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Yo G-Unit, I’ve got what it takes
It has come to my attention the
previously dominant Guerilla
Unit less formally G-Unit
has fallen from its once haugh
ty pedestal atop the rap world.
I'm going to outright say that
if Curtis “50 Cent" Jackson initi
ated me into his group in place
of the recently evicted Young
Buck, I could revitalize the crew
and restore G-Unit to a level of
respectability.
I will not pretend to be an
obstinate disciple of the Unit’s
gospel, but within the confines
of this article, I will outline the
rationale Fiddy should consider,
which ultimately will lead him
to deem me worthy enough to
become the next official member
of G-Unit.
First and foremost: 1 don’t
think anybody can say G-Unit is
the greatest representation of tal
ent to surround a celebrity such
as Curtis. Whether through jail
terms, failed attempts to compete
with rival rap groups' mixtapes or
erratic behaviors that leave associ
ates off video games, G-Unit affili-
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aruHjaWiinri um r'du/qitt ,
'! I (.1 . annuoHund uncvcdu/onecrtrd
Carolin.T An/tuol fund, Campus Box 6100
: dnrjwanufrd.uni <*]/wniort .irttp.igr,
■ 1 111 I Ml I KM I I
CAROLINA ANNUAL FUND ||l
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BENN WINEKA
BRINGING 88 BACK
ates don’t seem to be the most
reliable of sorts.
I am nothing but dependable.
If 50 ever needed someone to pick
up his royalty check for “From
Pieces to Weight," I’d be his guy.
And there would be no spontane
ous trips to da club on the way
home to blow his boatload of
buku.
Second: as I just explained, I
know how to manage money. Well
enough to the tune that I can’t
go through a fortune of around
$lO million as Mr. Jackson has
claimed some others have. Benzos
and Knzos ain’t my style.
If I get money. I'll invest in a
promising mutual fund for the
better good of the group. Talk
CAROL] /^\
2005
P ■
-f .
■3* • . ■ -■ . ■ ' . \
"I GAVE
to Kenan-Flagler Business School this year
out of deep gratitude for an education
that set me on my career path... I’m
proud my donation will join with those of
others to help students just like me."
WSUiam Thompson CLASS OF 2006
Diversions
about street.
Third: I can promote myself
better than Mike Jones. Fiddy
obviously knows how to market
himself.
With all the Vitamin Water,
Magic Stick Condoms, Reebok,
G-Unit Books and movie deals,
he is truly the epitome of new
money.
What more could I do, you
inquire?
Peep that tagline. You think
that's a NaS lyric?
Hell nah, that's my blog
(bringingßßback.wordpress.
com). That’s just the beginning.
I got myself copyrighted years
ago in anticipation of my immi
nent fame. In fact, if I’m made a
part of G-Unit I’ll already have
a name: Okie, because I would
have blown up “sooner" than
later.
Fourth: I am a G, of the “O."
variety. I know you saw- me use
“da’ earlier.
Lastly: Turn G-Unit Clothing
Company under my direction, and
I’ll turn a profit.
Aside from a flat-bill cap I
found washed up on a beach.
I’ve never had any experience
with G-Unit clothes, but the
company still stands as maybe
Fiddy's only failed business ven
ture.
I’ll reinvent the product line
to increase the market. My first
order of business: Start pitching
women’s jeans to hipsters who
need a little more denim in the
tushes region. We’ll call it, G-
Uni(sex).
There you have it, my five
point plan that so clearly states
that with the simple addition of a
young, suburban white boy from
North Carolina, the G-Unit band
of brothers truly can run New
York —and quite possibly the free
world.
And even if it doesn't work out.
I’d never be able to mount a cam
paign against them.
The Game already stole "G-
Unot,” so I'm left with nothing.
Contact Benn Wineka
at wgbennet(temail.unc.edu
It’s your Tomorrow.
Tell us what you think.
2k
1 • * • *
Photo by Dan Sears
UNC Tomorrow is an initiative led by President Erskine Bowles to determine how
all of the UNC campuses, including Carolina, will respond to the needs facing
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www.nctomorrow.org. Please join us at one of the forums to learn about and
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\ok
• Designer Denim Dresses • Luxury Tees • Formal Wear
• Accessories • Pants • Jackets
Tocca , Citizens, Joie, Save the Queen,
MtUy, Nanette Lepore, Tibi, Theory, Lilly Pulitzer,
WARMING UP
ppfßw' s’’ 5 ’’ ‘j
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>
OTH/BENN wineka
The Dirty Little Heaters, fronted by singer/guitarist Reese
McHenry, brought their full-fleshed garage-punk to
Local 506, wanning up the crowd for The Dirtbombs.
But with a voice as powerfully aggressive and expressive as
McHenry's, The Heaters pack a punch all their own.
thursday, april 10,2008
UNC Tomorrow
Campus Forums
Monday, April 14
2:30-4 p.m.
Wilson Library 7
Pleasants Family Room
Tuesday, April 15
3-4:30 p.m.
Student Union
Room 3206
7