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JASON ROSE
ROSE POINT BLANK
Jason Rose is a second year graduate
student studying education.
E-MAIL: ROSEJCOEMAILUNC.EDU
Howto
write a
successful
column
It’s inevitable when a person
achieves a certain level of
fame, such as myself, that the
clamor for passed-along wisdom
will at some point become unde
niable.
Well, little people, today is
your lucky day. Today is the day I
break down the fourth wall and
dip into the mailbag to answer
some of the questions from those
of you so desperate for some
tricks of the trade from the teach
er. Like this letter, from Dave F.,
in Pomona, Calif.:
“Dear Jason, I’m an aspiring
writer who reads your column
every week. My dream is to some
day have my own column and be
| as handsome
COLUMNIST 35 you But, I
COLUMNIST am realistic, and
I’d settle for just being able to
have my own column. Could you
write me a letter that says we’re
friends so I can show it to girls to
help me score with them? Or, if
not, could you maybe at least give
me a few pointers about the col
umn writing process that might
help me get started?”
Sure thing, Dave. In fact,
you’re not alone, I get letters
almost every week asking for tips
about how I go about writing my
columns, how I come up with
new ideas every week and how
I get over the inevitable cases of
writer’s block. So here, for one
time only, I’m going to pull back
the velvet curtain and let you and
everyone else in on the method
behind the mastermind.
Step one: Begin the process
approximately one hour before
your deadline. Go out and buy
beer.
Step two: Open one beer, start
drinking. Repeat as necessary.
Step three: Look at your com
puter, wonder half-heartedly
what it was you were supposed to
be doing.
Step four: Use the bathroom.
Remember what it was you were
supposed to be doing.
Step five: TYy to think of some
thing to write about.
Some weeks will be easy an
obvious news story, a holiday, an
insider tip about cocaine laced
scratch-n-sniff stickers being
sold in preschools by leprechaun
gang members in disguise. Some
weeks it will be harder, and you’ll
have to rely on your own ingenu
ity. But there are some easy ways
to jump-start an idea.
First, just think about some of
those universal life questions that
everyone wonders about, like: I
wonder if anyone’s ever been killed
in a junkyard death-fight with
something that I threw away? Or,
I wonder if fish will ever evolve to
have really, really hard hook-resis
tant jaws and we won’t be able to
fish anymore? You know what I
mean, there’s a million of them.
Secondly, decide if you can
elaborate on any of those ques
tions and if anyone would be
interested to read about it.
Finally, decide that you don’t
care what anyone wants to read
about and just start spewing some
garbage from your fingertips.
Step six: Make a platefiil of hot
dogs with peanut butter on them.
Wonder why you did that. Eat
them all, wonder why you didn’t
try that before.
Step seven: Check your word
count. Try to remember what it
was supposed to be.
Step eight: Try to remember
what you were trying to remem
ber. Return to Step 2.
Step nine: Look at the clock,
realize you still have 10 minutes
before your column is due, relax.
Step 10: Finish your column.
Well, Dave, there you go. I may
very well be excommunicated
from the International Society
of Awesome Columnists and
Superhunks for telling you, but
that’s really all there is to it. Just
follow this process every week
and you’ll never be stuck.
And in a desperate spot, if all
else fails, you can always go to
the mailbag. That’s just the kind
of jack move that’ll always let you
BS your way through another
week when you’ve got nothing
else. Good luck, ldddo.
EDITORIAL CARTOON By David Huyck, dhOunc.edu
THEY NEVER SET IT RIGHT! )
It’s not our fault
Students shouldn’t have to pay for others’ mistakes
While the student fee
advisory subcommit
tee gathers Friday to
consider a fee increase to cover
the costs of a contract settle
ment, the University should con
sider the actions that warranted
the debt in the first place.
The dispute began when the
University became disgusted
with what officials claimed to
be shoddy work. UNC termi
nated contracts with four com
panies, settling with three of
the companies and even getting
some of their money back. That
UNC and the J.M. Thompson
Company were unable to reach
an agreement without the State
Construction Office intervening
is suspicious at best.
If Thompson truly didn’t
uphold its end of the bargain,
the University should not have
been left vulnerable to a $1.4
million settlement. The State
Construction Office’s decision
to side with the Thompson
A great deal we can’t afford
UNC is a great value, but some students need more help
It’s hard to put a price on a
quality college education,
but there are a lot of orga
nizations willing to give it a shot
sometimes with very different
results.
Kiplinger’s Personal Finance
magazine’s “50 Best Values in
Public Colleges,” released last
week, put UNC at the top of
the list. On the other hand, a
report released this summer by
the National Center for Public
Policy and Affordability gave
North Carolina an “F” in college
affordability.
So what’s the truth? Well, it’s
a little bit of both. UNC is far
cheaper than other schools of
similar quality, but that doesn’t
necessarily mean it’s affordable.
Most students, especial
ly the in-state ones, must
admit that Carolina is a great
value compared to its peers.
Undergraduate tuition and
fees for 2005-06 totaled $4,612
here, compared to the public
university average of $5,491.
Even the out-of-state total of
$18,411.02 is reasonable com
pared to private university aver
age of $21,235.
Don’t dress up as a carrot
Mounted police on Franklin ensure a safe Halloween
Horses have long been
known as some of
the planet’s noblest
animals. They’ve also proven
themselves very useful at mak
ing human beings taller and
more mobile.
In keeping with this, Chapel
Hill will be adding mounted
officers to its policing rep
ertoire this Halloween. We
think the introduction of these
equine officers is a welcome
addition to Franklin Street.
In case just being awesome
isn’t enough, horses allow police
officers to have an important
height advantage over large
crowds. Mounted police are
proven very effective for crowd
control from their equestrian
perches, officers are better able
to maintain the safety for those
Opinion
Company is likely the result
of UNC’s failure to adequately
protect itself.
Carolina Union debt reserves
will cover most of the claim, but
due to the recreational nature
of the Union, the University
cannot pay the additional costs
outright. The Union will have
to accept a loan to be paid over
a 10-year period instead.
It might be determined at
Wednesday’s meeting of student
leaders and UNC officials that
the most reasonable source for
paying this loan is student fees.
However, awarding this
additional money to Carolina
Union’s debt services sets a
dangerous precedent for similar
problems in projects to come.
While fees already support other
organizations’ debt services, the
Union’s debt is unique in its ties
to a specific incident.
High cost projects come
with high risks for issues, and
the University should be taking
With greater numbers of col
lege students nationally gradu
ating with more than SIOO,OOO
in debt, everyone at Carolina has
something to be grateful for. In
fact, with the greater earning
power of college graduates, it
might be the best value many
students ever find.
The problem is that some
thing can be a great value but
still not be affordable to some
students. The growing cost of
college tuition has greatly out
stripped inflation even here at
UNC where tuition and fees
have gone up by approximate
ly 30 percent for both in-state
and out-of-state students over
the past four years.
During that same course of
time the overall inflation rate has
only been around 13 percentßut
there are plenty of students who
are on partial or no financial aid
that still struggle to pay for col
lege. And with interests rates
always on the horizon taking on
thousands of dollars in loan debt
isn’t the best solution.
The University has made
great strides in the form of the
Carolina Covenant, a wonder
below. Better visibility equals a
better ability to see and elimi
nate problems.
Given the violence of Apple
Chill and the scrutiny it’s placed
on Franklin Street events, it’s
imperative that this year’s cel
ebration runs smoothly. Horses
will help meet that aim.
They have a built-in intimi
dation factor and can often
deter crime just by virtue of
being several hundred pounds
of lean muscle.
In crowds such as those
seen here in Chapel Hill every
Halloween, mounted police
should be in their element no
longer will officers have to stand
on the brick planters in front of
Qdoba to see over the crowd.
Mounted police are used all
over the world for crowd control
every precaution available to
protect itself from these risks. If
student fees are used as a cush
ion once, there is no promise
they won’t be used again.
The University complaints
that resulted in termination of
the Thompson Company seem
reasonable students should
appreciate that firing the com
pany contributed to the sound
construction of an important
campus fixture. But this doesn’t
mean students should foot the
bill. The student fee advisory
subcommittee should remem
ber students were not involved
in the series of events that made
this fee necessary.
Students cannot be a consis
tent default for the University’s
fiscal needs. Lack of responsi
bility for the fine should absolve
students of financial responsi
bility, and every possible alter
native for funding should be
explored before students are
forced to shoulder the costs.
ful program that has made
Carolina affordable for lower
income students.
But there is an undercurrent
of resentment on the part of
many lower-middle and middle
income students who don’t quite
qualify for the Covenant.
Often parents and students
feel squeezed to cover the cost
of tuition, and many of them
don’t appreciate that 35 percent
of their tuition increases go to
supplement others’ student aid.
The continued expansion of
the Carolina Covenant is in the
best interests of all students.
Hopefully, it will reach a point
one day when all Carolina stu
dents are expected to pay only
what they can afford.
Until then, though, admin
istrators should do everything
possible to keep UNC afford
able for everyone. Let’s not
forget Article 9, Section 9 of
the state constitution: “The
General Assembly shall pro
vide that the benefits of The
University of North Carolina
... as far as practicable, be
extended to the people of the
State free of expense.”
in areas with dense populations,
including New York City.
Mounted Unit horses must
meet certain qualifications,
such as color, height, age and
temperament. Horses with his
tories of biting, kicking or crib
bing are disqualified. Horses are
trained to deal with the myriad
of distractions and excitements
inherent to large crowds.
The horses and officers used
here in Chapel Hill will be equal
ly qualified. We welcome these
noble animals to Franklin
Street’s Halloween festivities.
A word of caution, though:
The horses are considered
police officers. You can be
charged with assaulting a
police officer if you mess with
them. So let them do their job,
and don’t make them bite you.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2006
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“The spirit of Carrboro, even more
so than Chapel Hill, is much more
open to students”
DANIEL WALLACE, UNC PROFESSOR
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Due to space constraints, letters are sometimes cut. Read the full-length
versions or post your own response to a letter, editorial or story online.
VISIT www.dailytarheel.com/feedback
Legalization of marijuana
has catastrophic effects
TO THE EDITOR:
I am very disappointed in the
DTH editorial board for support
ing the legalization of marijuana
without considering its Earth
shattering consequences.
Number one, Spongebob
Squarepants would become the
most highly rated show on TV
(not good for anyone).
Number two, most of the lec
ture halls across campus would
smell worse than they already do
(and be filled with more mind
less conversations than they
already are).
Number three, an unnamed
sports team might forget to
show up for games on Saturdays
(could be a good thing if we play
Clemson again).
Number four, Willie Nelson
would be free to make movies
and music.
My point is that with war,
social security, marriage rights,
and education all on the hot seat,
why should legalizing marijuana
even be considered as a valid
political topic?
It is the government’s respon
sibility to fix these more serious
problems first, way before wor
rying about the accommodation
of potheads.
Matt Ellis
Junior
Chemistry
Time would be best spent
helping troubled peers
TO THE EDITOR:
The DTH’s recent “Monday
Spotlight” look at underage
drinking in Chapel Hill was
headlined “A Risky Pastime,” yet
this title somewhat contradicts
the, er, substance of the articles.
After all, the only risks identi
fied by the DTH are structural:
the risks of getting caught by the
ALE and other authority figures,
of having a black mark put onto
one’s permanent record, of hav
ing to pay fines and other costs.
Seeing these facts and fig
ures all listed together do not
highlight a drinking problem at
UNC so much as they expose the
entire circus to be a monumental
waste of time and money for just
about everybody involved.
We assume alcohol to be a
recognized “pastime” and a part
of UNC’s culture, so why is there
such effort to selectively punish
a portion of the community for
participating?
There is no denying that
alcohol can cause terrible trou
ble, but nowhere in either of
Monday’s articles is there refer
ence to alcohol-related health
problems or drunk driving, and
the only suggestion that alcohol
leads to deviant behavior comes
from Adrian Thorn’s ridiculous
assertion that “The first person
to get out-of-control drunk really
shows they’re underage.”
I rather attest that the first
person to get out-of-control
drunk really shows that he or
she is immature, which is a trait
independent of age.
Among our university’s com
munity, we should be looking
for fewer ways to get peers into
trouble and spend our energy
instead helping those who are
already there.
RyanMillager
Junior
Dramatic Arts, Music
SPEAK OUT
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EDITOR’S NOTE: Editorials are the opinions solely of The Daily Tar Heel editorial board.
The board consists of five board members, the associate opinion editor, the opinion edi
tor and the DTH editor. The 2006-07 DTH editor decided not to vote on the board.
If you give up on the team,
then give Up your tickets
TO THE EDITOR:
In response to Eugene
Rossitch Ill’s comments:
Thanks for giving up on your
coach, your school and on your
seats.
If you receive UNC tickets to
the N.C. State game may I please
have them?
Joseph Ligon
Senior
Political Science
'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is a
discriminatory practice
TO THE EDITOR:
In response to Monday’s letter
regarding “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,”
I was appalled by the author’s
rationale in supporting the dis
criminatory practice.
Not only was it insensitive, but
it seriously failed to capture why
opponents are against “Don’t
Ask, Don’t Tell.”
According to the writer, sexu
al minority soldiers are “selfish”
because they want to discuss
their sexual orientation.
Furthermore, because sexual
minorities are sometimes fired
in the civilian workforce for
such discussion, the military’s
policy is justified. Consequently,
gays should “quit whining” about
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
He can’t be serious? But sadly,
I think he is.
I’d like to point out, however,
that discussion about sexual ori
entation is not limited to what
takes place in a soldier’s bedroom,
as the reader seems to beließPr?**
What about conversations
regarding missed loved ones such
as boyfriends and girlfriends, or
partners?
These conversations are per
vasive among heterosexual sol
diers at war. Therefore, denying
sexual minority soldiers from
being open about their sexuality
prevents them from living hon
est, fulfilling lives.
Moreover, the partners of
sexual minority soldiers killed
on the battlefield do not receive
the same treatment or sympathy
from the Army as the spouses of
heterosexual soldiers.
And, when sexual minority
soldiers are honest about their
lives they lose all of their benefits,
regardless of how honorably they
serve their country. The logic in
that just doesn’t hold.
Lastly, it is a slap on the face to
capable sexual minority soldiers
when the Army reports having
trouble recruiting people to fight
in Iraq and across the globe.
If requirements are going to
be loosened to increase num
bers, shouldn’t other policies
like “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” be
removed, as well?
So if fighting for the reversal
of policy as discriminatory and
offensive as “Don’t Ask, Don’t
Tell” is grounds for whining,
then we should all join in crying
out against the practice.
Thomas Cluderay
Editor
Lambda Magazine
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EDITORIAL BOARD MEMBERS
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