8
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 6, ‘2OOB
IAN WILLIAMS
FORMER DTH COLUMNIST
E-MAIL: ECSTASYOEARTHLINK.NET
Why I
still can’t
stand the
Dookies
I always hated it when alumni
came back and waxed rhap
sodic about their undergrad
years. “Yes." I'd alway’s think,
"I know there were kegs in the
dorms, there was free low outside
Bingham Hall, everyone sung in
harmony about a perfect world,
blah blah blah ..."
So why listen to me, you might
ask? Well, usually in this spot the
DTH runs an old chestnut I wrote
about Why I Hate I Took. I had a
Wednesday column back in the
Bronze Age of 1990. and I told the
story of how my high school visit
to Durham turned into a flaming
pyre of white-hot hostility .
When the piece ran. I thought
my friends would disparage the
< >bviousness of it - writing a col
umn about hating Dook? Jesus,
that’s like shoot
ing barrclfuls
of cod! Instead,
GUEST
COLUMNIST
the column ended up on refrigera
tors across the Piedmont, and it
taught me two lessons. First don’t
overthink your duties: and second,
never underestimate the hatred for
Durham Clown College.
A whole cottage industry has
since grown out of the UNC-Dook
rivalry; two big-selling books,
endless coverage on ESPN and
gigabytes of Photoshopped files
featuring Mike Krvshwqhskdi.
What used to be private disgust is
now a public phenomenon, and it
raises the question: Is Dook still
worth hating?
I assumed, like everyone does.
I'd mellow once I graduated. I'd
gain a little perspective, and my
passion for beating Dook would
gradually drill away. I would grow
hair on my ears and suddenly
think sitcoms were funny.
I'm here to tell you these things
don't necessarily happen. My
ey e-twitching contempt of Dook’s
basketball team grew even more
intense. How couldn’t it, when
faced with such a consistent hcxip
ster jerk factory?
How can you watch any Koach
K press conference and not
feel this man Is a modem-day
Narcissus so fixated on success that
he'd throw his own players under
the bus? A tightly wound mess of
resentment and profanity, the toxic
combination of a control freak
with a thinly veiled persecution
complex? Yes. I was a psych major.
.And believe me, I wouldn’t bet
three cups of snot that there isn’t
some person like me in the other
camp, the Dook fan who has his
own dime-store theories on why
Carolina Is a blight on the athletic
world. But 1 wouldn't trade places
if tlie Buddha himself showed up
w earing a navy blue unitard.
I'll tell you why: I got to choose
my church. Having grown up with
out an organized religion, I adopt
evl the Carolina Way. 1 adhered to
the Dean-Gut-Roy belief system,
and incorporated it everywhere:
doing things the right way: playing
hard, smart and together: valuing
your family above all.
We all burst from Chapel Hill in
a plume of gorgeous blue smoke,
w afting to all comers of the globe
where other like-minded souls
await. The "sky-blue mafia” has
beds for you in Manhattan, an
internship in Hollywood, and we'U
save your spot in line at the K&W
in Rocky Mount. There is no old
boy’s network, no secret hand
shake. We just share our affection
for a town on a hill, and this:
When we see Dookies clogging our
TV. our lips curl, and we seethe.
Ls Dook still worth hating? Take
a look at Sean Dockery slugging
IVler in the mouth. Find your
self in the midst of the Kameron
Krazies, a numbnut group of
ravenously twee dorks who shel
lac their nipples with blue food
coloring, scream cruel epithets at
opposing teams, then jump up and
down with the mindless lockstep
of the Communist military.
There's just so much to despise!
Every religion must have its Devil
and ours are Blue. Whether you're
in an 8 a.m. Econ class trying to
stay awake, or in your nursery try
ing to get your daughter to sleep,
we re in ft together. Break his
ankles, Ty! Punch it home, Rey!
God bless them Tar Heel boys!
Editor's note: The above column
ran on the day of last year* Duke
game in Chapel Hill.
Help wanted
UNC should offer financial aid to illegal immigrants
Money can’t buy you
love, but it can buy
you a better future.
Unfortunately for many in the
U.S., including those who are
here illegally, that better future
comes at too high a price tag.
The departure of UNC’s
Scholars’ Latino Initiative
founder and religious studies
professor Peter Kaufman for
the University of Richmond
has brought new attention to
the future of local undocu
mented Latino students.
SLI is a program aimed at
helping Latino high school stu
dents get to college. About 50
percent of its participants are
undocumented immigrants.
Kaufman cited Richmond's
agreement to provide financial
aid to undocumented students
as an incentive for his move.
While it is too late to keep
Kaufman, UNC should be
allowed to provide financial aid
on an institutional basis in order
to attract the most diverse, tal
ented student body possible.
As an arm of the state gov
ernment, the state and federal
governments have purview
A bright idea
Take advantage of light-bulb swapping program
In an effort to conserve
energy on campus, the
UNC Sustainability Office
has extended a program that
gives out free energy -friendly,
fluorescent light bulbs to faculty
and staff for use in their desk
and floor lamps.
The move represents the first
step toward eliminating the
energy-wasting incandescent
bulbs from campus, and profes
sors would do well to make use of
the extension of the program.
Despite the fact that fluores
cent bulbs cost almost $7 more
than the old dinosaur bulbs,
which discourages people from
buying them, they use a fraction
of the energy of incandescents,
and they last 10 times longer.
It makes sense then that
the free light bulbs have been
The scarlet bracelet
Sex offender tracking shouldn’t be a life sentence
In January 2007, North
Carolina began tracking
sex offenders with satellites,
waist transmitters and anklets.
A year into the program, there is
increasing opposition question
ing the constitutionality of such
tracking programs.
The law requires judges to
impose a lifetime of GPS track
ing on three main categories of
sex criminals who already have
served their time in prison: a
repeat offender, a sexually vio
lent predator or an aggravated
sex offender.
The law itself has a lot going
for it at first glance, but there
are afewbumps in the road that
might help appeals declaring the
law as unconstitutional.
Keeping an eye on the where
abouts of sex offenders is noth
ing new. Registries started in die
1990s so that the public and law
enforcement officials can know
who they are and where they live
for public safety reasons.
Opinion
over UNC, thereby limiting the
action it can take with regard
to illegal immigrants.
That does not, however,
preclude the University from
doing anything to help them.
We like to think that univer
sities exist primarily to educate
people. In this vein, we’d like to
see UNC have more control over
who can and cannot receive an
education here.
Illegal immigrants currently
are excluded from aid programs.
This should change so that UNC
is permitted to provide aid to
all students deemed capable
of attending the institution in
the form of programs like work
study, Carolina Covenant or
other merit- or need-based aid.
Including undocument
ed immigrants under the
University ’s aid is preferable to
simply charging these students
in-state tuition rates.
UNC was created as the
University of the people of the
state of North Carolina —as in
the people paying taxes to the
state of North Carolina.
Many undocumented immi
grants do not pay income taxes
acclaimed as one of the bright
est energy-saving ideas in recent
campus memory.
As with any paradigm shift,
however, there are those on
campus who prefer the old
fashioned to the new, in this
case incandescents and their
deliciously natural yellow light
to the bright and trendy plow’ of
fluorescent bulbs.
Fortunately for these old
school faculty and staff, UNC
Energy Conservation Manager
Warren Jochem is a step ahead.
Rather than spewing out
shades of blinding greens and
blues, the new compact fluores
cent bulbs being given out caress
users into a state of environmen
tal bliss with a gentle, yellowish,
soft-white color.
Unfortunately, the bulbs are
But even though the public
has a visceral reaction toward
sex offenders, the government
still isn’t allowed to take away
their constitutional rights.
While it’s true that only the
worst of the worst sex offenders
are (un)lucky enough to sport
the hottest new' Lindsay Lohan
ankle accessory, wearing it for
life seems excessive. Time on the
program should be sentenced,
just as other punishments are.
At this time, there are only
about 85 offenders wearing the
monitors, with 60 of them wear
ing them for life.
Additional]}’, some of the “ifs,
ands or buts’ of the program
slow down the offenders inte
gration back into society. The
program currently requires
offenders to stay home between
midnight and 6 a.m. each day.
While we understand assaults
are more likely to happen at
night, we have to look at the
effect of this restriction.
to the state because to do so
would require a Social Security
number or other form of legal
identification. Also, students
must have residency status to
qualify- for in-state tuition, and
residency requirements include
citizenship or other legal resi
dency in the country.
In this case, it is prefer
able that the University, which
accepted the student, has the
authority’ to hand out aid or
scholarships.
UNC needs to ensure the
resources put into the SLI pro
gram don’t go to waste by not
giving those in the program help
paying for a UNC education.
Undocumented students like
ly haven’t had the choice to come
to the U.S.. but they will decide
whether to use their talents here
in North Carolina or take them
to another state or country.
At the end of the day, though
illegal immigrants shouldn’t
be offered in-state rates, it only
makes sense to educate those
students who can contribute to
our state in the future by provid
ing service programs like SLI
and offering financial aid.
only free for state-appropriated
buildings such as libraries and
classrooms, so the dining halls
will have to bask in incandescent
light until their budgets appro
priate a bit more green for their
green cause.
Or perhaps Lenoir and Rams
Head can just turn off the lights.
In the dark, students might not
fully comprehend that their
Phillv cheesesteak looks like
burnt seagull strips. And every
one knows that when stomach
ing a tasty’ meal at Lenoir, men
tality is half the battle.
As long as fluorescent bulb
users do not begin turning
their noses up at the rest of the
population like first-generation
hybrid car owners, the switch is
a wise and vital step on the path
to sustainability at UNC.
What if the only job they could
get is at night?
Forcing sex offenders to be at
home during key social hours
could even have the potential
to send them into boredom or
depression, increasing their
chances of repeating yet again.
Also, the GPS trackers often
lose satellite contact in cars and
inside buildings, causing depu
ties to be alerted, something
that offenders have an incen
tive to avoid. This means that
if the receiver loses contact, the
offender must stop what he is
doing to contact deputies and
regain the satellite link
While the technology gods
have the ultimate say, these
devices shouldn’t interfere with
daily life.
We’re not here arguing that
sex-offender laws shouldn’t be
strict. However, the program
must not prohibit sex offenders
from becoming functional mem
bers of society.
QUOTE OF THE DAY:
“I think its awfully difficult to go
from crutches one day to playing
against Duke the next day
ROY WILLIAMS, BASKETBALL COACH, ON TY LAWSON
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
To read the full-length versions
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Vote against fee increase
during Tuesday's election
TO THE EDITOR:
I urge all students to vote
against the safety and security fee
hike that will be on the ballot in
the upcoming student body elec
tion.
Supporters of the hike will tell
you they need more money to help
rape victims and that voting no is
like voting against rape victims.
But don’t be deceived or fright
ened. This rhetoric simply isn’t
tnie. I’m all for safety, but they’ve
already got plenty of extra money .
Fact: Even without an increase,
the Victim’s Assistance Program
will get SIO,OOO increased fund
ing next year.
Another feet: The fee has a sur
plus repeat: surplus —of more
than SIO,OOO. In addition, each
previous year the fee has built up
additional surplus ranging from
$15,000 to $24,000.
Proponents will tell you that
they are required to have a sur
plus equal to three months of the
yearly operating budget in accor
dance with University accounting
practices. But the SIO,OOO surplus
covers three months.
I made a commitment to you
last semester to fight fee increases.
Most of your other student gov
ernment leaders have never seen
a fee increase they didn't like.
Every chance they get they vote
to approve fee hikes. So it's up to
us as students to do what our stu
dent government has failed to do:
Protect us from fee hikes.
The fee increase is just a few
cents. But what kind of mes
sage do we send to the Board of
TYustees when they’re thinking
about raising our fees and tuition
w hen we are so quick to raise fees
on ourselves?
Let's send a clear message
and vote no on this unnecessary ,
unjustified fee increase.
Tyler i’ount*
Speaker
Student Congress
Don't play the race card;
'freshwhite' is acceptable
TO THE EDITOR:
I don't understand all the hul
labaloo over so-called “racist"
language.
Words like freshwhite, chair
white and white power have been
elements of English for centu
ries, and I don’t see any point
in changing them now just to
appease a radical minority.
Why would we want to destroy
the beauty of a phrase such as
“all whites are created equal’ by
replacing it with something so
plain as “all people are created
equal?"
Clearly “white" when used in
these contexts actually refers to
all people. Those who argue oth
erwise are clearly just looking to
play the race card.
I’m sick and tired of hear
ing about the racism that
they imagine in our language.
(They) should just get over
it and work on an issue that
actually matters.
I believe the above would gen
erate a good deal of outcry, were
it real. Why? Because it’s racist.
So why is it acceptable to
defend gendered language in
very similar terms?
Meghan Morris
Former DTH Editorial
Board Member
SPEAK OUT
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The Daily Tar Heel or its staff Editorials are the opinions solely of The Daily Tar Heel edrto
rial board. The board consists of eight board members, the associate opinion editor, the
opinion etktor and the editor. The 2007-08 editor decided not to vote on the board.
Shr Sally Sar Urd
Make an effort to get rid
of all divisive language
TO THE EDITOR:
I’m pleased to see so many col
umns denouncing sexist, patriar
chal language at our University.
In the spirit of moving UNC
toward being inclusive of ail peo
ples regardless of race, gender,
religion or creed, I would like the
University to start taking steps to
remove all religiously prejudice
language from their documents,
starting with the word “Chapel."
A chapel is, by definition, a
“separate area in a Christian
church" and is commonly used
to refer to Protestant churches
specifically.
How can UNC claim to be a
front-runner in progressive edu
cation if it continues to perpetu
ate the marginalization of non-
Christian and non-Protestant
Christian sects?
Although this is just a pre
liminary suggestion, the title
“University of North Carolina
at Place-of-Worship-if-You-So-
Choose-to Hill" would be more
inclusive.
We wouldn't hesitate to
change the term if it were “Man
Hill." Why should “Chapel Hill"
be any different?
Or maybe the meaning of lan
guage is inherently flexible and
its connotations and surround
ing consciousness evolve as the
views of society change.
Maybe certain identity’ groups
fabricate problems or exagger
ate issues so that they can make
themselves fed like they are
contributing to a cause that has
some sort of purpose.
Matthew Bloom
Junior
Economics
Many Greeks are working
to keep the planet green
TO THE EDITOR:
I am writing in response to
Tuesday’s article, “Fraternity
helps lead Greeks' green efforts,"
(Feb. 5). Phi Gam, however, is
not the only Greek house work
ing for sustainability.
Sigma Nu is also diligently
working to become more sustain
able. Sigma Nu has been in con
tact with the UNC Sustainability
Office to figure out ways to go
green and to look for funding for
its efforts. The fraternity is also
switching all of its light bulbs to
compact fluorescent light bulbs
and is working to convert to
water-saving shower heads.
Additionally Sigma Nu is
spearheading a partnership
with student government’s envi
ronmental affairs committee,
the UNC Office of Recycling
and Waste Reduction and
Orange County’s Solid Waste
Management Department to
establish a regular collection
schedule in Fraternity Court.
The organizations are encour
aging Greek houses to recycle
and are raising awareness about
the necessity of recycling.
Michael Crook
Junior
Political Science
(Thr Saihj aar Hrrl
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