16
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2007
K3
IAN WILLIAMS
WEDNESDAY'S CHILD
lan Williams is a former DTH columnist
who now is writing for TV and film.
E-MAIL: ECSTASY@EARTHLINK.NET
Why I
still can’t
stand the
Dookies
I always hated it when alumni
came back and waxed rhap
sodic about their undergrad
years. ‘Yes," I’d always think,
“I know there were kegs in the
dorms, there was free love outside
Bingham Hall, everyone sung in
harmony about a perfect world,
blah blah blah... ”
So why listen to me, you might
ask? Well, usually in this spot, the
DTH runs an old chestnut 1 wrote
about Why I Hate Dook. I had a
Wednesday column back in the
Bronze Age 0f1990, and I told the
story of how my high school visit
to Durham turned into a flaming
pyre of white-hot hostility.
When the piece ran, I thought
my friends
would disparage
the obviousness
GUEST
COLUMNIST
of it writing a column about
hating Dook? Jesus, that’s like
shooting barrelfuls of cod! Instead,
the column ended up on refrigera
tors across the Piedmont, and it
taught me two lessons. First, don’t
over think your duties; and second,
never underestimate the hatred for
Durham Clown College.
A whole cottage industry has
since grown out of the UNC-Dook
rivalry; two big-selling books,
endless coverage on ESPN and
gigabytes of Photoshopped files
featuring Mike Kryshwqhskdi.
What used to be private disgust is
now a public phenomenon, and it
raises the question: Is Dook still
worth hating?
I assumed, like everyone does,
I'd mellow once I graduated. I’d
gain a little perspective, and my
passion for beating Dook would
gradually drift away. I would grow
hair on my ears and suddenly
think sitcoms were funny.
I’m here to tell you these things
don’t necessarily happen. My
eye-twitching contempt of Dook’s
basketball team grew even more
intense. How couldn’t it, when
faced with such a consistent hoop
ster jerk factory?
How can you watch any Koach
K press conference and not
feel this man is a modern-day
Narcissus so fixated on success that
he’d throw his own players under
the bus? A tightly-wound mess of
resentment and profanity, the toxic
combination of a control ffeak
with a thinly-veiled persecution
complex? Yes, I was a psych major.
And believe me, I wouldn’t bet
three cups of snot there isn’t some
person just like me in the other
camp, the Dook fan who has his
own dime-store theories on why
Carolina is a blight on the athletic
world. But I wouldn’t trade places
if the Buddha himself showed up
wearing a navy blue unitard.
I’ll tell you why: I got to choose
my church. Having grown up with
out an organized religion, I adopt
ed the Carolina Way. I adhered to
the Dean-Gut-Roy belief system,
and incorporated it everywhere:
doing things the right way; playing
hard, smart and together; valuing
your family above all.
We all burst from Chapel Hill in
a plume of gorgeous blue smoke,
wafting to all comers of the globe
where other like-minded souls
await. The “sky-blue mafia” has
beds for you in Manhattan, an
internship in Hollywood, and we’ll
save your spot in line at the K&W
in Rocky Mount. There is no old
boy’s network, no secret hand
shake. We just share our affection
for a town on a hill, and this:
When we see Dookies clogging our
TV, our lips curl and we seethe.
Is Dook still worth hating? Take
a look at Sean Dockery slugging
lyier in the mouth. Find your
self in the midst of the Kameron
Krazies, a numbnut group of
ravenously twee dorks who shel
lac their nipples with blue food
coloring, scream cruel epithets at
opposing teams, then jump up and
down with the mindless lockstep
of the Communist military.
There’s just so much to despise!
Every religion must have its Devil,
and ours are Blue. Whether you’re
in an 8 a.m. Econ class trying to
stay awake, or in your nursery try
ing to get your daughter to sleep,
we’re in it together. Break his
ankles, iy! Punch it home, Rey!
God bless them Tar Heel boys!
EDITORIAL CARTOON By Mason Phillips, mphil@email.unc.edu
...A-ANDTHEN HE BIT
ME FDR NO REASON! tfffT
k... SO I THINK WE lllL,
SHOULD BOMB HIM.
BOE blues
Punishments should be justified and clearly defined
With student govern
ment elections coming
up on Feb. 13, viola
tions of the Student Code’s Title
VI General Election Laws are
being heard with more frequen
cy by the Board of Elections.
It worries us to see so many
past candidates say they’re con
fused by the rules and regula
tions and cite legitimate ambi
guities in the Code. It might
be impossible to clear up every
ambiguity in the Code but
there is still a lot of room for
improvement.
“The Board of Elections’ inter
pretations change year-to-year,”
Dustin Ingalls, speaker pro tern
of Student Congress, told The
Daily Tar Heel last month. This
is hardly helpful to candidates
who want to run a clean elec
tion but are left at the mercy of
changing BOE leadership.
In Title VI, specific fines are
levied for violations such as dam
age to University property by a
Assault on the problem
Sexual assault education should be increased at UNC
By the time you finish read
ing this editorial, another
person in America will
have become the victim of sexual
assault. This statistic is horrific
and unacceptable.
The UNC Greek System is
taking a step toward reducing
that rate by implementing a
mandatory sexual assault
education program for all
new pledges.
Whether fairly or not, there
is a stigma attached to Greeks
that is fraternity members
when it comes to sexual assault.
The program, dubbed Greeks
for Greeks, will provide educa
tion for all new members of the
Interffatemity Council starting
this spring. At first, only frater
nity members will go through
the program. It will expand to
the sororities next fall.
By educating both fraterni
ties and sororities, the program
should help to address sexual
assault on both ends. It will
educate guys on what is and is
not considered assault as well
as make sure girls understand
what they can do to decrease
their risk of becoming a victim.
E.T. phone Homeland Security
Boston overreaction indicates disturbing culture of fear
President Franklin D.
Roosevelt once declared,
“the only thing we have to
fear is fear itself” He was speak
ing about overcoming the Great
Depression, but his words are
eerily applicable to the current
war on terror.
Public safety officials
in Boston shut down sub
ways, bridges and roads last
Wednesday because “suspicious
devices” were found throughout
the city. The devices turned out
to be electronic signs depicting
a cartoon alien, as a promotion
al stunt for Cartoon Network’s
“Aqua Teen Hunger Force.”
It’s unfortunate that our lead
ers can’t seem to tell the differ
ence between a credible threat
and a Lite-Brite.
The incident made national
Opinion
campaign. The fine is $5.00 plus
the estimated cost of restoration.
But other fines aren’t equally
specific, leaving more up to the
interpretation of the BOE.
The lack of precedent in
assessing violations was evident
during the current campaign.
Eve Carson and Jon Kite both
distributed their platforms prior
to the date allowed, yet Kite
received a harsher punishment.
A campaign worker for Kite
accidentally distributed a par
tial platform attached to the
back page of a petition for sig
natures in one biology class on
January 18. The Kite campaign
was subsequently fined $25 and
suspended from campaigning
for a 24-hour period.
Carson distributed a copy of
her complete platform to the
co-chairwoman of an endors
ing organization Jan. 21 and
received only a $25 fine. She
won the endorsement.
Though Kite’s violation came
The Greeks have set the
precedent, now the rest of
the University needs to follow
suit. More comprehensive sex
ual assault education is vital to
stamping out this plague.
A two-minute skit at C-TOPS,
while an entertaining way of rais
ing awareness, just isn’t going to
cut it. We need a whole activity
devoted to educating incoming
freshmen about the dangers
of and the facts about sexual
assault on college campuses.
The fact of the matter is
that education does help. The
rate of sexual assaults has
dropped significantly since its
peak in 1978, the same year
that North Carolina began to
receive federal money to help
victims. This drop certainly has
something to do with increased
education and awareness in the
last 30 years.
Unfortunately, many rapes
go unreported 59 percent
to be exact. This statistic is the
most terrifying, and the one
that will be easiest to do some
thing about.
Whether they blame them
selves, fear the judgment of
news and demonstrated how
easy it is for people to overreact
to the possibility of terrorism
in a post-Sept. 11 society. After
the fact, officials in Boston were
defensive about their decision,
saying that to act in any other
way would have been negligent
They declined to mention
that the signs already had been
on display in Boston for several
weeks, as well as in nine other
cities across the country. So why
did the bosses of Bean-Town go
into panic mode?
The public safety officials for
got FDR’s message, letting their
fear take over and brought the
entire city to a grinding halt
over an advertisement.
The U.S. fundamentally
changed after Sept. 11 into
a nation that has a difficult
before the campaign season offi
cially began, we cannot shake the
fact it was one of Kite’s campaign
workers that violated the rules,
not the candidate himself.
True, campaign workers
should know the rules and fol
low them, but there is a clear
distinction between a mistake
of a campaign worker and one
by the candidate herself.
The harsher penalty should
have befallen Carson. But since
its up to the BOE to hand out
punishments as they please, Kite
was forced to stop campaigning
for 24 horns, which is a lot con
sidering the campaigning season
is a mere 21 days.
It might not be the best idea
to assign specific fines for all
violations, so there should be a
range of possibilities. And justi
fication for the sentencing also
should be given by the BOE.
After all judgments that lack
reasoning can lead to student
elections that lack legitimacy.
others or don’t want the public
exposure, many victims don’t
feel comfortable reporting a
rape. This needs to change.
Unfortunately, events such
as the Duke lacrosse case do
not help mitigate this problem.
With the high-profile nature of
the case, it might cause some to
decide against reporting sexual
assault for fear of media scruti
ny. This is where implementing
education programs becomes
even more vital.
The statistics are pretty bleak
on sexual assault. One in six
American women will be vic
tims at least once in their lives.
As will one in 33 American
men.
In 2004 and 2005, there was
an average of just more than
200,000 people in the U.S. who
were sexually assaulted. That is
nearly four times the number of
residents in Chapel Hill.
It is for this reason that
sexual assault education must
continue to be expanded.
The push has begun with
the Greeks. We hope the
University will implement a
program of its own.
time distinguishing perceived
threats from real ones. A cul
ture of fear, reminiscent of our
fear of Soviet attacks during
the Cold War, has taken hold.
But that’s not to say real
threats don’t exist.
UNC experienced a real threat
last March, when Mohammad
Taheri-Azar intentionally drove
a rental car into the Pit, striking
nine students. But that incident
has not prompted students to
jump every time an engine revs.
As long as the U.S. is a world
superpower, there will be people
who hate us and will be willing
to undertake extreme actions in
order to harm us.
We must remain aware of the
risks, but not jump at everything
that seems amiss. Especially
when it looks like a child’s toy.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“I had a guy put a Duke bumper
sticker on my truck before. It really
made me mad.”
TYLER HANSBROUGH, UNC SOPHOMORE FORWARD
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Due to space constraints, letters are sometimes cut. Read the full-length
versions or post your own response to a letter, editorial or story online.
VISIT www.dailytarheel.coin/feedback
Carson explains reason
for missing BSM forum
TO THE EDITOR:
As some of you may have
heard, I will not be able to par
ticipate in the Black Student
Movement forum tonight. While
I could have quickly completed
the brief pre-forum question
naire, I wrote seven single-spaced
pages of thoughtful responses.
Unfortunately, I submitted it late.
For this reason —one that I regret
but understand the BSM lead
ers have decided that I should be
ineligible to participate.
I am deeply disappointed
that I will not have the formal
opportunity to share my ideas
with and receive feedback from
one of UNC’s largest student
organizations. However, I will
not allow formalities to prevent
such an integral part of campus
from hearing and responding to
the ideas that will greatly affect
student life this coming year.
On Sunday Feb. 11 at 4 p.m. in
Bingham 103, Bernard Holloway,
an SBP candidate last year, wifi be
moderating a forum which I invite
all interested BSM students to
attend. There will be no endorse
ments, just ideas and dialogue.
While the forum will specifical
ly address the questions and com
ments of BSM members, I openly
invite all students to come hear
what is to be said. The involve
ment of BSM and non-BSM
students will, I hope, further our
campaign’s passionate pursuit of
both community and diversity.
Eve Carson
Candidate
Student Body President
Campaign defacer will not
stop campaign's progress
TO THE EDITOR:
I was saddened to learn that
two of my campaign A-frames
were completely dismantled over
the weekend. I know it was a
deliberate act because I discov
ered one of the zip ties that held
one of the signs together had been
cut, and the support beams were
lying by them completely ripped
out from between the boards.
While our campaign was the
only to suffer an act of deface
ment like this, I would be just as
disheartened if it had happened
to any of my opponents.
One of the hallmarks of being
a student at UNC is the ability to
share varying views and beliefs.
The SBP election is a perfect
example of this and based on my
experiences with the other can
didates I am confident that they
would all agree that the person
responsible for this act has done
great damage to the University.
The person who did this has
every right to disagree and we
encourage him or her to express
that right by voting on Feb. 13.
This person does not, however,
have the right to damage the repu
tation of the election by offending
what is supposed to be a clean,
fair, and democratic process.
A-frames can be replaced.
What cannot be replaced is the
integrity of the election process.
This act will not destroy the spir
it of our campaign and we are
committed now more than ever
to focusing on one thing: the
issues that this great University
faces now and in the future.
Caroline Spencer
Candidate
Student Body President
SPEAK OUT
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EDITOR'S NOTE: Columns, cartoons and letters do not necessarily reflect the opinions of
The Daily Tar Heel or its staff. Editorials are the opinions solely of The Daily Tar Heel edito
rial board. The board consists of seven board members, the associate opinion editor, the
opinion editor and the editor. The 2006-07 editor decided not to vote on the board.
(Eh? ioihj (Tar Hppl
Students should use care
when jumping to defense
TO THE EDITOR:
The vigil held in the Pit on
Friday afternoon in response to
the incident at Guilford College
was extremely misguided. While
I am proud of the overall social
activism of students at UNC, I
am concerned that in this case it
has gone overboard.
I wholeheartedly agree that
hate crimes and hate speech are
atrocious actions that should
not be tolerated in our country.
However, students should be
more careful when pairing peo
ple’s names with “hate crime.”
The Greensboro police already
declared that no evidence of ahate
crime exists. For this reason, it is
irresponsible of UNC students
to continue smearing the names
and reputations of these Guilford
College football players.
It is my hope that students will
remain at the forefront of socially
progressive movements. However,
let’s not jump the gun on issues or
believe everything we see on TV.
We are intelligent people, and we
are better than that.
Rosanne Niforos
Sophomore
Journalism
Letter was wrong to say
religions are not violent
TO THE EDITOR:
In response to the Feb. 2 let
ter to the editor, “Violence is not
the result of religion in particu
lar,” I agree that religion does
not directly preach violence.
However, the dominant ideology
of all three major monotheistic
religions, no matter what St. Paul
wrote, is that their religion is the
only true religion, and that any
spread of that belief, violent or
not, can be religiously justified.
The European explorers who
conquered the America’s felt no
guilt in slaughtering thousands
of natives simply because they
believed they were doing some
divine favor to God and the
Pope. Now we might say that
these were just power-hungry,
evil men, but that is beside the
point. The fact that they could
easily justify their cruel actions
with religion is not only scary
but also commonly believed.
The people who committed
the suicide bombings in London
came from normal Muslim fami
lies, and had families and steady
jobs. Yet they were willing to
leave their families and kill inno
cent pedestrians all in the name
of their religion.
We may call these people
extremists, but the belief that
violence can be religiously justi
fied is not.
Also, the common argument
that atheists like Stalin and Mao
Zedong “killed more people than
any religious group” is not only
inaccurate, but holds no weight.
These dictators did not kill in
the name of atheism and could
not feel justified in their actions
because they were atheist.
Carson Smith
Junior
Management and Society
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