Newspapers / The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, … / May 3, 1888, edition 1 / Page 1
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StIE HOME. i : Si ; l:t .1 EVERY THURSDAY AT THE! A. ji. inLniia, tauor.jt rroj rietor. r wr tin m vm w . . I I tfF.IOlM OF MU CHII TION. One ubllar per year in advance, t swictiy uj advance ten cena per; 1 qaare, 1 time.! ! $1.00 1 v.rj 1 Bljuarr, 1 mODlu, 1 square & months, 1 inar 6 months. ! 6.00 - i T.50 32.00 for any i minor w months, . uoniracns ac reasonaole rteB . fi'i)ojjjq nme ana suae. n I, ..! Kpcnm ....... ... 1 he Editors er not reeboMibI wcml4ttotbeindersfo6 -a8enijor8lHr the views' t contributors to ,iW ctolumns of errand aii ., nuu mo reserve me prerogative of withholding the. names of !cotfi;ribntors il! itphopljl be doetnednroperi No communis ertion i!l be allowed a place in the paper unless aceoniDanied bv the nnmn f . sponsible party. No indecorons porsonali.' tien will be published. OUtaarr notices to the extent of (right lines will bo admitted free of fcharge.; (Tea cents will be charged for ever line in excess of this number. Con. tribntdrtare requested to Write od only one side of manuscripts. We ddnninw! rejeciea mannscriptsl Address , rilEjfHUME," t'ittsboi-o. N. O. Most'tjf the depositors in th. largest saving ? l stitution in Philado pun are vfmiciijj.ibd an authority in sulh icattera id averts hat by, far the greatc.s share j of ull the unvested; capital in Ph l.delpl; ia held in trust belongs to women. A statistician 'says that the i i i.. i r . ' j land nqw icvoicti jn r ranee to wine graced would if given up to corn and wheat, produce oa tmii-.rv rr i ; i-. .. : as the country i cs now has! to bu at a co of $1000QQQ to 150.001000 r l:Cl" year, C'hinft'is afflicted with a 1 iTn rLei nf ta i: which are rendering the1 Khaikha legion an Outc .Mongolia uninhabitable. Boston Courier', suggests that as ra The rats are China, it is a pity that they have; rfot Yankee enl erpns2 enough to set up fanning establishments, and thus iujiiapestina bfessin f i -vactie ucrnmission- crs. arter three; years' i'nvestickttoa. are convince! Hint Hog cholera in their State - . . . . ; s spivsid hj feeding swill containib!? srnis tho disease brought ,from the Mi's t in fresh ihort nnd tTiot- in :no-etse locsj lfj spread from pen to pen infacttu I nuitnuls coma rin fniif.iW'n.ltii uninsa lniectt I nui heal thy; jont-s, Tlje bee hj a 5 greatest elevation1 which. hiis laine 1 by u:a:i is 87,' 0 feet t having aboub even miles this hfir! remched idurintr a wade ivi I luring a La!Ioi)n asceht CJlaisher. At; this t,4mndrtiia At this t uisianrp nbore the earth'4 surface Ihj3icttc.crtiin is found to , ; , - - r' ...tuxv m'f 8 M, owjiig to the great rarefaction1 of tlie 1 phei;e. It aii ;rticle jn American otstcr. the Vk.4 :s:1ys- I'-Thl natural "ad'j in! this .countrv mo Nev oystl-r-Wd "19 ,COUUtr"V aifi r:inifll bffqnumg ext;n t. The famjiii Snddie- - - - 'f . 1 i!oc)t bo'ji were dredge 1 foi st yards result 1 siome tiuii wiin ine jioiiowinj? ii .1 kV roapr-skatei . 1 boti ie?. pastto0:hl, reThse-, cijrht lar rge oysters, and a pock of sriiall seed."' vrt. . k . I - . i 1 ,n'J 8 1 Ipr "t.war, if not, its pride. l",n ' (I circunistan-c, is tuli-ap- he Ce.rnan nni.tary authorities have about male uj) the'r mind that the r cuirasses! worn; b i y about! ft (jlozbn Cavalry regimchtismus li e Cuiniss is p;ct- u'rcsqu but it is not bnl'et-ylroof and weigh pounds. between sixlesh and iseventeen , Mrs. Clcvelahd has eiveh u . r 'IT ---r- Wnfinr autograph letters. The demand. bJ2 grown jtob heavjjr. When ihe'first went loe B bite House she acknowledjred nrettvU every book. floWpr- nr irJrt4,Li;L-ll v. 11 r- in ' V - vvuiuubwui UV'- a latoffrntlh letter. ! ' ilNTnL U uiJ -nr. o r . ' - 1 - v, AJ.l - u.v aie ner conespopden 4 and has , 6, d0 t 8ign her nkmi to otters - 'vnowieagment and the other an swers to ber Iare eorrespondericeJ! Amohg the researches' into t he consti- tutional ibistory of the tnitirl (TSagei iso much attetiAn, the .' n . i T . T states l! more or ess informal meetings of states at Alexandria Va., and Jlountv crnon l (Waihicert )h's resi Iencn: andjlu odnsu tation at Anuapcli,, Md.j m 17B j u preliminary to the great Phil adelphia Cbnvention of 1787. STave hithi crto remained jin some. obscurity ! Pro' fcsofjamCsonj:pf Johns Hopkins TJni-Ve-rsityJ Wtngaged oa anhatorical work uPpa:them. j j j; .; The present ; German EmnrJqa i. fifth KAglish prLpCei8.who hft, he!d that rank; e omers were Ldsvth. daiiffhl ter of d ward t ie. Klder, wifej of Cttd I ; Gunhild, daughter of Knit, wife of Henry PIH. 01 Urrmanv Hfo i..i . '.hi it. , j ildi, thb between the1 Xrmn o biL.lJ fin "uynaitJesw fef Henry V. of , ,,,, i , , iuiui; Get "J;,ita Isabel . daughter of liin'" of lhe,j . f oimderick ll.1. the Wond Pfid. ; Th:s last-named Princess ect annpRtA- t H r;i- I Consort K.England, and thcreforft nf tb! i . ri-.ii , lug ,iiiu rr nra present pj-crman Empress. A " i r '1 r-"'.--1 1Iom:b office, -Mil II J ' ' " r -- fttm TIME TO HATE.' 1 have, a; friend I mean, affoeU cordially I ouk-ht t Knf. iWhora But somahow I can iur .i.J i , ! V OJUJj - i To lay he fend between us straight When appb houghs are full of bloom, And Nature loves her fellow-men With all the witchery of spring? j I How can you hate a fellow then! ' J ' J i i r, i ; i i And then when summer conies. -I T- . i . . -I- ! with days' ! r bu oi a loan: and lariaruidi chhm When even water-liliet sleep j j ' Gn wa3 Without a thraght of harm, When underneath the shadiest tree j My hammock hangs in idlsit state, I. were an, idiot to get np j j I ; Oat of that hammoski just to hate. Then harests come. If mine is big, I am too happy with my store; 1 smaii, 'm too much jOccarjied ij With grabbing round to tttak il mdrej In dim recesses of my ta'nd;! I have no Idle honr tA snank J iis-itmtlng trorm bitter foe I Who simply ought to be my friend. In winter? j Weli, in winter-ughj no would aid ha'eito winds that freeze? o.u love ana warmth that I can get i want in suc h dull days as these. no, no, aear.Coe; it is np use; Thetrugling year ib at an I cannot hate you if I weuM end And you mustitf n and be my friend. i ; Aiwe y xollms, in Harper Weekly. THE TWO. YAm . "VVhat t am ! about to re Utely truie. It has! never ate is abso appeared in onau xncriuiy maKc i a necessary c hange in names and locale, --"is cAauuy as tney were de-J tailed to njie by one personal y interested in the story. , . ,i In a rambling old rector v in thn Ar,M. Jaods therfe had stood for more than forty jr. . JilU0, ttscs-not special. y adJ mired or Valued by'the owner-dusted m pacrnegious hands ; of every! chance housemaid, yet, curiously enourhj unbroken (during that loffg period bf time. Ihcrc -were quantities of china1 lying about and ranged along the walls,! apparcnily; of equal or greater value! v ulc as a vasi cnina warren whr no one seemed to know. M i . i ' ! At the send : of the Sector, who had a years the rnore ! dignified sccicsiastiCal title as Well, di'ed I -I i-. i. iur. uaraeu. "lie Glided ahw ?m " teptibly from the world," Ind lefth s ' wTttnS T 0y(hrni1' Mr chiba behind him. i if i! P , Fl?I?y- ' He works too hard." 1 The Tector left two IRobsrt and V-a a ritzry-r iiie property was div ded pretty equally between the two except that to Robert, Ihe elder, went the furniture, pictures, plate and china. t xrV. settlement, however, James Fitzroy said to Roberts "I have ve hall-moie ior auld lang syrife than ahyi thing else.'l To which I obelt rthliJ wvucjr iur inos'i two vases o;it. of the with gehcresity , mora ctnspieuoii& thari ninatjon : : ! "Alt' Hghtijl doh't cai e aiscn about themi You may have them with1 i DleasUre." 1 t ' " The incidenh which trivial ftrinl.o-l, i; ' . TC, 1 enoi.-gh. did cot rlifcoli minus or either of fchfe hfcl' 1. 1 " t" TH & i T l 1L. l l f l l w l u t f-r .A . - -';!; . tt v yj l1 session and nil .umiici uy preierence. took his away. The vases wRrn niJLiri vrii spoil - - . : i in the here h s wife partly became her husl baud from; old associations I attached yylue to them, dusted them herself niiV Da ?Jr lay f th?ir Waintancc ealkd at The Briars. After the usual duhiessof rhfl s r, 4UUUI me ; weather ! arid the drawing-room of his cO KHlLrea01sd ; all hands. round t ie om in sea S of Tnew sub : IT SCld5r8 They 1gU me telegas jct. Theirant nZbf l oEurope strange vases, and the m.Pt.!. i ! :nii, .v-i. -i Ufl WDat lovely vases!! Whpro i;i you get them, Sirs. Fitzroy?'! 1 s 1 "TheVamo, f,om husband's fa4 ther s. ; Were they not ip the room when you cal.edilast, Mrs. Hemming i' ! ; ,"Xo, I am sure they were not. I do adnure theru tremendously; don t you?" Here th3 vtor crosses, the room to in- rVu - r iMei Cttte ware more closelyj ......uc ui uevouoniiwnich. foi uw una dp. more easily m "I.like jliem Very ' weT, hostess, unsimpatheticallv: jigined thin i S -fjJ replies the eaan n i. : S ' ter o"ai many vases that I like bet-,' The visitor retnrna tn Vol. t.L!J I like , "Vi t:ai, out cannot keep, her eyes and thoughts from iu uu ew pi ner admirationJi i f !A week afterward Mrs. HemmWifJ again. This time she is accomnnnli kw Lady Sarah Mordaunt. who i ,nir.J personally to M.! Fitzroy. but who is au ardent chinamaniac. Mrsj Hemming introduces her friend. Together they strike bt coming, appreciative,! and.tothe unsympathetic, somewhat ludicrous at titudes before their idnl ,iL,l 'J. Plays second fiddle her own .china. Lady earah Mordaunt is evei, louder in her prauesi than Mrs1 ! iTr:- i rr. to ether they i nsis t, unmoved iv the na J sive resistan' e of their hostess E gih,e OQtfntS of a S Wss hitherto! filled with bric-a-brael and installing in it place the; two vases.. Departing with alemnityi becoming to thq octasion, , they thus exhort Mrs. Fitzrov: 'Tf ,Vi ;V7i '-" :i1u7 uo not really va ue this t hinn ! toTitt 4. J i. I . "J - "fV Christie & Mason not send it to Mpssr and let tbiptn L nsiuiuo one yv no wiitf" ! J , Lady Sarah Mordaunt, with, indeed an enthusiasm worthy o, the rause, wai ,Uite rude about it. rThe worlds outside chmamania is, t the true believer- rerv much what! Macedonia' wa-s to Athens in the day of Periclesa barbarism only uched with the tongs. , j -f- : These exhortations sunk deep into the receptee soul of Mr. tiUroyj nudevent ually permeated even j the mo:e imchv dermatous entity which composed her husband. The barrister communicated with the famous firm of aifctioneeis. 1 hey asked for a description of the ch a, whiehwas given. Lltimately, by heir advice, the vases were sent up to hgtreet; St. James's Square, to b inspected, an4 sold for what, they would fetch-,,r, -f,-.j Hi! rif ' ,, .,- 1 ' V u?,1favealli" jauntto torn, myMeaeniarked Mr. Jainw Fitzroy to hn wife; "if the china' iU rail ther say, - the vases, cught to fech a ten- i , ' rr it ' pound -note each, audi that will nv n,ri expenses, for a Ions v urt.c, uui. iiui noiidav time."- Like .Um fi;t.; when pronosincr a ftimilart l..irJ.' AJr l itzroy was unaware tint the future was big wtth. fate. There the jimjlt breaks down. . - ri-'". -Accordingly; to town' they -weni !pnt tmg upat the Bedford (Hotel, in Cbvent Gardvit. After a ferw days spent in en joyment Mr. Fitzroy received a notice from Chri-tie & Jlansbn that his Vases wonldibe sold i on 4 certain day lh'fol lowin wee'eatthe end of the sale of Count MirabcauV Ghina, Count jjlirk beau was a name dea to connoisseurs, and even celebrated outside the chapned circle, He wass itt fact a hieropharifc of the china fetish 1 ; j j T "I should like to see this coiicction of uoun jttiraDeau's hey talk so muqh aoouc 1 in Fitzroy. sale." j the papers,V 8 lid Mr James "l tnink -we will go to thu " llf this view;, when the day arrived. 1 iney went, prepared to! swallow quietly their own (and the vases' Comparative lnsignifteancey Onltheir arrival in Kiri Street they found h rboms, of course! nwded With gentlemen and dealers! The time fixed for jthe sale had not yet some, , v : ! ii . -1.-T1:-- -i a -" . .mmmiij flirough the room, Mr. anaiWFrtSrpyi met a? acquaintance from the Midland juatin": their ! Wav with snire in wnicn.-they Irr0d. "Hallo, Fitzroy ! what are you doing ,erc? 1 1 neer knew ybu were a maaiac; cnina aay?" r ' . I ' "iaon t trd m fo tn a sot-t nf fi,;wrf as a ruie, put i thought I should tike to see vouct AUrabeah's collection. Tbev taiK so much about it. ! Besides; I We a little th?ng in the sale mvsHlf t K . The friend did n(jt heed the last part of j "Oh." Count Jlirahftan ?' VM tl.t ;i ' i . " 1 may J liUC enough, I confess: but it il nof.h inor rrm F1CU jl sume- cnina at tue turtheu end of the room. You co ne this May jjr.d I will show you." The trio threaded Iheir way tq a remote corner of the sa!e-rbom passing as rapidly as might be a great quantity of very handsome china which wa arranged ! and ticketed ready for and near : the ro?tru uewe ii.c rnj enfl remote from the door m, under two erlass moidsi on ! vases. I a lame stooa tneir oni two frieud; cbniplaeently, -with the gentle patroaage df inperir khowiedge'. 'that iiicici itiii. Mr.! t n n " a n j,uu use-wortu any other ten pieces in the room.! Quite unique 1" "Hangiti" sa d Mr. Fitzrdy. "I need riot have .tome s all this way to see those vases. Whv, they are mine!" "Yours, Fitzroy ! I like that! You . v vvi viu i'ciC. nave turned humorist ii 1 vr.v'r" "-ou were' oy joto! iou -lnanlc you- fpr the insinuation, oomersec. 1 am sane enousrh to know my own property when I ee? it. - T I yu those vases that you think such a lot ut are pme. 1 sen t them -to Christie." The tone and the weirds were too eVnest tb be hiistakeh. . H j. me couoquy, and bad gathered the im j pbf t Of what was passing. The dealers j swarmed around. Mr. Fitzrov v..i: 1 turesAipdn carrion. ! They took the facts ana ma "greenne s" m at a o-in I . viWslvc unqrea I Tit 1 I I 411 pbtmd you six urca pound lor those vases." "I Will glrC U e,Fht Jundred pound for those 1 .WHi give YOU more lhari nnv mamid England for those vases nn i , . , were tbe cries table, i sir." Snr-b i LUC which Tevinlnri n nu i iir. ritzroy and ran con was penectly bewildered, siderabbj risk'of beinjire ! duced to the condition Inmpreraf- hurl j gested previou&ly. The latter, whoi Was ; aft oTd hand, came t his rescue i 1 .. "Pon't be a fopl Fit rov. If they ;reauy are, yours' keep! a cool- head bn : si no i :. rnncA , f. , , t . i mi . i uvov .oocij lu-uav. i ney are wonh a mint of money, i "Don't part to j any of these 6harks.t'j s i On the Steps of the ball tii3 barrister would have taken twenty pounds for his I cuancep irom mat ciays. sale with cheer Mr?, j Fitzroy was looking very white. jibe sudden ti:mi affairs had taVn almost too much for! her. i! I. . "Don-,t faint, my 'dear," remarked her husband.! .The ad vice was needed. She fe't very like it. But woman's buttress UMOsify to see the! end,! sustained her If a woman were not curious, she would die moire prten than she does. The) sale began-! Count Mirabeaus collection wn sold first. The unior partner was the auctioneer. The Count s ch na wa$ indeed nmgni cent, and duly appreciated, j The jbidding was active and the pi ices' adequate. I Nevertheless throughout Cherj was a rest'ess feeling of impatience. : Mjre wascominn-. The ;tid-bitwas kept to tha last. ;f t j There wasapauve. Then, amidst loud applause and great excitement, to wh?ch 4t may be imagined the Fitzroys were not wholly i.Tsens ble, the two vases were placed before jMr.j Woods the auc tioneer, in full view of the audience. When silence supervened, Mr. Wo'-ds saidrijl -:-:,- . i .: i j", "Gentlemen, we know next to nothino about this china which stands before you. and of which you have just testified your approval. We cannot give you its detailed history. All We know is that these vases have been hidden away in a country rectory in the Midlands for fortv years and more. Anything further gick seems to be absolutely uncertain, ij Onc ung,hoivever, wejdo know absolutely Thetintinjr is the (real Hose du Earri. AV e thought there we e only five Tasea'in Eiirope, j the fnest jcxisting examples of this beautiful ware! We cow know there are even. The sixth and ssventh stand before you. gpntlemen." 3 jl Another round of applause greeted the conclusio 1 of this sb biddincr bejran Mr. and Mrs. .lames tbfi p.frirnrr iiTTii:i. J Fitzroy Stood in r-. .-.w iwi siuppiwiea excitement. ' ni?ecl the:,J- They a.in played second, fiddle to th- ro property f L poqca was the first Ird M.r iiitji pair. : Ichcerl emphasized the Spirited i start, i ( A ;co( however, soon reached, a pause, amid silfrk fa jthoisand jwas, ;Then there was which ronJjd be' felt and almost hea d. iinly three bid urs were leit in. KVorv rmo .ii.ij fc i w.ere 8mg up their forces " iu iml COnUICC t - Ml I I Tt I : nrr iinof .-U,J L !i j .. t I 1. mvilorn " iha: o.. icnidispu quietly,! - : v j j 1 hu hint waa taken, and n. and the-bdd inn- began aga n. i" Fifteen hundred nrf. eas " An uoariswrah'p U.m.n hammer falls. I Thei crowdba,, The The weirniest nobleman ini Fn g'and is the purctiaser. Mr. U nines wealthier by one vaousand five hundred preciation of the gravity of the situation and h it own good iuck in! true feminint fashioa, by promptly faintiog. i ltreaas ime a romance, iret hanrim. tt c iictujr true. '-7 lr. n i ; - . m a J A. a j . .1 -.- i j ' die of starvatidn. One of the weeltlt paper 1 say fit to conple Jhe episode ol the vs ses and the death, of tha gtrl jtd gethei , although the two thins qu te distinct. . The effort and tie last couplet ran: I f ; ' But she was Oalv coaimon 'rfa-a And thesa wera K03a du Earrilf 1 f:a tin 4nt,v Jt,- .1. and curls in caceful gp'ral curves to thl Ceiling, where it hovers until its identity is lost owing to the , fact of itslhuiho jbined by other iinsnbstantial femiflat;rini from tfhe sanie source. , - t , 1 uV yutre Kobert;Fjtzroy?duefiei '"".uw, wuo as ocnf silent Id r fivt minut - after the narrator o "ti2 stSn had fii ishedj j , th "."Wi nas oest-silent folr five onoiuer ana'TmrA tvicrrn-. 1 - ciuuivc, wnicn may or maj not have been exnrpu;a r.f. tt-i i o ,.i , i . x luminal mouon; "I eave those vA.m to mj Dromer.''-.;! World. trisE vfonos. nope is a 1 good breakfast but a bad. suppei Time and adversity are two powerful destroyers. j . The first step in debt is like the first . step in lalsehood, i vice stings us even in our pleasures, ir.' i i ,t. iuo cwusoius m even in ouripains t CheiTfulnes? or joyfulness is the . at mosphsre under which all things thrive i A life spent worthilv sknld ho i . f .TICI 1 ue" UJ aeeas not years, 1 . uJ"'"e wno na? any one of the vir ;, u, i . 'l-'ui"-u uas coloring o I mem au in nis character, ; Thesis many a heart that dwells in its scul, like a hermit in his cell, its own , oat uu sorrowing conteSsdr: a wittik ism, a'cold and cruel thing; but . . -XT. vir. uuu suiy pning ,ual no cvci me i in ni n ii mnr riismryisa miunty drama, enacts it. ' i . upon the theatre of Time, with suns foi lamps, and eternity for a background. bucqess don't imDDse itself ti .... . : . j luuce wno win must reacb for tbinrr. and at the same time cultivate thr . . tup. a.u ipe real wits and humorist iow i pi'v, men u, nu numor is tell I workecf out soberly with line and plum , met. ; scuare people : their wit and hnmn. lie np deeded in any case, without hearing the other side of the questidn though he may determine justlyj is nbt uicicuue just. ; , Thoste who excel in strength are ' no mostli vcly to show contempt in weak ness. A man does not despise the iweak jicss'of a cliild. . .-. , j , All that we possess of truth and wis- uuui is a Dorroweci good. You will be always poor, if you do not possess the only trlie riches. The l.vinir sret cred't for might be quite as much as for what they are ijostenty judges a man by the best i.uuer man ine average of his attain ments Bepcse and cheerfulness arc the Ibadge of the gentleman re doss in ern The Giteek battle pieces are calm; the neroes, in whatever violent actions en gagedj retain a serene as; e. t 10 De a good critic, a man must Have u m intrinsic elements of a! g od aumui, uuu yei wn;ie we have but few good authors, even the solitudes and waste places teem with critics We eem to have four kinds, of people inosd who are moving forward . 1 1 those wno are oa the move ba- kward ! those .. ok .uuiu- ai ii ana xnose wno are going 10 start m some dneefcion soon. Io. dnotthe man who can look with out emotion unon th snnoof At gather! over the wa'ery. eye, and the shadowta of twilight crow hrnaHp;- r,A yucu ue uusk 01 eveniner benrina . tn I I v i iuc, deeper rtipon the understanding! , I n - - Liie consists not. of a series of illna inous actions or elegant en.oyments; the geaier pan 01 our time parses in' com pliance with necessities, in the teff nrm . unce 01 aany duties, in the rmnvnl nl sman inconveniences, in the procure ment of petty pleasures, and we r. waII , d " ' vra or ill at ease as the main streim bf lifp glides On smoo'hly, or is ruif.ed by small oDstacies and irequent observatioa. a i rue Lave Match l-nnae uscar or bweden and his wif.. neem'-h. Munck.are passionately fpnd of uum sailing ana SKating. It was 11 no n the ice hhat the two first met. unil of their love making took n! ace flvlnor side by side over the frozen plains, on steel runners. Of coursp fb hw. Sweden forbidding marriage with W snH- ject, the king and queea opposed their son's iancy for the lady-in-waiting-finally he prince, by giving up allfclaim iu iub u-one, resigning mi Ktate 1 nw. ance, aid all royal privileges and emntn. ments, tecured a consent to his mnrriorrn All that is left is hh barren i? itiii'in .iii t. :i :l. 1 "... dren will not inherit; his position as adm ral in the fieet, which ' was! fairly won during his long naval fervice, and a small pr.vate fortune. His wifejhow cver.hus money enough for both, and mcjr uavc gone to jjournemouth, Eng. tnuu. bw 111 e. A Kiri Girt, But Not Reward. a Kingly Mrs. Scarf, of Niskayuna. New TTnrV is an aged lady, who was born ini Engi ana many years age. and! when k girl becamd famous for her skill in damask hangings. William jy J who then occupied the throng; of England, heard of her accomplishment and sent an order to her for twentv oWl damask for bed curtains. jMe w'ai in a hurry i&d gave her fou'daya for the task. Lt the end" of that t.imU maidenl presented ! the njler with , the handsomest damask certains ever! and up to that time, and which are.eveh now on exhibition in Windsor Castle. William was pleaded with th work, but sent the young Mrirl orilv ts ua rewaru ior ner acnievement.--it7oi- mcrciaiuiaoertiser. He who strives after a long and pleas t form of life must seek to attain con- ant tinued pquarumty. TUE JIERRY SIDE OF LIFE STOSIES THAT ABB TOLD BT THE UNNY HEK OF THE PKES3. 4 . . . ; i . u xpert Acconntant Caaso for Alarm tartaiity In the Family no Had Hope Etc j in j . -uo you think, Miss fim:th-lie pieaaeo, "that id time fou might learn -rossibij," ihe girl replied. "If you .rkiilw 3 . . . vwamii-uucr me a a.atement or what you a;e worth, Mr. Jones, I might learn to iws o. i'm very quick at figures." Tori'. Sua. i i Cause for Alarm. Just as the spring poet timidly opened the sanctum the telegraph editor, trho was filling in a dispatch, said to the cbef: i , "Shall I put a big head on itr . Jhen the building shook asjhe aprin" poet hastened downstairs. teto York Partiall y in the Family. - "No, Fido," the said to her little, do-, that wa? mutely suppliant, "one of these hot biscuits is as much as is good for you." "Can't I have another biscuit, mamma?" asked her little girl. lertamly, dear," said the indulgent mother. " you can have a inahy as yon want. He Had Hope, enn never be more than a sister to said a buxom widow, tmoriv t "I ycu, an old bachelor who had proposed. rnaaame, ye3 you can," he re sponded, gallantly. "I am not a man to lo;e hope." 1 es, out I fay I cannot," the sisted. per- "You have daughte s, madamc," he d; "you miyyet be my mother-in- sai aw Wadiing on Cii i A Personal Allusion .uiuul: .hi; ruins arnnain nnri oo . . Filth's dcquaii with a "tip tilt a yoang man ted" nose, of whom he makes mention in lll antn. bio raphy. The tip-tiPed nose roun" mnn was often made the iest of hi associates , u uui: uu Baia, graveiv: a rwl 1 1 .. ."I tav, iook n-.-re: 1 ob.ect to 1 i 1 . . . you maKing m y nose a subject o'. conversa- tion." "That friend: is unfortunate," replied his we wanted a subiect. and wn took the first that rtienial Adtertis r. turned up." Com- Ckl lectins Money. ITusband (to wi'e) "i've been out half the day trying to collect monev.aod I'm mad enough to break the furniture. It oeats all how some men Will put off and put off. A man wh owes Honey and won't pay it, isn't fit to associated Servant ( open inir the lr.rir tv, biucher, sorr, is down-stairs with his biil." II us! and "Tell him to call again " Lij: Pairicxism Vindicated. Kansas Judge "You are charged, sir, with voting n. nety-five times at yester day's c'ectiori.'' u'pit "It wa3 patriotism, your Honor; p:.re atr.otism. I simply did my full d ty as a citizen of a booming Kansas twu." 'l!ow do you make that out, ur?" x - 1 on Know, .iuuge, we est mate 110 n- 11 ation bv rauiti plying the number of votes by rive, and ' "nogh, ei.ough. I fine the rounl "i00 damn ;cs fur arresting jou, Oma '11 Yori H Made an t npressfdn. fmill alk "Couldn't think of Ffew rort, you know a perfect bore. I may go up again to Bockvillc where I spent a few days last summer. Ail the girls were c.a y abcut me there." -Vis-i Clara "Ah, Mr. Smalltalk, I fear they have iju'te spoiled you." S:n.i I.alk "Not at all. I was about to afld that I was visiting my uncle, who is supe iutc..d:.nt of a female insane asy lum." T.;un optc. An Apical to: Family Pride. 'Trisoner, hae you anything to pay why the sentence of death should not be I assed upon'yo 1?" "A few words, your Honor. 1 I am thirsv vcarj of ae." AVcll?' "Your older brother is a phys'ciaa." Ih's is impcrtiuent and irrelevant." "It may sound so, your Honor, but it means life or death to me. I understand that you take a great pr de in the phe nomenal sr.ccess of your brother." "I do. but what possible bearing mn that have upon your case?" "simply this: Your brother, the doc- ivi, iAiiic4 MK n year ago ana preH years. It wou.d certainly undermine his -. . v. . v. "um htc ei lea i iniriV rcputntion as a scientist should I die be fore that t.me "' JVjg Tvrk Keiet. Golfing Tvcn With Him. Sar lanar.alas I'e'guson. who had been for many vi-ars one of the fast vrmnmn of Austin, sobered lown at last and mar ried a ri h o'.d maid. He lid not invite any of his boon com- j anions to the wedding feast and some 01 mem leit mucn nurt about it, One of them, named '. heonhilus Smith, deter. mined to get even with Sardauapalus. Meeting the bridal couple on the street, hegre ted the pair very politely and passt d on. Next day. meeting Sardananalus. he took h'm warmlv bv the hand and fcnirl " lad to see yoj. Sardv I met tou yesteiday taking your old mother-in-law out for au airing, but didn't ston tbshalr hand. So: I didn't kuow how tio M lady might like it."-Texas Sitin?. ' Deserved No Pity. "Hal o! wh it's this" asked a benevo lent resident of an Arizona town, as he jcame suddenly upon a necktie social in fu l b ast. Jiststringing up a dude." explained kne of the party, as he took a be tier hold bn iherope. j "Waal, thit s rawthia' to. hang a man or." . . ;i ' i ' "But he's from Eoston. "Yaal, don't haDg the Door feller for hat. Ter tee he left the Dlace" "An' he stole a hoss." . "So her the most of.js, pardner." "An' he droppedl?ed Shirt Dick t his Aoot 'Wh. that's nawthin " rmWi benevo'ent resident. ; j "An' he sez ei.e-ther and m'i-ther." I 4You don't say I" exclaimed the benevi oent chap, excitedly.? Up he goe! u. uu inai rope lively y Omahi Wurld, It Rroke tip the Bluing. 1 uere S a niOUS frmir nrrr In VSrfvTnta who used to do a little extra work at preaching; but he bWt for several yers now. On the occasion of his last, ap1 pearance he selected for the Bible reod-i ing Job's description of the war hqre,l in which occur the parage: " He sailhi among the trumpets, ha! hat and he smelleth the battle afar off." The good man read along with increasing fen or and emphasis until he cjme to this, and' then he roHed the sentence fo-th: I "Hasaith among the trumpets hay! hay! and" ,,. 1 J Btit he'nfevef got anr further than that, for the people, forgetting the sanct'.ty of the place, tittered, arid then went into such a laugh that the meeting broke up in disorder and the farmer quit the pel pit iwreTer. nat-Hnqton Critic lie Changed tlie Subject. ntisband (looking up lroni his paper) "Whit aecot mm ... r .1 - - VBU UlkC U IUIIII selves!" Wife "What ia the matter now. dearf" Hi "I am looking at the love letters in inis breach Of promise case." W. "Are they interesting?" , "interesting! They are abo- l,,.i1 I . r .. - J ... uuckyl' My lovcy dovey V Halhall a!" w. (demurely) "It does sound rather foolish, doesn't it?" H. (with a burst of laughte) "Fool- laionc you mean. It s the wort rot imaginable. To think that any man in his senses cou'.d wrli mb ttnT th:s: I send you a million kics my goosie poosie, sweety pectyr ha', ha " l erhaps he loved her when he wrote those letters." ' IL "Suppose he did. Is that anv ex cuse for writing such mt j" . -jes, u shouid le. Here arc some letters I found to-dav when look mg over my o d relics-relics of court ship. They are very foolish, but very precious tome, I assure vou. Thev are your letters. One of them logins: "My ownest own prccioutcst littie ducky dar ling, my ' " II. ihastiM "Bv the wav. mv love. w a very nanasomc ixnnct in the window of Mrs. Fuaandfcather to-dav. If you will come out with me to-morrow ana take a look at it wclL if It suits you, you can have it " W. (Sweetly) "Thank you, dearest. Bhall I read youth:s letter it" H.-"Xo, I have an cnjrairemcnt Some other time I will hear it." Lo.fcn L'eurieri Art t'rlfoniantlo Swain. Cutting it across the countrV at mid night otherwise eloping to get married is a custom that has long prcrailtd in Kentucky. Many bb.e-grass g"i wou.dn t c-ire a cent about marrying if they couldn't run aw:iv and do it. l oung men in that favored roc-ion arc of that way of. thinking too. But there was one who doesn't feel that wav. as me louowmg shows : "Mother, young Brown was in the store to-day, and he said he wanted to marry our hate." said an old ccntlemcn down in Kentucky to his spoue. "Well, Brown's a good fellow," she rep'ied, "and I don't believe Kate can do better." "That's What I thought, and so I got reu in ine lace ana pretended to be mad, just as your father did whea l aked for you, you remember, and yelled: 'You can't have her ! Get oil my premises or I'll 'set the dog on yc, you young scamp: " "There'll be an elopement, then,': said tne wife,- with asm le or pleasure, recall ing the result in their case. "No, there won't," replied the bus- uana wnn a sign oi discontent. "Why not? That's the way it always worKS in KentucK." "We!l, he's a smart one, mother, and no mistake. He first gave me the wink, and says he : " ' Famer-in-law, I"m dead sot ag'n' elopements. TVo much trouble. The Ohio style of getting minied on the premises is good enough for me. I know it a'.q't popular in Kcntu-jk. It ain't so romantic as cutting it across the country at midnight, escaping across the river in & dug out and hunting a strange justice of the peace who chews plug tobacco while he tics the knot; but I a n t romantic For a starter I want the milch cow and the bedclothes, the trous seau and other knick-knacks that go with the regular way. Onecan;et up housekeeping easier. : I know it will come a little higher for you, but you'll have to stand it this time. Perhaps the other girls will fu-nUh the elopements necessary to keep up the reputation of the family, but none ia mine:'" "And what are you going to do about itt" asked the wife. "Do? Why sell some hogs and rig Kate out, of course.. What else can I do?" MUwaul-e Wl eontin. A Bevolution in Washing rroeese. "The scrubbing board will, soon be a relic of the barbaroussgea," enthusiastic ally remarked an uptown New York gro cer. "How so!" "A new process has been discovered by a wealthy Pittsburg inventor who does not care to make money out of his wits. and tnereiore gives his information to the public free. Here it is: He aays that if any one who ha a mod era e sired washing say for a family cf four or five persons will put the clothe to soak over night as usual, and add to the water a half tcacupful of pare benzine, and then, when they are put on to boil, add another half teaenpful of benzine to the water in the boiler, the dirt can be re moved from them with very little rub bing; the lar or of the laundress will be reduced more than one-half, and the c othes will be as white as they can be made. Some may ob ect to the sir-e'.l of the benzine, but he says that all disan- f rears by evaporation in the nrocen of boiling. The experiment is certainlr I worm iryig. ien7.ine sens lor a le 1 mi f m m mornin'r-iillcd him dead as a nail" 1 cents a quait, and it is said a pint of the HuVl will do for two lare wafbings, A'all dad Expim, - j , . - t , PIECING THE QUILT. ).'--., . Lep crows the clover, a pft Kren em, B'Jthely the note of Ura thrarU rin-. And Margery, under Ue lotwt tre, ( ' Sits at her patchwork an! ews an! fcins Bingi and dreams, and btr finger By.l With sunbeam kissed aaJ with iKadawa flecked, And the fair prinj hours tit li-hUy r With the joytbey bnngtoabrtlae'ct. And O, what a waader.'al quilt will grow - Oat of those frmrraroU and tiny UU! And tbe dimple come aai thidimpW go A aha measures and inatcbos, and trims and flti j A bit of bine in the renter there, Prota a mnaant left of Wr Sunday com; A strip of white and a ro-pink square. And a border here of chociilale browp Chocolate-brown that was grandma's drat, Bought that year when John Erst cam; Margery's thinking of tha 1 um. ' . . For In Margery's etweka btui lorth flam. -And this Is a scraj rfT-JtrmWm Dots of white oa a rrooad of grwo. ' I And tiny, aigtag lines of blark. With drooping, goldea bll Let weoi " ' The snn-wept earth is very fair To the maid who sits la ber sSady n!che. An! a tender thought, that is lik a prayer. Is tightly fastened with every titcb; , Ttre, u, sweet world that it Jtut at hand. tThere a cozy nast of a borne Is buat. And slie wooders and dreams of that un Lown ianl And she king, and p;, her patchwork quilt. HUMOR OF TIIL DAY. . A pair of slipper Two ecls. The purchase of a drama is mete bur ps ay. J Iit necessary to chop down a. tree l-e fore chopping it up? " How to mike a Maltcte stepping on hi tail. cross By Applause at the opera it cheap to ba obtruded for a wng! If a girl were to sweir ct a'l she would probabty swear "By Gutn," One of the bright spots in cxittencc Is epot cash. A t Uatc Mr. Where there a will tlit-re's a way? Yes, a way to Ln-ak it-.NVie York Herald. Of "pictures ir. Ihe fro' the poets tell; we only ee them when the grate draws well. JuJye. When a poor girl marries a rich tull do?s she call him by the pet name of "Birdie rB.i. Corner. The man in the moon has one adrant age over h:s terrestrial brothers: The fuller he gets the more briliiint he gets. Life. Darwin would Lave said that man 1 al ascended rather than descended from the ape had he not recognized the tuict.ority of the latter in not talking. y York Barber (to customer) "Have you beard of the bad scrape joun Brown hasgotintor Customer "V by, no; when did 'you ohave liim latf" Tke Ej oK A certain fat man within ten miles of Burlington has a very thin wife. The boys have nicknamed tbc.n "enough' and "too hhtc' L'uriivj'v fra Vre. Never judge by appearances. A tliabby coat may roc tain an editor, while a maa wearing a high-toned plug hat and sap porting a dude cane may Ikj a dtlio iucnt subscriber. "Madam," said the tramp, "I'm hun gry enough to cat raw dog." "Well," she responded, kindly udir-g the action to the word, "1 11 winkle aomeupfor y ou. " The t ram p It ft, Xcv IV i JVVir?. ; Miss Wabash "Didn't Mr. Waldo say to you a I entered the parlor last mgh Clara: -Is that thp beautiful Miss Wabash?' Clara "Ye dear, with the accent on the 4thaL' " .Srrtfarr' j "Sir," said the Judge. "I commit voa to jail for ten davs for contempt of court." "Belter mike it tea year. Judge," was ih: response. "1 coulJn't l-gin to get over my contempt in lesa than that. "--A te York tun. Teacher (grammar c las "Tommy, you may parse Volley.' Tommy Comn noun, third pan'ni femiirine gend " Teacher "Feminine gen der f" Tommy-r-"Yc8'm: I'm inrua Yasar College. "-ye Yuri bt . v A Pennsylvania maa who rent to Ne braska, wrote back so a friend as fol lows : "..tier a premium at Your conntv fair neat fa 1 for the Lizrcjt fool la the county, and I will try to be there., 4Ie doesn't fancy blizzards. CJ-iojyo Uirjll. Together they dined anl be bored her with igts. With bahtifal advances and Hnll tUrt'ih eres: They dmxi npon quail, and aba swears 'by 1 Sbe'll not dine azala upon quail with a . i spoon. Now I know where we arr.' asid a rustic youth, who had been enraged 'to act as guide by an Austin iporuraan, as they plodded with di.eultv through m, deep swamp.' Well, where are wtP asked the sportsman. "We are toced." The Claet. ! A thief was alout to relieve ! a" Wall street operator of bis ha&kerchief wlten a bystander called the U tier's attention to what wMgoing-on. "Ltt him alooe." said the broker, good homorcdly: "we all have to begin in a small war down here." Judyr. j : . , Bronson Alcoit vn often criticised meat eaters harshly. To one of them he declared one day taat the -eater of mutton becomes sheen, the eater ' of jwrk becomes a hog, clc! "And it is " also true," interooted the other. tnat eaters of vegetables become, small ikU- toes. ZWvif V. r.l ' , r 1 Somebody sent the folio win" Mnnn. drum to a Dakota f apen j Whit tnaVea a ban's trowsers begat the knees fV. The editor replied that he thought wearing I . ht monldn be sure, as h . , . . - o - - e,, awcocycipedUjdown i to tho blacksmiths to have a new. cast Iron Ripdingput on It.- Gnnmerual Alter- titer. frhe ic timber exported to I the ITnited States from Canada dnrfn? 1887. u Wuwim orariy f3,yyu,wu,j 4 i- !.. 2i i. 1. ... .t
The Chatham Record (Pittsboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
May 3, 1888, edition 1
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