Newspapers / Hickory Democrat (Hickory, N.C.) / May 2, 1895, edition 1 / Page 6
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6 BILL am . .NIUOTLXE SOME ADVICE TO THOSE VHO USE THE SEDUCTIVE WEED. lie Doc ot Think 3Ilaionaric ShonlJ Stop SnioUins .Jast to Please Some Epi curean Cannibal Uailier Ict Tbem In dnlfire. Copyright. 1S3C by Edgar V. Nyc.J "Died. Yesterday at bis residence oa Montgomery avenne, Shako Rap, N. CL, after a lingering illness, brought on by the excessive nso of tobacco, Cicero Ledbetter, hnsband of Mary Ellen Led better, 18 Ella Margaret Ledbetter, 1851, 'Viola IIopo Ledbetter, ISo.'J, Realization Ledbetter, 1 805, andPomme d'Terre Ledbetter, 1871, aged 109 years, 6 mouths iind 11 days. Funeral private. Relatives e,f bis late wives are cordially invited. "Ha our husband went away After nuch a lengthy stay? Yes. he's found the land he sought. And h knoweth what is what. For, to matter what he did. Now he knoweth quid est quid." The above notice tells its oven sad tale. Such truths as these come home to usvpith crushing force. They say in lan guage which cannot bo misunderstood. Beware of tobacco, tea, coffee, choca late, eta, or some day you will be a corpse. I am glad to notice on tbepart of the friends of humanity a strong effort to encourage those who wish to quit the use of tobacco. To break off the use of this weed is one of the most agreeable methods of relaxation. I have tried it a great many times, and I can safely say that it has afforded mo tho deepest joy. To violently reform and cast away the weed ami at the end of a week to find a good cigar unexpectedly in the quiet, unostentatious pocket of an old vest affords the most intense and de lirious delight. Scientists tell us that a singlo drop of the concentrated oil of tobacco on tho tongue of an adult dog is fatal. I have no doubt about tho truth or cohesive power of this statement, and for that reason I have always been opposed to the general use of tobacco or esoteric re search among dogs. Dogs should shun the concentrated oil of tobacco, especial ly if longevity bo any object to them. Neither would I advise a man. with ca nine tendencies to use the concentrated oil of tobacco as a sozodont. To those who may feel that way about tobacco I would er.y shun it by all means, shun it as yon would tho deadly upas.treo or the still moro deadly whiffietreo of tho tropics. In what I may say under this head please bear in mind that 1 do not refer to the cigarette. I am now confining my remarks cntiroly to tho subject of to bacco. Tho uso of the cigarette is, in fact, beneficial in soaio ways, and no pest honso should try to get along without it. It is said that it is very popular in the orient, especially in the lazar bouses, where otherwise lifo would become very monotonous. Mcst all the lepers in tho orient, especially social lepers, uso the cigarette'. Scientists who have been unable to successfully uso tobacco, and who there fore have given their whole lives and tho use of their microscopes to the investiga tion of its horrors, say that cannibals will not eat the flesh of tobacco using human beings. And yet we say to our missionaries, 'No man can bo a Christian and use tobacco." I say, and I say it, too, with all that depth of feeling which has always char acterized my earnest utterances, that in this we aro committing a great error. What have tho cannibals ever done for us as a people that we should avoid tho uso of tobacco in order that wo may sit well on their ungodly stomachs? In what way have they sought to amelio rate our condition in life that we should strivo even in death to tickle their palates? Look at tho history of the cannibal for past ages. Read carefully his record, and you will sec that it has been the his- FINDING A GOOD CIGAR. toxy of a selfish race. Cast your eye back over your shoulder for a century, and what do you fiud to bo the condition of the cannibalist? A new missionary has landed a few weeks previous perhaps, A little group -5? ft S ill i4 r. HICKOin P has gathered about on the beach beneath a tropical tree. Representative cannibals from adjoining islands are present. The odor of sanctity pervades the air. The chief sits beneath a new umbrella looking at the pictures in a large Dore Bible, A good plug hat is hanging on a treo near by. An empty bottle marked "Pectoral" is lying at his feet. Turning toCbauncey M. Tct Loo, who sits on his right, the .chief asks if he will have soni of the light or some of the dark. That is all. Far away in England the paper con tains the following personal: "Wanted. A young mu to go as missionary to fill vacancy in one of the cannibal isles, llo must fully under stand the appetites and tastes of .bis parish, mart be able to reach their in ner natures at onre, mast seek to agreo with them and mnft not uso tobacco. One of these islands has been depopu lated by the use of a missionary who used tobacco. Communicate by letter or in person at once, as tho cannibals have been out of a missionary for three weeks and subsisting on huckleberries and old people." Is it strange that under theso circum stances those who have recently gone thero to aid In tho spread of tho gospel :6 SCENK IX THE CANNIBAL ISLANDS. have sought to accustom themselves to a peculiarly "pungent and searching brand of tobacco? I wot not. To mo tho statement that tobacco tainted human flesh is offensivo to the cannibal does not come like a deluge of Sad. Perhaps I am iJGt so fond of my fel low man as tho cannibal brother is. I know that I am selfish in this regard, and I uso tobacco some, so the cannibal brother, if. ho should wish to polish off my-wishbone while I am engaged in spreading the gospel, must take me as he finds me. Do I ask the cannibal to break off the uso of missionaries who havo a brim stone flavor, so that I can havo canni bal pie or heathen chops to suit me? No, a thousand times no! Let tho cannibal flavor his sirloin to suit himself. I'd like it, of course, if ho would subsist moro on anarchists and less on human beings, but ho must suit his own taste in those matters. My own idea would bo to send to those people a class of men with tho good tid ings in one hand and a plug of navy in tho other, so full of their theme and nic otine that this great Caucasian chow der would cause such weeping and wail ing and gnashing of teeth and such re gret and remcrso and repentence and such gastric upheavals that it would be as unsafe to eat a missionary as it would to eat a dish of philauthropical ice cream made for tho children of tho poor. Advice From a Frenchman. A gentleman in England made an adaptation of a French play aud forgot to submit it to E. F. S. Piggott, tho late censor. Consequently at the last mo ment tho license was refused. The adapter hurried up to London to argue with Piggott, who was not to bo trifled with. Ho thought tho piece highly im proper and refused to sanction its pro duction. "But," said the gentleman, "my wife, who has never seen the French original, has read my play and consid ers it a most interesting and unusual work." "Then," said Mr. Piggott, ending the interview, "if I were in your place, I would give up adapting French plays, go straight home and keep an eyo on my wife.' New York World. Tho Way lie Rfuonrd. "This doesn't look like Cambridge," said a lady passenger in a car, peering through the windows into Chelsea square. "No, ma'am," replied tbo ur bane conductor, "this is Chelsea. "Well, how came I to take this car?" "I don't know, but suppos-3 it was because it had 'Chelsea on both dashers, 'Chelsea and Boston on both sides and 'Wash ington Avenue on thereof sign. Exit the lady. Boston Transcript. A to Hi Own Knowledge. "Banks,- said Rivers, "speaking about tho finances, isn't thero what yon call a 'better feeling now?" "No, Rivers, replied Banks, absent mindedly exploring his vest pocket with his thumb and finger. "There is no improvement in the feeling.' Chi cago Tribune, 11 A Y 2, HARD WORK. Dot the Tramp Had to Get III Dally ISread. The tramp slipped over the garden wall and cautiously approached the kitchen door. Pausing a moment before it, he knocked timidly, and on the in stant the cook appeared. "Well," she asked, with vehemence, "what do you want?" "Moro than is dreamt of in your phi losophy, Horatio,' he replied in softest cadence. "My name isn't Horatio," she said, with a cold stare. "Nor yet again, I fancy, ho mur mured, "is it Trilby, nor even Sweet Maria" "I said, 'What do yon want? ' she replied to this, "And I said, 'More than in dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio, ' hecroon e'd to her, "bat what I really want is something to eat." "How would a cake of soap strike you?" she sneered. ' "Inasmuch as yon are a vroman," he smiled, "it you threw it at me, it wouldn't etxiko me at all. ' "Well, don:t be gay,' she cautioned him. "Do I look like an object of gayety?" ho asked as he surveyed hi9 ragged ha biliments with an eyo of sadness. "Aro you much hungry?" she asked in a kinder tone. "Oh, I am not bo hungry as I maybe this timo next week, if all the ladies I meet are m cruel as you are," he said languorously. "I nnpposo tho ladies break their necks waiting on you," sho said, with great irony. "No," ho answered in a reminiscent voice, "I can't recall that any of them ever broke anything except their hearts, and that wasn't waiting on mo." "No, you don't say?" sho grinned. "No," ho twittered, "it was waiting for me. " "I like that,' she said. "They didn't," ho answered. "Now, lcok here," sho began in an other key, "how would a barrel of champagne and a washtubful of terra pin fit your case?" "Well, really,' ho admitted, "it hadn't occurred to me at all. This ain't heaven." Then cho went i:i and brought him out a platter cf pie, and as he sat down on the step to" eat it he murmured to him self, "And still they say wo don't have to work for our daily bread." Detroit Free Press. Uuklud. Oar Miuor Poet I believe I should enjoy my holidays much moro if I went incognito. Friend Travel under your nom de plume, old man! Didn't Liko tlie Anthem. Fifty years ago tho Presbyterians of Scotland insisted that the service of praise should bo expressed by singing to plain, simple tunes the Psalms of David in "Rouso's Version," or in "meter." This custom, which maybe regarded ns a precept of worship, ex plains the following anecdote: An old Scotch lady who had no rel ish for modern church music was ex pressing her dislike to the singing of an anthem in her own church one day, when a neighbor said: "Why, that is a very old anthem! David sang that anthem to Saul." To this tho old lady replied, "Weel, weel! I noo for the first time understan why Saul threw his javelin at David when the lad sang for him." Youth's Companion. 1 A Question of Expense "How will yon have your eggs cook ed?" asked tho waiter. "Make any difference in tho cost of em?" inquired tho cautious customer with the brimless hat and faded beard. "No." "Then cook em with a nice slice o ham," said the customer, greatly re lieved. Chicago Tribune. Try Again. Mrs, Plankington I sewed the but tons on your trousers, so you can go away easy in your mind. Plankington You had better sew them cn over again, my dear. I am go ing to be away a day longer than I ex pected. Clothier and Furnisher. Extreme Treatment. Mrs. McSwat If yocr head aches, dear, youd better soak your feet. Mr. McSwat What good do you sup pose that will do, Lobelia? When there's anything tho matter twith my feet I don't go and soak n?y head, da I? Chicago Tribune. lc95 The Knliac IaIon. The romnc young clerk in the dry goods emporium had fallen profoundly in love, and every day was a dream of delight to him, and every night was an opalescent fantasy. It is so often that way with the young before marriage. - He had wafted in the residue of his salary on such condiments for tho sweet object of his hopes as tho season afforded and thought, after several weeks of this lavish liberality, that he had quite identified himself with all her future interests. He wasn't sure, however, so on this evening he was . to make a test cf it. Everything, as far as ho could see, be ing favorable when he arrived at her domicile, he at enco threw himself for ward by platoons, and in an impassion ed onslaught told her what he thought of her, and, oh, how fondly and truly he loved her, and how he could conceal nothing from her of all his great feel ing for her. "Oh, Mr. Gingham," she replied, "l am so sorry that 1 cannot reciprocate your feeling fcr mo, but it is impossi ble, and I am sure if I had thought you were going to say those things to me I should havo insisted that you kept them concealed from this painful exposure," Tho romantic young clerk gasped and gagged. It was so unexpected, but he recovered himself quickly. "Oh, don't mention it," he respond ed as he gathered himself together into his old timo self onco mora "Don't mention it, I pray. It's no trouble, I as suro you, to ehow goods. Is there any thing else today?" And for a month after ho thought his Adam's applo was a watermelon, such a lump thero was in his throat. De troit Free Press. All Free. Those who have used Dr. King's New Discovery know its value, and those who have not, have now the op portunity to try it Free. Call on the advertised Druggist and get a Trial Bottle, Free. Send your name and ad dress to 11. E. Bueklen & Co., Chica go, and get a sample box of Dr. King's New Life Pills Free, as well as a copy of Guide to Health and Household In structor, Free. All of which is guar anteed to do you good aud cost you nothing. For sale at O. M. Royster's Drug Store and G. A. Norman's Drug Store. 4 Pre rail in sr. Nawvice I don't quite understand football and couldn't follow the game very well. How can I distinguish tho defeated team? I mean, what are theii colors? Freshmanne Er black and blue, Tit-Bit A Strong Fortification. Fortify the body against disease by Tutt's Liver Pills, an abso lute cure for sick headache, dys pepsia, sour stomach, malaria, constipation, jaundice, bilious ness and all kindred troubles. "The FlyWheel of Life" Dr. Tutt; Your Liver Pills arc the fly-wheel of life. I shall ever be grateful for the accident that brought them to my notice. I feel as if I had a new lease of life. J. Fairleigh, Platte Cannon, Col. .Tutt's Livpr Pills A Ir.'soner In a llarry. Judge (to prisoner) Have you any thing more to say? Prisoner No my lord; only I would ask you to be quick, please, as it is near tho dinner hour, and if I am to go to prison I should liko to get there in time for tbo soup. Petit Francai3 Illustro. Deferring to Her Ideas. Miss Budd But yon must not expect a girl to accept the very first offer she gets, Mr. Gaskett. Mr. Gaskett Well, Miss Budd, I'll offer myself every day for a week if you'll promise to accept me at the end of that time. Dotroit Free Press. Acsravated Into It. Mrs.x Smallwort I have to have a pair of shoes. I guess those kind that you can get for 2.48 will da Mr. Smallwort Those kind? Mrs. Smallwort Oh, very welL I'll take that kind that costs $7.49 then. Cincinnati Tribune. UiiSEMS PAIH-IKSURES SAFETY fc LIFE ci BOTHER and GHILD. . My wife,after having used .Iother - r tend, passed through tho ordeal with Jitt!o pairj,Tras stronger in one hcur thin in a week after tho birth of hz former child. J. J. McGoldhick, Beans Sta., Term. Tlftther0 Friend rotbi paha of Its t-rrr r Jonned labor. 1 Laro the hc<iLl child IcTer uv. Mas. L- If. ArrntT, Cocbrsn, Gx. rnt ty express, charge rrrpaH, on rrcclrt cf TTl Ir bottle. Coo -To Mother." Tor w?E"F"? RZ-VUkTCR CO., Collector It appears from these j ures that your income amounts to ti 000.50. tv Taxpayer That's the way I figj ft Collector Um er ah urn Tax ; payer (interrupting) Can you giveta j change for a cent? Detroit Free Pre j Too Much. I Miss Newera I don't see you hang. ' ing about the Pilliken mansion any j more. ; Miss Ncwage Ka Pilliken pere ! secmea too anxious xo snow off the . ! tractions of tho fair young Alfred. D. liver me from those matchmaking pa pas! Chicago Tribune. Culpable. "That blamed lauudryznan is getting these collars and cuffs terribly mixed up." "What's the matter?" "They all have the same name mark ed on them." Chicago Inter Ocean. BEGixxixG early i) is half the Lai tic Don't wait y lor your cou.a to run into Cua V Xsumpiion. ihfie s alweva dan. Vthis disease are all around voo. Tj!' All that tbsy want is an inact ivc Ler and the scrofulota i condition that follows it, tod. J velop them. You uecd Dr. Pierce's Golden ) Mptlical Discovcrv. v fA ( i thoroughly purify your Wood, if 1 build up sound, firm, honest L?L? flcsb, and mako every weak spot strong. It's a certain remedy for the earlar stages of Consumption. CnmiiJxU. Ohio. Du. It- V. Pirncr: Dear fir-Two of our beet doctors pronounce! my c:iw consump. tion. I spc.it ncarir $0fiJ-'aml w no brttrr. I concluiiol to try the "(idlrtni Mi-dical Di cover." I boii-rnt eight hottk-m and I cm now sav with truth th::t I feel Just ns well to day as I did nt twentj-flve, and can do justa good a day's work on tho farm, although I ha4 not done any work for several years. I fm you all the thanks. 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Hickory Democrat (Hickory, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
May 2, 1895, edition 1
6
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