Newspapers / Daily Tar Heel (Chapel … / Nov. 15, 1996, edition 1 / Page 10
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10 Friday, November 15,1996 Satlg (Tar Mtti Jeanne Fugate EDriOR Office Honrs, 2-3 p.m. Fridays Graham Brink managing editor / Adam Bianchi ELECTRONIC EDmON EDITOR World Wide Web Electronic Edition ■ ill http://www.unc.edu/dth | JIR Established 1893 mm 103 Years of Editorial Freedom BOARD EDITORIALS Questionable quagmire ■ The approaching ‘deadline’ for the return of U.S. troops in Bosnia is cause for American policymakers to assess the war reasonably and honestly. Mere weeks before the deadline for the with drawal of United States’ troops from Bosnia, fighting has erupted between Muslims and Serbs. Described as the “worst” conflict yet since the Dayton peace agreement, this fighting indicates that normalcy is far from just around the bend. The promise that US troops would return home within one year has proven, as many predicted, to be unrealistic. Indeed, considering the bitterness of the strife in the region, it is difficult to believe the president or his advisers ever seriously believed Dec. 20 would see the conclusion of the US commitment to a physical peacekeeping presence in the former Yugosla via. One of the most important provisions in Day ton was that refugees be allowed to reoccupy their homes. Not only have Serbian authorities balked at fulfilling this provision on the bureau cratic level, but Muslim homes in Serb-con trolled Bosnia are being blown up to prevent their owners’ returns. The latest conflict occurred when a group of Muslim refugees, unwilling to wait any longer for UN approval, attempted to return to Gajevi, a small village in the so-called “separation zone. ” Peacekeepers found themselves flanked by well armed Serbian forces on one side and hundreds of angry, possibly armed Muslim refugees to the other. The peacekeepers ducked and bullets flew. Pity the fans ■ Numerous citations issued during Saturday’s football game indicate that the sport just isn’t exciting enough for some restless fans. Events of UNC’s last home football game point to evidence that the Tar Heels’ playing ability is not enough to keep fans entertained. During the course of Saturday’s game against Louisville, two students received citations from University Police, and were escorted from the game, for offenses ranging from underage drink ing to disruptive and disorderly conduct. A third man was cited for throwing oranges onto the field. The stadium police were way out of line in their persecution of these fans. Don’t they un derstand? ACC football has become so boring that drunk and disorderly conduct is the only way to have fun at the game. Why else would a number of fans be forced to resort to tossing citrus fruit onto the field? Obvi ously, they were merely trying to add anew dimension to college football —a game within a game which would re-invigorate the sport. Would the stadium police have cited the guy who invented the forward pass, or basketball’s shot clock? Probably. Something needs to be done to alleviate the terrible boredom which will no doubt accom pany Saturday’s game at Virginia. Orange toss ing just won’t cut it. Might we suggest flying mascots they’ve done so much for the NBA. Or perhaps the offense could do a shot after each Tar Heel Quotabks “We want to prevent another May 12 incident and protect future residents who may not remember the lessons of the Phi Gamma Delta incident.” DAN JONES, Chapel Hill Fire Chief Stressing the need for passing an ordinance requiring the installation of automatic sprinklers in five years. “Essentially, we’re looking for God on a good day." JOHN DERVIN, Association of Student Governments president Describing the qualities desired in the new UNC-system president. Imagine what she'd be like on a bad day. Could we look forward to the legislature turning into a pillar of salt? “It’s not our goal to see how many people we can throw out of a game.” Lt ANGELA CARMON, University Holies Explaining that the campus police do not enjoy ejecting drunk students from games. While it may not be the police's goal, it does seem to be the student gate keepers' prime directive. “Your dorm room is your private area, so you should be able to do what you want. Besides, it’s too cold to have to always go outside and smoke.” Rrin Norwood editorial page editor Jamie Griswold UNIVERSITY EDITOR Laura Godwin CITY EDITOR Erica Beshcars state a national editor Andrew Pari special assignments editor Robbi Piekeral SPORTS EDITOR Joseph Rolison sportsaturday editor Jessica Banov FEATURES EDITOR Melissa Milios ARTS 8 DIVERSIONS EDITOR Juba Corbin COPY DESK EDITOR Michael Kanarek COPY DESK EDITOR .Amv Cappiello photography editor Amy Qnattlebaum DESIGN EDITOR Phillip Molaro graphics editor Robin Linehan EDITORIAL CARTOON EDITOR Robin Berholi staff development One American officer put the issue succinctly: “It looks to me that just as we’re getting ready to leave, this whole peace agreement is starting to come apart. We’re going to have to stay a lot longer or get out quick.” If the US is committed to maintaining peace in Bosnia, there is really no possibility that its forces can leave the area by Dec. 20. Countless other villages face the same problems as Gajevi. In fact, the events in Gajevi indicate that even UN forces at their current level are only mini mally effective. It is time for US leaders to quit misleading the public with the farcical notion that our troops will be home come December. The president should state plainly that the deadline was unre alistic, and unless the US reneges on its commit ment to peace, will not be met. However the peacekeeping mandate is ex tended, the United Nations and the United States should learn from this experience. Obviously, standing in-between guns for a year has not solved the underlying problems in Bosnia. A clear objective and realistic means for meeting those objectives should be articulated honestly to the American people. While US leaders lie to the public and squabble over deadlines, the hopes of Bosnian refugees crumble, their homes are destroyed and their political “leaders” threaten to plunge the region once again into the horrors of civil war. first down it would eventually even out the talent, and why should fans be the only ones who can get absolutely hammered? If the NCAA will start thinking along these lines, just think of what we can accomplish. Thousands of students and alumni will no longer have to drink themselves into a stupor to enjoy football. They’ll be so grateful. Nor is it too early to start looking into ways to make the Kenan Stadium experience less of a chore next year. Scoring touchdowns would be more exciting if the UNC cheerleader who does push-ups for each one would instead remove an article of clothing. As for the oranges (we see the beginning of a tradition here!), aiming them at the cheerleaders running along the sidelines with Carolina flags would be more constructive than simply throwing them onto the field. Free drinks for everyone who participates in the wave is also an incentive for students to show an interest in home football games. How about a contest? Award a prize to the student who correctly guesses the exact number of miniature liquor bottles clogging the bathroom commodes. If even a few of these suggestions are imple mented, we can save fans the terrible bore of rooting for a team currently ranked sixth in the nation. TW KELSEY, UNC junior Complaining about the possibility that smoking will be outlawed in campus dormitories. The campus crusade against smoking continues - will smokers ever be free? “The graduation rate here is the highest in the system, and there’s something responsible for that. I think advising has a lot to do with it.” DONALD JKHA, Associate Dean of the General College Disputing the significance of a Board of Govenors’ report placing UNC last in the system in advising. But is everyone graduating with the degree they intended? “This drunk guy chased me because he thought I was a cow, and he thought I had stolen his money.” BRYAN GREEN, Uyearold Chapel Hill boy scout Recounting his adventures as a concession person at UNC sporting events. Boris Yeltsin eventually gave an apology for his conduct during the game. “One, don’t touch us. Two, don’t touch our shit.” JAMES I HA, Smashing Pumpkins guitarist Outlining two helpful rules for audience members dancing onstage during last Tuesday's Smith Center performance. It's heart warming to know that rock and roll bands still have such strong personal ties with their devoted fans. Well, at least there's no controversy with the Pumpkins ticket distribution policy. EDITORIAL Asphalt regulation leaves much to be desired Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people.” The Refreshments stumbled upon a huge, Orville Redenbacber-like kernel of wisdom with that lyric from their recent song “Banditos.” And with the chilly onset of early winter —a mesmerizing season if there ever were one— this simple yet provocative proclamation is on our minds more than usual. Why, you ask? Because sadly, it is still a long way from true. Please don’t misjudge us we’re not actually giving people credit, we’re talking about die “everybody knows” portion of the statement. If ignorance is truly bliss, then idiocy is nirvana—minus a lead singer. While there’s nothing wrong with the fact that stupid people abound on this campus, they unfortu nately possess a distinct lack of self-aware ness. Nowhere is this more apparent than in dealings with those neon vested simpletons who preciously guard every free foot of con crete like it was their last vial of crack. Have you tried to park anywhere in this town recently? No Beavis, we mean literally, not in the metaphorical physical sense. Every time we roll onto campus to get our study groove on (which is quite a lot), our attempts are invariably met by the icy glare of some parka-wearing parking nazi. We considered using numbered postulates to frame our argument in a manner even Student Congress representatives could un derstand, but then realized not only did we fear math, but we were specifically instructed not to use that format. Still, our simple thesis is ruled by the following assumptions: People want to park in the same city as the event they are attempting to attend. People don’t want to consistently pay exorbitant fees. Basic enough, ehh? These theories in hand, we came to the realization that life at UNC is not so much ruled by the traditional Ten Commandments (not too shocking a revelation, we’re sure) as it is by the long-lost Eleventh Dictum: Thou shalt tango with insanity if thou attempt to find a free and convenient place to park. Like any great system of regulation and oppression, there has been a historical pro gression in both the type and complexity of methods used to separate students from their CAA ticket distribution unfair to early bird students TO THE EDITOR: It is unnecessary to talk about all the prob lems with the Carolina Athletic Association’s current ticket distribution policies, because the entire student body knows its obvious shortcomings. Although I would personally like to see the camping-out system reinstated, I wish to present a way to make the ticket distribution more fair. The method I advocate is as follows: At noon on Sunday, start giving out numbers like what is done now. However, give out only 800 numbers. Then draw a number from that 800. Give out tickets to those 800 starting with the number that is drawn. After these 800 get tickets, the rest of the students receive their tickets in the order they get in line. This system would ensure that those first in linewouldgetthelower-level tickets. Of course, someone would be number 801, but people get screwed under the cun-ent system too. Most important, students would not be able to show up at 1:59p.m. and still receive good tickets— the true fans would be rewarded. This policy would certainly be a hell of a lot better than the current system. David McClendon FRESHMAN CHEMISTRY f Dukes of Hazard' column unfounded racism witch hunt TO THE EDITOR: We would certainly appreciate better re search on the part of Richard Harris on his next column. “The Dukes of Hazzard” may have been one of Mr. Harris’ favorite child hood television shows, but it would have ben efited the readers of this publication immensely (r*A -ik ■!* • If "r | BRENT SIMON AND RYAN HOLLANDER | DRIVEN BY A STRONG PLAY ETHIC sanity and finances. In the beginning, there were merely shiny signs directing those silly enough to travel by car to park in nearby Cary. Most parking historians will acknowledge that these signs were created in a thinly-veiled attempt to force students to read, thereby en hancing the University’s “intellectual climate. ” Confused and frustrated by these tactics but bedazzled by all the pretty colors and cool logos, students stole the signs on general prin ciple. Annoyed, the Chancellor’s Committee to Create Parking Exasperation went with a more imposing obstacle. We can’t pretend to be in your shoes (or underwear), but unless you were traumatized as a little ‘g,’ you probably don’t break into a sweat and immediately run the other way, screaming “Ughh small orange cone! I certainly can’t park there!” In this, the Jurassic period of parking, a transgres sion required some actual work like, say, simply kicking that deceptively heavy cone out of the way. The establishment soon caught on, how ever. Next in the chain of evolution came cute little huts guarded by cute little people, often decidedly non-genteel NASCAR fans that view airbrushed license plates as the ultimate form of commitment. Even these structures, however, were ap parently not acceptable, for they weren’t equipped with easy-access Internet hookups for the attendants. Enter the new, technologically-advanced, bomb shelter-type huts currently under con struction at Hanes and Swain Halls. Being the cub reporters and Mike Wallace fans that we READERS’FORUM The Daily Tar Heel welcomes reader comments and criticism. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 400 words and must be typed, double-spaced, dated and signed by no more than two people. Students should include their year, major and phone number. Faculty and staff should include their title, department and phone number. The DTH reserves the right to edit letters for space, clarity and vulgarity. Bring letters to the DTH office at Suite 104, Carolina Union, mail them to P.O. Box 3257, Chapel Hill, NC 27515 or email forum to: dthiunc.edu. if he would have watched an episode recently. Television shows like the “Dukes of Hazzard” were not well-known for their tight grasp on reality. They were larger than life, with daring deeds and two-dimensional char acters, quite often stereotypes, being the rule. Ask yourself, what would any television show be without its cardboard cut-out characters? Could “All in the Family” be even slightly funny without Archie Bunker, the stereotypi cal blue-collar bigot or his ultra-liberal colle giate son-in-law? Would “Home Improve ment” amuse us without the just-overhauled my-V8 engine, fix-it-myself, macho man? We don’t expect our black friends to act like the characters in “Martin,” and they don’t expect us behave like we just arrived from “Melrose Place.” We are proud to see that Mr. Harris pos sessed no racial bias in his youth and was once capable of recognizing inane American enter tainment for what it was worth. “The Dukes of (Ttjf Batin (Tor Heel are, we recently intercepted a secret inter-de partmental memo which unequivocally con firms these huts are capable of “launching a full-scale missile attack on some unfortunate, randomly-selected equatorial nation, like Canada.” If there is one immutable fact regarding Chapel Hill, it is this: regardless of whether enrollment rises or drops .regardless of whether UNC students band together for a semester long Housekeepers Walk, regardless ofwhether those “suitcase cars” from “The Jetsons” ever become a reality, every square inch of viable asphalt in this town will continue to be regu lated until the polar icecaps melt. And then we’re pretty sure our problems will be slightly more serious than a lack of quarters for the friggin’ meter. We realize merely pointing out Chapel Hill’s parking shortcomings isn’t terribly productive. A few of you might have already known there was a problem. That’s why we’re going that extra mile. To wit, some suggestions. Are there any plans for The Land Formerly Known As the Scuttlebutt? How about a super helpful eight space parking lot? That way even though asphalt will replace the beloved struc ture, its spirit will live on and the Scuttlebutt will become a martyr, not unlike William Wallace or Michael Collins. Hollywood will no doubt come calling, anxious to turn the story of the Scuttlebutt into a major motion picture. Ebbets Field and Sylvester Stallone will vie to play the razed structure, pumping millions of dollars into the local economy and almost making up for drop ping the ball on that whole “Kiss the Girls” thing. Finally, there is perhaps our most innova tive suggestion, our architectural coup d’etat Davis Library. It’s a ready-to-use, elevator equipped nine-story parking superplex, the perfect solution to all the town’s parking di lemmas: close to campus, large, centrally lo cated and— did we mention? really big. If only we could get rid of those silly books. brsimoniemail.unc.edu is a senior communication studies major from Greensboro. nordbergiemail.unc.edu is a junior journalism major from Miami, Fla. Hazzard” was a portrait, for good or ill, of the lives some Americans led in that era, though the portrait resembled more the four-color comic books of yesteryear and less a Henry Inman painting. Mr. Harris’ pervasive, McCarthy-esque us age of the word “racism” has also been an area of concern to us. The unconstitutional abridg ment ofUS citizen’s rights he mentioned in his article could be attributed to many causes: ethnic, social and racial bias are but a few. Racism is not some grand Satanic figure or chestrating all the problems in our society or some vile anti-panacea; it is one problem of many which we must solve. Perhaps with a little less name-calling and a little more toler ance, we can all work to achieve this goal. Dax Allen SENIOR BIOLOGY Jason Luck SOPHOMORE ANTHROPOLOGY/MATHEMATICS Pad your resume Got an opinion? We want to splash it across the back pages of The Daily Tar Heel. That's right It's that time of year again: the time of year we all look forward to: applications are out for spring 1997 columnist and editorial board positions. We re seeking a few new faces and views to incite controversy or at least inject a little life in this here intellectual climate. Applications will be available today in Suite 104 of the Student Union, otherwise known as the DTH office. They re due by 5 p.m. Dec. 2, which gives you all of Thanksgiving to ruminate over your feast and a snazzy application. Don't delay. Contact Editor Jeanne Fugate at 962-4086 if you have any questions.
Daily Tar Heel (Chapel Hill, N.C.)
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Nov. 15, 1996, edition 1
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