Adalbert, ijrho would
deck his bride in jewejs f Myheart tells
me that, with Rupert ever by my side
life would always (eem "a? pleasant
dream. I love him srith a iwild, pas
sionate' devotion tha:time cah never
change. But Adelbert; is richf and pow
erful; As his wife I shouldJ shine in
society. Oh, me ! Which sbll it be ?"
Suddenly rising from theu "fauteuil,
she said : "I have decided! To him
who gets here first? this l evening "will I
plight my troth. Fate qhall decide."
- ?
The Van Buren street car as slowly
wending its way westward!!, On the
sidewalk came with firm treaxi ' a sunny
haired young man Rupert JGilhooley.
Suddenly there fell upon the air the
clangor of a bell. Rupert broke into a
run. The bridge began to ppen. He
succeeded in getting racrossj , The car
did not. In the rear left-hand corner of
that car sat Adelbert Quirk. -;
Fate had begun work, j p
jf
After crossing the bridge Rupert did
not slacken his pace, and was soon well
toward the end of his journey, when the
pitiful crying of a chid attracted his
attention. He stopped; and, finding
that the little waif had i lot' its way,
waited patiently till a'olicejnan came
ap, unto whose care he coafided th
wanderer. SIP f I-.
By this time the bridge was closed,
and the car was thundering h its way,
the horses lashed into - their, best speed
by the driver, who was. anxious to make
up for lost time. Justas ifupert gave
the child to the policeman th ear caught
up with him. He hadbut half a mile
to go. Walking leisurely along, he
reached the residence! of Stnyvesant
McGuire, and as the door opened Cleo
patra fell into his arms withl J glad cry.
"Fate has brought you me, my
darling," she said. 'VXou iust never
leave me again." : , lc
An hour later the door-bell rang, and
Adelbert Quirk was iinforned by the
hired girl that Miss McGuire was not at
home. 'ilt'
Rupert had outwalked the horse-car.-
Cliicago Tribune. ',
In a recent lecture Congressman (Sun
set) Cox says that while : he was on the
Nile, the boatmen, who wre devout
Mohammedans, would lose tKeir reckon
ing, and, not knowing the points of com
pass, would not know in -what direction
Mecca lay, toward which jiihey must
turn their faces in prayer. !j Having a
compass with him, Mr; -Co -good-naturedly
corrected their bearing for them,
and not infrequently had tthe honor of
running a Moslem prayer meeting. They
always passed, of course,' a vote of
thanks for the able manner in which he
conducted their religious services. If
he had wanted it they would;: probably
have made a dervish of him. H
i
. 21
AiiEBicAN pork men have discovered a
new wrinkle in the way; of handling pork
in Europe. They say there is'an unusu
ally heavy demand for pork just now, the
orders coming from Eng?lanc& At Liver
pool the meat is repacked Awitfi English
brands, and in this condition nds ready
sale in France and Qren-many. When
asked how this could be, in the face of
legal prohibition, a leading, operator
said : "It has been established by scien
tific experts that on English s brand on
American pork will knpok'thp trichinae
higher than Gilderoy's kite."i
i i iVr
Th lehow uisdt- a ld blU wheii he
ly
Seieral Jews
It seems impossible for Senators to
make speeches any more. They are im
pelled by some horrible and resistless
force to write essays. The idea! that
any one can be convinced by a speech has
gone out of fashion. "1
The essays are intended for publication
in the newspapers and the Record, in
order that the author's constituents may
know that he remains true to his prin
ciples." Many vigorous men hav been
deluded into adopting the vicious habit.
Even Blaine was gradually becoming a
captive, and his best friends were wish
ing that he could be taken back into the
House by some fortunate freak of ;: pon
tics, in order that he might again as
sume his place among the strong men of
Congress. f
The absence of Conkling leaves Ed
munds about the only strong man on
either side who has enough confidence
in himself to get on his legs and talk an
hour or two as though he really! were
talking to the Senate and not to the
country. The loss of Conkling is a sad
one in this respect. He oertainly added
to the vigor of the Senate, and visitors
to the gallery, who all dislike written
speeohes, will miss the entertainment
which the New York Senator was accus
tomed to provide for them. Even Beck
has fallen into the practice, and reads
his speeches. It is impossible for 'him,
however, to suppress his zealous Scotch
nature, and it is very funny to see him
bouncing up and down and gesticulating
with his clenched fist, while he is bent
almost double in the attempt to decipher
his manuscript. Beck can not help the
gesticulation, but he can help the manu
script, and he ought to throw it away.
At present his performances are ! very
much like those of the dumb orator. A
placid man, in whose face there is ho ex
pression (because nothing is in vier bul
the face and top of his head) and whose
eye can not be seen, utters the word tQ
the accompaniment of poundings and
contortions that apparently have no
connection whatever with the speakerj
It don't dq to have a gentleman get ex
cited over manusoript that he can not
read very well. I f
Imagine a man leaning down so that
his head almost touches his desk, -wetting
his thumb and tearing over page after
page to find the lost one in which is writ-5
ten the sentence he had begun, while all
the while the disengaged hand, closely ;
clenched, is pounding the circumam
bient air. " I say, sir, etc, etc say,
sir, etc, etc. Sir, I say, etc., etc.";
Why do Senators who are members of
this legislative body, fir the purpose, j;
presumably, of attending to the public,
business, waste themselves in this ab-j
surd way ? Senator Vest was just saved
by timely advice from abandoning ora
tory to become an essayist. He had an.
nounced his intention of making a
speech on a certain morning, and then,
for the first time in his life, wrote out
what he had to, say.. He privately con
fessed afterward that, though the essay
was a charming piece of literary work,
it would have been a dead failure. Some
Senator who happened to know the Mis
souri Senator's gift for speaking, passed
behind his desk and noticed the fhuge
pile of manuscript. 4r,
" Vest, are you going to be such a'; fool f
as to read your speech ? " said he. j '
" Well, I find it's the custom," ; an
swered Vest, " and I don't want to insult
the Senate by breaking into the estab
lished order of things. .j
"Custom be blowed," said the -rude
but wise man; "give me that manu
script, and then stand up on your legs
and talk to 'em like a man." Upon. this
the other Senator snatched up Vest's
manuscript and carried it off, ldaving '
the Missourian to make an extemporane
ous speech. ; :
" Was it as good as the written! onef
Senator?"
" A sight better," was the confession,
TIT t 1 7 Jl
A prominent hotel on Pennsylvania
avenue, Washington, sold over its bar,
during the past year, 840 barrels of
whisky, averaging forty gallons to the
barrel and eighty drinks to the gallon.!
It aggregated 1,088,000 drinks! .This
may, to some extent, account for th
brilliant Congressional speeches which
electriy our country constituents
through the columns of the Congres
sional Record. "Old Rye" stimulataa
statesmanship, and makes the most pro
found old political oracles profuse in
their exordiums and perorations. P f ;
In the Century for December, j Dr.
Bliss says - of Garfield's fortitude :
" Neither on the day of the dastardly
act, nor during the long history of ; sor
row, agony and death, did he manifest
by word or look aught but thankfulness
for attention, and'kind consideration for
all about him. I may safely say that I
do not believe a physician ever had such
a patient before. . His calm obedience
and cool courage would possibly have
secured recovery without scientific aid,!
had not the injury, as we now know,;
been fatal from the first." j J
Some men's noses are like some books ;
the more immoral they are the more
red they are, '
WW
IT
TERMS $2.00 Per Abiu.
TUB UPAS TREE.
No tree has been the subject of so
many ridiculous fables as the upas, and
till quite lately they were popularly be
lieved. On the faith of a Dutch but
geon named Foersche, it was related
that the upas flowed from a unique and
singular tree, which vegetated in the
midst of a frightful solitude in Java;
"the valley of death." According to
this traveler, no living creature could
resist the poisonous vapors which it ex
haled, and for three or four leagues
around only dead bodies and skeletons
of men and animals were to be met with.
The birds themselves which ventured
into the surrounding air fell to the
ground as if struck by lightning. Crim
inals consigned to capital punishment
alone essayed the task of wresting its in
fernal produce from the tree. Many
tried the perilous journey, but very, few
returned from it.
We owe the refutation of this fabulous
narrative to Leschenault, a recent Frenoh
traveler. This traveler noticed that the
famous poison is furnished by two spe
cies of trees which grow amid the forests
of Java. So far from exercising a dele
terious influence upon all that surrounds
them, they are encompassed by a luxu
rious vegetation, while birds, lizards
and - insects lend animation 'to their
boughs and foliage. The- learned
Frenchman, while examining one. of
these trees, which he had cut down, had
his face and hands covered with exuda
tion flowing from the broken branches,
yet he experienced no bad effects. But
when the upas juice is introduced by
means of a punoture, the effect is rapid
ly fatal. Eight drops injected into the
veins of a horse will kill it directly.
The story of the "valley of death,"
probably, had its origin in the fact that
there was some locality in this volcanic
country where carbonic-acid gas poured
out from a crack in the earth hj such
quantities as to produce the fatal effects
attributed to the tree. The native Ja
vans use the juice as an arrow poison,
prepared much the same as the South
Americans make their woorark, with
which their blow-gun arrows are enven
omed. The upas tree belongs to the
bread-fruit family, and grows, in a beau
tiful symmetrical shape, to the height of
100 feet or more.
: A WONDERFUL COW.
In view of the fact that there is at
present a general revival of interest in
everything pertaining to the dairy and
its products, the following from an ex
change will be interesting to butter
makens :
The American trotter is of rcent ori
gin, and, during the lifetime of compara
tively young men now living, has re
duced the record from 2:30 to about
2:10 per mile, or nearly twenty seconds,
or, as our business men would say, over
8 per cent.
This spirit of progress has nt been
confined to the breeding and training of
roadster horses, but American breeders
of dairy cattle have made equally as
creditable a record; and if breeders on
the other side of the Atlantio have made
careful tests that will compare with the
following we should like to publish their
records : 5 4
The best yearly butter record is that
of Eurotas 2,454, owned by A, B. Dar
ling, of Ramsey, N. J. During the
test of Eurotas 2,454, which occupied
eleven months and six days (ending Oct
15, 1880), Bhe made 778 pounds of but
ter from 7,525 pounds of milk, averaging
one pound of butter from less than ten
pounds of milk. In the month of June,
1880, she made eighty-eight pounds of
butter. The monthly record of Eurotas
2,454 has been exceeded by Lady Mell
second 1,795, owned by Charles F. Mills,
of Springfield, HI. Lady Mell second
1,795 dropped her calf in March, and
her milk was kept separate, and the
cream therefrom churned by itself, from
the 15th day of April to the 15th day of
Jane (sixty-one days), during which
period her cream produced 183 pounds
of butter ninety pounds of butter per
month of thirty , days twenty-one
pounds per week, or three pounds per
day. Lady Mell second 1,795 was 5
years old when the test was made, and
gave during the trial . an average of
eighteen quarts of - milk per day. The
best weekly yields of the above-named
cows have been exceeded by Jersey Belle
of Scituate 7,828, now dead. This cow
has a well-authenticated record of
twenty-five pounds and two ounces in
one week. The three cows above
named have the best yearly, monthly
and weekly butter records, and we con
fidently expect, at no late date, that the
records will be improved. Perform
ances, and not fancy points, are the
essential matters that attract the atten
tion of the practical Jersey breeder of
4he day, who first inquires as to the
number : of fourteen to twenty-pound
cows in the pedigree of the sire or dam
that he wishes to purchase.
In Rochester is a ourlous contrivance
for mamtaining even temperature in a
store. A thermostat, connected with a
thermometer and clock-work, regulates,
with the aid of electricity, the damper
of a furnace in such way that the ten
perature can be kept at any degree d
ilxed and without vuiaUon. ' '
Quarter!?.' HemUAnnnsl or Tearli inn
tracts will be made on liberal terms.
Obituaries and Tributes of respect
charged for at advertising rates.
No communications will be published uns
less accompanied by the full name and ads
dress of the writer. These are not requested
ior puDiicanon, Dut as a guarantee of good
faith.
Ail communications for the piper, and
business letters, should be addressed to
THE BANNER,
Rutherfordton, N. C
PIlEA. sjlntkies.
LUTES OR A PliTJMBffia,
Host modest of men is the plumber
No liysl has he Bare the dxumber ;
Though the world e'er maligna,
Vet he neve repigns,
And thrlTeth in winter and sumber.
Qiye him but aa order to plumb,
And bis bill straightway reaches a sxunb
That depletes your exchequer
Would equip a three-dequer
And makes you most awfully gramb.
Pabapxts Twins.
Neveb known to get tired Outstand
ing debts.
Nor suitable for a clothes line A
iqrd of wood.
Bound to make a man cross Getting
to the other side of the street. .
Ambitious man "Is there any fixed
rule for writing poetry ? " There is.
Don't.
Landlubbers " double the horn " oft
ener than sailors do, and yet the latter
come up groggy.
When you are unable to purchase a
jet of scales on credit, bear in mind that
"cash takes the balance."
It rains alike on the just and the uu
just and on the just mainly because
the unjust have borrowed their umbrel
las. One can't be too careful with firearms.
A boy carried a pistol in his coat-pock
st, and one day, while ha was in swim
ming, the pistol unexpectedly went off.
He has no suspicions as to who took it.
Teh manner in which Connecticut
courts and juries are run has provoked
criticism from every State in the. Union.
A man who commits murder in that State
has got to own it and prove it before a
jury will believe it.
A gentleman was complaining that
lie had invested a large sum of money
in Wall street and lost it. A sympa
thizing - friend asked him whether he
had been a bull or a bear ; to which he
replied : " Neither ; I was a jackass 1"
College Professor "Can we see an
Intangible object?" Pupil "Yes, air."
Professor "Eh? What do you mean?
Cite your authorities." Pupil "Shak
speare, sir. See Hamlet's advice to the
players when he speaks of those who
saw the air."
Reading a list of the names of candi
dates for the General Court, one gentle
man asked another, "Ben, who is this
man? I don't seem to recall him to
mind." "Why," replied Ben, " you
know him. He goes to our church, but
he never comes." .
' 4 Is these any opening here for an in
tellectual writer?" asked a seedy, red
nosed individual of an editor. V Yes,
my friend," replied the man of quills,
"a considerate carpenter, foreseeing
your visit, left an opening for you.
Turn the knob to the right."
Pbopessob (to student) "You wish me '
to giVe you a recommendation? I don't
remember ever having seen you at any
of my lectures." Student "Ah; Profes
sor, you evidently confound me with
another man who looks very much like
me, and who, it is true, has never at
tended your lectures." Professor "Yes,
yes, very likely.', (Gives him the
recommendation.)
No tidings have been received of Mr.
Powell, the member of Parliament who
recently made a balloon ascension in
Ehglad,and.to the horrorof the specta
tors, floated out over the sea. There
have been several instances wh'ere men
who.have approached a similar fate have
been rescued, but almost all hope of his
safety has been abandoned. In 1874
two5 French aeronauts, M. Durouf and
his wife, were carried out to sea from near
Calais, and. were not heard of for four
days, when they were landed at Great
Grimsby by a North Sea fishing smack,
which had rescued them after they had
given themselves up for lost; and a man
named Saddler, whose balloon was
blown out over the Irish channel twenty
years ago, was . rescued by a sloop.
Drowning is one of the great dangers an
aeronaut runs the risk of, if he ascends in
the vicinity of a large body of water.
Thirty years ago the body of an Italian
who went up from Copenhagen was found
washed ashore' on a small island on the
coast, and the ease of Mr. Donaldson,
who was drowned in Lake Miohigan,will
be remembered.
It is a fact of remarkable interest that
during the year nearly half a million
European immigrants have landed at
the single port of New York. Nearly
200,000 of these came from the German
empire, which is fast getting rid of the
very best of its laboring people. All of
these iiomigrants bring more or less
money ; most of them are hard wprkers,
who will contribute by then- laoor v xne
wealth of the country, and the great
mass of them are honest folk, out of
whom American citizens of an excellent
kind can be made within the course of
a few years.
Con. Fobnet made no publio be
quests, but instructed his executors to
endeavor to secure repayment by the
Government of $49,000 paid outwnue
Secretary of the Senate on aocount of
, th defalcation, of a guboroiaaw.
f- -
S i