12
Thursday, January 12,1995
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Kelly Ryan EDITOR
World Wide Web Electronic Edition:
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j**t Established 1893
BHfl 101 Years of Editorial Freedom
No Room for Mercenaries
And UNC’s No. 1 draft pick is ...
Once again the issue of paying college ath
letes has come to the forefront of discussion in
the National Collegiate Athletic Association.
Paying student athletes would violate the
spirit of college athletics, which should empha
size education and team spirit not financial gain.
Most student athletes aren’t in it for the money,
and those who are shouldn’t be.
If there’s enough money floating around col
lege athletics to even consider paying salaries to
student athletes, the NCAA should spend it on
more scholarships and aid for hard-working
athletes, especially those in nonrevenue sports.
Last week, retired NCAA President Walter
Byers announced that he was in favor of paying
college athletes. In the past, Byers thought pay
ing athletes was a horrible idea, but recently he
had a philosophical turnaround.
Byers’ statement came in the wake of the
NCAA’s new $1.75 billion contract with CBS
and rekindled the age-old debate about pay for
play.
Advocates of paying college athletes usually
reiterate the fact that student athletes are re
quired to attend class and maintain good grades
in addition to practicing long hours. Asa result,
many athletes cannot get jobs because of con
flicting practice schedules.
Those in favor of paying students are also
quick to point out that athletes who play revenue
sports make a pretty penny for universities and
the NCAA.
The main problem with paying student ath-
BAROMETER
Free Newspapers
i The Raleigh News & Observer is giving
out free newspapers in the Pit. But
‘iSP- they're leaving out the section with the
comics. Oh well, we’ll just have to
make do with their editorial page for
laughs.
New Report Cards
jri igifc What student wants to get a report
Wr 4m carc * ' n ma '' w '^ out his entire past
academic history confronting him? If
anyone had gotten report cards in
1994, we wouldn't be so unhappy.
Newt
As history buffs, we were a little
Um YsM surprised that the Newt cared who the
historian for the U.S. House of
Representatives was. But we weren't
surprised by his heavy-handed
response when he found out that she
believed in telling both sides of history.
Durham Cops
i In one of the most inventive solutions
yet proposed for a practical problem.
i|NPP the editorial board suggests improving
public safety by making all Pizza Hut
and Domino's Pizza drivers switch jobs
with local police officers. The intended
results: fewer accidents and fewer
prank pizza orders.
Attention, Faculty and Staff
This is your final public notice.
The Daily Tar Heel is starting anew editorial feature that
will give faculty and staff members a chance to voice some
of their opinions on campus and town issues.
We would like any faculty and staff members who have a
strong opinion or unique insight to share their viewpoint in
the regular feature, which will appear every other Wednes
day on this page, in an attempt to diversify our source of
opinion and dialogue.
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% “ you'll Be AH\A7£t> AT WHAT BROUN INC, CAN
Huai with ahp srtu Keep ms j oe\"
$ -Bill y ir J
Neus g n J P.s-hirber
Hunwat Cambani* editorial PAGE EDITOR
Adam Gusman university editor
Ryan TTioraburp city editor
Jem; Heimen state l national editor
Justin Sehetf sports editor
Jon Goldberg features editor
Alison Maxwell arts/diversions editor
Peter Roybal special assignments editor
Katbryn Sberer COPY DESK EDITOR
Amy Ferguson DESIGN EDITOR
Katie Cannon photography editor
Robert Anderson graphics EDITOR
Michael Tebb editorial cartoon editor
letes is that college athletics is part of a college
education.
Paying athletes anything more than a scholar
ship would alter the educational purpose of play
ing college sports. College sports would become
a business completely unrelated to higher learn
ing.
Paying student athletes would also make col
lege sports a form of big business. There’s al
ready too much emphasis on money in college
athletics, with bowl earnings and shoe contracts
making as many headlines as team wins.
Due to an emphasis on money, students would
no longer play because they loved the game.
College sports should emphasize team work and
dedication to a craft, not money.
If the NCAA has enough money to offer
athletes a salary, it should use that money to offer
more and larger scholarships to those athletes
who need them. Many athletes who suffer, try
ing to balance a job with long practice schedules
could benefit from a scholarship that would pay
their tuition and fees.
Currently at UNC, only 298 of all the
nonrevenue athletes receive scholarships.
The NCAA should also let athletes receive
the full amount of federal assistance they are
entitled to beyond their athletic scholarships.
We all know how hard student athletes work,
and they should be rewarded for their dedica
tion.
But any compensation more than a free edu
cation would destroy the entire concept of col
lege sports, and student athletes, as we know it.
The Week’s Opinion in Review
Bowling
-mr No, not those silly football games that
Wrm" 9 et ' n ttie way th® New Year's Day
hangover. The Union bowling lanes -
they've been registered as protected
parkland by the Federal Government,
so they won't be repaired until the next
millennium.
Classes
Who needs 'em? Well, whoever does
.jjk can't get any, and whoever has some
- Jfcy doesn't want them. Go figure.
The Pit
% k * It's the place to be this week. Hell, even
P reac hers are back, telling us
smokers and fornicators how best to
? welcome in the New Year. At least
there's a place to hang out for all of us
who don't yet have a schedule.
Hillary Clinton’s Image
JL. Dear Ann:
,*** Would you please come down to the
White House to show Bill and me how
to prop up our flagging popularity?
- Wondering in Washington
Dear Wondering:
If therapy can't solve your problems, I
suggest you and your husband move to
anew house. Perhaps things will be
easier then.
-Ann
Members of the University who can shed new light on an
old issue or bring up an issue that has so far been ignored
will be especially welcome.
Faculty and staff members whose interest is piqued by
the idea of contributing a one-time column to this feature
should start to think and act now.
Anyone who is interested in writing a guest column for
this feature should contact Editorial Page Editor Thanassis
Cambanis or Editor Kelly Ryan at 962-0245.
EDITORIAL
£ CAL) WAIT AS LONG- AS YOU CAN, SON NY
I’m Not Patronizing: I’m Alumnus, Hear Me Whine
Just as the grimy, bloated swallows return to
Capistrano each spring to blanket the vil
lagers in droppings, the Carolina alumni
always come home to roost. And, ladies, I’m
one of them.
I’m not a full-fledged cultlike Ram’s Club
alumnus. I mean, I haven’t yet latched onto that
black-socks-and-sandals look, and I haven’t de
manded that the last three yards of virgin soil on
campus be paved over and made into a parking
lot for me and my all-important brethren.
But I’m gradually sinking into that pathetic
stage of existence.
Don’t worry—l haven’t done anything hor
ribly alumnicious like become a Republican.
But, truth be told, these days I rarely drink
myselfblind, and I couldn’t tell you the last time
I target-vomited. Hell, I’m even starting to floss
regularly.
Pretty soon I’ll find myself sporting a snazzy
polyblend powder blue sweater as I sit with the
wife and kids in the non-eyestrain seats of the
Dean Dome, snacking on a delightful slab of
Brie and a precocious glass of Sauvignon Blanc,
continually asking those pesky college brats in
front of us to sit down because, gosh dam it,
we’re trying to watch the game. Yeesh. If you
ever hear me debating the merits of the various
brands of fiber laxative, go ahead and kill me.
That would be an airtight case for justifiable
euthanasia if I ever heard one.
Where the hell was I?
Oh yeah. Alumni. I know you freshmen out
there are sick of being patronized by everyone
else here at Carolina, especially those venerable
sophomores who spout their gum-like morsels
of wisdom in between their keg stands because,
by God, they’ve been in the trenches and they’ve
got this college thing all figured out. Now an ex
student can be condescending. I am alumnus,
hear me whine.
And what would be a better topic for my
geezerific ranting than all these newfangled
changes in Chapel Hill.
Now, granted, there are some things you
fully expect to change, such as that forever
mutating bar beneath Tammany Hall, which
goes through new management teams and inex
plicable seafaring themes the way the Italians go
through prime ministers. Some things, how
ever, should remain as immutable as Dean
Smith’s haircut.
Case in point: Fast Fare.
Yes, I speak of that glorious oasis smack dab
in the middle of the war-tom ghetto buffer zone
Time Capsules Will Only Tell the Official History
I was sweating this morning in the SRC when
I saw the plaque on the wall marking the
location of the time capsule. This isn’t the
only time capsule buried around here, I seem to
recall; there’s another one somewhere on the
academic quad, and I can only guess at the
number that may have been put in the deep
freeze before I first set foot on this campus five
years ago.
I’ve always liked the idea of time capsules.
They have a kind of crazy little-kid optimism
about them, the kind of confidence that in grade
school kept us working on homemade space
ships and chemistry sets with the conviction that
despite all adult logic, we could, by gosh, con
tact aliens and invent a formula for invisibility,
using materials that could be found in our very
own homes.
Time capsules have the same goal: they’re
meant to conquer time and allow us to commu
nicate with future generations, just by putting
some stuff in a box and burying it.
It’s a sentimental idea, and it doesn’t make
very much sense (won’t there be plenty of non
biodegradable stuff around to look at in 50
years?), but it appeals to our sense of homemade
history.
If you accept the questionable premise that
our culture will be judged on the contents of
these carefully selected materials, you could get
pretty nervous.
Considering all the fuss about representation
going around in the political universe these
days, I’m surprised no one’s ever called for the
contents of time capsules to be decided by refer
endum. After all, what could be more important
than controlling the image we project to poster
ity?
Think about it. Today, you’re here on cam
pus with the power to write the Tar Heel and
inform our community that the University mas
cot demeans sheep. Fifty years from now, you
may be at the mercy of the University’s official
story.
These questions are complicated. Sure, any
between Chapel Hill
and Carrboro, where
any brave soul could
jaunt in order to catch
some Hostess Sno-
Balls, a bottle of
Cherry Mad Dog 20/
20, and—if you were
lucky —a stray bul
let.
Alas, butthis noble
vendor of malt bever
ages and unfiltered
©
KEVIN KRUSE
GUEST COLUMNIST
menthols has finally gone the way of its dearly
departed kin, Top of the Hill and Fowler’s Big
Bertha. I guess the gods of haute couture thought
that Fast Fare’s passing would be more than
made up for with the addition of a couple of
scenster coffehouses with hiply misspelled moni
kers like “Caffe Trio.”
Ffucking ffantasic.
Did Chapel Hill really need another vendor of
double-decaf lattes? Were there hordes of beret
bedecked artistes littering the streets, puffing on
clove cigarettes and jabbering about Ibsen?
Speaking for my fellow grad school geeks,
we’re much too busy catching up on reruns of
“Star Trek: The Next Generation” to plunk
down five bucks for a designer mug of Ultra
Mocha Java Deluxe. I mean, when Juan Valdez
is shoveling the coffee beans down your neck like
he’s fueling a Union Pacific locomotive, you
really don’t have time to stop and embrace the
aroma.
Jesus, I’m going off on tangents like Reagan
at a press conference. Sorry.
Let me retrace the trail of bread crumbs back
to my original rant.
Ahem. Now, is Caffe Trio supposed to make
up for our losing Hector’s? Sure, I’ve heard all
about the impending birth of “Hector’s II: The
Gyro Strikes Back,” but it’ll probably harken
back to the original’s glory days with the factual
authenticity of the Disneyland Hall of Presi
dents.
Give me back the arson site that used to hulk
there. At least that had the lingering odor of a
good, honest grease fire.
Speaking of travesties of succession, am I to
understand that the old home of the glorious
Cat’s Cradle has been turned into a yuppified hot
wings shack?
They demolished a venue that pumped out
enough rockdom to turn a healthy male sterile
and replaced it with a trendy little bistro painted
time capsule worth its
salt should contain a
copy of the DTH.
But which copy?
Include a Thursday
edition, and future
generations may ac
tually believe that
Carolina students are
bunch of armchair
philosophers with an
amateur interest in
cooking. Include a
Jeanne Fugate col-
| MARYADEVOTO |
FROM HELL TO
BREAKFAST
umn, and you might get closer to the truth—but
you can see the problem.
Based on a typical editorial cartoon, a scholar
of tomorrow might write an entire thesis based
on the apparent humor vacuum in mid-’9os
America.
Time capsule projects are generally plagued
by our natural but somewhat deceitful desire to
put our best feet forward.
I’m willing to bet that whatever else is in the
wall of the SRC, there isn’t a transcript of a
student government meeting, a snapshot of an
inflatable sheep, an 8 x 10 glossy showing a
typical Lenoir lunch, a list of the housekeepers’
pay scale or even a picture of our capable student
dentists at work. But this may mean future gen
erations won’t buy the time capsule version of
the 19905. Do we ever really believe it when Dr.
Quinn, Medicine Woman’s lipstick stays on all
night while she delivers a breech baby? It strikes
me that we should try for a faintly truthful
version of events, on the off chance that one of
the lucky people to open the surprise package
may spend 10 minutes mulling over something
more than the staggering similarity between PR
materials then and now.
Maybe the best way to communicate with
future generations is to share with them our
despair (and maybe I’m just four weeks from my
Doctoral exams).
A friend of mine was morosely cheered by the
iSljr Saily Star Heel
in all the touchy-feely hues of the J. Crew rain
bow.
And to top it all off, they christened this
sacrilege BW-3. BW-3? Kinda makes you want
to smack your forehead and cry, “You’ve sunk
my battleship!”
I don’t want to seem like Cro-Magnon man
mocking the wheel or anything, but some of
these changes bug thebejeezus outta me. I mean,
does Chapel Hill really need a Sunglasses Hut?
Unless shallow narcissism has become a General
College perspective, I don’t really forsee a lot of
UNC students forking over S4OO for a pair of
shades.
Obviously, this is just another phase in the
grand ploy to turn Franklin Street into Alumni
Avenue.
After every home game, those fifty something
sorority hags will come chortling out of Spanky’s
and right into the waiting arms of an eyewear
vendor armed with a phony smile and a Visa
machine.
What’s next? Are they planning on convert
ing He’s Not Here into a Kinder Care center? If
anyone so much as lays a finger on that holiest
of-holies, the sacred institution that is known by
mortals as Time-Out, so help me God, I’ll weep
like a child.
I’m Sony if I sound like yet another whiny old
grump blathering on and on about the Hill’s
glory days like some pathetic octagenarian wait
ing to take his lumbago medication at the V. A.
hospital.
God knows the last thing this campus needs is
more whining, especially from someone who’s
already been thrown kicking and screaming into
the outside world. So, I’d better wrap this little
diatribe up before I get a reputation as the new
poster boy for the college version of postpartum
depression.
Well, since all the good morals have been
made into crappy T-shirts, I’m at a bit of a loss for
philosophic advice. But I am reminded ofthe oft
quoted aphorism, “The more things change, the
more they stay the same.” Unfortunately, I
haven’t the slightest clue as to what that means.
I just needed a lofty-sounding phrase to end on,
and that one sounded a tad more prosaic than,
“Speed on brother, Hell ain’t half full!”
Hasta la vista, via con dios, and tierra del
fuego.
Kevin Kruse is a 1994 graduate of UNC currently
serving out a term of four to six years in the doctoral
history program at Cornell University.
diary of Hugh Taylor Brown, a Carolina under
graduate of the 1860s, when she was forced to
edit his writings in Bibliography and Methodol
ogy.
Hugh waxes despondent over his job pros
pects, his father’s unwillingness to send money
and his impressive lack of success with women.
Onparticularlythanklessdays, he draws a pointy
hand in the margins.
Toward the end of the semester, he remarks
with increasing frequency, “I have drawn the
dread Hand again."
Hugh’s employment problems were solved
two years later when he died in the Civil War.
But his spirit lives on in the hearts and minds of
today’s Carolina students.
When I’m not wallowing in the timelessness
of academia’s miseries, I like to believe that by
making classic staples like rice pilaf, I am con
tinuing traditions that will live on into the future.
I also believe in the tooth fairy, the new Con
gress’ willingness to work together and that story
in the Weekly World News about the world’s
first head transplant.
Rice Pilaf With Mushrooms
Heat 2 Tbsp of oil in a saucepan with a lid.
Chop 1/4 cup onion and 1/2 cup mushrooms
into 1 /4-inch dice; saute until soft. Add one cup
rice and continue sauteing for about 1 minute.
Then add 2 cups chicken broth and heat until
boiling. (You can also add chicken bouillon to
the water as it heats.) Cover the pan, turn heat to
low and cookuntil all water is absorbed, about 20
minutes.
Marya DeVoto is a fifth-year graduate student in
English who is not representative of the norm.
Editor's Note
The Daily Tar Heel is looking for a few good
editorial cartoonists. Any interested artists and
satirists should contact Cartoon Editor Mike Webb
at 962-0245.