Friday, September 15, 2000
or call 933-4611.
EDITORIAL PAGE EDITOR
This week's CCI laptop recall shows that freshmen need more help
before they can take full advantage of the program.
Freshmen, it’s time for the first life lesson
of your college career: If the cord don’t fit,
you must quit.
On Tuesday, Academic Technology &
Networks officials announced a recall on all
A2O IBM laptops because of a problematic
But the “problematic part” that needs fix
ing is not to be found on the computer.
Simple user error is causing the first bump in
the road for CCI. Obviously, training class
es at C-TOPS aren’t enough, and officials
should consider requiring future freshmen to
take more in-depth courses on computer use.
Tim CoyneSmith, IBM project manager
and CCI coordinator, told The Daily Tar
Heel that some students had rained the net
working, or Ethernet, port by forcing in tele
There is an obvious size difference
between a telephone cord and Ethernet cord,
and it is assumed one can acknowledge the
Thus, if the designated jack does not
appear to be accepting the telephone cord in
a suitable fashion, something must be wrong.
At this point, common sense would tell
you to stop and get someone who can help.
That’s where ATN comes in.
Remember, ATN is your friend. For com
puter-related issues, ATN is the Dr. Ruth of
Shame on Charlotte
The Charlotte City Council's proposal to run mug shots of people
convicted of certain crimes on TV is unfair and likely won't work.
Tired of those nights where there’s just
nothing on television? If you happened to be
in Charlotte, you could check out the latest
drag users and prostitute solicitors in the area
on a program creatively dubbed “Shame TV.”
A proposal by the Charlotte City Council
would run mug shots of people convicted of
possessing illegal drags or soliciting prosti
tutes on a city-run channel.
While the council has good intentions, a
show like “Shame TV” would prove to be an
ineffective deterrent for these crimes, place
undue strain on families of the offenders and
heap excess punishment on people who have
already paid for their wrongdoing.
The fact that a potential offender could be
shown on a city-run television channel would
do little in the way of stopping a potential
drag possessor or prostitute solicitor.
Someone who might commit one of these
crimes already knows that his name could be
mentioned in a newspaper’s police blotter if
caught. And he also knows that he could lose
his job if his employer finds out.
Television is a much larger medium than
print, so local residents would be more likely
to see the face of a perpetrator and match it to
someone they see in their daily lives. But it is
not fair to increase the chances of unemploy-
Seems like someone on campus
wants to follow in the hallowed
footsteps of former ASG President
Cliff Webster: A memorial bench was stolen from
Coker Arboretum on Monday night.
Fat 'N' Happy
According to a health report card
released Monday, North Carolinians
are inactive, fat smokers. That might
be true, but we'll die with smiles on our faces.
Tar Heel Quotables
“If we do four (dog parks), maybe three of
them should be dog parks and one should
be a puppy park.”
Chapel Hill Town Council Member
Debating yet another important town issue. Seems like the
Town Council has been taking lessons from the aldermen.
“It’s a horrible thing to do, but a memorial
bench especially -1 think it’s sacrilegious.”
Arboretum Curator Annie Presler
When did bench stealing go from being a prank to being
the eighth deadly sin?
Office Hours Friday 2 p.m. -3 p.m.
STATE ft NATIONAL EDITOR
T. Nolan Hayes
the computer world. Don’t feel embarrassed
about dialing 928-HELP; you can remain
anonymous. And besides, the people on the
other end probably have heard the question
Unfortunately, this recall points to more
serious problems than the need for students
to consult ATN.
If freshmen are having problems setting
up their laptops, how can they be expected
to have the skills to use them productively?
But for the time being, freshmen shouldn’t
blame their computing problems on CCI.
However much anxiety the new laptops
cause, the program is here to stay, and you
need to learn how to deal with it.
For the past two years, officials have pre
pared for the onslaught of CCI-related lap
And this week, they showed they are
ready for the challenge.
The unexpected recall is only ATN and
IBM responding to problems that might
occur in die future.
It is not indicative of the demise of the pro
gram. The University should be commend
ed for its commitment to making CCI work.
Now it’s time for freshmen to take a cue
and do their part by taking advantage of
available resources the next time they have
problems with a “problematic part.”
ment for just one specific kind of criminal.
And reaching a larger proportion of the
city population has the potential to shame
not only the offenders, but innocent family
members as well. Imagine facing your peers
after they have seen a relative’s face on
In addition to being an ineffective deter
rent, the show’s policy of only showing drug
possessors and prostitute solicitors is unfair.
In Charlotte, only 5 percent of the men
caught with prostitutes serve jail time. The
rest either pay a fine or are assigned com
People also pay fines for speeding, ticket
scalping and littering. These offenders are
not subjected to the same public humiliation
as that proposed for people convicted of
prostitute solicitation and drag possession.
Charlotte has not reported any recent
sharp increase in the rates of drag possession
or prostitution, and there are set punishments
for the crimes in question. Once the offend
ers have served out a sentence or paid a fine,
they already have paid their debt to society.
Running mug shots on public television is
not a punishment fit for people who commit
what are generally regarded as victimless
Feelin' the Pinch
If your pants have been feeling
strange lately, it might not be
because you're a fat North
Carolinian. It's just UNC-system officials reaching
in your pocket for more tuition money.
At Least It's Safe
As if to prove once again that
nothing happens in the metropolis
of Carrboro, the Board of Aldermen
spent Tuesday night discussing vending machines.
“My head started to rev and rev. I felt like
something much greater than myself was
offering me a chance to see myself. ”
Businessman and Zen Philosopher
Either that, or he was just experiencing a killer buzz.
“I’ll be careful not to touch anything and to
always wear shoes.”
Ehringhaus Resident John Derrick
Explaining the change in his behavior since housekeepers
there started cleaning his bathroom once a week. John,
were the bathrooms really that pristine before?
(Hit Satltj (Far lUrcl
Established 1893 • 107 Years of Editorial Freedom
ARTS St ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR
COPY DESK EDITOR
How to Build an American Icon
I’m well aware that this is a liberal arts
school, and therefore, we don’t particular
ly care to use our hands or learn how to
However, this is also America, and if
there’s one overriding principle that has held
this nation together for more than 200 years,
it is, without question, our unwavering nation
al devotion to the construction of tool sheds.
That’s right. Tool sheds.
Like the Stars and Stripes and the majestic
bald eagle, tool sheds always have been a
symbolic reminder of what makes this nation
great. These pressure-treated palaces of ply
wood signify the ability and the right of all
men, regardless of race, religion or color, to
accumulate more lawn mowers, weed-whack
ers and grub control products than the
grounds crew at Fenway.
Thus, in a patriotic attempt to preserve the
very integrity of this great land, I present
“Shed-Building Made Easy.”
And it really is easy. Honest.
The first step to building your shed is to
look down and check your chest for mamma
ry glands. If you don’t have any, there’s a
high probability that you’re a male and
should immediately place your tape measure,
level and T-square in the garbage, as they will
not be needed for this project.
Next, you will need to carefully select the
location for your tool shed. Because your shed
inevitably will turn out to be an embarrassing
heap of firewood that you will not want to
claim as your own, I would suggest a flat, par
tially shaded patch of earth somewhere on
your neighbor’s property.
Great. We’ve disposed of all measuring
devices and selected the perfect spot. Now
we’re ready to build.
Start by mixing a good amount of concrete
in a large wheelbarrow. If you have O J.’s
bloody knife, Jimmy Hoffa or anything else in
your garage that you would prefer the authori
ties did not find, this is a good time to mix
them in with the concrete.
To Cheer Lacrosse
Team This Weekend
TO THE EDITOR:
I would like to personally invite all
UNC students to Henry Stadium this
weekend for the two biggest field
hockey matches of the season. Your
No. 2 Tar Heels need a packed stadi
um full of crazy fans as they take on
No. 3 Old Dominion at 1 p.m.
Saturday and No. 7 Virginia at 1 p.m.
Sunday. (Admission is free.)
Saturday you can cheer on the
Heels and be a part of Fan
Appreciation Day. The first 300 fans
get free hot dogs and soft drinks, and
the first 150 students get free T-shirts.
Also, you can win gift certificates to
The Rathskeller, Michael Jordan’s 23
and other local businesses.
Be one of the first 75 fans to the
Virginia game on Sunday, and you’ll
get a free Wachovia water bottle.
We need your help, so please
come! Be rowdy, wear blue and we’ll
see you there!
UNC Field Hockey
Cate Doty & Lauren Beal
TRAILING AT THE HALF
The concrete will be used to pour the
The word “foundation," incidentally, is
derived from the Italian “fundazione,” which
translates roughly to “don’t even think about
After eyeballing your foundation, smooth
over all the rough parts with something per
fectly flat, like the back of your hand. Make
sure none of Mr. Hoffa’s limbs are sticking out
of the concrete, as such exposure would
attract bugs and stray cats to the area around
It is of the utmost importance that the foun
dation be given ample time to dry. A good
way to estimate how quickly the foundation is
drying is to have your youngest daughter stick
her arm into the concrete and leave it there
until she is no longer able to pull it out.
At this point, you can be sure the founda
tion is solid and may continue with the con
struction of your shed.
The next step is to make a few basic geo
metrical computations on a napkin. After
throwing the napkin in the garbage with the
tape measure and T-square, build a rectangu
lar frame that sits squarely on top of the foun
dation. Avoid standing on your daughter
while building the frame, as she may throw
off your measurements.
At this point, you’ll want to call on your
teenage son who, at the age of 13, has a signif
icantly better grasp of right angles, quantum
physics and European monetary policy than
Walk in Memory
Of Chancellor Hooker
TO THE EDITOR:
Saturday morning, the Carolina
Athletic Association will hold the sec
ond annual Michael Hooker memo
rial 5k run/walk to honor the former
Chancellor Hooker’s visionary
proposals and unmatched dedication
to UNC impacts every student on
our campus. Chancellor Hooker
addressed the future challenges of
our University by proposing the
Carolina Computing Initiative and
proposing the Master Plan, enabling
UNC to intelligently face growing
enrollment and stay at the zenith of
Chancellor Hooker enthusiastical
ly supported all of Carolina’s sports
programs, especially our amazingly
successful Olympic sports. Whether
diving into the pool with our
women’s swimming team, crowd
surfing at a basketball game or virtu
ally never missing a women’s soccer
game, no one supported Carolina
athletics or the UNC community
with more fervor than Chancellor
you do. Have him check your calculations,
and if he points out a mistake you have made
or offers any suggestions, stick him into the
concrete foundation with his sister.
Excellent You’re almost there.
Certainly, your shed now needs some win
dows on either side for ventilation and light.
Oftentimes, purists prefer to use a jigsaw or a
traditional handsaw for this task.
I would suggest a few dozen pounds of
well-placed dynamite. Be very careful, howev
er, with the explosives, as they could hurt
your two children, who are still firmly embed
ded in the foundation.
Your shed should now be structurally
sound, unless the lumber you used was
imported from Russia, in which case it will
soon plummet to the bottom of the Barents
If you decide to go all-out and paint your
shed, be sure to choose a neutral shade that
matches whatever color your kids are wear
While you’re at it, you might even want to
weatherproof the little rascals. Children don’t
hold up too well when exposed to the ele
And that’s all there is to constructing a tool
shed. There’s nothing left now but to sit and
wait for the town sheriff to arrive, because
your neighbors all called him right about the
time the dynamite exploded.
Sure, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do.
There’s no way that this man of the law is
going to look at your foundation with two kids
and a Teamster sticking out of it without get
ting a little bit suspicious.
You’ll have no choice but to answer him
“Yes sir. I did eyeball the foundation.”
Joe Monaco is a junior journalism and mass
communication and political science major
from Long Island, N.Y., who would like to
see Bob Vila elected president in November.
E-mail him at email@example.com.
The CAA can think of no better
way to honor his memory.
We invite all UNC students, facul
ty and community members to par
ticipate in this great event. Last year’s
race raised more than $5,000 for
Chancellor Hooker’s Memorial
Scholarship Fund. The race starts at 9
a.m. at the Old Well. Registration
begins at 8 a.m. Cost is $lO with a T
shirt and $6 without a T-shirt. All pro
ceeds go to the scholarship fund.
We hope you will all attend. Send
any questions you may have to
Special Projects Coordinator
Carolina Athletic Association
Get It Off Your Chest
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your thoughts on paper, submit a col
umn for the Monday Viewpoints page.
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written by no more than two people
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Editor Kelli Boutin at 962-0245.
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