ahr Daily Sar Hrrl
Yo G-Unit, I’ve got what it takes
It has come to my attention the
previously dominant Guerilla
Unit less formally G-Unit
has fallen from its once haugh
ty pedestal atop the rap world.
I'm going to outright say that
if Curtis “50 Cent" Jackson initi
ated me into his group in place
of the recently evicted Young
Buck, I could revitalize the crew
and restore G-Unit to a level of
I will not pretend to be an
obstinate disciple of the Unit’s
gospel, but within the confines
of this article, I will outline the
rationale Fiddy should consider,
which ultimately will lead him
to deem me worthy enough to
become the next official member
First and foremost: 1 don’t
think anybody can say G-Unit is
the greatest representation of tal
ent to surround a celebrity such
as Curtis. Whether through jail
terms, failed attempts to compete
with rival rap groups' mixtapes or
erratic behaviors that leave associ
ates off video games, G-Unit affili-
®Are you currently experiencing
around one or both of your lower Ww
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IN THE 2008
While the senior marshals endorse
Carolina for Kibera (CFK),
gifts made by seniors to any
University fund count toward
If we reach our goal of 30.5%
class participation (1,151 donors),
an anonymous donor will give
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choose to give to CFK, David '69
and Becky Pardue will match your
gift $1 for $1 up to $25,000
Wherever you choose to give, your
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Private support provides 24% of
Carolina's budget and helps open
doors of opportunity for students,
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All donors will receive a Class of 2006 decal
Donors of S2O 08 or more will also receive a , y
Tar Heel lapel pin to wear on their graduation
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through the 2006 Senior Campaign for Carolina
aruHjaWiinri um r'du/qitt ,
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Carolin.T An/tuol fund, Campus Box 6100
: dnrjwanufrd.uni <*]/wniort .irttp.igr,
■ 1 111 I Ml I KM I I
CAROLINA ANNUAL FUND ||l
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BRINGING 88 BACK
ates don’t seem to be the most
reliable of sorts.
I am nothing but dependable.
If 50 ever needed someone to pick
up his royalty check for “From
Pieces to Weight," I’d be his guy.
And there would be no spontane
ous trips to da club on the way
home to blow his boatload of
Second: as I just explained, I
know how to manage money. Well
enough to the tune that I can’t
go through a fortune of around
$lO million as Mr. Jackson has
claimed some others have. Benzos
and Knzos ain’t my style.
If I get money. I'll invest in a
promising mutual fund for the
better good of the group. Talk
■3* • . ■ -■ . ■ ' . \
to Kenan-Flagler Business School this year
out of deep gratitude for an education
that set me on my career path... I’m
proud my donation will join with those of
others to help students just like me."
WSUiam Thompson CLASS OF 2006
Third: I can promote myself
better than Mike Jones. Fiddy
obviously knows how to market
With all the Vitamin Water,
Magic Stick Condoms, Reebok,
G-Unit Books and movie deals,
he is truly the epitome of new
What more could I do, you
Peep that tagline. You think
that's a NaS lyric?
Hell nah, that's my blog
com). That’s just the beginning.
I got myself copyrighted years
ago in anticipation of my immi
nent fame. In fact, if I’m made a
part of G-Unit I’ll already have
a name: Okie, because I would
have blown up “sooner" than
Fourth: I am a G, of the “O."
variety. I know you saw- me use
Lastly: Turn G-Unit Clothing
Company under my direction, and
I’ll turn a profit.
Aside from a flat-bill cap I
found washed up on a beach.
I’ve never had any experience
with G-Unit clothes, but the
company still stands as maybe
Fiddy's only failed business ven
I’ll reinvent the product line
to increase the market. My first
order of business: Start pitching
women’s jeans to hipsters who
need a little more denim in the
tushes region. We’ll call it, G-
There you have it, my five
point plan that so clearly states
that with the simple addition of a
young, suburban white boy from
North Carolina, the G-Unit band
of brothers truly can run New
York —and quite possibly the free
And even if it doesn't work out.
I’d never be able to mount a cam
paign against them.
The Game already stole "G-
Unot,” so I'm left with nothing.
Contact Benn Wineka
It’s your Tomorrow.
Tell us what you think.
1 • * • *
Photo by Dan Sears
UNC Tomorrow is an initiative led by President Erskine Bowles to determine how
all of the UNC campuses, including Carolina, will respond to the needs facing
North Carolina over the next 20 years. A copy of the UNC Tomorrow Commission
report and an executive summary can be found at the following address:
www.nctomorrow.org. Please join us at one of the forums to learn about and
discuss UNC Tomorrow. This is your chance to contribute to Carolina's response
plan, which is due to UNC General Administration by May 1.
• Designer Denim Dresses • Luxury Tees • Formal Wear
• Accessories • Pants • Jackets
Tocca , Citizens, Joie, Save the Queen,
MtUy, Nanette Lepore, Tibi, Theory, Lilly Pulitzer,
ppfßw' s’’ 5 ’’ ‘j
The Dirty Little Heaters, fronted by singer/guitarist Reese
McHenry, brought their full-fleshed garage-punk to
Local 506, wanning up the crowd for The Dirtbombs.
But with a voice as powerfully aggressive and expressive as
McHenry's, The Heaters pack a punch all their own.
thursday, april 10,2008
Monday, April 14
Wilson Library 7
Pleasants Family Room
Tuesday, April 15